Unclosed gestalt. What is it, how to close in a relationship with a man, woman, child

Esotericists and psychologists agree that relationships with a person must be completed correctly. Today we will talk about what an open gestalt is and what it threatens. We will also touch upon the question of how to independently complete the gestalt and properly break up with a man.

This topic is very relevant in the modern world, since partners in love often become enemies after a fairly short period of time. All this ends sometimes very dramatically, and sometimes even fatally. Our colleague’s niece at work committed suicide because her boyfriend abandoned her. This is an unacceptable phenomenon in our society, so it is necessary to increase the psychological literacy of the population. This is especially true for young people.

Unclosed gestalt in psychology

In simple terms, we are talking about the fact that each individual realizes that he needs to complete this or that task in order to feel complete emotional satisfaction, that is, to close the gestalt. For example, if an athlete is injured, he will still strive to reach the finish line, as otherwise he will not feel “complete.”

That is, gestalt is something that always needs to be brought to its logical conclusion, so that a person does not begin to experience torment for a long time because he did not finish this or that task.

In turn, an unfinished or unclosed gestalt is a state when we do not receive satisfaction from the logical completion of an action, event, etc. According to psychologists, many unclosed gestalts can harm a person and negatively affect his emotional state.

What is an open gestalt?

Breaking up a relationship with a loved one is a drama for many girls. In a frank conversation with my sister, I felt how traumatized her soul was after her divorce from her husband. It's like the collapse of the world, a personal apocalypse. Persuasions like “time heals” and “everything will pass, and this too” are of little help. There is an open wound in the soul, memories of the past are real salt on the open wound. In psychology there is a specific name for this - unfinished (or unclosed) gestalt.

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Many people have heard about gestalts, but not everyone knows what it is. Gestalt is a word of German origin, which in translation means an image or figure. But what does the figure have to do with breaking ties with your loved one? In psychology, a figure is something that is important to a person. The rest is the background, secondary objects.

For an abandoned woman, the loved one is the central figure (gestalt). But since the relationship with him was not completed or completed incorrectly, the gestalt remains open: for a woman, the figure of her beloved continues to be central, despite the separation. This is an unfinished gestalt.

Important! A lack of understanding of the situation, a feeling of incompleteness and incompleteness in a relationship - this is an open gestalt.

Most often, the gestalt of the one in the couple who was abandoned is incomplete. And it doesn’t matter whether the loved one explained himself to his girlfriend or not: the situation is so traumatic that the woman will constantly think about it. And while she thinks and scrolls through the situation in her head, the gestalt remains open, and the wound continues to bleed.

What does incompleteness look like?

An open gestalt is actually incompleteness. It can manifest itself in relationships, food, tasks completed, and much more. For example, you can draw a very simple analogy with a computer.

If the user starts to turn off the computer before he has closed unsaved programs, then in this case the equipment may malfunction and even freeze. That is, even for a computer, a technically advanced intelligence, it is required that all tasks be previously completed, and only in this case can the equipment go into sleep mode or turn off.

The same thing happens with the psyche of any person. If he has at least 1 unfinished gestalt, then this can lead to the fact that he will not be able to enjoy life, build a career and move forward in every possible way. Very often such people complain that they are actually walking in a circle and cannot get out of it.

This can happen in relationships. For example, if 2 people decide to break up, then it may happen that 1 of them will blame himself for a long time for the fact that this relationship did not work out.

He will replay in his head what it would be like if he behaved differently and so on. Because of such an open gestalt, it is very difficult to build new relationships. As a result, a person becomes fixated on incompleteness.

With normal mental development, the presence of an open gestalt very often provokes people to move forward. However, incompleteness often harms the psyche, changing a person’s personality.

In some situations it is impossible to close the gestalt. For example, if a loved one passed away or moved to another country forever. However, in many other situations, it is possible and even necessary to end a previous relationship or any other unfinished business in order to start living with a clean slate.

In psychology there is also such a concept as the memory effect on unfinished actions. This means that the human brain will always focus more on what is in progress than on new tasks. Therefore, it is very difficult to just quit your previous business and successfully develop in something else. This is why there are a huge number of people who literally cannot find themselves.

They start one thing, but do not complete it. They immediately become interested in a new project, but it does not bring satisfaction either. As a result, a person suffers from many unclosed gelstats and complains that he cannot achieve success. But, if he had correctly put an end to each of his hobbies, such problems would not have existed.

Very often people have unfinished gestalts in relationships. This is what most often explains why people feel like they are pathologically unlucky in any relationship. The fact is that as soon as a break occurs between partners, one of them begins to suffer from an unclosed gestalt (as a rule, this is the person with whom they broke up).

As a result, the individual who has been abandoned experiences dissatisfaction and anger. He blames not only himself, but also his environment for the breakup.

This provokes prolonged depression, psychosis, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts. A person becomes apathetic and begins to suffer more often from psychosomatic diseases. In conversations, he constantly focuses on the past and talks about his previous relationships.

Incomplete Gestalt: how to identify and what it means

And now a logical question arises - how to close this gestalt? How to get out of the quagmire, get rid of the shackles, completely stopping to think about the past? To do this, firstly, you need to concentrate on the present. And secondly, let go of the past. Gestalt therapy will be the best assistant in this action, but you can try to cope on your own. Let's consider several methods of independent study.

Become aware of your own unfinished gestalts

Feel your emotions and feelings: what they are connected to, where they came from, why you feel bad. It’s better if you write it all down, because this is how you can see the whole picture as if from the outside. Then think about why you react to these events the way you do.

Understand what exactly is in your power in these situations, and what, no matter how much you want, does not depend on you. Clearly delineate these areas.

Think about it, have you done everything that was in your power? If yes, then try to accept this thought - everything in your power has been done. It's no longer up to you. If not, then at least you see that you can still “achieve” something in this situation.

Shift your attention

Most often, incomplete gestalts arise where you obviously concentrate on what you cannot influence. This means that you cannot influence the feelings and desires of other people, their consciousness, etc. It is precisely because you focus on the ideal picture, where another person, a formed personality, acts exactly as YOU , and such difficult situations arise, fettering, pulling you to the bottom.

If you understand that this is exactly what is happening to you, then shift your focus to what is within your power. Not “he will love me, and we will be happy until our graves,” but “I’ll try to please him, maybe he’ll be interested.” And don't do that again.

You can also resolve existing psychological problems in the following ways:

• Return to old actions, completing what you started;
• If a similar situation occurs in the present, try to come to a result this time;
• Play out the situation and then complete it in a “game” form;
• Close the gestalt in the imagination - try to imagine how it could be;
• Learn to accept everything that happens as a given, which should happen exactly this way and no other way.

In any case, whatever method you choose to close gestalts, remember: getting rid of them is an extremely important action that will contribute to changing your entire life. Closing even one single problem can push your life towards various events that will make you, if not happy, then at least much more joyful, holistic and conscious.

Remember: for a balloon to fly, it needs to get rid of ballast!

How do you know if there is an open gestalt?

Unclosed gestalt is a condition that is difficult to diagnose on your own.

But there are several signs that will help you understand whether you should worry about incompleteness:

• Childhood memories constantly appear in my head, which even after many years cause strong resentment.
• A person constantly complains that he has the same dreams. Moreover, their plot is very reminiscent of a situation that happened to him in the past.
• Any new relationship seems to begin to develop according to exactly the same scenario as the previous one.
• The people around you seem similar to each other. There is a feeling that everyone has a subtle similarity.
• Unreasonable anger at loved ones and friends constantly appears.
• A person experiences physiological manifestations, for example, nausea or pain, which are in no way amenable to conventional medical diagnosis. The most interesting thing is that physical pain occurs when communicating with specific people.

These are fairly general signs of an open gestalt, but there is also a more professional classification of signs of incompleteness:

• Panic attacks and anxiety. If a person constantly experiences psychosis, and he arrives in an anxious state for no apparent reason, then in this case we are clearly talking about an incomplete gestalt. Most often this manifests itself before doing something grandiose, serious or significant. At the same time, as a rule, anxiety is very noticeable to people around.
• Numerous unfinished business. Some people believe that this is a feature of the psychology of specific individuals who seem to be physically unable to bring things to their logical conclusion. However, this is often a clear sign of incompleteness. Does this apply to situations where a person is unable to complete this or that task and does not understand why this is happening? It begins to seem that there is an invisible, irresistible force that is preventing him from achieving success. This is how versions about karma, fate and other invisible things appear. People begin to think that someone has jinxed them or that there is a generational curse on them, because their grandmother or great-grandmother had the same problems. But most often the problem is that the gestalt was not closed correctly.

• Avoidance of new relationships. A person with an open gestalt no longer wants to experience the pain, suffering and negative emotions that he received from his last relationship. Moreover, very often such people can declare that they, on the contrary, strive to find a partner and try to build love with him. However, on a subconscious level, they do everything to never experience pain again. Therefore, despite all the claims, they avoid new relationships. For example, a man really likes a girl, but for some unknown reason, before he even starts communicating with her, he goes on vacation to another country. Upon arrival, he discovers that she has already lost interest in him. Thus, a man creates situations in which he will not be able to build a new relationship.

How to work through your childhood unfinished gestalts?

Unclosed gestalt is a very common problem. This is due to the fact that many people suffer from incompleteness that formed many years ago. If in adult life a person experiences difficulties due to childhood grievances, then in this case psychologists recommend several things.

How to close a gestalt

An open gestalt is not a situation in which time heals. Rather, time here only aggravates, strengthens this very wound, and sometimes it covers it so much with sand that it is possible to get to the bottom of it only through long-term therapy.

An open gestalt is not a situation in which time heals.

How can you help here? Close that notorious gestalt. In the vast majority of cases, working with a psychologist will be effective. Some will be able to cope with their situation in one session, while others will need much more time, because it is not immediately possible to identify what actually caused the discomfort.

Signs of an open gestalt in a relationship

This type of addiction is a very common problem.

There are several clear signs that a person is focused on past relationships:

• Persistent resentment. This manifestation of unclosed gelstatt can include the state when a person constantly remembers relationships in a negative way.
• A person who suffers from an incomplete gestalt constantly compares his current partner with his previous one.
• Friendly relations with relatives and friends of the ex-partner. This is considered the norm only if a person does not expect his friends to constantly tell him about the life of his ex-girlfriend or boyfriend.
• Too much interest. A sign of an unfinished relationship is that after a breakup, one of the partners constantly monitors the other’s life through social networks.

Any manifestation of dependence indicates the presence of gelstat.

Examples of open gestalts in relationships

A dream unrealized in childhood will lead to the fact that an adult may try to realize it with the help of his child, without even asking his opinion. Will a child who lives life for his parent be happy?

An adult who received little attention and love in childhood will intensively receive this from the family he himself has created. For example, look for the same parent in a partner who was so missing in childhood. How happy will such a marriage be?

An adult who received little attention and love in childhood will intensively receive this from the family he himself has created.

A partner who was suddenly left will constantly relive the breakup, trying to find its reasons. So, a man can begin to change partners one after another, proving to his ex that he is still great, so that she will regret leaving him. A woman will begin to surround herself with the external attributes of a successful life, showing her ex or homewrecker that she is even better settled, even happier. All this suggests that the situation has not been lived through, has not been released, and the gestalt in the relationship has not been fully completed. Is it possible to build new ones while emotionally remaining in the old ones?

How to complete the gestalt in a relationship on your own?

It is in love relationships that such problems most often arise. Due to increased emotional dependence on another person, it becomes very difficult to move to the next level and leave past relationships with pleasant memories.

An open gestalt is a problem that can and should be solved. There are several methods on how to do this.

Rebuild the Gestalt

To do this, a man or woman needs to find a new partner who will arouse very strong interest.

If a new relationship “overlaps” the previous ones in its emotionality, then an unsuccessful attempt to build a relationship will quickly be forgotten.

If it is difficult to start a new relationship, then in this case you need to switch to some interesting hobby that can cause a surge of emotions.

Think logically

First of all, you need to understand why the previous relationship ended. It is important to determine why experiences still continue to emerge in the subconscious. Most likely, we are talking about some kind of complex. If you acknowledge their presence, you can begin to work on yourself to become better.

In addition, it is recommended to speculate on the topic that perhaps the previous partner was overrated. It is worth reconsidering your internal “filter” for choosing a future partner.

Forgive

As a rule, the problem of an unclosed gestalt is associated with the fact that the previous partner inflicted very serious moral trauma. For example, a husband could cheat on his wife, and after that she holds a grudge against him for many years.

However, you need to understand that this, first of all, harms the woman herself and prevents her from building a successful relationship. Therefore, you need to subconsciously tear out any resentment from yourself and try to forgive the person who made this fatal mistake.

Psychologists also identify another strategy for completing gestalt, which includes 4 stages:

1. Staging. This is really a small theatrical production. To do this, you need to imagine the face of your ex-partner. After this, you need to very clearly visualize exactly how he asks for forgiveness for what he did. Don't be shy. You can safely express all your complaints and grievances to this image. After this, you need to logically complete this situation. For example, you can tell this image that it is forgiven, or you can yell at it and declare that it is all over now. It is best to perform this exercise with a real person, for example, an acquaintance who has agreed to play the role of a former partner.

2. Fantasies. As a rule, after the first stage, most people experience serious relief, but the gestalt is not yet closed. Therefore, at the second stage, you need to fantasize a little and speculate about what would have happened if the separation had not happened. You need to mentally play out all the possible options that could happen next. For example, you can imagine a wedding, the birth of children, buying a house, a car. However, we should not forget that every family has everyday problems. Therefore, it is worth starting to fantasize and visualize how life would turn out if there was not enough money, constant problems, demands, and scandals would appear.
3. Liberation. At the third stage, you need to form for yourself the right image of family and normal relationships. To do this, you need to share your fears and concerns with someone close to you. You definitely need to tell him all your doubts that are related to everyday problems, lack of money and other things. The more a person begins to talk about such problems, the easier he begins to relate to them. As a result, it will be easier to begin to form for yourself the correct model of family and happy family relationships.
4. Humility. You need to accept what happens in life. If there was a breakup, it means that this was supposed to happen. It is quite possible that something more beautiful and interesting awaits a person in the future, so all that remains is to wait.

How to complete a gestalt yourself

An unclosed, incomplete gestalt prevents you from living fully and enjoying life. A break in a relationship should always be closed, especially if there is a separation from a sexual partner. Esotericists have already buzzed everyone's ears about this, but few people listened to them. And now psychologists are talking about this, which calms me down a little.

Important! An unfinished gestalt with a former partner prevents the development of a full-fledged relationship with a new sexual partner.

Unfortunately, gestalts are not as easy to close as they seem. They usually arise outside the zone of mind control and are therefore difficult to control. You'll have to make an effort. The difficulty in ending a relationship arises from a lack of understanding of the situation. Just yesterday it seemed that a breakup would bring good, but today longing for a loved one begins: this is a trap of consciousness. It’s not clear what to do. But we need to act.

8 steps to close the gestalt:

1. rebuild the gestalt;
2. enable logic;
3. forgive;
4. go “into the sunset”;
5. invite an actor;
6. dream up;
7. let go of the situation;
8. accept the inevitable.

Rebuild the gestalt - find a replacement for your loved one. You need to choose a man and direct all thoughts in his direction, begin to be actively interested in him. This man will now be your gestalt (central figure), and the ex will fade into the background. This option often works. If you don’t want to meet a new man, you can simply throw yourself into a new activity/hobby/job. This also helps if the absorption in a new activity is real: it fills the void in the soul after separation.

Turning on logic and analyzing the situation is a great idea for a full end to the relationship. However, a person with a traumatized soul and heart cannot overcome introspection, so it is better to take the help of a specialist. Make an appointment with a gestaltist or psychotherapist to help you free yourself from the relationship.

Forgiveness is a powerful psychological technique that will allow you to close a gestalt of any complexity. Very often, relationships remain incomplete precisely because of strong resentment and unwillingness to forgive. If you manage to forgive the man who betrayed you, the gestalt will close.

“ Go into the sunset ” - what is it? This way to end a relationship is only suitable for those who have a very strong will. You need to completely ignore your ex, not be interested in his life and not engage in soul-searching. But a year later you need to call him under any pretext, even the most incredible. And then you can fully realize that this relationship was not so important to you. The gestalt will be completed. What if your ex suggests continuing the relationship? This option is not excluded, but the gestalt will still be closed.

Another way to close a gestalt consists of 4 steps:

1. Arrange with some man to play the role of your ex. Set up a trial scene and express everything that’s boiling in your soul. Try to do everything to put a final point and draw a line under the relationship.
2. After an impromptu theatrical performance, turn on your imagination and imagine your future life with your ex in the most terrible colors: lack of money, endless quarrels, infidelity and everyday routine. Try to present this as vividly and convincingly as possible, completely abandoning any prospects of renewing the relationship.
3. Next, you will need to retell your fantasies to someone, but present them as real events. Social networks and forums are ideal for this. If you share your fantasies of a terrible family life with someone 7 times, the issue of a relationship with your ex will lose its relevance.
4. After this, you need to realize that your “tragedy” on a global scale is simply nothing, and come to terms with it.

If this is not done, it will be impossible to build a happy new relationship.

What is the danger?

Unclosed gestalt is a condition that can develop into serious psychological problems. People constantly accumulate a huge amount of unfinished gestalts and don’t even notice it. As a result, over the years, many people develop nervousness; it seems that everything is not going as it should.

When the gelstat in a relationship is not closed, first of all, the person begins to experience constant discomfort and dissatisfaction with life. This can even provoke suicidal thoughts.

Nervoses, psychoses and other pathologies may develop. A person begins to suffer from prolonged depression. The individual becomes very lazy, apathetic, it seems that the person is going with the flow and is no longer trying to change anything in his life.

Impact on loved ones

Not only the person himself suffers from an incomplete gestalt, but also his close people. In this situation, they experience serious worries and constantly try to get in touch with someone who continues to live in the past.

The problem may lie elsewhere. For example, a child in childhood really wanted to become a musician, but later his parents said that this was a stupid idea and in the end he had to study to become a lawyer. In this case, throughout his life he had an unfinished gestalt, since he could not even try to make his dream come true.

But, when in adulthood he himself has a child, he will try to send him to a music school. At the subconscious level, this method allows you to close the gelstat. But in this case, another child suffers, who will also possibly suffer because of his unfulfilled desires.

When is the help of a psychotherapist needed?

Often it is not possible to close the gestalt on your own. Even moving to another country, changing jobs and developing new hobbies does not change the situation much. A permanent nervous state gradually develops and panic attacks may begin.

The inability to build new relationships can begin to negatively impact work. The person becomes forgetful and cannot concentrate. In this case, you should talk to a psychologist.

You should definitely consult a psychotherapist if you experience suicidal thoughts or prolonged depression. Sometimes one conversation with a specialist is enough to solve the problem. In other cases, the doctor may prescribe medication.

How to build new relationships

Don't rush if it seems like the time hasn't come yet. There is no point in building a relationship with a new person just to prove something to your ex-partner. This only helps temporarily.

If we are talking about a full-fledged new relationship, then, first of all, you need to honestly admit to yourself that you are very worried. You shouldn't wear a mask of indifference when you want to cry.

It is important to be honest and open with yourself. It is important to build a model of future relationships and determine which mistakes should no longer be made. New relationships should be built only when there are no open gelstatts associated with another person.

Thus, an unclosed gestalt represents a rather serious psychological problem. This is the state that best suits the definition of “incompleteness.” The more such incompletenesses in a person’s life, the more difficult it is for him to build his happy future.