How to love your appearance: tips for getting rid of complexes, steps to confidence

The main theses of psychologist Labkovsky

In the lecture “How to love yourself with any appearance,” Labkovsky presented a number of key points. Namely:

In order to please someone, you must first like yourself. Only inner self-confidence, and not external gloss, has true magnetism.
Neither makeup, nor beautiful clothes, nor refined manners - nothing will work if you do not love yourself. If you are embarrassed and afraid of criticism, all these attributes of beauty will look ridiculous.
Accept yourself as you are. As you cultivate self-love, your attractiveness in the eyes of others will increase.
Don't hold a grudge against those who find you unattractive. You don’t think everyone is beautiful either, do you?
Accept yourself entirely. You can’t love only your beautiful “parts.”
Be clear about what you want from your appearance. Describe your problem on paper. This will make it much easier for you to start working on self-improvement.
Accept compliments, don't reject them. Even if you understand that the person is just saying this out of politeness. Rejoice in pleasant words.
Praise yourself and your appearance. Do this both in private and in front of others.

First steps: taking care of your body

First of all, you need to learn how to properly take care of your body. These things may seem obvious, but often it is the neglect of one of the points that prevents you from loving and accepting yourself. The best ways to care for which the body will definitely respond with gratitude:

Healthy sleep.
Proper nutrition.
Vitamins.
Walks.
Physical exercise.
Breaks from work and other activities (5 minutes every hour).
Planning.
Communication.
Rest.
Lists: gratitude, achievements, things that bother you. It is also worth writing down any ideas, tasks, events.
Help from others.
Meditations.
Rejection of the unimportant.
Time for yourself and your favorite activity.

Stage two: get rid of all negativity

Accept your feelings.

If you notice that you feel sad, try to understand why, find the reason. Say it out loud and accept it;

You don't have to fight negative feelings. Just accept them and let them go;

If these feelings do not go away, drive them away. Tell yourself: “I’m just tired, I’ll think about it tomorrow. Today I don’t have time to worry about nonsense”;

Before you change anything about yourself, love yourself.

If you don't understand that you are special and unique, you won't achieve results;

Ask yourself: “Do I deserve to be happy?” If the answer is yes, then you are on the right track.
Get rid of the haters.

Happy people never insult other people. Therefore, if someone tries to hurt you, it means that not everything is good in their life. Mentally wish him happiness and health and stop communicating.

Treat yourself kindly.

If you start to spread rot on yourself, stop immediately! Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend. Would you criticize your friend?

Write yourself a letter on behalf of a friend.

Describe yourself as you appear to those who love you.

Don't refuse help.

If you realize that you are unable to accept your feelings and cope with them, contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.

14 more effective ways

Continuing the list of the best methods for overcoming self-dislike, it’s worth remembering giving up unrealistic expectations, trust, compliments, changing your approach to exercise, and ten more tips from psychologists:

Letting go of unrealistic expectations. This is again about comparing yourself to others. Many people are depressed by models and the difference between their body and their own. It’s worth looking at the statistics: only about two percent of women in the world have the same thin figures. For those who suffer from excess weight, it will be useful to study the works of artists: curvaceous female forms have long been considered an ideal and this fashion is cyclical. And artists are also convinced that any body is beautiful.
Confidence. It is recommended to listen to the opinions of dear people and everyone who is friendly. Now is the right time to cross out childhood and teenage grievances along with the need to prove something to strangers.
Compliments. Refusal and denial of a compliment is equivalent to a sick person throwing away pills and being surprised that he will not recover. You need to open up to the positive, thank for every compliment and learn to look at yourself through the eyes of a friend or partner. In addition, some psychologists advise writing down the compliments you receive, especially the most pleasant ones, and re-reading them at moments of feeling discomfort with your body or a drop in self-esteem. It is equally useful to compliment yourself.
Changing your approach to exercise. Often people go to the gym or work out at home only because they have to, and don’t want to. It is worth trying different exercises and finding those that will bring you pleasure and joy. Even if a person does not lose weight or build muscle, his attitude towards his own body becomes better thanks to happiness hormones.
Undress. The method involves being at home half-naked or naked. People who walk around the apartment in a swimsuit or underwear gradually get used to the appearance of their body and get rid of worries about their shortcomings. Soon it will be much easier to go to the beach or go outside in a light dress.
Good clothes. Stop storing old clothes and motivating yourself with them to lose weight. It's time to update your wardrobe, buy things in current sizes, feel comfortable and look stylish.
Stand in front of the mirror more often. This is a special tool that allows you to see yourself as much as possible through the eyes of others. But instead of focusing on your shortcomings, it’s better to evaluate your strengths, admire them and admire them.
At the same time, it is important to stop constantly checking your body. The exercise is useful for those who are fixated on their reflection and seem to expect that ten minutes after the last look at the window, something has changed.
Nutrition: quality, not quantity. You need to find a healthy compromise between needs and desires. Instead of counting calories and striving for an ideal weight, it is important to evaluate aspects such as variety, naturalness, and taste of food. It should satisfy and help the body and brain function normally. And also don’t focus on food.
Help others. It is more rational to spend time and energy aimed at worrying about the shortcomings of your appearance on communicating and helping other people. This has a positive effect on well-being and worldview.
Focus on the individual. Any person is much more than his outer shell. Psychologists recommend making a list of your advantages that are not related to your body or appearance and often re-read the things that are worth loving yourself for.
Celebrate life. It's about enjoying what you have, opportunities like laughing, dreaming, running or dancing, despite society's standards.
Self-care. You shouldn’t put off manicures, pedicures, your favorite perfumes and aromatic baths until an illusory tomorrow, when your weight returns to normal and wrinkles smooth out.
Control over the imagination. You should learn to notice the moments when negative thoughts about appearance appear in your head and immediately stop them. Likewise, you need to work on changing your own assessment. For example, dissatisfaction with small breasts can be exchanged for memories of an unforgettable romance, which this supposed drawback did not interfere with. Many negative feelings are nothing more than the result of stereotypical thinking.

How to accept and love your body

Psychologists are convinced that the best way to emerge victorious from a war with yourself is to make it a war for yourself. Love for your appearance and body sometimes comes through a thorny path, but the result will justify your wildest expectations.

Psychology of self-love

How does self-love manifest itself? What does it mean to love yourself?

Self-love manifests itself in a positive attitude towards one’s own emotions, body , and generally in an optimistic perception of life.

Loving yourself means that you believe in yourself, take care of your physical and emotional state, and know your worth. There are two main features that reflect this:

You accept yourself entirely and completely, along with all your strengths and weaknesses. The important point here is that you know your strengths, which give you self-confidence.
You are proud of yourself and your achievements. But you can also take a sober look at your negative sides, which absolutely every person has. You know your weaknesses and, if possible and necessary, work on them.
You take good care of yourself and your own needs. You do not put yourself first in everything: there are situations in life when the interests of others are more important than yours. But you know your worth and don’t let your needs fall into the background. You give yourself time to relax and unwind, and you can also refuse someone if your interests are affected.

Bonus: books that will help you love yourself

“More than the body. Accept and Love, Lexi Kite, Lindsay Kite

If you are embarrassed by your appearance and consider yourself not attractive enough, this book is for you. The authors will help you create a positive body image and give effective exercises that will help you look at your reflection in the mirror with love.

Buy a book

“Closer to the body. How to stop torturing yourself and start a life without diets and bad habits,” Rebecca Scritchfield

Rebecca Scritchfield is a certified nutrition and fitness specialist. In the book, she shares the stories of her clients and tells how to acquire healthy habits without harming the body.

Buy a book

How to Love Your Body by Emily Sandoz and Troy Dufresne

A doctor of science and an author of books on psychology have teamed up and give useful advice on how to love yourself in all your imperfections. The book is based on acceptance and responsibility therapy, which will help you begin to correctly evaluate your body and work on it effectively.

Buy a book

“You are more beautiful than you think. How to Develop Healthy Eating Habits and Accept Yourself by Signe Darpiryan, Shelley Aggarwal, Wendy Sterling

The authors will help you adjust your diet and choose the appropriate type of training. The book also contains many useful practical exercises.

Buy a book

How to love your... face

“At 20 years old, your face is given to you by nature. At 30, life models it, and at 50, you get what you deserve…” (Gabrielle Chanel).

Despite the fact that this famous phrase was voiced back in the last century, its meaning remains relevant to this day. Women of all generations dream of looking beautiful and young. True, the recipes for this beauty are different at different times. Masks made from sour cream and cucumbers were replaced by Dysport, mesotherapy, gold threads and Botex. Looking at the achievements of medicine and cosmetology, we can say that modern beauties are lucky. Even if we can’t stop aging, today everyone can at least carefully hide the signs of aging. You just need to... love yourself. Today, almost every woman who loves herself after 30 regularly visits a cosmetologist, manicurist, hairdresser and massage therapist. To stop the aging process, I am ready for many tempting offers. The main thing is the result! And it really is - in the form of an age that is difficult to read, except in a passport.

One of my good friends, with whom we share cities, has felt very uncomfortable for the last five years due to the fact that after 30, age suddenly began to be “readable” on her face. And this really depressed her. Wrinkles appeared under the eyes, the nasolabial area became sharper, and the forehead was no longer as smooth as before. After talking repeatedly about this topic with a cosmetologist, she decided on “miraculous injections.” And the “miracle” really happened! The nasolabial lip smoothed out as if by magic, the wrinkles near the eyes became smaller, and the telltale creases on the forehead completely disappeared! The quality of life has also changed since then - I wanted to love myself and maintain this beauty - all the time. The question of price is about 50 thousand rubles. The most important criterion is that the result should be the very next day. This is all good. But at such moments, remembering myself, I want to remember other women who are in no hurry to give injections to their faces (a matter of principle or elementary fear) or to lie under a surgeon’s scalpel... Some people simply don’t have that kind of money to maintain their youth for 50 thousand rubles... Or what about those who, despite the fact that they regularly visit a cosmetologist, do not know what to do with the swollen oval of the face. Procedures for freezing muscles or intensively moisturizing the skin, unfortunately, will not help here...

Seven years ago, when I first noticed the “first signs of growing up,” I also ran to a cosmetologist in the hope of finding a solution. The specialist with a stern, practically unblinking face looked at me carefully and delivered her verdict - Botex! This answer, I must admit, somewhat discouraged me, because I was not yet 30, and in order for the beauty salon representative to be able to examine my facial wrinkles around my eyes, I had to smile especially for her, at her request... otherwise they were just invisible...

Even then I asked myself the question - if not Botox, then what? Fortunately, when there is a question, there is an answer. Anyone who deals with the body will objectively agree that the root cause of aging should be sought not in the skin, but in the muscles. By supporting muscles with the help of fitness training, we thereby launch regenerative processes - we activate blood circulation in the tissues, saturate it with oxygen, and increase metabolism. As a result, the muscles are strengthened, their volume increases, the previous relief is restored, which in turn leads to the smoothing of wrinkles. You can, of course, no one argues, tighten the skin and muscles of the face with the help of plastic surgery, but this is the same as fighting the symptoms of a disease, and not its causes.

But facial fitness should also not be perceived as a panacea for all age-related problems. In my opinion, issues of facial rejuvenation must be approached comprehensively. Starting from nutrition - increasing the diet of foods rich in vitamins and amino acids, ending with body cleansing and good sleep. If we work with the face and set ourselves the goal of smoothing out this or that wrinkle, then we must also ask the question - WHY DID IT APPEAR? What contributed to this? Any wrinkle, as a rule, is preceded by muscle tension, which could arise as a result of some kind of emotional tension or even stress. Be careful about your face. Observe where, what and how you clamp. Perhaps you have a habit of pursing your lips or furrowing your forehead? These habits are very insidious. And the issue must be resolved with them first. Therefore, in my classes, I not only teach how to perform exercises correctly, but first of all, I cultivate in clients the skill of “wearing your face,” feeling it, helping them when there is a need. We not only “pump up” the facial muscles, but also learn to relax them correctly and in time. With this approach, results can be achieved much faster. And not even the next day, as my friend says, but immediately after the session. The only thing is that these results must be maintained regularly - if not every day, then several times a week. A matter of time - 20 minutes. Whether a woman can find time for herself out of 24 hours a day is a question of internal motivation and, probably, after all... self-love. After all, in fact, you can love yourself in different ways - by visiting beauty salons and entrusting your face to specialists who, with all their professionalism, cannot know 100% how injections will affect the face in 20 years, or... at home, sitting in front of the mirror, doing something pleasant business - your favorite face. It really knows how to be grateful, believe me! ?

Sincerely, Liana Tverdokhleb, instructor in rejuvenating facial techniques (Nizhnevartovsk).

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What does it mean to love yourself?

Buying yourself delicious food, pampering yourself with beautiful clothes and giving yourself expensive gifts does not mean valuing yourself. A person who truly loves himself:

Fully accepts himself and his shortcomings.
He knows how to transform his disadvantages into advantages.
Doesn't criticize himself with or without reason.
Praises himself for his achievements.

But, of course, no one canceled self-care. Learn to dress well, try delicacies, relax, spend more time and, if possible, money on yourself. In general, start taking care of yourself with the same zeal as you are used to taking care of others.

Definition of self-love

Who is a proud person and an egoist? Who is a person who loves only himself?

Self-esteem is the tendency to evaluate oneself and one’s strengths quite highly.

At the same time, along with this quality also comes increased sensitivity and vulnerability in relation to the opinions of others about oneself.

Selfishness is the next step after selfishness. A person no longer just values himself highly, but puts himself first in all matters.

It is important to understand that neither pride nor selfishness will give you a correct assessment of your actions. This is a distorted view of yourself.

The higher the self-esteem, the more painfully a person reacts to opinions about himself and to criticism from the outside.

What is sick pride, wounded or injured pride? What does a blow to pride ?

When a person is greatly offended by the opinions of others about himself and it seems to him that people underestimate him, they speak of a sick or damaged pride.

Any criticism is perceived painfully and greatly offends . Moreover, these may not necessarily be just words; some action can also be a blow to pride.

About the pros and cons of being selfish in this video:

How to get rid of the victim complex? Advice from psychologists will help you!

Beautiful and lonely

We are surprised when we see an “ugly girl” next to a spectacular and successful gentleman. But our bewilderment becomes even greater when a beautiful, sweet young lady turns out to be lonely and unhappy. How is this explained? Quite simple. Some women manage to accept their appearance and love themselves, despite their flaws. Other girls are very upset by some little things, for example, moles or thin hair. They have a generally good appearance, but are constantly looking for flaws in themselves.

To attract the attention of fans, a woman must love her appearance and consider herself beautiful. Of course, you shouldn’t convince yourself that you are Miss World, but every girl is attractive in her own way. A woman’s task is to reveal her individuality and present it in a favorable light. Men will treat a woman the way she sees herself in the mirror.

Why do men like confident girls? Because optimism and positivity are attractive in themselves. No one will be inspired by a person who reeks of depression and hopelessness. Guys always find it difficult to communicate with girls who withdraw and suffer from complexes. No matter how trivial it may sound, men need sincerity and openness.

A woman who loves herself has success not only on the personal front. She is also more successful in life and career. It’s just easier for her to communicate with people and achieve what she wants. Let's consider the recommendations of psychologists, how to finally love yourself?