How to learn to listen and hear a loved one?

Listen, listen and obey - what's the difference?
“You're not listening to me,” or Why don't you allow yourself to be yourself?
Listen, see, do...
Listen, think and choose for yourself
Rules for developing listening and hearing skills in the end

Men often sin by not listening or hearing women. Women themselves talk about this. However, do not forget that habits in one area of life can spread to other areas. If a man does not listen or does not hear a woman, then he may demonstrate this inability at work, among friends, when communicating with relatives. Since the most common form of contact with others is communication, it is very important for a man to get rid of his bad habit of not hearing others. Why this is needed and how to learn it, the men's website masculino.ru will tell you.

Usually a man hears that he is a bad listener from a woman. But believe me, if you cannot hear a woman for certain reasons, most likely you do the same with other people. This means that you deprive yourself of potential friends or partners, do not solve problems and make them worse, are afraid of something, consider yourself smarter and better when in fact you are not.

Listen, listen and obey - what's the difference?

Listening, listening and obeying - a person performs the same process (he listens), and yet there is a difference between these actions. After all, people always use these words, but they think little about the difference in their meanings, which is why they can mislead their interlocutors even with a simple expression.

Listening is consciously hearing what a person is telling you. You just listen to what they tell you, but this does not mean that you analyze or agree with the words of your interlocutor. There is even a difference between listening and hearing what is being said to you:

Listening is simply taking in what is being said in your presence.
Hear - you understand and analyze what is being said to you.

You may listen and still not remember anything that was said to you. You listened to the noise of someone's voice, but did not attach importance to the words of the interlocutor.

Listening means not only understanding what is being said to you, but also taking into account the other person’s opinion. Please understand that when you listen to someone else's opinion, you are making your own personal decision based on your own judgment and the wishes of the other person. This is a kind of compromise decision that was not made individually, but thanks to the desire to cooperate with another person.

Obeying is precisely the phenomenon that is perceived negatively by many people. This is when you agree with another person's opinion, completely rejecting your own judgment. It doesn’t matter what you think, the main thing is that you listen to the other person, who tells you what you should think, do and how to live.

You seem to be going through the same process - listening to the words of another person. But the concepts themselves carry different meanings, which is why their use becomes more demanding and appropriate.

“You're not listening to me,” or Why don't you allow yourself to be yourself?

“You’re not listening to me” - are other people listening to you? Everyone wants to be heard, without being ready to open their ears, close their mouths and listen to the wishes of other people. How often do you hear people say to you: “You’re not listening to me”? If you look at the situation from the outside, then your interlocutor does not listen to your opinion.

Everyone wants to be heard. But why should people hear you if you yourself are not able to hear what they say? Learn to hear yourself first in order to understand what your interlocutor is talking about and determine on what issue you cannot find agreement in order to finally be heard.

You don't allow yourself to be yourself because you're afraid of being a bad person. But who determines whether you are a bad or a good person? Answer: other people. It is not you who evaluate yourself, but the people around you who:

they don’t know why certain qualities were developed in you, what kind of life you lived;
consider themselves worthy to judge others;
They themselves are not ideal representatives of humanity.

And these people do you listen to? Do you trust them more than yourself? They don't know what you've been through and you allow them to be right about your identity? How can they judge you if they themselves live unhappy and dysfunctional lives?

Why don't people listen to each other? They already know what is right and what is wrong. Often what they think is right is right. And another opinion is usually received with hostility. This is why people not only do not hear each other, but also do not allow them to be themselves. Freedom of action and speech is lost when you are afraid of saying or doing something that will be negatively perceived by others. You can't be yourself because other people don't want to accept you that way. Everyone is comfortable with you being an obedient and friendly person. This approach eliminates the need to solve problems associated with differences in opinions and desires. That's why people don't hear each other: they already think you should listen to them, not be yourself, but seem obedient and agree with everything.

People feel comfortable when everyone agrees with them on everything. But in this case, you don’t allow yourself to be yourself! At such moments, you need to make an important decision for yourself: will you please the whims and desires of other people, or allow yourself to be yourself, being prepared for the fact that not all people will like you?

Examples of the use of the verbs hear and listen

I was listening to my beats when I heard the phone ring. I was listening to my beats when the phone rang.

I'm listening to you, but in fact, I don't wanna hear you. I 'm listening to you, but actually I don't want to hear .

My friend likes to chat a lot. Sometimes I don't listen , I just hear her. My friend really loves to chat. Sometimes I don't listen to it, I just hear it .

Will you listen for one more second ? Can you listen for another second?

Stop shouting! I can hear you pretty good! Don't yell! can hear you very well !

I heard you and I won't do what you tell me. I heard you; and I won't do what you say.

Nota bene : when talking about radio, concert, lecture, it is possible to use both “hear” and “listen (to)”. But how to use them correctly?

As a rule, in the case of public speaking we use “ hear ”, otherwise we use “ listen ”.

A lot of people came to hear the President's speech last evening. Many people came last night to hear the president's speech . First I heard this song at a live concert . The first time I heard this song live was at a concert . Do you ever listen to the radio in your car ? Do you ever listen to the radio in your car ? Have you listened to that recording I sent you ? you listen to the recording I sent you ?

Listen, see, do...

Listen and forget! Much of what you are told has no meaning. If in a circle of intelligent people you will only be told what is true, then in the real world of scoundrels, poor people and selfish people you can hear a lot of lies and untruths. They can tell you anything, and much of it may not be true. Therefore, it is better to believe the words of only those people you know well. Otherwise, listen and forget! You should not focus on what you are told. If you are not given useful information, then forget it, because whoever told you something will most likely forget what he said.

See and remember! Remember everything you see. Know people and believe them only by what they do. There is no more eloquent conversation than the actions that a person commits, because they require his time, energy, desire, and this is the most precious thing that an individual can have. Therefore, remember everything that you see from other people. Also take note of everything around you. In this way, you experience the material world, which honestly demonstrates itself. Therefore, do not close your eyes to the truth that you will learn through them.

Do it and understand! Your actions must be thoughtful and reasoned. This is useful for you personally and educational for the people around you. Understand what you are doing. There is no need to act impulsively. If you don’t want to constantly face difficulties, then think about what one or another of your actions will lead to. And only when you see the results of your actions, start taking actions to achieve what you want.

Sixteen secrets of communication for successfully understanding a person

In order to successfully learn to listen to a person, you need to master several secrets/skills, which I will tell you about today.

You may already know some of them and successfully master them, then rejoice at this: “Wow! Well done!”, and start mastering what is not yours yet.

So here we go, sixteen communication secrets/skills:

It is difficult for me to establish contact with a person and get him to talk. If so, master the Sunshine exercise.
I keep the conversation going by nodding, expressing agreement, and showing interest. If this is not the case, train yourself to do so.
I never demonstrate boredom, melancholy, or even indifference during a conversation. If this is not the case, then wean yourself from this bad habit. It's just bad manners.
I can listen to my interlocutor to the end, even if he is distracted and says obviously erroneous and unfair things. If this is not the case, teach yourself this. Yes, it's not easy, but it will increase your efficiency.

Whatever feelings arise in me, I do not interrupt the interlocutor, and let him calmly finish speaking to the end. If this is not so, we learn to keep a Diary of Emotions, otherwise it is a disgrace. A person with internal culture does not allow himself to do this.
If a person interrupts me, I calmly stop. Two people cannot speak at the same time. If this is not so, learn it. If the interlocutor is not well-mannered, why be like him?
Even if the interlocutor uses prickly phrases, I continue the discussion calmly, carefully and correctly. If this is not the case, pay attention to the article “Magnetic Look”. It will help you. It will teach you to be at peace in any stressful situation.
If the story goes in the wrong direction, I know how to gently redirect it in the right direction. If this is not the case, then master the “Internal Translator” exercise and learn to do everything with a smile. You will succeed.

When a person talks about what worries him, I ask about what worries him, and do not turn the conversation to “about my own and about myself.” If this is not the case, set yourself such a task and practice. It's easy and fun.
When a person talks, my eyes are not away, but always on the interlocutor. If this is not the case, train the “Magnetic Look” and the inner smile. You'll like it.
I listen carefully to my interlocutor and can almost always repeat all his main thoughts. If this is not the case, practice the repetition verbatim. Important exercise!

I feel what a person really cares about, and I know how to give him the emotional support he needs. If this is not the case, practice the “Feeling” exercise. The exercise is not easy, but super interesting.

I listen to smart and business people intelligently, and to worried and worried people with my soul. If this is not the case, during the conversation, think and determine what is important to you and what is important to your interlocutor.
When maintaining a conversation, I often bring up not negative and conflicting thoughts, but positive ones that bring us closer together. If this is not so, start taking care of yourself and do such simple and important things
When something is unclear to me in what a person is saying, I don’t lose interest, but ask questions to figure it out. If this is not the case, your emotions are interfering with you, so again the “Magnetic Look”
I am proficient in the “Repeat-Agree-Add” technique and always use it when necessary. If this is not the case, master this technique.

Listen, think and choose for yourself

The modern age of man is filled with various kinds of information. Nowadays, everyone has access to a variety of information on any subject. If previously only a select few could read books and spread knowledge, now everyone can do this. But along with progress and accessibility of information, people are faced with contradictions in this information. For almost any word or expression you can find an “antonym”, refuting or interchanging material. So, for example, men say that there is logic (male logic) and female logic. Scientists who have studied the thought processes of people of both sexes know that logic is the same for everyone, it’s just that men and women think differently.

It turns out that information can be contradictory, contradictory, as well as false or true. It is known that truth has no counterarguments; there are only factors that replace it. For example, like day and night - opposite to each other, but interchangeable. Day cannot exist without night, and night cannot exist without day. All other information, invented by man himself through his development over the centuries, can be refuted, unproven, false and counter-narrative. This just goes to show that human conclusions are not always comprehensive and logical. Unfortunately, a person is capable of making false conclusions, since he is often guided, in addition to reason and logic, by his own fears, patterns, public opinion and a narrow view of the world.

Listen, think and choose for yourself! This is a slogan that can be applied to anyone. No matter how authoritative the person may be, always remember that everything coming from a person may be false. If they tell you something or tell you truisms, put them to the test. You shouldn't blindly follow someone's ideas just because they come from him. Like any ordinary person, even an authority figure can make mistakes. Therefore, do not just listen, but also think and choose for yourself what corresponds to the truth, in your opinion. It is possible that you will make a mistake, but it is better than blindly following someone.

Don't be patriotic to any idea! Remember that many things can be refuted, especially if they were invented by the person himself. Only truth does not require proof, since its manifestations are visible to any person in everyday life. Do not follow people who are patriots of any ideas! Often such people have their eyes closed to things that might challenge their view of life. People who believe in God, for example, do not believe in aliens. However, they may be mistaken if, for example, aliens are the gods who created people. But these are just theories, since they have not been scientifically and clearly proven by humanity.

Know that patriots have chosen their own path for their ideas. Every person is a patriot of some kind of information. If you are confronted with an opposing opinion that is different from yours, you have the right not to accept it, but you also do not have the right to force the other person to accept your belief. Understand that just like other people, you can be wrong about what you believe, even if you are sure that your knowledge is true. Accept the fact that other people may live differently, according to a different faith than yours. And there's nothing wrong with that. All people are different, and while the truth is unknown, you should not demand from others to be patriots of your faith, and others from you to be a patriot of their faith. Stick to your opinions, be flexible in accepting some new ideas, but do not allow yourself or others to dictate to each other how to live, what to believe in and what worldview to have. Respect both your knowledge and the knowledge of other people who are different from yours.

How to listen correctly. What does listening give?

Truly listening and hearing each other is very important. This helps to build strong relationships, solve various problems, and ensure mutual understanding.

Listening to people is an essential skill.

For example, at work, effective interaction between people who know the answer to the question “how to listen correctly” reduces the number of mistakes and waste of time. Such professionals can make difficult decisions because they have a large amount of information received from different people. They can also avoid conflicts caused by misunderstandings, they are confident in themselves and easily find a common language with others.

How to become one of these people, to improve relationships both in the family and at work, we will talk in this article. 20 effective tips for building good relationships with a variety of people are waiting for you! Read the article and learn how to listen correctly!

But before we get down to advice, let's talk about one interesting phenomenon.

The ability to listen is the key to success!

Modern psychologists have long been united in the opinion that the art of listening helps a person achieve success in any area of life. Scientists surveyed 15 millionaires, asking only one question: “What quality helped you achieve success?” The necessary condition was to answer without hesitation and in one sentence. Each of the respondents without hesitation noted that listening skills helped them.

So how do you learn to listen and hear?

First of all, you need to have a desire to listen to the person in advance

When we know, or seem to know, what exactly our interlocutor will say, our attention is not focused on the conversation. Tips to help improve listening skills:

Start listening to your interlocutor from the very beginning of the conversation and do not relax your attention until it is completed; put other things aside. Never try to combine several things during a conversation; make an effort to become interested in the topic of conversation. Evaluate what is said by its content, not by the way it is presented. Always remain objective. Don't make hasty conclusions. Pay attention to the point of view of the person you are talking to. Maintain eye contact. Watch your body language, it should communicate to the interlocutor that you are interested. When the interlocutor finishes the story, ask clarifying questions on the topic. Provide a comfortable environment for communication so that there are no distractions. Add affirmative responses, for example, “yes, yes,” “I see.”

In order to master anything perfectly, training is necessary in addition to practice and theory.

In your free time, pay attention to the following practical exercises, and then your ability to hear and listen will quickly reach heights. Exercises to improve your “listening” ability: 1. Take a comfortable sitting position, relax, close your eyes

Listen to the sounds around you. Recognize every sound you hear. How many sounds do you hear in total? This exercise not only helps you learn to hear, but also has a calming effect. Give it 5-10 minutes a day. 2. When conducting a conversation, do not rush with your statements. Listen to your interlocutor to the end, pause

In addition, pausing before your speech will give it importance. 3

Listen to the radio whenever possible. But not musical, but conversational programs. Afterwards, answer the questions to yourself: “What information did you learn?”, “What was the main meaning?” Concisely retell everything you heard to yourself.

Why is it so important to hear your interlocutor?

Let's just understand why conflicts arise. As a rule, any conflict is the result of mutual misunderstanding. The result of our tendency to see “hidden meaning” behind the words of another, continuous subtexts... The spouse said that the soup was under-salted, and you heard that you are a disgusting housewife. He asked why you were late, and behind this you heard a thousand more accusations... Each conflict can be settled many times faster if you do not add anything unnecessary to the interlocutor’s words. In addition, by developing listening skills, we begin to understand our partner. If a child is capricious, a wise mother sees the baby’s fatigue or hunger behind it. Likewise, the ability to hear our spouse allows us to see behind the stream of accusations simply the emotional state of another person. Accordingly, you no longer explode at every occasion, but gently reassure your spouse. And peace and tranquility reigns in the house.

Once you understand the benefits of listening, you will definitely want to learn it. How to do it?

How to develop the necessary skills?

All that is required of you is constant training. Nothing unusual. But this simple workout can work wonders.

Try to listen to those around you and consciously not let their words pass through your filters. Do not give them your interpretations. Just take their statements for what they are. As an exercise, try a little game with a friend. Have one of you tell a short story and the other try to retell it without adding anything extra. And then the narrator will confirm whether you understood him correctly.

The next time your spouse accuses you, don't be so quick to snap back. Just listen to him. Listen carefully to everything he says, without adding your own conclusions. Just the fact that you listen silently can resolve the conflict. Or, at least, reduce its degree. Let your partner finally speak up. And no one will interrupt him. If you have truly learned to listen, your spouse will not be angry at your silence. On the contrary, he will understand that his words resonated. And this silence is not offended ignorance, but attentiveness. Great, isn't it?

How do I know that I can hear the other person?

You are in no hurry to enter into dialogue and do not interrupt your partner. You let him express all his emotions (you don’t always need to let him pour out all the negative emotions on himself, but that’s another topic);
You know how to ask questions to help clarify a situation. Don't talk so much yourself as take an interest in the other person;
You are calm. Even if your spouse says unpleasant things, you take it calmly. As the other person's position, not as an offensive attack on you;
You can gently resolve the conflict;
People are drawn to you. Many are ready to open up to you and trust their experiences. Good conversationalists are a rarity.

Video from the training:

What gives people the ability to listen?

By actively listening to what the other person is saying, you can analyze his preferences and interests. Thanks to this, you will have the opportunity to shape the conversation process and lead it in the right direction.
You will also learn a lot of new and interesting things, because every person is a storehouse of knowledge and experience. It will also help you develop your memory and get rid of absent-mindedness.
If you are attentive to other people, then they will be attentive to you. By trying to understand what your interlocutor is saying, you are giving him a compliment. After this, the person himself will listen to your opinion.
Listening to other people is one of the easiest ways to make a good impression on yourself. It would seem that you have not said almost a single word, but you are already considered a pleasant interlocutor.