Of course, you can hear phrases like “Stop feeling sorry for yourself” from others, and there are many articles on the Internet that discuss in detail all aspects of positive thinking. But what if self-pity could be useful? You will find the answers in this article.
What is self-pity
Psychologists say that it is difficult to find a person who is completely satisfied with his position in life. Some people want to take a higher place on the career ladder, some dream of a happy family life, others want to improve their health or earn more money.
Such dissatisfaction can become a source of self-pity. After all, it seems that people who have what you need received it undeservedly: help from parents, high-ranking relatives, simple luck... Why do some have everything, while others have nothing?
Naturally, I want to feel sorry for myself...
Pity appears at the moment when a person decides that he does not have what he deserves. Of course, in some cases this feeling is quite understandable and logical. A serious illness can be taken as an example: how not to feel sorry for yourself when you have to go through a difficult treatment process? But, as the famous proverb says, the pearls are too small for some, and the soup is thin for others. What to do if self-pity arises constantly, although it would seem that everything in life is going well? Let's try to understand this issue.
Experiment
When talking with a girl or woman you know, maybe even in a group, share your illness and add colorful experiences, for example:
I’m so unlucky, I don’t know what to do... I’m faced with a problem, but I can’t find a solution... Now I feel bad, I’m constantly on edge and depression is creeping in...
You will not have time to notice how your friends immediately transform into caring mothers who generate solutions and provide you with calming speeches that everything will be fine, you will cope, or they are already beginning to dictate solutions.
Pity that hinders growth
The source of self-pity is comparison with other people.
In some cases, such a comparison can turn into envy , in others it makes you constantly feel sorry for yourself, feeling helpless and unhappy .
Is it good or bad? Any psychologist will tell you that emotion cannot be assessed on such a primitive scale.
On the one hand, enduring self-pity takes a lot of strength and makes you see the world in a black light. A person who loves to feel sorry for himself begins to feel that he is powerless to change anything, since he was born so... Deserving of pity, that is, pathetic.
Once convinced of his own powerlessness, a person can give up trying to change his life for the better. And new and new reasons for self-pity become excuses for refusing to become stronger, richer, happier.
How to recognize self-pity
Almost none of the so-called victims admit that through pity they are not only trying to arrange their lives, but also manipulating others for their own convenience. But satisfaction from life does not increase, and problems still do not want to be solved by themselves. Why not motivation for your own self-development? But first you need to determine who lives inside, a child who just wants to return to childhood or a monster who feeds on the weakness of the soul.
Typically, a victim of self-pity meets the following characteristics:
- eternal whining and complaints about life, as well as the injustice of the world;
- the belief that “I don’t deserve this”, “why me”, “everything is so bad and I shouldn’t expect anything better”;
- there should always be people nearby who act as a lightning rod and vest;
- all cases of life are discussed in detail, the slightest misunderstandings or failures are embellished and exaggerated;
- Only my problems are important, we listen only to me, because I am a victim;
- a huge relief only after the phrase: “Poor thing, how hard it is for you, I will help you.”
This is a classic monster, born in early childhood and nurtured into adulthood. This type of victim, caused by pity, will not be able to leave on his own without outside help, because the person uses his own pity as a lever of influence on others and gets everything he needs. And his problems are solved, and the pleasure of his sacrifice is present.
But it is still possible to get rid of self-pity in smaller forms on your own. So, if a person experiences:
- emptiness within oneself;
- the desire to hide behind a strong male shoulder, which for some reason is not nearby;
- prostration;
- unwillingness to do anything;
- tearfulness.
The problem can be solved, especially by realizing how self-pity is harmful and destructive.
Positive aspects of self-pity
However, self-pity also has a positive aspect. It can allow you to find your true values. How?
To use self-pity for the benefit of your personality, you should understand in what situations you feel this feeling.
- Maybe when someone limits your freedom, for example, by forcing you to do seemingly unnecessary things?
- Or do you feel a twinge of self-pity every time your spouse says a harsh word to you or behaves differently than you would like?
Observe your emotions: you will notice that pity is “triggered” by certain situations.
This means that this feeling is a kind of beacon that signals that there is a need for change in a certain area of life!
Think about what you would like and in what situation you would feel completely satisfied and satisfied. And start changing your life for the better! For example, talk to your spouse about how you don’t like his behavior, try to find a new job, etc.
Let the battle begin!
It's time to move from long thoughts to action. The battle will be long, but if you want victory, take action!
And the first thing you better do immediately is admit that you feel sorry for yourself. Don’t just mumble with a sad expression on your face, but clearly and distinctly say out loud in front of the mirror: “You feel sorry for yourself!” You can say this phrase with anger, point your finger at the reflection and scold it.
Are you wondering why you need to say this to the mirror, and even quarrel with it?
For the fact that it is vital for you to throw out all the accumulated negativity. A short period of anger will help you break the connection with pity. Try it, the reflection won't hit you for it.
Now let's move on to the second point - unfinished business. Do you think that a sofa, a warm blanket and cocoa can overcome self-pity? No and no again. Now you need to take action while finding the positive in everything.
Here’s how you shouldn’t think: “I’m unhappy and lonely, and my car is broken.” Very sad and depressing.
As it should: “What kind of loneliness can we talk about? My car is broken. I’ll go fix it.”
Rephrase every pitiful thought. It will be hard, but don't give up.
The last thing on the way to the cherished goal - getting rid of pity - is increasing energy. Walking, exercising or cycling is exactly what you need.
You will need to overcome yourself, but then you will begin to feel how negative thoughts disappear and there is more energy.
Constant self-pity
Sometimes self-pity turns into a real emotional swamp. A person simply does not find the time and energy for other feelings: from morning to evening he feels helpless, unhappy, as if trying to pat himself on the head and console him.
This condition is quite rare and may indicate quite serious disorders of the affective sphere.
- Often, heightened self-pity indicates the presence of a depressive personality disorder that requires long-term treatment.
- Self-pity often arises after a person has suffered a severe traumatic situation.
In this case, negative experiences are considered the norm, although you should not refuse to work with a psychologist either. Be that as it may, if it is self-pity that comes to the fore in personal experiences, it is worth seeking the help of specialists.
Maxim Gorky once said that “pity humiliates a person,” but this is about ineffective pity, when there is no help and sympathy, but only the mournful faces of neighbors and awkward silence.
Although this option suits some...
Implicit request
Where does self-pity come from? A person begins to talk about his manifestations of emotions and experiences due to current problems, but does not mention a word about the way to solve them.
