Men joke: if a woman’s head is cut off, she will spend at least 10 more minutes working on the relationship. It is believed that psychology, feelings and emotions are a traditionally feminine sphere, and men should not even think about these things.
But is this really so? There is another popular joke saying: a male psychologist is not a man, and a female psychologist is not a psychologist!
This phrase perfectly reflects common gender stereotypes: they say, women build relationships, and men work and become professionals.
In fact, the best books on relationship psychology are written by both men and women. At the same time, recent studies show that guys are no less interested in relationships than girls. And sometimes even more!
After all, guys have to comprehend things logically that are obvious and understandable to representatives of the fair half of humanity.
Gender relationships will always be the number one problem for psychologists and writers alike.
Many psychotherapists or coaches believe that reading texts is of little use - only practice, for example, a series of consultations or training, will help deal with relationships.
But it’s hardly worth being so categorical.
The Growth Phase has selected the top books: 15 books about relationships between a man and a woman, after which you will not be able to look at your loved ones the same way.
They will help you look at familiar things with different eyes and rethink your behavior patterns.
And these books about relationships between men and women contain a lot of practical advice, inspiring examples and detailed analyzes. The psychology of relationships is not so complicated if you read a talented book about it, written in a good, accessible style.
"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
American Gary Chapman is a Baptist church pastor who has become a popular consultant in the United States on marriage, family issues and relationships between men and women.
Chapman is a deeply religious person, but don’t let this scare atheists. There is not an ounce of moralizing in his book The Five Love Languages. But he has a lot of life experience, a lot of wisdom and love for his readers.
Who is this book for? For those who want to harmonize relationships, learn to express their love for their partner as fully as possible.
After all, you must admit, sometimes it happens: you tell your soul mate about love, but it’s as if they don’t hear you!
Chapman believes that there are five main love languages: words, time, help, touch and gifts.
Everything ingenious is simple: you need to understand what language your partner wants to speak! For example, a wife tells her husband that she loves him, but this is not the main thing for him. He wants a woman to help him with a business project.
The book will help you sort out confusion, master ways of expressing feelings, and resolve even very complex conflicts.
Leil Lowndes “How to make anyone fall in love with you”
- Electronic version on liters | Paper version on labirint.ru
Cupid's arrows, love potion, fortune telling for the betrothed - last century! Meet the breakthrough in discovering the secret of falling in love and love! This book will provide you with the most effective formula of love, with which you will learn to get out of any situation. It describes steps that will help you find your ideal, make hundreds of acquaintances, and a little less true friends.
It gives practical advice, you will learn how to start a conversation with a potential lover, how to excite him so that he himself wants to continue meetings. You will begin to understand your partner’s feelings, his desires and little secrets.
“The Art of Loving”, Erich Fromm
Psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm is the greatest thinker of our time. Perhaps no one except him answered the question more deeply: what is love?
This is not so much a book about relationships as a beautiful discussion about the nature of love.
According to Fromm, love is of two types: fruitful, existential or giving, and love based on the principle of possession.
The first is mature love. A person strives to care for and get to know the object of love, he is actively interested in the development of his partner.
The second type is immature love. There is not so much a feeling here as a desire to possess a partner, to keep him under control, to deprive him of freedom. Fromm believes that there is no life in this kind of relationship.
In fact, almost every couple can recognize themselves in the description of immature love. Jealousy, scandals and attempts to constantly control a partner come from immaturity.
"Games People Play" and "People Who Play Games" by Eric Berne
Books about relationships are often replete with practical advice on what to do in a given situation. American psychologist Eric Berne, the founder of transactional analysis, does not give advice.
He suggests looking deeper and understanding: what game are you playing with your partner?
According to the psychologist, relationships between a man and a woman can be built according to the same models, and their number is limited.
For example, the most unhappy couples are familiar with the games “Alcoholic” or “Hit Me.” The names speak for themselves.
You can also play the games “Frigid Woman” or “Frigid Man”, try on the role of the “Harried Housewife”, learn the parts “If it weren’t for you” and “See how hard I tried” (but I didn’t succeed).
The psychology of relationships according to Berne is quite simple: he suggests realizing your favorite game and acting in relationships from the adult part of your personality.
Promising doesn’t mean getting married, or he just doesn’t like you
Author: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo.
A bestseller from the screenwriters of the film “Sex and the City” appeared in Russia under the title “He Just Doesn’t Like You: The Whole Truth About Men” in 2006. Three years later it was republished under the name “Promising doesn’t mean getting married, or he just doesn’t like you.” "
This is a book for girls about how to correctly determine the prospects of communicating with a particular guy. Discussion of problematic situations occurs in a conversational style, with slang words, sparkling with humor. It’s fun and easy to read, if you don’t take into account that the problem is acute for every girl.
The authors convince: it is better to face the truth than to be deceived and waste time on unnecessary relationships. Reading the book “Promising does not mean marrying ...”, we can see a truthful male point of view on situations, and Greg’s answers are the majority there.
"Escape from Intimacy" by Berry and Janey Weinhold
Psychologist couple Berry and Janey Weinhold are the authors of a whole series of books about relationships between men and women. This is not just about love - the models described by the authors are characteristic of any kind of relationship.
It was the Weinholds who popularized the psychological concepts of codependency and counterdependence. What it is?
A dependent person “hangs” on a partner, controls him, sorts things out, blames him, shames him. Codependent people are very afraid that they will be abandoned, so they tend to cling to the object of their affection with a death grip.
Counterdependency is the complete opposite model. Such a person is not afraid of being abandoned, he is afraid to approach. He is detached, absorbed in himself and not in others, it seems as if he does not need relationships at all.
At the same time, it is counterdependents who most often look like self-confident and charismatic people, which is why codependents are so often drawn to them, as if trying to find the missing support in them.
Codependent and counterdependent are a sweet couple, they can’t live without each other!
It is about these relationships that they say: “Together it’s bad, but apart it’s even worse.” At the same time, partners in such relationships cannot truly be close to each other.
Berry and Janay Weinhold see a third way out: interdependence, that is, recognition of the need for another, but at the same time the ability to satisfy one's needs independently.
This is the kind of mature relationship we should strive for.
"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood
Relationships between a man and a woman most often develop according to one scenario: it is the woman who is codependent, while the man runs headlong from a sincere rapprochement with his partner.
Robin Norwood's book "Women Who Love Too Much" has, in fact, already become a cult classic. It is written for girls who constantly get stuck in relationships that bring them suffering.
Why does a woman feel guilty, “not the same,” as if she constantly needs to improve something about herself? Why does she tend to choose cold and cruel men as her partners?
Why does she need to remake and save her partner, and what does childhood have to do with it?
The book gives answers and can truly change the attitude of women who are hungry for love and normal human warmth.
“What French Women Are Silent About,” Debra Olivier
American journalist Debra Olivier married a French man, moved to France and was amazed. Why? The ability of French women to enjoy every minute and the simplicity of relationships and life.
Debra decided to explore their secrets. In her opinion, every woman lives such a light and charismatic Frenchwoman, and every man can become, with the right approach, the heroes of her novel.
The journalist points out that in French there is no expression “opposite sex.”
Maybe this is the secret of the attractiveness of French women - that they do not consider men to be some kind of alien creatures?
Olivier explores American and French culture, trying to understand all the secrets of love and sex in French.
"Act like a woman, think like a man" Steve Harvey
Comedian, writer and actor Steve Harvey has been entertaining the American public for quite a long time with his subtle and incredibly funny sketches about the relationship between a man and a woman.
Moreover, he is a born psychologist! His advice is very effective and his observations are accurate.
What is the mentality of a man and the logic of a woman? Why should the fair half of humanity master the art of transforming into a man, and why should representatives of the opposite sex understand how their partner lives?
The book contains a lot of practical things: about the stages of relationships between a man and a woman, and about the peculiarities of the worldview of representatives of different genders.
The main thesis of the male writer: our love is not like yours.
Kara King “More than just beautiful. 12 secret powers of a woman..."
Photo: oz.by: UGC
Do you want to not only please men, but drive them crazy? Do you want to stop being disappointed in men? Do you want the man you like to dream about meeting you? Then be sure to read Kara King’s bestseller and reveal your stunning feminine charms, find within yourself the resource of twelve secret and magical powers given to women by nature. The book will teach you how to play a love match correctly, to conquer men in their own field.
We recommend reading this book to all young ladies who dream of spending a happy life in the arms of a beloved and caring man. Put away the ice cream tub, napkins and wine, because the time for loneliness and misery is over. Read and listen to the truths told by Kara King.
"Man and Woman", Mikhail Litvak
Books on relationship psychology are often ambiguous and do not contain direct recommendations or explanations. But psychologist Mikhail Litvak gives clear and life-tested answers to all questions.
What are the stages of a relationship between a man and a woman? The fact is that love will definitely pass, but the qualities and shortcomings of the partner will remain.
Where to look for your loved one? According to Litvak, at work. Only there, in the process of professional activity, can you understand whether a person has succeeded and whether he is worthy of becoming your chosen one.
How to build relationships? According to the principle “no one owes anyone anything.” Many consider Litvak to be a rather tough and cynical psychologist. But his advice, if followed correctly, gives almost one hundred percent results.
The most popular books on relationship psychology
We understand perfectly well that it would not be entirely correct to unequivocally name some of the best books. But there are still statistics, reviews and sales results, and therefore there is still an opportunity to highlight the most worthy works.
And to begin with, we would like to introduce to your attention five authors whose works have become books for all time - classics of the genre (they can be bought at any bookstore and freely downloaded on the Internet).
Let’s immediately make a reservation that we will not provide detailed descriptions of books (you can find some of them on our website), but will simply list the authors and their works so that you do not waste time searching, but can immediately turn to what seemed to you interesting.
Books by Eric Berne
Eric Berne is a famous American psychiatrist and psychologist. He is familiar to the public, first of all, as the founder of transactional and scenario analysis. All his life this man studied and developed the ideas of psychoanalysis, searched for and developed methods for treating mental and nervous diseases.
As a result, he not only made a lot of useful scientific discoveries and conducted many experiments, but also wrote a number of wonderful books, including on the psychology of relationships. Of these, we can highlight two of the most prominent ones: “Games People Play” and “People Who Play Games.”
The presented works will fully reveal to you many problems and forms of existence and interaction of people. You will learn about the roles that each of us takes on in our personal, professional and ordinary lives, and you will also receive a lot of recommendations and advice on how to improve your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, etc.
Books by Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie is another American celebrity - motivational speaker, speaker, lecturer, teacher and, of course, writer. One of the founders of the theory of communication, who made a huge contribution to it - it was he who transferred the theoretical developments of psychologists of the 20th century into the field of practical application. He is also known for his own theory of conflict-free communication.
The books of Dale Carnegie, who founded, among other things, courses on effective communication skills and self-improvement, contain many valuable thoughts and practical advice. They helped a huge number of people improve their lives and put their relationships in order on all fronts.
First of all, we recommend reading such books as Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Build Confidence and Influence People in Public Speaking, and How to Win People. The author will tell you about how to make an impression, non-verbally influence the mind of your interlocutor and many other techniques.
Books by Stephen Covey
Stephen Covey is an equally famous American businessman, consultant on life management, organizational management and business leadership, lecturer and business coach, as well as the author of several bestsellers selling millions of copies around the world.
We recommend that you pay attention to perhaps his most famous work, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Not only ordinary people who wanted to improve their relationships with others, but also such famous personalities as Stephen Forbes, Larry King, Bill Clinton and others spoke enthusiastically about her.
The wealth of valuable tips, techniques, and tricks contained in this book (and based on Covey's personal experience) will undoubtedly impact your life. You will learn to communicate with friends, acquaintances, colleagues and even strangers in a way that will have a beneficial effect on your life.
And among other books on the topic of the article there are many more interesting ones. These are “7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens”, “7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”, “Speed of Trust. What changes everything" and some others.
Books by Alan Pease
Alan Pease is a writer, speaker, speaker and personal development coach from Australia. All over the world he is called “Mr. Body Language,” because his book “Body Language” immediately after going on sale earned the status of a multimillion-dollar bestseller and became a reference guide for managers and businessmen around the world.
In his work, the author talks about one of the most important components of interpersonal interaction - nonverbal communication. You will learn what different postures, gestures and facial expressions mean, and learn to read (as well as transmit) up to 80% of information without using words.
If you want to learn how to reliably recognize people’s feelings and moods and convey information to their subconscious yourself without saying anything at all, if you want to be able to quickly find a common language with others and establish trusting relationships with them, the book “Body Language” by Alan Pease is just for you you.
It is also worth reading “The Language of Man-Woman Relationships”, “The New Body Language”, “The Language of Conversation” and other works by Pease dedicated to relationships between people, and, in particular, relationships in couples and families.
Books by Viktor Frankl
Viktor Frankl is an Austrian psychologist, psychiatrist and neurologist. A man who went through the horrors of Nazi concentration camps and understands the psychology of relationships no worse than the most eminent specialists. In addition, he is the creator of logotherapy, a special method of existential analysis that laid the foundation for the Third Vienna School of Psychotherapy.
Viktor Frankl's books are distinguished by an unusual presentation and may not be too tough for everyone. However, if you want to look at human relationships from an extraordinary and even somewhat simplified side, then feel free to read Frankl’s works.
To begin with, this is the book “Say YES to Life!”, which not only reveals the peculiarities of relationships between people, but also shows the path to understanding the meaning of life. If you want to read something else, you can turn to the works “Suffering from the meaninglessness of life. Current psychotherapy”, “The Doctor and the Soul”, “Psychotherapy in Practice” and others.
Now let's move on to more specific areas. Most of the following books relate to the field of practical psychology with all its pros and cons. Their conclusions are not always scientifically substantiated, for which such works are often criticized by the academic community. But they have gained popularity and received many rave reviews, so they deserve attention and their own assessment if the topic interests you.
"Love, Love, Love" by Liz Burbo
Liz Burbo's relationship books are special. The psychologist provides an understanding of the relationship between men and women at the deepest level.
Burbo is known to the Russian-speaking reader for her fundamental work “Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself.”
At the same time, phrases from the book “Love, love, love. About different ways to improve relationships, about accepting others and oneself” also divided into quotes.
For example, she writes that our loved ones do not want to give us pleasure on demand. “Whoever refuses to accept this is doomed to experience disappointment, anger and bitterness in his life,” the author writes.
Her book is primarily about the illusions that prevent us from seeing life and love in all their fullness. For example, a common illusion: saying “no” to a partner means offending him. Or another thing: directly stating your needs is considered impolite.
Liz Burbo debunks popular myths about the psychology of relationships and shows what really prevents us from becoming happy.
How to get over a breakup and be happy
Author: Evgeny Tarasov.
Breaking up is part of a relationship. After separation, you are left alone with yourself and are simply forced to reconsider your life. You can break up with benefit for yourself and future, more prosperous relationships with your new chosen one. How to get out of a breakup situation with minimal losses?
Evgeny Tarasov, a psychotherapist, writes about this in his book “How to survive a breakup and become happy.” For girls, we offer a selection of self-knowledge tests about which men are right for you. The author gives recommendations on recovering from a breakup, finding your happiness, supports and encourages, and helps direct thoughts in a positive direction.
“10 ways to ruin a relationship with a man”, Elena Antonovich
Books about relationships are often replete with negative examples. The authors tell us what makes us unhappy, but do not show us how to build a harmonious life and love!
Psychologist Elena Antonovich does not act this way at all. She tells us about successful couples and encourages us to learn from positive models. These are stories in which not everything goes smoothly, but they all have a happy ending.
The book contains almost ready-made recipes: how to deal with conflicts in a couple, what to expect at one or another stage in the development of a relationship between a man and a woman, and most importantly, how to preserve love.
Vanessa Edwards “The Science of Communication”
- Electronic version on liters | Paper version on labirint.ru
This book is special in that it very clearly and practically describes the principles of communication between people. Every couple has some omissions and misunderstandings. So the author describes how to start a constructive conversation, how to learn about the emotions of your interlocutor, and effectively resolve the conflict.
The book is useful not only in the field of love and family relationships. The recommendations in it are universal. The author teaches how to interest even an unfamiliar interlocutor so that he wants to continue communicating with you. It demonstrates the laws of interaction and human behavior in communication, which are important to consider in order to quickly establish contact and make the best impression.
The main features of the book: you will learn to talk to anyone, a lot of practical advice, the author is the founder of the “Science about People” laboratory.
“On emotions. How to Resolve the Most Painful Conflicts by Daniel Shapiro
Psychologist, sociologist and negotiator Daniel Shapiro has created an applied manual for resolving conflict situations.
This book is not only about the relationship between a man and a woman, it touches on a much wider range of problems - from everyday quarrels between spouses to conflicts at the level of corporations and even states.
Don’t be fooled by the title: “On Emotions.” Here this word does not carry any negative meaning. An experienced psychologist, Shapiro understands that it is useless to fight emotions. It is important to recognize them, and, accordingly, to manage them.
The psychology of relationships is tied to conflict management, the ability to resolve both personal and ideological disputes. And Shapiro’s book literally gives step-by-step instructions.
Torsunov
Title: Oleg Torsunov “The Laws of a Happy Family Life.”
A good book that will save many families from divorce. Torsunov gives a huge amount of practical advice in relationships not only with loved ones, but also with children, as well as with other relatives. Excellent literature for those who already have a certain knowledge base and want to grow even higher.
There is a channel on Telegram by Oleg Torsunov, where relationship problems are discussed. You can also find his lectures on YouTube.
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray
The relationship between a man and a woman is the main theme of John Gray's bestseller. In this work he combined ancient Greek mythology, the Eastern paradigm, and Western pragmatism.
Gray is one of the few authors who managed to show gender differences in a non-offensive way for both women and men.
Why are we different? Because they are different, that’s all! But this difference should not be an obstacle to love, says Gray.
On the contrary, we love each other precisely for our characteristics. It is important that they do not prevent us from hearing each other.
For example, a typical problem: a woman thinks that a man does not know how to listen, since he does not allow her to speak out. Accordingly, she thinks that she is not loved!
But the man is “imprisoned” not for discussion, but for solving problems. While she is talking, he is silent! But not because he doesn’t care, but because right now he is thinking about the best way out of the situation.
John Gray's book should definitely become a reference book if you want to understand your partner and avoid annoying misunderstandings at each stage of the relationship.
"Woman. A guide for men." John Gottman, Julie Schwartz-Gottman, Douglas Abrams, Rachel Abrams
A group of authors asked themselves a sacramental question: what do women want? And I got the answer by putting together the results of scientific research conducted over 40 years.
The trick of this book about relationships is that every phrase in it is supported by statistical data and experiments.
In addition, most books on relationship psychology are addressed to women. But this work is for men, if, of course, they want to understand this mysterious female soul and figure out how to adequately interact with it.
Girls will not be left out either - here they can learn invaluable advice about the relationship between a man and a woman.
Alexey Skurikhin “A man’s view of relationships”
- Electronic version on liters | Paper version on labirint.ru
This book is an instruction for men on how to build happy relationships. The author experienced from his own experience what it means to be unlucky in love and how to deal with it. He derived his formula for relationships: relationships = energy flows. The closer people are to each other, the more energy they emit.
Here you will get practical advice on how to be closer to the object of your love. The author asks several questions that will help you take a fresh look at your relationship.
“The Japanese Art of Dialogue Without Quarrels”, Tatsunari Iota
The psychology of relationships between men and women in Japan is special, with centuries-old traditions. It is with her that the Japanese author Tatsunari Iota introduces us.
But in his book there is, in fact, nothing specifically “Japanese”, only universal wisdom.
For example, why do we fight? Yes, because we are not telepaths, and we need to express our needs out loud! In total, Iota identified 36 main sources of gender conflict.
And for each type, he developed phrases that could extinguish the flames of an incipient quarrel and restore harmony and love to the couple.
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