Every teenager dreams of growing up quickly, making their own serious decisions and dating the opposite sex. Parental prohibitions and the negative opinions of others cannot always prevent budding relationships. The riot of hormones and awareness of one’s own importance makes one lose one’s head, but a girl should first figure out at what age she can date a guy.
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Psychology of Adolescents
A girl must understand that she cannot enter into a relationship out of a whim or desire to prove something to someone. After all, a guy can also have his own opinion about what is happening, desires and interests that must be taken into account. In order not to offend the boy and not to hurt yourself or him, it is worth thinking about the reason that prompted you to get closer: whether you experience really serious feelings or doubts arise, sympathy or reluctance to be alone pushes you to meet.
Sometimes girls go on dates so as not to be different from their peers. However, communication out of boredom or in accordance with the environment is characterized by the presence of friendly feelings, not romantic ones. Serious relationships require sincere love and affection.
A girl should realize that a boy is not a soulless specimen who fulfills his every whim.
The chosen one can also love, be jealous and be angry. Close and normal communication is possible only when teenagers understand and accept each other’s rights in relationships.
By entering into a relationship, a teenager takes responsibility for his own behavior and decisions. If disagreements arise, you will have to resolve conflicts and often make compromises. Perhaps you have to fight the envy of your friends and evil tongues. The girl should provide all possible assistance and moral support to her chosen one in a difficult situation.
If you feel that you are not ready for serious commitment, it is too early to start a romantic relationship.
Remember that you can date many guys on a friendly basis, but only go on dates with one. You can't encourage, hug, and kiss multiple boys. This will put you in an unsightly light and create a reputation as a flighty and stupid person. Also, you should not mindlessly give in to feelings or curiosity.
Intimate relationships at an early age threaten irreparable consequences for women's health and pregnancy.
Before entering into a relationship, think about your own priorities and availability of free time. Meeting with a guy will require at least several hours every day. Think about whether you can carve out time from your own daily routine without compromising your studies and health. After all, lack of attention can lead to strong grievances and regular quarrels.
Also decide whether you want to spend your life with a particular boy, build a family, have children.
If higher education and a career are your plans, limit yourself to friendship without obligations for now, and postpone serious relationships for a couple of years, explaining your position to the guy. If a boy sets the condition “now or never,” think about whether your chosen one is so important if he doesn’t take your needs into account.
On dates, pay attention to the behavior and words of the young man. Don’t agree to have sex just because your boyfriend decided so or because your friends advise you to. Entering into an intimate relationship should be conscious and not stem from the desire to keep a partner. You have your whole life ahead of you, save your health and feelings for a guy who appreciates and understands you.
Parents' reaction
As you know, the feeling of falling in love affects almost all teenagers. And a rather difficult period begins for parents, because it is undesirable to interfere in this process. But despite this, it is necessary to remember that feelings can lead to sad consequences.
Trying to help, parents begin to actively ask the teenager about his personal life. The student, in turn, perceives this as an attack on his personal boundaries of freedom. Many conflicts arise on this basis, which are easier to prevent than to resolve later. Unable to withstand long resistance, parents begin to take extreme measures and forbid the child to communicate with the object of adoration. And in this situation, few people pay attention to the damaged relationship with their own child, believing that soon everything will get better on its own.
This is a rather difficult period for both the child and the parents.
However, it is important to understand that parents must support their child. You can talk about your first love, share your opinion about the object of your child’s adoration, and it is also very important to let the teenager have his own experience
But all this should happen within reason, since the safety of your own child should be above all else.
At what age can you date guys?
In the 21st century, there is a trend of rapid emotional and physical development of adolescents. Previously, intimate relations before marriage were considered unacceptable and shameful for girls. Then society recognized sexual relations before adulthood as wrong. Now even such frameworks are losing relevance.
According to statistics, most girls have sexual intercourse at the age of 13-14. It is extremely rare that intimate life begins by the age of 18-20, which in principle is not bad, especially if the female body develops slowly. Cases of sexual relations between girls as young as 11 years old have been recorded. Although it’s generally difficult to talk about a conscious decision here. Rather, intimacy is perceived by the child as a curious game.
Girls should understand and take note that sex at an early age has a bad effect on the female body.
The genitals have not yet fully formed and are not ready for outside intervention. Neglecting this fact can provoke unpleasant consequences: from rapid maturation and inconsistency with biological age to gynecological diseases in the future.
Surely many have noticed that 13-year-old girls who began sexual activity early look like adult girls, but the aging process does not slow down further.
Therefore, it is better to enter into an intimate relationship from the age of 16-17, when the female body is fully matured.
However, the above does not at all negate platonic relationships since elementary school and romantic meetings with hugs and kisses at the age of 13-14. In the first case, joint walks, going to the movies, and pleasant conversations are possible. With good behavior, parents will only rejoice at such communication.
Romantic encounters are a little more difficult because you have to avoid crossing the line and having sex. Novels in adolescence usually do not last long and rarely lead to marriage. Therefore, it is better to limit yourself to unobtrusive friendly communication with a romantic flair, and organize dates at home under the watchful supervision of parents.
When the feelings are mutual
If your child's feelings are reciprocated, that's very good. You will immediately understand this by its appearance and condition.
The child is constantly in high spirits. The object of love is an ideal for him; he wants to show it off to his peers. Children in love spend a lot of time together and share each other's interests. Boys learn to care for girls. Schoolchildren fantasize and dream about a future together. It seems to them that the feeling will last forever, but the first love is often short-lived and rarely ends in marriage
At this stage, it is important not to destroy feelings, but to treat them with understanding
Teenagers need to be explained that first love does not always end in marriage, therefore, even if some kind of disagreement occurs, there is nothing catastrophic about it. Teach your child to be aware of this.
At what age can you date seriously?
Platonic, friendly relationships can and even should be started at an early age. This way you will get used to communicating with the opposite sex. But society has an extremely negative attitude towards romance and intimacy at the age of 12-14. Those around them are rightly afraid of rape and accidental pregnancy. Parents are worried about their daughter, afraid of public condemnation and the appearance of early grandchildren.
Before you say that this will never happen to you, think about how much you trust your chosen one. Observe the boy’s behavior, listen to see if he boasts about his relationship to his friends. The age difference should also be taken into account. If the guy is 5 years older and has reached or almost reached adulthood, think about whether a romance without sexual intercourse will satisfy him.
Another important factor that argues against early connection is psychological immaturity with an increased desire for independence.
Now you think that you know better than adults how to build your own life. Be rude and argue with your parents, proving your personal worth and defending your rights. But after a couple of months or years, it may turn out that the feeling of being in love was wrong. Physical intimacy with spiritual immaturity often leads to psychological trauma, including the inability to communicate normally with the opposite sex.
The parents of their daughter, having learned about dating a guy, should not immediately panic and impose restrictions.
The situation cannot be changed by being categorical. The girl will only isolate herself from her family or withdraw into herself. Talk openly with your daughter, explaining the possible consequences of an early relationship. You should not exaggerate, focusing on public opinion. Remember, most often those around you rely on their own experience or retell other people’s gossip
Love - or Romeo and Juliet syndrome?
The transformation of the first love feeling into the Romeo and Juliet syndrome, in variations from severe to mild, according to experts, occurs in every fourth teenager. It is especially often observed in boys from single-parent families, in those who are raised only by their mother.
The main and practically the only reason for the occurrence of this syndrome is the parents’ resistance to communicating with the girl or even simply criticism of her personality and behavior - without any practical restrictions. Parents need to constantly remember that when the first feeling appears, their son quickly and automatically becomes especially vulnerable and fragile - even if before this love he was completely mentally stable and seemed courageous to you.
The appearance of vulnerability and a decrease in masculinity in teenagers and young people in a situation of love was described by old Shakespeare. These phenomena exist for only five to seven months, but during this time God knows what can happen to a teenager. Psychoanalysts explain this change in the psyche of a 16-18-year-old teenager by the process of identification with a girl, the emergence of romantic feelings and special euphoric states when meeting her. But adolescent psychotherapists believe that we simply do not yet know the causes and mechanisms of this phenomenon in the character of boys.
He may have taken your critical statements about his friends relatively calmly, although he probably did not agree with them. But he perceives critical remarks addressed to the object of love or even affection in a completely different way.
A teenager’s infatuation with a girl is not always a big and bright love. Often boys start relationships with the opposite sex for the sake of self-affirmation and increased self-esteem. The opinions of friends, peers, and those around him play a huge role in his self-esteem.
Don’t forget that for an older teenager (unlike mature men!) it is incredibly important that his peers envy and admire him (the latter is the ultimate dream!). Such an object of admiration could be his having a pretty girlfriend, or the girl having a charming young man
Sometimes a teenager starts a relationship just because he wants to seem more mature. For some teenagers, adulthood means getting a higher education, starting independent work, and earning your own income. For others, having a permanent girlfriend. For others, unfortunately, adulthood is associated with drinking alcohol...
Safe meetings
If a girl is afraid of relationships, then at first it is worth meeting in the company of mutual friends. When you are brave enough to be alone with a guy, be calm and confident. To avoid the condemnation of society and the unpleasant glances of others, do not talk about your personal life in the company of unfamiliar people.
Discuss relationships only with those friends who will not spread gossip behind your back. Be sure to inform your parents about the appearance of a new, good friend in your life.
Don't flaunt your relationship. To avoid gossip, do not hug or kiss in public, especially in front of old women on benches near the entrance. Be more modest on dates. You shouldn't encourage a guy's touch if you don't want intimacy. Tell your partner that you are not ready for sex and gauge their reaction.
The boy’s gestures, facial expressions and words will help you understand whether you should be wary of accidental intimacy.
Don't change guys. If you decide to date one boy, don't encourage others. Otherwise you will be known as a flighty fool. The result may be sad. Guys will either turn away or begin to openly take revenge and mock you, regardless of your feelings.
Try not to date a boy more than 2-3 years older than you. During adolescence, age differences can become a significant obstacle to mutual understanding.
Grown-up guys usually don’t strive for serious relationships with teenagers, wanting only to have fun and gain experience.
Avoid boys with immoral behavior. Alcohol, drugs and brawls bring problems, but do not add romance. If you fall in love with a decent boy of the right age, the feelings are mutual, then the relationship is likely to work out well, and your parents and friends will only rejoice at your happiness.
How to make a kiss awesome
You should choose a place where both of you will feel comfortable and cozy. It doesn’t really matter here whether there will be strangers nearby or not. But if this bothers you and creates some inconvenience, then of course find a place without prying eyes.
There is no need to be constrained.
Tell your partner that you enjoy being next to him in his arms. There needs to be an atmosphere of tenderness and romance between you.
Don't be shy, touch your lips with a feeling of excitement, but at the same time adapt to your partner. Give the guy the opportunity to feel like a man with a fragile but unpredictable girl in his hands.
You can play with him so that he wants to kiss you again. Move away and move closer to him so that he feels that your lips are not available. And the fact that a minute ago he was touching them seemed like something magical.
Advice from a psychologist on what age you can date
How old can you date is an ever-relevant question, but relationships at any age mean constant work on yourself and a huge responsibility. Psychologists advise teenage girls to first of all take a closer look at couples who have been dating for a long time. Pay attention to the actions of your partners and draw appropriate conclusions. Perhaps other people's relationships will force you to postpone close communication or, on the contrary, will strengthen your confidence in your choices and feelings.
Do not agree to a date out of pity for the gentleman or out of a desire to play at love. Such a relationship will not end well. Sooner or later you will hurt not only yourself, but also your partner. The chosen one's resentment can result in outright hatred, and you will be discouraged from dating anyone for a long time. The first unpleasant experience often becomes the reason for fear of new novels.
Don't push your parents away. It is unknown how the relationship with the guy will develop. Perhaps you will have more than one chosen one. Parents are alone for life. With your mistrust, you hurt the people closest to you. Don’t hide your feelings and having a boyfriend from your family.
When deciding at what age you can date, respect the opinions of your loved ones. Agree with your parents on the rules and conditions for meetings with your chosen one. Discuss the time of returning home, the possibility of being alone with the guy, and preferred meeting places.
It can be hard for parents to come to terms with the fact that their little one has grown up. Often good intentions result in reproaches and scandals. The child is moving away more and more. Therefore, it also does not hurt parents to take the advice of psychologists.
Not every girl will be able to muster up the courage to confess to her parents that she is in love. After all, it is much easier to discuss painful issues with friends who will not judge or attack with prohibitions. Therefore, be proactive. Accept that your child has grown up and earn trust.
For preventive purposes, have a conversation about the meaning of a serious relationship, possible obstacles, problems and consequences. Be sure to talk about how to behave if you want intimacy and about contraception.
If your daughter brings a guy home to meet the family, be as interested and tactful as possible. You should not immediately accept the boy with hostility. Don't show dissatisfaction or anger. This will only worsen the relationship. Be grateful for your child's trust. If the daughter sees sincere understanding and care, she will be willing to talk about most events in her personal life.
If a child is faced with unhappy love, show sincere care, understanding and patience. Teenage children are very vulnerable. Unrequited love causes severe mental pain, which can result in deep depression, thoughts of suicide, and harm to the offended teenagers.
Talk to your daughter, show sincere sympathy, share warm feelings. Take some free time and get creative with your child, go shopping together, go out of town for the weekend.
Olga F.
Common mistakes parents make
First of all, parents are not ready for the new state of their beloved child, who yesterday thought only about cartoons and games with friends in the yard, and today declares his love. They don't know how to behave, so they make a lot of mistakes.
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- They do not take a teenager’s first love seriously; they consider him too young to have feelings. This greatly offends the lover, the atmosphere within the family becomes tense, the child withdraws into himself and stops sharing his experiences with his parents.
- They do not approve of the choice of a son or daughter. They condemn in every possible way the appearance, character, behavior of their child’s girlfriend or boyfriend. For a teenager, his other half is ideal, so he cannot understand his parents.
- They diminish the meaning of first love. “Is this really love?!” Walk for a week together and run away! Still small!” Such words touch a teenager's heartstrings; it seems to him that the first feeling comes forever. Ridicule can affect future interpersonal relationships and adult sex life.
- They are forbidden to meet. Parents worry about neglected school, the absence of a child at home, constant conversations on the phone or communication through social networks at night. As a result, they impose a ban on meeting with their lover. This leads to conflict between the child and adults. Children begin to play spies and enjoy the role of Romeo and Juliet. The more prohibitions, the stronger the desire to resist them.
