Men believe that if a wife grumbles and is constantly dissatisfied with something, it means she is nagging him. Women, on the contrary, categorically disagree with this. They, as a rule, clearly adhere to their opinions and claim that in this way they unobtrusively and gently remind about some matter, give wise advice, constructively criticize the actions of a man and discuss them in a dialogue mode. Women think that they cannot manage in family life without these admonitions and explanations, because men, at the very least, are not adapted to life and will certainly miss something. And you can teach them everything they need only by pointing out mistakes every time. Often this behavior is typical of women who are married. In some cases, they themselves begin to wonder whether they want too much, and whether they should be angry with their chosen one for no reason.
How do women do it?
What men usually call “sawing” is justified by women in a completely different way:
- Reminders about important matters - even if they are done softly and unobtrusively, they are repeated with a frequency of every half hour.
- Advice - as women themselves believe, they are wiser than the stronger sex and have the right to instruct foolish men on the right path.
- Criticism - many wives consider it quite constructive.
- Discussions, understanding and explanations.
But no matter what you call your behavior, it does not bring joy to the family, and sometimes such an attitude from your spouse makes you want to run away from home.
Increase self-esteem
Sometimes a wife, by her behavior and attitude towards herself, allows a man to criticize and reproach. Women with low self-esteem tend to talk about the imperfection of their figure, their inability to cook, and choose outfits. Constantly asserting: “How fat I’ve gained!”, “I’m such a fool!”, you may not receive a reaction of disagreement and a storm of compliments in response. A man does not always understand such hints; most often, self-criticism leads to criticism from the husband. Therefore, you need to respect yourself and work on self-esteem. The husband may not be aware of the shortcomings that the wife attributes to herself.
What is the main value for a man when choosing a woman?
How to stop nagging your husband - 6 tips from a psychologist
Why, at the time of marriage, did you not ask your man if he would help you with the housework, clean up scattered socks, or talk with you after work? It seemed to you that it didn’t matter, the main thing was love. What has changed now? Constant reproaches gradually kill feelings, is this what you want? If not, then listen to the advice of a psychologist:
- The first piece of advice is that if you want to become happy or maintain this state for a long time, silence your own “I”. Will your relationship get better after you prove yourself right? Hardly. So is it worth doing?
- The second tip is that if it is difficult to come to terms with your husband’s shortcomings, you will have to break up, since people in adulthood no longer change.
- The third piece of advice is to look for the cause; it often lies much deeper than the garbage that hasn’t been taken out or scattered socks. After that, talk to your husband about how to solve it.
- Fourth - switch your energy to something else, take care of yourself, self-improvement, remember your own hobbies. Then there will be no time left for “sawing” your spouse.
- Tip number five - once again, if you want to criticize your significant other, mentally count to five, since such conversations are often useless and can ruin your mood for the whole day.
- The sixth tip is that some women simply want to attract attention with such behavior, not realizing that it will alienate their spouse even more. Be more cunning, more affectionate, otherwise there will be those who want to take your husband away. And there is a risk that they will succeed. Only affection and a kind word changes a person, and not constant “sawing.”
React correctly
If you take all your husband’s reproaches to heart, family life will turn into hell. You need to fight back against a man. Do not make excuses, do not criticize in response and do not become hysterical. Act gently, with feminine wisdom. Each man requires a special approach. With one thing, humor helps (“yes, Your Highness” or “How difficult it is for you to live with me”), with the other - ignoring: letting minor remarks pass deaf ears until they cross the border. If the reproaches are offensive, tell your spouse directly about it. It is important to prevent offensive statements from your husband, stop name-calling and direct his criticism in a constructive direction. Unexpressed grievances gradually exhaust the psyche and lead to major conflicts.
Harmonious family relationships: 8 tips
Mistakes of women in couples
When tying the knot or starting a life together, women hope for cloudless happiness. The shortcomings of a loved one are practically not noticed. But over time, she begins to see the negative sides of her partner’s character. She begins to “nag” him, without understanding simple things:
- A man is already a formed personality with his own advantages and disadvantages, and it is almost impossible to correct them. Either you love him as he is, or you break up, there is no third option.
- People are not without flaws. You will never find the ideal, since it does not exist in nature.
- Learn to listen to arguments for your claims and then in return he will listen to you.
Think about whether cleanliness in the house, taking out the trash, or the constant presence of your husband nearby is so important to you. Are constant nagging and bad moods really normal for you? It’s better to remember your best times together, have fun, make your husband feel comfortable and good with you. After this, perhaps he will begin to correct himself.
Maternity leave - a happy idyll
When a loving couple is expecting a baby and dreams of a future life with a baby, their imagination often paints a picture in white and pink tones. The mother takes care of the child and the house, walks and plays with the baby, prepares lunches in between feedings, puts things in order, does gymnastics and reads useful books. A happy dad kisses his wife and baby in the morning, works all day for the good of the family, and rushes home in the evening to give the little one a bath. Both admire each other and the baby, both are grateful and, having lulled the baby, fall asleep in each other’s arms.
In reality, everything is often different. At first, both parents do not get enough sleep, they are tired of the new regime and the fallen responsibility. Mom misses adult conversations and entertainment, desperately needs a breath of freedom, but at the same time is afraid to leave the baby. Dad comes home and sees the woman he loves not so happy, she has a kind of world of her own, consisting of walking, bathing, cooing and talking with other mothers. And in this world he is often given the honorable place of a courier for the delivery of groceries and diapers.
During maternity leave, silent conflicts, misunderstandings, resentments and disappointments are common. Loving people expect the same acceptance, support, and emotions from each other - and they are very worried if the relationship cools or deteriorates. It is not always easy for them to agree and explain their condition. And in order to avoid unwanted drifts during maternity leave, let's look at the birth of a baby through the eyes of both parents.
A quarrel is the unity of spouses
If spouses do not quarrel, then they have nothing to talk about. As it turns out, a quarrel is a simple confrontation of two opinions. And it becomes strange if the spouses have complete idyll and mutual understanding. Each partner lived their own unique, problematic life before meeting their soulmate. Each had their own disappointments and betrayals, which forced them to change their fairy-tale ideas about love and stop completely believing the opposite sex. Moreover, each person has his own worldview, which cannot completely coincide with the worldview of other people.
If spouses have different points of view and want to solve a problem together, then they quarrel. This is quite natural and normal, since initially each of the partners considers their opinion to be the only correct one. First, you want to defend your opinion, convince your loved one, make him think the same way as you. But then humility sets in, and the partners look for ways out of the situation, taking into account both opinions and sometimes limiting each other in some ways.
But how can you evaluate a situation when partners have opposing opinions, but absolutely do not try to come to a common decision? It turns out that each of them is going to solve the problem as they see fit, without the participation and cooperation of their other half. There is one problem, but each partner is trying to solve it in his own way. Thus, there is no quarrel, but the problem itself is not solved, since the partners each live in their own world.
According to statistics, couples in which there are no quarrels break up faster than those unions where men and women quarrel. This is not surprising, since a quarrel is the desire of partners to resolve the same issue together. And if there is no quarrel, this indicates that the partners do not care what their loved ones think about this, since they will solve the problem themselves. Acting alone, there is no cooperation. But relationships are precisely cooperation.
Avoid violence towards the drinker
When trying to understand how to behave if there is an alcoholic in the family, establish a taboo on physical violence. Please note:
- this is dangerous - a drunk person does not control his own actions and can injure the offender;
- this provokes a feeling of guilt - physical punishment can only aggravate the experiences that a person drowns in alcohol;
- this is fraught with detachment - the addict needs emotional support, he will automatically “close himself” from the offender.
In addition, it is worth remembering: any manifestations of physical violence are illegal. Even a few slaps to vent anger can be the start of a serious fight in which you are the instigator and the responsible party.
What you can do: if you have no strength to restrain aggression towards a perpetually drunk relative, contact a psychological support center and make an appointment with a psychotherapist. One way to solve the problem is to stop living with the alcoholic. In some cases this is still unavoidable.
A little about men
“Men always remain children,” women say, but they do not realize what this means. It is a mistake to believe that this means that a man will always be frivolous, childish and stupid, never thinks about anything serious, and thinks only about himself.
In reality, this means that a man’s psychology is designed in such a way that he can be “educated.” Depending on changing environmental conditions, a man begins to adapt to the situation, find a point of balance and comfort, that is, behave in such a way as to minimize external stimuli. If his woman becomes such an irritant, the man seeks to minimize contact with her.
You should not think that such an attitude towards life is a manifestation of selfishness. This is inherent in the psyche of a man, back in ancient times, when the main role of a man was to obtain food, protect housing and other external functions, respectively, the internal sphere of life, the household (home) faded into the background.
Now the world has changed somewhat compared to ancient times. A man no longer hunts mammoths, his prey is a salary, and his protection is the support of the home and the woman in raising children. However, the man’s psyche has not undergone significant changes.
Probably everyone knows that if a child is raised strictly, not allowed to take initiative and punished for any attempt to do something, he will grow up spineless. The same situation applies to men. If a man is constantly told that everything he does is wrong, he will lose the desire to do anything. This is especially true for his woman, since it is her opinion that is the most important person for a man.
Is there life outside of maternity leave?
Often, for a young mother, the whole world “collapses” on the baby; she plunges into motherhood and turns off other areas of her interests. But it is important to remember one danger: motherhood is so sweet that you can stay in it for many years, forgetting about the rest of the world. And there is nothing good about this, because a mother and wife remains strong, loving, and interesting when there are many other important things and sources of pleasure in her life. It is good for both a child and a man to live next to such a woman. Therefore, during maternity leave, it is important to ask yourself: what do I love, what do I want to learn, what do I want to do, where to go? - and do everything possible so as not to “fall out of reality.”
Meet with friends, plan future studies or work and your own income, read, go to concerts, the gym or yoga, freshen up your outfits.
And even when the bustle and fatigue are off the charts, when you have such a wonderful little man under your wing, it is important to remember one more key interest and look with love and respect at your loved one. Remind yourself every day what you value about it. He will definitely feel your interest and warmth - and respond to them.
And the best way to refresh your feelings and get into each other’s feelings is to do things together that will be interesting and valuable to both: going to a concert, watching a movie, a short trip.
Don't be self-flagellation
Often relatives tend to blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction. Parents feel that they have given little to their child; children may think that their imperfections are the cause of their elders’ alcoholism.
Social norms also contribute to this - many in society believe that good spouses do not have husbands or wives who become drunkards. But that's not true.
The development of addiction is influenced by many factors: active gene combinations, metabolic characteristics, upbringing, environment and social attitudes. Therefore, it is not the fault of one person.
