How to get rid of resentment and stop being offended - 10 tips from a psychologist

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The most common emotion, of course, is resentment and its roots go far back to childhood, where, being offended, we tried to manipulate the feelings of our parents in order to get what we wanted. How to get rid of resentment when you yourself understand that this is a dead end, read the article.

Resentment appears in three stages:

1. The object expects one behavior from the subject
2. We see that the subject behaves differently than the object thinks
3. The object becomes disappointed and offended, trying to make the subject feel guilty in order to correct his behavior that is beneficial to the object.

If you are on this page, it means that you have already realized your problem and are ready to solve it in order to live a rich life in love and without negative emotions in complete peace and harmony with yourself.

Learning to identify resentment

To understand the offense, we must understand our behavior, if suddenly you start to get angry that a person is not behaving the way you want, congratulations, you are the one who is offended, another question is how much the offense is.

Psychologists would NOT want you to know these secrets about yourself

—Imagine this situation...
What if, instead of paying for years for useless consultations with a psychologist, in 21 days you can work with yourself? Get rid of negative thoughts and states forever. And instead live a calm and happy life? Stop living in stress due to relationships or constant lack of money?

Tell me this is impossible?

I thought so too, until I started working with myself

LIVING HAPPY IS EASY

My name is Ivan, I am 35 years old, and I have been practicing psychology for 15 years. I have studied all the basic methods and techniques through which I help people find happiness. NLP, hypnosis, body-image therapy. I was invited on television as an expert.

And it was... just a nightmare!

I lived in a state of depression for 7 years (constant stress exhausted me). I had a lot of low self-confidence (my self-esteem was below 0). I could not calmly communicate with people, it seemed to me that I was not worthy of them.

The relationship did not work out (because I was very negative, jealous, a doormat). I’m generally silent about decent earnings; I earned 15,000 rubles a month and thought that was the limit. I didn’t want to live... Envy.

The worst thing is, I thought I would have to live like this forever, and I don’t deserve love and happiness.

But it only got worse, negative states fell on me like a snowball. It felt like I was sitting in a deep, black hole from which there was no way out. Hopelessness, despair, pain, resentment.

My life has turned into endless torture. But then a miracle happened...

I FOUND THE KEY... EVERYONE HAS IT...

One day my father came home from work, a little drunk, although he never drank much.

He came into the kitchen..., looked at me with a dissatisfied expression and began to say with anger how worthless I was, how I couldn’t do anything, and in general, how sorry he was that he was my father.

At first I felt severe mental pain (this is very painful to hear from my family). Then I got offended (does that mean I’m not a favorite son?!) And then an insight came to me...

I received that magical kick that I had been waiting for all my life. It changed my thinking, my life and my relationships with my environment.

I had already forgiven my father simply because he told me the truth and I was happy about it!

But then the most interesting thing began...

Literally 5 minutes later I was already sitting at the computer and writing out all the psychological (!) methods of working with myself.

I was even confused, because my plans were to continue to suffer all my life.

It was such an incredible feeling of freedom and desire to do something that I burst into tears of happiness.

THE MAIN SECRET OF HAPPINESS

If you think that you cannot change your life, become rich or successful, or create a happy relationship - you are mistaken!

You can change your life by changing your thinking and the main thing is to do it EASILY!

• 5 simple and powerful methods of working with yourself (they work even if you use them incorrectly) - You don’t have to turn to psychologists, you are your own psychologist.

• “The secret method” of working through any negative state. This will allow you to eliminate the negative and switch to the positive in 5 minutes.

• 15 minutes a day - Just 15 minutes a day to change your life 180 degrees. Become happier and more joyful.

• Saving up to 100,000 rubles in 1 year - You will save on trips to a psychologist, and spend the saved money on a vacation by the sea.

• 21 days – It only takes 21 days for you to see changes in your life. You will start smiling. Wake up with joy.

DOWNLOAD THE “GUIDE TO CHANGING YOURSELF” FOR FREE

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PPS How about becoming happy today? =)

If you are a touchy person, but at the same time forgive quickly, then there is no point in worrying, everything will pass quickly. The main problem is people who are offended for a very long time, and if this is a relative or close person, then it is very difficult to live next to such a person, when they are constantly angry with you on the sly, this is difficult to tolerate if you do not suffer from masochism.

It’s probably impossible to count how many marriages were destroyed because of resentment, but if you understand this epidemic and learn to forgive, then life will become much easier, and most importantly, in love and happily.

The root of the problem lies in the psychology of the touchy person and his inner child; such people have low self-esteem, do not want to take responsibility, but try to shift everything onto other people and justify themselves, “I’m good, it’s others who want to hurt me.”

What is this feeling and how does it happen?

Touchiness is often a form of unrealized aggression. When you are angry or upset because of someone's words or actions, but due to certain circumstances you cannot give free rein to these emotional outbursts, a block is triggered inside that turns the unexpressed into a oppressive sediment.

Vulnerability is a consequence of self-doubt. If you are firmly confident in your thoughts, words, actions, know how to work correctly with criticism and not take subjective assessments to heart, know about your strengths and weaknesses and work with them, any attempts to hook you will not be taken seriously.

Another option for what is hidden behind resentment is unjustified expectations. This can often be seen in relationships, when we expect one thing from our partner, but get something completely different. At the same time, we do not voice or discuss our true desires in time.

The danger of these feelings is that they can become firmly and permanently entrenched within us. Accumulated, unresolved worries over trifles can ultimately result in much greater negativity, and it will be simply impossible to stop this destructive force.

Forgiveness as acceptance of an offense is the most important way

Let's look at the situation using the example of March 8th.

There is a girl and a guy who have been dating for 2-3 years, but it doesn’t matter. The young man declares that he is inviting a girl to an interesting place on March 8th and wants to surprise her. The girl walks around joyfully, thinks with interest where the MCH will invite her, and has already formed in her head the idea that they will go to a cool Japanese restaurant. The girl is looking forward to March 8, all thoughts are only about the Japanese restaurant.

Read more: How to get rid of guilt

Day H comes and in the evening the couple, on the initiative of MCH, goes to a cool burger joint, arriving at the place the girl realizes that her expectations were not met, and slowly begins to be disappointed, and her mood deteriorates, but she doesn’t show it from the beginning.

This feeling inside grows more and more, and after a good evening, the accumulated resentment and anger pour out on MCH like a full tub of slop with claims, what a fool you are, I wanted to go to a Japanese restaurant, but you’re such a fool.

In such situations, there are two ways of development of events:

• Full of condemnation, pour out anger, take offense, and so on and so forth, ruin all relationships.
• To justify the offender is the most environmentally friendly, simple and aimed at healing from the offense.

If you chose the first item, then close the page, if you chose the second, then continue...

Dangerous consequences of touchiness

Resentment is a destructive feeling. Aggression directed inwards. It poisons, corrodes, and makes you depressed. Tying his master hand and foot, he directs all his attention to emotional experiences. The offended person dwells on his offense, thinks about it, considers it from different angles. His character is spoiling. He becomes nervous, capricious, and vindictive.

Being offended and indignant is like drinking poison in the hope that it will kill your enemies. Nelson Mandela

Illusions replace adequate perception. A person expects someone to take responsibility, to regret it, to fix everything. Relationships between close people deteriorate. Children are alienated from their parents, friendships are upset. Few people will tolerate whining, accusations, and rudeness for a long time.

Once settled in the soul, initially trivial grievances grow. Living under stress leads to very real health problems. Mental disorders, cardiovascular diseases, oncology are only some of the possible complications.

It is difficult for touchy people to build a career. They are not liked in the team, they are ignored - no one wants to feel guilty. The bosses do not entrust them with important tasks, subconsciously or quite consciously not wanting to adapt to the “difficult character” of the subordinate. How to point out shortcomings to an employee if he is offended? A constructive approach in this case is impossible.

Parable

One day a resident of a small town came to the Sage.

“Sage, why are you always in a good mood? Why are you never angry and have excellent health? – the man asked. “Teach me this.”

“Okay,” answered the Sage. - Every time you are offended, put one raw potato in the bag. Always carry this package with you.”

After some time, the townsman returned to the Sage with a heavy, foul-smelling package.

“I did as you told me,” he turned to the Sage, “but I no longer have the strength to carry this load. People avoid me, I can’t do my job, the smell has made me ill.”

“Now you see,” said the Sage, “what happens to you when you are offended. Your soul, like this package, is filled with the poison of resentment. And only you can decide whether you need this cargo.”

Forgiveness technique using several questions

• What behavior did I expect so that I would not be offended? How should he have behaved?

Example: a girl expected flowers from a young man on March 8, but the young man forgot to buy them

• What stereotypes of mine did these expectations come from?

Example: a young man always gave flowers on March 8th, the girl built expectations that it would always be like this and now the guy came without flowers, and I’m offended

• How realistic are your expectations if they did not come true? Is it possible to adjust them towards greater realism? What prevents you from doing this? Is the person aware of these expectations that are expected of him? Maybe the behavior that they want from him for some reason does not work out for him? Why did he do this?

The main task in these matters is to justify the offender and stop demanding what is expected of him. Let's take the situation above with flowers. The girl was expecting flowers, but the guy didn’t give flowers, let’s ask ourselves this question:

“Why did he do this?” if we don’t want to be offended, then we justify the offender, for example, a guy was late at work because of his promotion and completely forgot about the flowers. The girl understands that he didn’t do it on purpose and the object of the offense disappears.

Constantly train yourself to justify the offender, and you will stop being offended and thinking that they are doing this to you for evil, perhaps the simple reason is that people are people and they have the right to behave the way they want. Accept people for who they are, with all their flaws.

Why does resentment arise?

Many people feel pain from the words and actions of people. There is nothing reprehensible here. The question is the degree and duration of the reaction. For example, I am a touchy person. Even too much. I hope I manage to analyze and correct the situation. In my opinion, there are three reasons for the wounded reaction.

Immature personality

Claims against offenders arise from infantile people with an inadequate assessment of themselves. Either it seems to them that they are being neglected, or, on the contrary, they are being shouldered with an exorbitant burden. This is typical for people who are insecure and often self-centered. Like a child who has grown up but still thinks the world revolves around him.

Selfishness does not allow you to enter into someone else's position, not to get angry at every occasion. An adult in the position of a child requires constant proof of his own importance. They just “want”, they cannot make mistakes, so they blame others for everything. They avoid responsibility. They do not want to forgive, they are vindictive. Being good manipulators, they harass others in order to achieve personal goals.

Damaged pride

When treated with disrespect, our pride suffers. Frequent criticism, ridicule, and teasing cause irritation and annoyance. Discontent grows, provoking a painful reaction to the next attacks of others. A person is uncomfortable with this state. The reason may be inflated self-esteem or emotional insecurity.

Insult is an unexpected source of insult, undisguised aggression, a targeted thrust with a sword. It touches a nerve and hurts greatly. As a rule, it generates a lightning-fast reaction: rudeness or tears. The offended person experiences stress and is overwhelmed by emotions. An offensive word brings pain and suffering. Apologizing to the offender can smooth the consequences.

While we haven’t gone far, I immediately recommend that you take a look at the materials on how to stop crying and how to stop whining.

Unjustified expectations

We all tend to hope. Make plans, imagine a happy future. This is good, positive. But there is another side to the coin. It happens that we draw pictures of upcoming events, but they turn out to be not so rosy, sometimes quite the opposite. Disappointment sets in, the desire to blame a loved one for failure, to be offended.

The girl gave her groom a parachute jump, but he is afraid of heights. The wife prepared a delicious dinner, and the husband ate at work. The parents saw their son as a doctor, and he entered the construction industry. Ultimately, failure to achieve the desired result leads to dissatisfaction. Irritation grows and complaints are voiced. It's time to hold a grudge.

Touchiness is an emotion that can be manipulated and is harmful to health.

Constant grievances harm health, relationships and lead to stress. You cannot be happy if you do not remove internal grievances.

The only correct solution that can help remove resentment is to find the root in childhood and solve it (close the gestalt). If you solve the root, the problem goes away forever.

In 30 minutes we will find where the “legs grow” from and understand what to do with the resentment so that it goes away forever.

Click on the button below to be guaranteed to solve the problem of resentment.

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About me

Why is resentment so terrible?

Just don’t be too scared, but be sure to take into account what I’m about to tell you. You don’t even have to believe everything I say—that’s your right. But at least listen.

I admit, I have been a touchy person since childhood. For many years this bad habit took root in me and tormented me. And now it gives me no rest. But I learned to deal with it a little, and my life began to change. I'll tell you what to do. In the meantime, let's figure it out, why is this necessary?

1. Resentment interferes with inner peace. When we are offended, we feel bad. From the inside, it seems as if we are being torn apart. It is impossible to relax and enjoy life. It is impossible to work and achieve goals. Every little thing starts to irritate me. In addition, a lot of fears and other negative emotions appear.
2. Resentment interferes with making money. See how it's connected. If you hold a grudge against your boss or colleague or business partner, then forget about money. Things will always go wrong for you. Even if you make money, you will lose it somewhere later.
3. Diseases. Due to the fact that resentment causes internal imbalance, this is also reflected on the body. You can believe me or not, but for example, oncology is the result of a person being very offended by someone. I'm not kidding now. This is a proven fact, although many do not want to believe it.

I think even these 3 reasons are enough to realize the seriousness of this topic. If we want to become the best version of ourselves, then we simply need to start eliminating this habit from ourselves.

It is clear that we are all human, and there are different situations in life. Sometimes they can offend you so much that you will walk around with negativity in your head for a month. Or even years... This is terrible, friends, and you need to learn to cope with it. Even if you are a very touchy person, you can take the first steps right now. A start will be made, and then things will get easier.

Vdovin Ivan

• More than 15 years in psychology
• Owner of 2 successful businesses
• Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
• Certified NLP Practitioner
• Certified Hypnotherapist
• In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
• Helped over 100 clients
• I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
• My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

Reviews

And, perhaps, the most important recipe No. 7

Next time, before you get offended, think about why you are doing this and what you will get in this way . Will your problem be solved because you worry? Or will torment, coupled with a spoiled mood, suppress clear thoughts? Or perhaps you are using resentment as a means of manipulation to achieve what you want...

But in any case, drive the toad away, do not let it create dampness in your soul. Let the flowers smell there better.

Tags: resentment, emotions, psychological problems, experiences, criticism

And some more useful tips

By the way, I forgot to say that people are offended only at close people, to those who cannot be influenced and strangers, we deeply don’t care and the reaction of offense does not arise in the body.

Speak out

Express yourself without any complaints!!! Exactly no complaints!!! to the offender what you expected from him and you will understand that the person did not even want to offend you, all he did was live his own life, and all the expectations of behavior from him were set by you yourself.

Read more: What is self-hypnosis

We draw the conclusion that we need to communicate without complaints and everything will fall into its happy place and relationships will improve.

Speak out to the image of the offender

Imagine the offender in front of you and begin to express all the emotions that you feel, then take the place of the offender and express all the emotions and thoughts that you feel towards you.

Then again stand in your place and feel everything you feel and express all your thoughts towards the offender, change places and feel all the emotions in the offender’s place and express all the emotions towards you.

Take your place and admit all the things that you are afraid to admit to the offender, even the most secret ones, change places and do everything the same until complete relief comes to your soul and the understanding that all this is nothing.

Put yourself in your place

Put yourself in the place of another person, usually few people are capable of such a step, but still try to take the side of the offender and think from his bell tower and look at the situation through his eyes. Usually the understanding comes that the offender did not even try and did not want to offend anyone, but simply lived his life

Get over the offense yourself

Do not try to insult the offender and talk it out to his face, if the person is dear to you, first you need to calm down and then have a preventive conversation so the relationship will be preserved for both. If you have a pathological state of resentment, then it is better to turn to an experienced person who will remove the roots of the problem and improve your life easily and quickly.

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Meditations

Meditation is a powerful tool for realizing and re-awareness of everything you want. In meditation, it is easy to reprogram yourself from resentment, anger, irritation, envy to success, positive actions and begin to live in a new way.

The main thing is to learn to meditate correctly, enter a certain state, and your life will change much for the better than it is now.

Lie down on the bed or sit in a comfortable chair, relax all parts of your body one by one, simply paying attention to them. Relax completely, your body should be sluggish and your mind should be awake and begin to visualize how you are changing. The method is working.

Draw your grievance

Take a piece of paper, a pen or different pens, any color, at least one blue - it doesn’t matter. Draw yourself, associate with this drawing, find a resentment in your body and draw it, start scribbling on paper, expressing everything you feel for 5-15 minutes, depending on the circumstances.

Hit a punching bag or pillow

If you release anger in the form of hitting a pillow or punching bag, a colossal amount of negative energy comes out, after this exercise you will experience internal euphoria and lightness in your soul.

I recommend doing this more often for prevention.

After hitting the pillow, you can scream at it with all your might, literally, scream out everything that is being held back in your body. It is very useful to pour out everything that has accumulated from the vessel of anger, and it is better that you do it yourself, otherwise the vessel will overflow and it will only get worse.

How to learn not to be offended by loved ones

The first thing you need to do when you feel this emotion is to become aware of it. You can understand the situation and correct it only if you accept what worries you and voice it. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the one who hurt you. Did he really want this? Is he aware of what was said or done? Often we overthink and take things too close to our hearts that actually have no direct relation to us. Perhaps your husband answered you harshly because he is in a bad mood due to problems at work. Everyone has different values, priorities and pictures of the world.

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Remember that you yourself can be tired, sleep-deprived, forgetful and inattentive - anything can happen in your head and in life. And you are not always ready to consciously control your state, reaction and behavior.

Learn to catch yourself at the moment of approaching negative emotions and ask clarifying questions to the alleged offender. Understand whether he really wanted to hurt you, or whether you are simply making unfounded conclusions about his words.

Figure out why you get offended by everything and how to prevent it

Increase your level of emotional intelligence and awareness. Try to start keeping a mood diary, periodically stopping and noticing:

• How are you feeling now?
• Why did this feeling arise?

Write down the answers to these questions and thus collect a collection of points that affect your condition.

Look at life with a positive attitude

Develop positive thinking, learn to have fun and turn into a joke any conscious or unconscious attempts to offend you. Keep it simple and allow people to make mistakes. Farewell. You will see - life will become much more pleasant.

How to ignore trifles and not look for reasons for resentment in life: value your time

To be offended means to waste a lot of nerves and energy on fruitless thoughts and self-pity. Let your mind be occupied by more important things: good work, the desire to have a good time with your loved one, a hobby. If you find a free moment to be angry and offended, then you can find room in your schedule for creation.

Play sports

Switch your head from negativity to internal and external transformations. Physical activity fills the body with vigor, improves mood and helps free the mind from unnecessary thoughts.

read books

Enrich your inner world. Resentment, from the point of view of my psychology, is a trait of insecure people who often feel offended, including towards themselves. To develop confidence, you need to constantly grow above yourself, develop, and expand the boundaries of your worldview.

Proper society

Pay attention to those with whom you communicate most often. How do these people influence you? Are you benefiting from this communication? Minimize contact with those who are often offended and condemn others. Think about how you can expand your environment by filling your space with successful, positive, growing people.

Rimbaud was also offended

Offense is a common emotion and there is no need to be afraid of it or try to get rid of it; it is normal to be offended. It’s not normal to have pathological resentment, when people get offended by any trifle, such behavior is not acceptable and strains those around them.

I remember a film with Stallone, the main character comes to a small town and a conflict begins with the police and based on resentment, if only everyone were calm and smart, they would remain alive and healthy. So even tough men are very touchy.

Read more: How to develop intuition

The resentment stems from childhood, or the child learned to be offended and manipulate parents, or saw the behavior from the outside, he liked it and began to repeat it (learned). The saddest thing is when this happens to girls, they don’t guide or try to change their behavior, but the girl continues to be offended by her parents, then by her teachers and even further by her man, but basically this doesn’t lead to happiness, trying to constantly manipulate people.

Our main task is to be happy and few people understand this, many people are used to living as they are and only dreaming of a bigger life, but in fact everything is very easy to change, you just need to make a decision and work hard on yourself.

You will have to go through pain, through mistakes and experiences, and when everything collapses that you have been creating for years, then it will begin to recover the way you consciously want, without the influence of external factors, as it was in childhood.

Take responsibility for your life, because only you decide what happens in it. Do you want a Mercedes? If you really want it, it will be yours and any life you want. There is no specific way to get rid of resentment, the main thing is to approach this issue comprehensively and get rid of it forever and ensure a happy life.

Pros and cons of resentment

Resentment is an important feeling that every person sometimes experiences, and this is quite normal. It can be considered a kind of protective reflex to aggression or injustice in the world around us. However, exploiting this feeling too often is not very good. On the one hand, resentment helps a person to relieve himself of responsibility, for example, for his failures. But on the other hand, this same feeling prevents you from taking decisive action to achieve your goals - since the world is against you, then why even try to do something? Resentment is more likely to relate to negative feelings, which means that if you get bogged down in it, you won’t be able to tune in to an optimistic mood. But it’s very easy to get caught in a vicious circle of looking for someone to blame.

Vdovin Ivan

• More than 15 years in psychology
• Owner of 2 successful businesses
• Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
• Certified NLP Practitioner
• Certified Hypnotherapist
• In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
• Helped over 100 clients
• I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
• My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

Reviews

Disappointment

What to do if a loved one does not want to improve and continues to behave like a stranger? You can be offended and cry for years. But it's much easier to admit the truth. Man is not that close. Perhaps even a stranger. You've got the wrong person.

He seemed close and dear, but turned out to be distant and alien. It's time to let him out of your heart.

The end of resentment is always the removal of false charm. To stop being offended, you need to be disappointed to the level of truth - to admit your real relationship with the offender.

What is the distance between you? Maybe the person is not a stranger - just not as close as you hoped. You may not be that important to him, so he may not be the ideal partner. Relationships are still possible, just not as close.

Healing resentment is admitting the truth. You yourself hastily considered the person close - you yourself were mistaken about him. The offender is not to blame for your naivety. He doesn't have to invest in the relationship.

You return to the offender the right to be a stranger - he ceases to be an offender, and you stop being offended. Relationships stop draining your energy.

Of course, there’s no need to be reckless and break up at the slightest offense. This way you can lose all your relationships. But if the resentment persists for months or years, it's time to move on.

Disappointment is unpleasant. When the heart is empty, the soul grows cold. But this is a short-term experience. Resentment can last a lifetime.

You can become disappointed in one day. And it heals the hurt.

If you become captivated recklessly and hastily, learn to be disappointed carefully and in time. Otherwise you will have to be offended for years.

Shortcuts

Usually psychologists are against labeling a person. But it is precisely in the case of offense that a clear formulation with a label helps to accept the situation.

If a person behaves selfishly, one cannot call his behavior wrong. Admit that he is an egoist and naturally behaves selfishly. An egoist is not obliged to break himself and become good specifically for us.

If a person behaves like a pig, do not call it love, which he violates. Call it like it is - a pigish attitude under the guise of love.

If a person is cold to you, it’s easier to admit that he is cold. Cold is his legitimate property.

If a person easily gives in to emotions, admit that he is emotional and should not be reasonable.

If a person reproaches for a mistake that he himself makes, admit that he is psychologically blind. Maybe he was born this way. Nobody is perfect.

On progressman.ru I talked about psychological blindness in a separate article.

Causes of excessive touchiness

• Habits of parents. From an early age, observing the manners of his parents, a person adopts some of their traits. Faced with certain circumstances, everyone begins to apply these systems of behavior that are well known to them.
• Low self-esteem. A person focuses all his attention on self-pity, which allows this resentment to close off the rest of the world. However, with such a selfish action he only makes life more difficult for himself and does not increase self-respect.
• Attracting attention to yourself. Showing resentment is an attempt to attract the attention of others, which is also selfishness. Here it does not matter at all what mood a person is in when he is offended. The habit of being offended for any reason is embedded in him on a subconscious level.
• Feeling of injustice. Each person interprets the meaning of justice differently. Of course, this value is subjective. Thus, people have different interpretations of the same life circumstances. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this and, as a result, prevents themselves from living with petty grievances.

Also watch the webinar “Guilt and Resentment. Investment return technique" by Denis Burkhaev.

How to deal with an offended person

First of all, you need to understand whether the person was offended at all or not? Here are 5 signs that will help determine this:

After you are sure that the person was offended, of course you need to apologize.

Tips on how to apologize and choose your words correctly

Even if the offense is undeserved, still admit that you were wrong.

Tell:

“Yeah, I didn’t think I could hurt your feelings like that.”

Be sincere

Your intonation and gaze will tell you this.

Promise that you won't let this happen again.

Resentment from a psychological point of view

As psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem completely differently, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. During the consultation, it turns out that the cause of the current situation was precisely resentment. Therefore, if you have serious difficulties interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.

The psychology of resentment identifies several types of this feeling:

• Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: “now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise.” This is often abused by children, thus demanding from their parents what they want;
• Random - occurs when disagreements arise between interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned dispute, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts begin to make amends, gain forgiveness, a conflict occurs, or communication simply stops;
• With an erroneous vector - for example, parents rewarded a sister with a sweet gift for getting “A’s” in her diary, but her brother was not doing well in his studies, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by improving his grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister and behaves accordingly towards her. She, despite the lack of guilt, feels remorse;
• Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was raised with the attitude “being offended is bad,” he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, the emotion will find a way out. But all the time while it is inside, the person experiences the smallest details of the conflict over and over again, continuing to put a strain on the nervous system.

In psychology, a feeling of resentment is a state of victim, characteristic of most people. But some people rarely get offended for really serious reasons, while others make it their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then obediently wait for the world to apologize and have a beneficial effect on their self-esteem.