Is your husband silent and not talking after a quarrel? And you don’t know what to do, how to act, react? If a man becomes silent after a conflict or quarrel has occurred, then it is necessary to understand why this is happening? In this article, we will look at simple and effective methods that will help you improve your emotional state and relieve yourself of guilt.
If your husband goes to work but doesn’t talk, sits down to dinner, puts his laundry in the laundry, plays with the children, but doesn’t notice you at all, then this article is for you!
Why is he silent?
- Reason 1. Thinks about his own things.
- Reason 2. You talk all the time.
- Reason 3. Laziness.
- Reason 4. He doesn't know what to say.
- Reason 5. He is hiding something.
- Reason 6. He is unhappy.
Now let's take a closer look at each of these reasons.
Reason 1. Thinks about his own things.
Remember the joke about the boy who was silent for 18 years, and then suddenly announced during lunch: “The soup is too salty.” When they asked him why he was silent before, he replied: “Before everything was fine.”
It's the same here. He is silent because he has nothing to say. Your topics are not interesting to him. All this (from his point of view) is vanity. This does not mean he is indifferent to you. It's just that there are different topics in his mind now.
Men think about everything carefully and globally, but it is difficult for them to think carefully and globally in several streams at once. They cannot, like women, decide several issues at once: which school to send their child to, and create a menu for the week, and calculate the amount of the bonus for the completed project. Just one thing.
Therefore, if your husband is now somewhere far away in his thoughts, he cannot switch. Physically. That is, in fact, he simply does not hear you. He needs to make an effort to hear. It is likely that he does not want to make this effort. Because I haven’t thought of my own idea yet.
Reason 2. You talk all the time.
No offense. How can he say anything if you don't give him the chance?
They say that this is a purely female folk game: she came up with it herself, she was offended, she came to her senses, she herself - well done.
That is, you talk, talk, talk.
Maybe, of course, you sometimes insert questions into your speech to him. And he makes an effort on himself that was not there in point one. Now his consciousness begins to process your request. Input data. Formulation of the problem. Now the task will be processed...
And then - bam! You are already continuing the conversation. Moreover, you continue with the words: “Well, you’re silent again!”
No, men are not slow-witted. They are thorough. And this, by the way, is good! You yourself want the man not to be frivolous. Men “fire up” more slowly. They need more time to “engage” in the dialogue.
Reason 3. Laziness.
Honestly. This is a completely normal reason for a man not to participate in the conversation. Because he is used to the fact that you will now talk, talk, talk, and come up with something yourself.
Remember the joke:
“Darling, why are you so late? Stayed late at work, huh? Why drunk? It's a colleague's birthday, right? Why is he covered in lipstick? - “Darling, you’re smart, come up with something yourself!”
It's a matter of habit. Consider this a sign of extreme trust in you.
Reason 4. He doesn't know what to say.
Before this, I described to you fairly simple situations. But it happens that you start a serious conversation and behave attentively. You take long pauses for him to think about it. But he is still silent.
Do you know what “male pride” is? There are beautiful terms about “male selfhood,” but we won’t talk about complicated things.
Let's keep it simple. The man doesn't ask for directions. The man is looking for it himself. Similarly: A man does not say: “I don’t know.” The man is silent.
He may search for the answer and not find it. But he won’t tell you about it out loud.
You shouldn't play on someone else's pride.
Reason 5. He is hiding something.
Yes, this also happens.
From the experience of my observations, sometimes in such a situation it is better to let him be silent, and you wait. Something is “cooking” in his soul. Processes are underway. Sometimes it is not necessary to know the “truth” until the husband is ready to speak out.
EXAMPLE:
A husband and wife couple have been married for a long time. Things haven't been going smoothly in the family lately. The husband became silent. The wife provoked and provoked him into revelation. In the end, she achieved her goal. The husband said that he had been thinking about divorce for a long time. But I feel sorry for the children and hoped that everything would work out. Now she has shown herself at her worst. He wants nothing more than to run away. Got it.
And running. Taking everything. Until now, the woman extracts alimony by force.
Yes, of course, my husband is not a great guy at all. But, wife, restrain yourself, at least they parted on human terms, if not as friends, but at least not as enemies. She understands this now.
By the way, your husband cannot always hide insidious plans against you. He has his own “cockroaches” in his head. Sometimes you need to give him the opportunity to form “cockroaches” in ranks. So that they would leave his head in friendly ranks.
Reason 6. He is unhappy.
I'll explain now.
A man also has a soul, this has been verified. And in his soul there are also sufferings, doubts, experiences. Only if a woman most often wants to immediately share her experiences with her Beloved, then her Beloved is more likely to keep everything to herself. Until he thinks it over and thinks it over again.
While he is thinking, there is no need to touch him.
Conclusion.
If a man is silent, it is probably not because he is stupid and lacking initiative. Think for yourself, could you marry someone stupid and lacking initiative? Hardly. Then just try to make him want to talk to you.
Why does a man remain silent after quarrels and insults?
Men have a much less pronounced need to talk than women. This is their normal state. The guy is silent when he is tired, feels pain, thinks, when he is too lazy to talk.
- If two friends are silent, it means they are thinking or have already discussed everything.
- If 2 friends fell silent, most likely they were offended, and something went wrong.
Men are silent after a conflict, because they need to restore strength, nerves, and comprehend the scandal. They perceive women’s emotions very hard; the more screams and tears there are in a quarrel, the longer it will take to move away.
Important! If there is a need to convey something to a man, you need to speak calmly and clearly, preferably in advance, before so much resentment and pain has accumulated in your soul that it is difficult to voice this lump without emotion.
It is quite possible that a man does not get angry after a quarrel, but thinks. Or he recovers, because he understands that resuming the conversation now will lead to a continuation of the scandal. Often a man is silent when he is unable to communicate.
Analyzing a quarrel is a more feminine habit. A man's way of reacting to a scandal is to simply forget about it.
If a man remains silent after a conflict or quarrel, psychology explains this for a number of reasons:
- Recovering from a storm of emotions;
- Offended. Although this applies more to infantile and selfish individuals. A mature man will begin to think about how to change the situation;
- The desire to manipulate or take revenge. In this way he punishes a woman, forces her to submit;
- I am ashamed of my behavior in a quarrel. If a man is emotional, it is difficult for him to think rationally. As a result, when he calms down and begins to comprehend the behavior, he himself is shocked at how he could act or respond this way. It is difficult for a man to ask for forgiveness, although he understands that he is wrong. Then he will be grateful if the woman takes the first step towards reconciliation.
- Indifference. The guy doesn’t really care about the girl, considers quarrels to be commonplace and forgets almost immediately. He is simply silent, not demonstratively and without strategy, but because this is normal for him.
How to understand the situation?
Firstly, if a man does not call or respond to messages, this does not mean that the girl offended him. It may well turn out that he is simply very busy at work, or he is having difficulties with his car, friends or colleagues. Therefore, first you should just wait, it may well turn out that there is no conflict situation and the girl did nothing wrong.
If there is still a feeling of conflict and resentment on the part of a man, it is recommended to simply talk to him. Otherwise, how can we understand what the cause of the offense is? You can start by asking him simple questions about the car, work, friends. It is quite possible that the reason for his isolation is the need to urgently solve some problem. Then the girl can help in finding a solution, and instead of conflict, the relationship will become even stronger.
What you definitely shouldn’t do is immediately arrange a showdown. Hysterics and excessive emotions can provoke bigger problems than a simple calm conversation. You shouldn’t try to manipulate or threaten a man after a quarrel. This will also not work. If there really is resentment, then manipulation or threats will only make it worse.
Reasons for ignoring in men
- Does not love. For a woman, relationships and family come first. When they are not there, a girl is able to imagine love for herself where in reality there was only politeness and courtesy. The man tries to distance himself and ignores the girl when he realizes that his gallantry has been misinterpreted.
- Afraid that he is unworthy. The guy is shy from birth or is so in love that he thinks he is not rich or handsome enough. Sometimes past negative experiences influence - fear (of being rejected again) prevents you from expressing your feelings.
- Doesn't want a serious relationship. He considers himself a Don Juan, in love with freedom. As soon as the topic of responsibility comes up, the gentle admirer disappears or ignores him.
- The girl no longer likes her, and the man wants to break off the connection. Maybe he feels unnecessary next to an overly proactive and independent woman.
- Strategic move. To win a girl with normal self-esteem, you need to try: listen, help, give gifts. If you sometimes disappear and ignore, a woman's self-esteem will fall and soon you can take over her without much effort.
- The man is offended and therefore ignores.
- Past relationships are not fully experienced. The guy is afraid of a new feeling because he knows how it could turn out.
- The man is married, has children, and despite falling in love, intends to stay in the family. He will try to hide his feelings. The best way to do this is to ignore it. Or a young man loves a married woman, but is afraid of his husband’s reaction.
- At the initial stage of a relationship, a man may distance himself if he is not sure of his feelings , and he needs time to understand himself.
- The young man, due to his upbringing and accumulated experience, expects initiative from the girl .
- Something in the behavior of his beloved repels him . For example, a woman smokes, but he is sure that he wants healthy children.
- A man is in love, but low self-esteem and inability to communicate with the opposite sex force him to choose this strategy of behavior.
- A colleague ignores, despite love, out of fear of gossip , or because of a company ban on personal relationships between employees.
- If a man constantly ignores a woman, it is possible that he clearly hinted at his feelings, but the girl did not realize it or pretended that she did not understand. In this case, he will avoid her, struck by callousness.
Important! Guys are greatly affected by discussions of intimate life with girlfriends, quarrels with his mother and relatives, lack of affection and care, condemnation of a man’s friends or hobbies.
Cases in which ignoring will only do harm
Women are greatly mistaken when they think that ignoring can be used as a preventative measure. In some cases, it is better to take no action at all than to harm the relationship.
Sometimes a man and a woman manage to build a strong relationship. They meet, everything goes well. But suddenly the girl decides to add a little emotion so that the guy doesn’t think that she’s so spineless. It includes ignoring, as a result the man has a misunderstanding. What's happened? There must be some reason for this behavior? Naturally, there is no normal excuse to be found. The chosen one falls into a trap that she herself made.
The method of ignoring for prevention does not work, so you should not listen to smart friends and writers who think that they know everything about men. The guy will not do something incomprehensible and understand artificially created issues. He will simply shrug his shoulders and go to someone else. To one whose behavior will be normal and predictable.
If you want to add new emotions to your relationship, you can look for them elsewhere. Come up with an interesting date or bring something new to your sex life. This will give more.
Why does my husband ignore me?
Indifference on the part of a marriage partner brings a woman particular concern and pain. A loved one can behave this way if a serious problem has arisen and he is trying to solve it, when he has found a mistress, is offended, or the relationship has become so familiar that he has ceased to value it.
A woman’s incorrect behavior can lead to a man no longer noticing her: she has forgotten herself so much and dissolved in her husband that she has become uninteresting; does not respect the spouse, does not trust, interferes all the time and gives advice, or is used to tolerating unworthy actions and forgives everything.
Important! Demonstrative prolonged ignoring is an attempt to manipulate a woman, break her self-esteem, and instill in her a feeling of guilt. He likes to watch how she worries, torment her for “wiping out her brains” (or simply because he feels bad himself). For a woman, living in complete silence is torture. Most likely, the partner wants to break off the relationship or provoke a divorce.
Can a man love and ignore
This actually happens simultaneously in the following cases:
- If a man has psychological problems that prevent him from speaking out (timidity, inability to communicate with women, trauma received in past relationships);
- Fear (of being rejected, gossip or dismissal at work, taking initiative);
- Resentment;
- At the initial stage, when he takes a closer look at the girl, he comprehends his feelings ;
- He is in love , but something in the woman’s behavior contradicts his views on the world;
- Cools down and recovers after a quarrel . Usually in this case the man will not ignore for long. After 3 hours, maximum a day, he is again ready to communicate, ask for forgiveness or wait for an apology, depending on who was wrong.
On a note. The one who loves often apologizes, because for him maintaining the relationship is more important than his own rightness.
Can't cope with complexes
He likes you. And even very much so. But the reason for his variable behavior - sometimes “hot”, sometimes “cold” - is in his psyche. He has low self-esteem, and when he begins to analyze you as partners, he realizes that you are “too good” for him. In this case, little depends on the girl - only a psychologist can help. And that’s not a fact. Therefore, think about it from the very beginning - do you need a man with complexes? If you want to see an initiative, self-confident, reliable man next to you, from a guy who ignores you because he is “not too good” for you, it is better to run away immediately and as quickly as possible. Until you turned on the “pity” function known to all women.
How to understand that a man is offended by you
Now about the mechanisms of the emergence of negativity in emotions and how a man expresses them.
How a man gets offended by a woman
Common signs are silence and withdrawal from the woman. Don’t try to fix everything right away, give yourself and him time and personal space to think and cool down.
If the resentment is given time to brew, it can worsen the situation.
Anyone who does not play with offended feelings will appreciate this act and take the first step towards reconciliation.
The man is offended and ignores
The beloved may ignore you so as not to inflame the offense into an even greater conflict. Use this situation to your advantage and only make contact when he wants it. During this time, you will be able to sort out your feelings and formulate what you want to discuss.
Pay attention to the nature of your relationship, are they serious and long-lasting enough? Perhaps your chosen one has found a reason to be offended and is ignoring you because he no longer wants to be in touch with you, but doesn’t know how to say it?
Try to overcome the desire to find out everything at once, take a break and then ask him for a heart-to-heart talk.
The man is offended and remains silent from a distance
Silence after a quarrel does not always mean a reluctance to talk to a partner; males often have less experience than women in expressing feelings and are afraid to share them.
Often, a man’s facial expressions weakly express the entire range of his emotions.
Everything becomes more complicated if you are far from each other: he is already not ready to share his feelings, and at a distance he has no way to make sure that the conversation is safe and his words will be correctly understood.
Try to gently apologize if you know that they are to blame, offer to postpone making a decision until the meeting, or tell him that you can talk about what happened as soon as he is ready.
What should be understood by resentment?
Psychologists are sure that it is impossible to offend a person. Everyone chooses their own reaction to the actions of another person - they can be offended, they can raise their voice, avoid conflict, and so on. There are a lot of reaction options, and resentment is only one of them.
If a guy is offended and ignores a girl, you shouldn’t shift all responsibility for what happened to him either. After all, he feels a sense of resentment for the actions that the woman committed or for the words that she said. Therefore, the girl could well have avoided the conflict situation if she had been more attentive to the guy and behaved more correctly. Thus, in a situation where a man is offended, two people are to blame (this is a relationship, and there are always two parties involved).
To avoid problematic situations in a couple, you need to communicate and get to know each other as much as possible. This will allow you to always know what can offend your partner and not commit wrong actions. For example, a man does not tolerate milk in his tea, and a girl accidentally (even with the best intentions) pours milk for him. As a result, conflict may occur. But it might not have existed if the girl had been more attentive to the guy’s preferences.
Why does a man get offended by a woman?
What most often underlies anger at partners?
The negativity of one of the partners does not mean that one is to blame.
Justified grievance
You can offend your loved one if you are indifferent or negative towards their hobbies, friends and family, neglect their feelings, criticize sex or choice of gifts.
Any concerns in this area? This is a reason for discussion, not a reason to say unpleasant things. Before you talk, think about your feelings for your loved one, why has your attitude towards him or his environment changed?
Look at the problem from the other side: how do they treat your parents, girlfriends, hobbies? Is what you do accepted with interest and understanding? If yes, then try to do the same. If not, perhaps you are attacking in retaliation?
Vulnerable guy
What if vulnerability is a character trait of a boyfriend or husband? Any thoughtless step or harsh word can become a cause for grief. Try to be softer towards him, but you need to know that vulnerability has been formed since childhood and you will not be able to completely get rid of it.
Not sure about reciprocal feelings
A young man, unsure of reciprocal feelings, may feign a pout in order to get a declaration of love or push him into a romantic act.
Prove your serious intentions, without coercion, arrange a date where it will be comfortable to share your plans and experiences about your future together.
Unreasonable resentment, resentment over trifles
What is a trifle for one person is very important for another. First, figure out whether your lover is truly offended. By putting yourself in his place, you can quickly find a way out of the situation.
Don't focus on this and choose a favorable time to talk and establish rules of communication.
The man was jealous
The reason for disagreement can be not only open harassment of you by another.
You can also feel jealous for discussing your relationships with people of the opposite sex, especially in his presence, as well as touches and hints from friends and acquaintances.
Put on the crown
When a man “puts on a crown,” he may pretend to be offended and cultivate a feeling of guilt in you. This is how he tries to force you to do what he wants, and in return you will still love and respect him.
Put him in his place, show him that you will break up with him if his attitude towards you does not change.
Causes of male grievances
The most common reasons why a man may be offended by a woman are as follows.
Diffidence
Girls can sometimes say a lot of unpleasant things in the heat of emotion. A man perceives them not as a manifestation of emotions or a momentary assessment, but as a real attitude towards him. As a result, he, of course, becomes offended and begins to ignore the girl, because as a result of offensive words and expressions his self-esteem suffers. Moreover, a man may be offended even though for a long time before the quarrel the girl openly demonstrated her feelings to him and talked about them. One wrong word for a man can undermine his self-confidence and he will withdraw. In such a situation, you need to think carefully about what to write to the guy if he is offended.
What to write to a guy so that he stops being offended
How to correctly describe feelings if it is difficult to express them live? If you feel guilty, write why you did what you did, what conclusions you drew for yourself and sincerely ask for forgiveness.
If the object of your love does not react or is silent, do not pester him with calls and messages, perhaps he wants to take a break.
How to apologize
Apologize when meeting in private. Before you do this, acknowledge and accept the guilt. Express your regret about what happened, without trying to blame him or the circumstances.
The main thing is not to allow problems to be solved with gifts. This definitely doesn't bode well for the relationship.
Try to make amends - give a gift or do something nice to your loved one. If an apology is not accepted, leave the person alone and wait for him to make the first move.
How to get a man to talk?
If the husband is silent after a quarrel, the advice of a psychologist gives one good direction. You will need to use the same methods in response. Be silent and do not talk to your loved one, sometimes even make a sad face. This technique will provide you with a talkative man in the very near future.
Are there any ways to wean your husband from remaining silent after a quarrel? You probably need to communicate with him more often so that he doesn’t feel lonely. Then he will be more sociable, and all quarrels will go much easier.
One good piece of advice for keeping a man from being silent is just don't argue.
If your loved one has already developed such a reaction, most likely you quarrel very often. This is a reason to think about rethinking everything wisely and starting a new life, where there will be much less disagreement between you.
Among the reasons why a man does not want to talk is simply the desire to be alone. At the time of the quarrel, you may have raised some specific topics that negatively affected your loved one. That’s why you shouldn’t be surprised if he needs at least a few days to recover. You shouldn’t put pressure on your loved one; you’ve already done something wrong in the quarrel.
Therefore, be lenient and reap the benefits without resorting to any special measures. If he is silent, it means that you simply offended him, you need to understand this. Treat the man with understanding, because then he himself will want to take a step towards you, and his silence may simply disappear and never cross your path again.
My husband is offended and won’t talk – what should I do?
Men are often offended, accompanying this act with demonstrative silence. If you turn to your husband, and he does not talk to you, then you need to understand that manipulation is happening. What to do? Calm down and leave the man alone. Let him be offended as much as he wants, and in the meantime you pay attention to other matters or people.
If a man decides to be offended and remain silent, that is his decision. In such a situation, he behaves like a child. The only mistake a woman can make during such a period will be the desire to run after a man and beg him to talk to her. If a man doesn’t talk to you and ignores you, then calm down and don’t be afraid. Leave him alone until he wants to change his behavior.
How to make your husband not be offended and start talking to you? The question, which considers the situation when you want to stop the actions of another person, has a completely prosaic answer: as long as there are spectators, the performance continues.
As long as you react and try to stop your partner's actions in some way, he continues to do what he is doing. While you are trying to calm your child down, he continues to scream. While you are trying to stop the spread of gossip, more and more of them appear. While you are trying to run away from someone, that person is chasing you. While you are running away from the dog, it is running after you. While you are afraid of something, the worst thing will happen.
In other words, while you are trying to remove dirt, it continues to appear and accumulate. What to do? Just stop reacting to the show that other people put on for you. Is the child screaming? Let him scream. In the meantime, go and buy everything you need. Are people spreading gossip about you? Let them disband. And listen with a smile on your face to what other people say about you. Are they running after you? Are you being harassed? Just ignore it. Imagine that the other person is simply not there, and go about your business.
As long as there are spectators, the performance continues. But as soon as you stop watching the performance and go about your business, the whole concert will end. Sometimes people act in public. As long as there are spectators, they continue to act out scenes that allow them to be the center of attention. Don't be a spectator if this performance is for you. And then all the concerts will end, and the other person will stop doing what used to irritate you.
A man can be offended by little things. In order not to be led by him, you need to leave him alone and wait for him to come out of his comatose state. Other ways to get a man out of an offended state would be:
- Humor. If a joke makes a man laugh, he will talk again.
- Communication on a topic that interests a man. You can ask him about something that has nothing to do with his offense and the topic of the quarrel. The conversation should be interesting to the man, then he will talk.
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Resentment is inherent in many people who have not yet encountered a situation where their grievances do not affect others and do not produce the desired result. In childhood, a child learns to be offended. If his grievances give him what he wants, then he continues to use the grievances for his own purposes.
But a loving relationship is not a union between parent and child. Stop reacting to insults, leave the man alone and just calmly wait for him to stop being offended by you.
What to do if ignored
If a man ignores, it is important to understand the reason. Maybe there was no sympathy, or his feelings have cooled down, then all that remains is to come to terms with it.
- When a guy is not ready for a serious relationship, then you need to step back, wait a while, then continue unobtrusive communication without mentioning plans for the future.
- If you want confidence in the future, you should look for a more mature and responsible partner.
- If a man is very angry and ignores him because he is disappointed or has lost interest, then you cannot ignore him in response or sort things out. It's better to continue communicating as friends, but don't forget to flirt from time to time.
A man can become psychologically stuck in reliving past relationships. Then time and frank conversation will help. Sometimes it happens that fear prevents a guy from opening up. In this case, you can hint that the feelings are mutual. Provoke a conversation by sitting next to him at a table in a cafe, or flirt in front of his eyes with another man, so that the fear of losing the girl forces him to do something.
Important! If the ignore is special and associated with a strategy of conquest, then it is better to avoid communication. As a last resort, it’s worth getting down to business and not giving in to manipulation, explaining once and for all that “you can’t do this to me.” Most likely, the strategist will look for another victim or return and behave like a human being.
When your husband ignores you
Saving a marriage can be very difficult, especially when work requires a lot of time and nerves, and the house and children cannot be neglected without attention and care. If another quarrel has led to the husband falling silent for a long time and stopping noticing his wife, it is necessary:
- Let it cool and think. At the peak of a quarrel, “silence is golden”;
- Learn to ask for forgiveness;
- Psychology considers ignoring a beloved man by a woman to be a dangerous activity; accumulated resentment and anger kill love;
- There is no need to withstand indifference, it is better to try to start communicating with notes on the refrigerator, messages on the phone, via email;
- Learn to hear each other.
Psychologist's advice
- Give the man more personal space.
- Let him get bored, don’t bother him if he doesn’t come back in 2 days, have a serious conversation.
- Before the conversation, get yourself in order.
- Present information without emotion, honestly, listen carefully, with respect.
- You can write a message 1 time. Then wait patiently for an answer.
- A man loves his condition next to a woman. If he feels like a hero, a provider and a protector, he will hold on to her strongly. It is necessary to allow the guy to help and give sincere compliments.
Why does a man alternately show interest and then ignore? This is an attempt at manipulation and a bad joke on a girl’s self-esteem.
Important! A woman should value herself, feel confident, and have adequate self-esteem. True love for the world and others begins with yourself.
A man in some cases can love and ignore. However, demonstrative and prolonged ignoring is not love, but indifference to the feelings of a partner.
