How to achieve what you want: techniques and simple tips

August 29, 2018
Psychology of Personality
Valentina Buravleva

It’s one thing to simply want something, and completely different to realize what you want in reality. Some people manage to fulfill their dreams in a relatively short period of time. Others may want something for a very long time, but never achieve it. You can achieve the desired goal using special methods. These recommendations allow you not only to bring your dreams closer to fulfillment, but also to resist any obstacles on the difficult path to your goal.

Correct wording

How to achieve what you want and make your dream come true? The most important step towards realizing your intention is its correct formulation. Many people skip this step. But in reality, their chances of success will be much higher if they choose exactly the goal that they truly want to achieve.

A great desire forces you to concentrate all your energy on the goal, helps you achieve the desired result, despite obstacles and failures. It is not so important how often a person goes astray. Even if this happens, he reminds himself of his true dream. The words “I wish to achieve my goals” become a real mantra for him, which again returns him to the right path.

How can you clarify your goal? You can do this using the following exercise:

Write down all your goals that you would like to achieve in the next ten years.
Opposite each of them, put the amount of time that you plan to spend on achieving them (for example, 2 months, a year, 5 years).
Highlight five main goals with a marker.
Write down all the actions that need to be taken to achieve them.
Choose the most important goal and start working on it.

How to choose a specialist to work on your intention

Psychology is sometimes called “pair psychotechnics”. Michel Foucault, appealing to the experience of ancient Greek philosophy and describing the so-called self-practices, noted that the goal of the mentor was to teach a person to take care of himself until he learns to do it himself. The helping specialist also performs similar work.

To be fair, it must be said that we do not always turn to the helping specialist directly for changes. At the same time, self-knowledge, inner honesty and awareness of true desires will inevitably lead to change, although this process often takes a long time.

However, it happens that even the most powerful insights obtained during sessions only have a minor impact on the client’s future life. The transformation caused by such an insight, although experienced quite emotionally, may not take hold and may not greatly influence the future.

When turning to a helping specialist to solve a specific issue, it is important to understand the difference between psychological counseling and psychotherapy. The first is aimed at solving narrow problems, the second is aimed at developing self-understanding.

Ask the helping specialist what exactly he understands by intention. It may be that, being an expert in his field, he may underestimate the role of intention in practice or have a vague understanding of it. And if when working with traumatic experiences this is often not a problem (here we are talking about healing mental wounds), then in the context of achieving the desired changes it can become a significant obstacle.

Checklist “Formation of intention”
Desire is aimed at satisfying a need. In this case, the need can be repressed and suppressed. Regardless of whether desire is manifested or not, it largely shapes behavior.
Intention is a function of the will. Intention presupposes a plan and often forces a person to act even contrary to his desires.
Desire often has a pronounced emotional connotation and evokes strong feelings.
The ability to manage intention and strengthen it largely depends on the person himself , while desires are born spontaneously and uncontrollably.
A desire, under certain conditions, can develop into an intention . Intention, unlike desire, is controllable, and therefore can only be transformed into another intention.

Remember the saying “Beware of your wishes, they tend to come true”? I think it's not so much about desires as it is about properly focused intentions.

The formation of intention in its pure form can be classified as an art. Perhaps this is what the Chinese sages meant when they spoke of the “mastery of controlled coincidences.” The ability to enter a state of complete internal consistency, when intention covers all aspects of our being, is self-realization.

Set priorities correctly

Since achieving what you want means first of all concentrating your efforts on a specific goal, correct prioritization is extremely important. When all things are equally important to a person, it means that none of them is really important. The goal you set should be your top priority.

Every day you need to take steps to achieve it. At the same time, it is recommended to do the most important thing in the morning, when there is still a lot of strength and energy. If you put off your duties until the evening, there is a high risk that they will not be completed.

If you start the morning with actions to approach your goal, then the day will not be lived in vain. For example, you can wake up half an hour earlier. While the whole family is sleeping, devote this time to working on a goal - doing physical exercise, reading professional literature, preparing for entering a university.

Becoming less assertive

Some people are too persistent in their requests, if not intrusive. They persuade, flatter, convince, demand. They are shown the door, and they climb out the window. “It stuck (stuck) like a bath leaf,” they say about such people.

Advice: do not argue with them , because annoying people need a clue to continue the conversation. They have the floor, and they respond with ten, and before we know it, we will allow ourselves to be drawn into a bazaar showdown that will result in a quarrel.

People with a soft character prefer to avoid conflicts; it is easier for them to agree and make a concession. Don’t forget: “When we say yes to others, we may be saying no to ourselves.”

We behave like an active listener - we nod our heads and encourage them to continue the conversation. In the end, our overly persistent friend will interrupt the flow of words to evaluate the impression made by his speech. “Well, I said no!”, we will answer him firmly. Two or three such polite refusals - and he will find another object, more compliant and pliable.

Cultivate creative emotions within yourself

Often a person correctly defines a goal and carefully plans all actions to achieve it. But still he fails to succeed. “How to achieve what you want?” - he asks himself, although the problem actually lies on the surface. It lies in the fact that he lacks an internal fuse. His feelings towards his goal are weak or non-existent. If you have a big goal, one of the most important actions is to clearly imagine the emotions that will overwhelm you at the end of the journey, when the dream becomes a reality. It is not enough to say to yourself: “I want to achieve my goal.” It is necessary to imagine in detail the emotions that will overwhelm you at the moment when you receive your education diploma, your business becomes successful, or your child is born.

What is “manipulation” and where is it taught?

Let's first figure out what it means to manipulate people. In psychology, manipulation is understood as the process of socio-psychological influence on a person in order to influence his behavior or change his worldview.

This influence is usually hidden. A person, as a rule, does not understand that he performs some actions not of his own free will, but at the will of the manipulator. For example, we are daily influenced by social standards, advertising, political propaganda and agitation, and criticism. Under their influence, most people make appropriate decisions and behave in the way that manipulators need.

The victim of manipulation does not suspect that she is being influenced. She commits actions against her own will and desire. The goal of the manipulator is always to obtain the desired result.

However, these goals are not always bad or selfish. For example, using hypnosis, psychologists help people cope with difficult psychological conditions. Parents influence the child for educational purposes, the teacher applies manipulations to the students so that they learn their lessons.

The art of managing people will help you not only achieve your goals, but also avoid conflicts, recognize the tricks of manipulators and protect yourself from them. Where can you learn this skill? There are 2 ways:

trainings;
books.

On the Internet you can find a huge number of trainings that promise to teach you the art of managing people and how to protect yourself from manipulation. Such trainings, of course, are not free. But they will give you unique knowledge and techniques that other trainers do not have. And hurry up! After all, there is only one place left (either registration closes in 2 days, or the 40% discount is valid until tomorrow)!

Most often, this kind of manipulation is used in advertising training that is designed to teach you how to protect yourself from manipulation. How this works is that the user is told the unique value of the knowledge that he will receive in the course, and then he is limited in time to think and make a decision. You're already interested and, of course, you don't want to miss out on the last spot or day or discount.

As a result, you make a purchase. The manipulator achieved his goal. But whether you will get the cherished and promised result is not a fact!

Information on managing people is also contained in special books. Some books can be read for free online. Others will have to be looked for on the shelves in a store or library. Here are examples of such books:

Sigmund Freud “Analysis of the Human Self and Psychology of the Masses”;
V. V. Shlakhter, S. Yu. Kholnov “The Art of Dominance”;
V. P. “The art of managing people”;
Henrik Fexeus “How to read and control other people’s thoughts”;
R.V. Levin “Mechanisms of manipulation. Protection from foreign influence.”

Is only theoretical knowledge enough to successfully apply it in practice and psychologically influence others? Or does the manipulator still have to possess a certain set of qualities?

Method "Table of Emotions"

To cultivate the necessary feelings towards your goal, it is useful to use the following technique called the “Emotion Chart”. To do this, a piece of paper is divided into three columns. The first records those experiences that will cover at the moment of achieving the goal. In the next column you need to record memories of the last time you experienced these feelings. Here you can indicate under what circumstances this happened.

In the third column it is written when those actions will be performed that will allow you to gain these feelings. In most cases, these results, whatever they may be, can be combined into one category - rest. A person in pursuit of his goals does not give himself a break. But no matter how paradoxical it may be, such an approach only pushes goals away, since it makes feelings more and more dull.

To achieve your goals, you need to build time for rest into your daily schedule. Psychologists recommend adding at least three activities every day that restore strength.

Work systematically

The simplest, but at the same time effective answer to the question of how to achieve the desired success is this: it is necessary to systematically make efforts that bring you closer to the goal. Usually a person looks at his everyday life as if from the outside only in unusual circumstances - on New Year's holidays or, for example, alone in nature. At such moments a person asks himself questions. These same questions should be used in normal times.

They allow you to understand how effectively the goal is being achieved at this stage. You can write these questions down in a notebook and start each morning by answering them honestly:

Does my daily routine meet my expectations? Am I really living the way I want?
Can I achieve more balance?
Am I working to the best of my ability or am I constantly giving myself some slack?
What tasks did I solve today to realize my dream?

— 10 psychological techniques that will help you achieve your goal!

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• Start the conversation with a compliment. Flattery is a powerful psychological technique that almost always works flawlessly, but there are three caveats:

a) give refined rather than banal compliments;

b) understand what exactly you are praising: if your boss has complexes about being overweight, and you say that in a new dress she resembles a bun, then the result will be exactly the opposite;

c) do not use this technique too often, so as not to be considered a sycophant.

• Make sure that the person from whom you need something owes you a favor.

• Share the tastes, interests and hobbies of the person you need. It is enough to study the topic well theoretically in order to competently support the conversation.

• Ask for the maximum and get exactly what you need. This psychological technique is almost identical to bargaining: the seller deliberately inflates the price, the buyer lowers it, and they converge on a golden mean that suits both.

• Put the person in such conditions that he himself will offer you help. This advice will only work if the person is part of your circle of friends and family, or simply feels uncomfortable turning people down. Ask twice for something almost impossible (but only real: there is no need to ask to get the moon from the sky).

And if you need help in the future, the person who refused you twice will himself offer his services to make amends.

• What's in your name... Most people like their name, so use it repeatedly in conversation, avoiding the pronouns you/you.

• Get the person interested in your idea.

• Criticism – fight! It’s better to act more softly: “Your idea is not bad, but maybe we’ll try to do a little something like this...”

• Tired and sleep-deprived people are more easily suggestible. Again, look at the character traits of your counterpart.

• I am Kivan-Pokivan... Remember, if you agree with what a person says, you automatically nod, right?

This scheme also works inverted.

By constantly nodding and listening to your interlocutor, you automatically program him to agree.

You might be interested in an article about how to make wishes come true.

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Break a big goal into subtasks

Psychologists have found that the pursuit of big goals often causes depression and a feeling of depression. A person feels that he is unable to complete a task that is too large. Ultimately, he may completely abandon his goal.

To prevent this from happening, you need to break a big goal into small, accessible steps. For example, when preparing for an exam, you can set yourself the task not of “passing all the tickets”, but of “doing five tickets in a day.”

Everyone will have their own answer to the difficult question of how to achieve what they want. The methods listed are general tools that are useful in working towards your goal. It is important for a person to pay attention to which recommendations are effective for him. This will make the process of achieving the goal individual and increase personal effectiveness.

Intention from a neuropsychological perspective

In the bestselling book Buddha's Brain, Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius describe the nature of intention from a neuropsychological perspective. The authors write in detail about attachment as a force that blocks the actions of intention.

Most of the intentions that arise in our brains are outside of conscious perception. Most often, these are not intentions, but desires.
Ideally, our intentions should be consistent at all levels of the nervous system axis - that is when you will feel special power.
In a neuropsychological sense, intention is coherence at all levels of the nervous system axis.

Hanson and Mendius write that achieving such coherence at all levels of the nervous system is not easy. We constantly switch from one task to another, so the neural connections that reinforce the intention simply do not have time to form. To maintain the strength of intention, a special unidirectional effort is required.

The power of intention is especially evident in working with addictions. Let me give you an example from personal practice.

A young man came to the reception and smoked weed from time to time. According to him, if earlier he felt the urge to smoke 1-2 times a week, now he feels like smoking almost every day. During the counseling process, at the stage of forming the intention to cope with addiction, we encountered difficulties. Most of his motivations were beyond conscious perception. After three sessions, the client disappeared for a month, after which he returned with a request to continue working. Considering the specifics of addiction, we agreed on supportive work between sessions in the format of text therapy. After three weeks, the intention to get rid of addiction began to gain certainty and strength, and breakdowns occurred less and less often.
The therapy lasted 4.5 months, the main focus was strengthening the power of intention - the formation of a stable unity of neurological levels through exercises to develop self-control.
The young man developed a new hobby: organizational work in a tourist club, which occupied a fair share of his attention. We noted how the intention to get rid of addiction was closely related to the formation of new dominants in life and concentration on them.