How to become sexy: secrets of revealing your attractiveness

How to become sexy: Pexels Red lipstick and an unimaginable neckline are considered by many to be the main attributes of female sexuality. In fact, a woman’s attractiveness begins with her attitude and self-love. Psychologist Alexander Shakhov and personal trainer Yaroslav Samoilov will tell you how to develop these qualities and become more sexual.

Sexuality and sex are not the same thing

Let's start with the concept itself. What does sexuality mean to you? I am sure that many will immediately begin to imagine in their heads a kind of Barbie with seductive shapes, long legs, in a short mini and a neckline I don’t want at all.

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Some will go further and begin to imagine a cutesy voice, cat-like body movements and a lustful look. And he will be greatly mistaken, since sexuality has nothing to do with lust, and sex is just a tiny component of sexuality.

Sexuality is not about appearance. It is formed exclusively in our head!

Why is the understanding of female sexuality so distorted today? Many factors contributed to this:

• taboo topic of sex;
• sanctimonious society;
• lack of sex education;
• illiterate behavior and instructions of parents;
• personal negative experience of communication, relationships, etc.

It is this whole heap of prejudices, attitudes and psychological blocks that leads to the fact that we do not understand at all what it means to be sexy, why this quality is needed and how to reveal it in ourselves.

Is it worth attracting too much attention?

If you wear patent leather boots, a leather skirt and fishnet tights for sex games, then there is nothing prejudiced about it. But if you wear something like this in everyday life, then it cannot be classified as sexy. It’s possible that you just wanted to put on the best things right away, but from the outside it looks like a prostitute’s wardrobe, sorry.

Sometimes it happens that we want to emphasize our sexuality, but we do it at the wrong time. Let me give you an example: in the morning I put on a tight short dress and stilettos, but at the same time I spend the whole day running errands and riding public transport. Already in the middle of the day I will not look sexy, because my dull, tired look will put an end to my entire image.

What does it mean to be attractive and why is it needed?

It would seem a strange question. Sexuality is needed to attract men, of course! Yes and no.

Sexuality is, first of all, about the internal state of a woman as a whole, her sense of self. A person's sexuality is built on his libido. And what is it? This is energy, a thirst for life, total enjoyment of life, the energy of creativity, the ability to receive pleasure of any kind, and not just from sex.

Imagine a girl artist, dressed in a stretched, paint-stained T-shirt, with a careless bun on her head, but with eyes burning with impatience, flying in the clouds in search of fresh original ideas, who dies of pleasure every time she picks up a brush and makes strokes on canvas. Sexy, isn't it?

And this is not about a short T-shirt or personal fantasies. The point is a person’s passion, the ability to receive pleasure from himself and from life. Even if there is no sex in it.

And one more thing that may be a revelation for some. The energy of female sexuality is felt not only by men, but also by everyone around who is nearby. A girl who carries a charge of powerful energy becomes a decoy, desirable in any society. They are drawn to her, they want to communicate with her, just to be near her.

Sexuality is a constant quantity. In other words, this is what you feel at every moment, and not just when you put on lipstick and get ready to go out. It's a way of life.

The power of scents: to attract or repel?

There is still an animal essence left in every person, which means that smells play a significant role in attractiveness. They can attract or repel a partner.

Unpleasant odors include bad breath, sweat, and unwashed body odor. Sometimes even the aroma of perfume can be unpleasant if you overdo the dosage. The smell should be light, barely perceptible. In order to feel it, a man will approach you closely, and such closeness is the first small step towards sex.

How to find a way out?

What is strange to me is that not everyone has learned such truths as taking care of themselves, keeping their body and hair clean. You should not allow an unpleasant odor to appear. Disguising it with perfume or deodorant will make the nuclear combination unbearable.

Have in your arsenal not only your favorite scents, but also perfumes from famous brands. This will help you look much sexier in the eyes of any man.

Vitaly, 31 years old:

The smell is powerful. If a girl gives off an unpleasant smell, then I can’t get aroused, which means the evening will end very quickly, without continuation.

How to become sexy

We have already found out that to be sexy means to be yourself. Natural, real, sincere. The one who loves herself, enjoys life and gets pleasure from it.

How to achieve all this? Let's figure it out.

Self love

A sexy girl loves and always chooses herself. Now we are not considering the topic of “bad” egoism. It's about healthy self-love.

There are several ways to develop and feel this kind of love:

1. Take a piece of paper and a pen, make a long list of everything that you like, that brings you pleasure, that brings you a smile, genuine joy. Everything you can remember: from a cup of coffee to horseback riding along forest trails. Ready! You now have in your hands a personal happy list of things that you absolutely need to implement into your life and do as often as possible. And let the whole world wait, because you are the only one!
2. Praise yourself. A lot, often and with inspiration. I’m sure everyone will have something for which they can wholeheartedly praise themselves. Even if it seems like a trifle. Another secret: our brain loves arguments and the phrase “because.” Praise yourself and always add “because.” And it doesn’t matter at all whether the argument is logical. For example: “I’m so smart because the sun is shining today.” It may be nonsense, but just try it!
3. Hum the song from Mary Poppins to yourself often, but substitute your name instead of “Mary.” Your mood will immediately improve from the realization that you are “pure perfection from your smile to your gesture...”, etc.
4. Accept your body. This advice may seem hackneyed and difficult to implement. After all, female nature is such that we always find flaws in ourselves, even if there is objectively nothing to criticize. Study your naked body in front of the mirror, notice what you really like about it, compliment your body. Every person is created exactly the way he needs to be. And a woman of any appearance and build is someone’s ideal. Remember this. You may not like your narrow hips or your upturned nose, but it will drive some man crazy.

Internal state and ability to enjoy

As we have already found out, sexuality is revealed through working with oneself, one’s inner world, and not through external transformation. No amount of clothing, makeup, or accessories can make you sexy the way the right thoughts, feelings, acceptance, and self-love can.

External attributes should reflect your internal state and be appropriate. Do you want to wear a shorter skirt? To your health. Decided to be sexy in an oversized sweatshirt? It's your right to do so. The main thing is how you feel about it. An insecure girl in a mini and fishnet stockings, in which she is clearly uncomfortable, will a priori lose to a young lady in shabby jeans, whose eyes are burning.

By the way, if we’re talking about clothes, I recommend reading an article about how you can create a feminine, sexy image.

How to create your own fortune? Here are a few tricks:

1. Slow down. A sexy woman is a relaxed woman who is in the flow. And to be in the flow, to feel it, you need to slow down and enjoy the process. A trivial example: what do you do in the morning when you drink tea or coffee? Surely it looks like a sprint to empty a glass with a total immersion in the world of social networks. Put down your phone, because there is someone else’s photoshopped life, but here and now a real and valuable life is taking place. Savor your drink as if it were a magic elixir to enhance sexuality and seductiveness, catch the sensations in your body and soul. Slow down not only in the morning, but do it on the minibus, and in line in front of the checkout at the store, even at home, when washing dishes, etc.
2. Meditate. If you are far from such practices, do not be scared right away and hold on to your inner skeptic. Meditation is just a relaxation technique. You will need silence and a few free minutes. You can find special audio meditations where you need to follow the coach’s voice with your thoughts, or regular relaxing music will be enough. There are different meditations: calming, for revealing femininity, developing sexuality, etc.
3. Relax. A spa, sauna, swimming pool, massage, etc. can help with this. Whichever suits you best.
4. Ask yourself. As soon as your mood begins to fall, ask yourself questions: “What is worrying me now?”, “What am I worried about?” It will be great if you write down everything that comes to mind on paper. If the condition does not improve, ask yourself these questions again and again until you manage to “write out” all the garbage from your head.

Self-esteem and personal boundaries

Self-esteem – what is it about? After all, there are not many people who can openly admit that they do not respect themselves. In reality, we very often commit actions that confirm precisely our lack of self-esteem.

First of all, this manifests itself in the fact that we allow others to violate our personal boundaries. When we agree to something we don’t want, when at someone’s request we do something we don’t want, when we patiently listen to those with whom we feel uncomfortable even being around.

A woman who respects herself is uncomfortable and very often does not fit into the picture of the world of the people around her. Happiness and approval are by no means equivalent concepts. By receiving someone's approval, we do not become happier, but only betray ourselves.

The desire for other people's approval is a very large-scale and painful topic that manifests itself from childhood, when we want to be good and please our parents. We go to the wrong institute to make dad proud, we give birth to children so that mom can have grandchildren. We see the joy of our parents and seem to be happy ourselves. But are we happy?

By the way, it is important to build your boundaries everywhere, including in sex. If your partner offers something you don't like, you have every right to refuse. Any sane, adequate man would perceive this as normal. Every person has the right not to want something. Everything is discussed in a healthy and honest dialogue, as a result of which a compromise is reached that is comfortable for both.

If your refusal is met with a barrage of objections, like: “That means you don’t love me,” “But my ex agreed,” “You understand that I need this,” then know that in front of you is a typical manipulator who is not considered with other people's borders. What to do with it is up to you.

Once you start setting boundaries, toxic people tend to fall off on their own or learn to accommodate and respect.

Mindset

Men love with their eyes! Have you ever heard this phrase? In part, it is true not only for the stronger half. A person of any gender wants to look at something or someone attractive. It is to watch, not to love. Men admire with their eyes, but they love with their souls.

An analogy can be made with candy. Remember, when as a child you poured sweets out of a New Year's box, the choice initially fell on the most beautiful candy wrappers. If, under the attractive wrapper, there was a not very tasty candy, then you understood that it was not worth taking such a thing in the future.

It's the same here. The wrapper, i.e. appearance, plays a role only at the very beginning, when we do not yet know the person. Then we filter people by their way of thinking, values, similarity of thinking, etc.

Author Alex Brutus has a wonderful poem on this topic.

She is beautiful - I would even give my life.

The green pool of eyes deprives you of strength.

-Are you leaving now?

- I’ll figure it out.

I have never loved so quickly.

By the way, if it seems to you that you always attract the wrong men, then this is also the result of your way of thinking. It’s just that such “inappropriate” men read you as one of their own, suitable for them. Apparently, you are broadcasting something wrong to the world.

Knowing your body

Of course, sexuality also includes physical sensuality. A sexy woman knows her body, what manipulations with it are especially pleasant for her, where those erogenous zones and G-spots are located.

To get to know your body better, you need to study it, feel free to caress yourself, and try different approaches to self-satisfaction. And the most important thing is to share the knowledge you gain with your partner, so that he also knows how best to please you in bed. Secrecy and constraint will not lead to anything good.

On a note! Some sexologists and psychologists advise going on dates after an act of self-gratification. The effect will be twofold: firstly, you will radiate the energy of pleasure and not seem “hungry”, and secondly, you will protect yourself from thoughtless connections.

Dancing will also help awaken your sensuality. It doesn't have to be strip plastic. Any dance allows you to become more graceful, feel your body, and also perfectly improves your mood and self-confidence.

Health

This is another important aspect on which our female sexual attractiveness directly depends. Each of us knows that after a sleepless night, dark circles appear under the eyes, the skin becomes dull, and inflammation may even appear.

Of course, there is no talk of any state of flow and pleasure when the body is in dire need of rest and reboot. A woman who loves and takes care of herself watches how much she sleeps and what she eats.

The way we look is also affected by our physical health. Problems with gynecology, gastrointestinal tract and other systems definitely do not make us sexy and happy. Therefore, it is very important to undergo medical examination in a timely manner and monitor the body.

Analyze your physical activity. If you move very little, then come up with a comfortable sport for yourself. If you go to the gym under pressure, then give it up. No need to force yourself! It's better to take a walk every day or make it a habit to do exercises at home. Fortunately, technological progress does not stand still, so you can download applications for training or subscribe to a fitness trainer and watch his online broadcasts.

Well, since we’re talking about the body... Girls, we remember about hygiene, right? Clean hair, pleasant aroma, shaved where it should be shaved, etc.

By the way, on our blog there is a similar article for your husband or lover on how to become sexy.

Internal level of development

External sexuality, visible to people, depends on what its internal level of development is, and it is this force that becomes determining when choosing a sexual partner. Inner sexuality can be improved by revealing it gradually through special training. Many people would like to bring fiery moments of passion and limitless shades of carnal love into their lives, but to do this they need to learn how to develop their inner sexuality. But first you need to understand where the origins of human sexuality come from, when they are laid down and activated.

Your movements

Hips and legs are visually emphasized when wearing heels on your feet. When you feel your body, your gestures, sitting, holding your head - this becomes a way of self-expression. A sexy woman speaks through her body. This is a large field of influence on men. Remember that men are visual creatures. A beautifully moving woman attracts attention. Therefore, it is worth paying attention to how you walk. You don't need to wear stilettos every day, especially if you don't know how to move in them (then the effect will be the opposite). Think about what shoes and clothes make you feel confident, but at the same time feminine. I discovered wedges and stand-up heels and I love wearing them! Even small heels work on your hips and make your walk easier. The same effect will be achieved when wearing boots. These are little things, but they make us feel a little more feminine and sexy. Try consulting a stylist who will give you personalized advice.

Your body

The body must be accepted as it is. This is a common truth and the basis of good health. I will say more, the body must live. You must master it in such a way that you can be worked with in any area of ​​life. Your body is your friend, not your enemy. It is very easy to recognize women who are not feeling well. They are afraid of other people, do not like to hug, kiss and accept help, especially from a psychologist. Note that sexuality is closely related to physicality. Therefore, it is worth doing everything to ensure that your body is loved. It is worth engaging in any physical activity that allows us to be in contact with the body and feel its needs. And also keep your body in good shape. Our body will be grateful for taking care of it. Even with a figure that is far from ideal, you can have a smooth and well-groomed body. If you feel your body, it shows, and it's very sexy.

Well-Known Rules

The main thing, without which a woman’s sexuality will not become obvious, is the ability and desire to enjoy intimate relationships.

To become desirable and attractive, women need to know exactly how to develop and express female sexuality. The basis of everything is love for yourself, for your face and body, which are pleasant to care for, cherish and decorate.

To be attractive in appearance, you should apply some well-known rules:

• lead an active lifestyle, walk more in the fresh air, and do not neglect fitness activities;
• try to eat the right foods and stick to a diet;
• drink more water;
• carefully select your wardrobe so that clothes do not hide, but emphasize the exciting curves of the female body;
• wear high heels;
• be an interesting and witty conversationalist;
• master the art of seduction and use it with pleasure;
• develop your sexuality.

Recommendations for men

To understand how to develop sexuality in a man, it is necessary to identify what looks sexy in a woman’s eyes and work on improving these qualities. Women feel an irresistible attraction to courageous and self-confident representatives of the stronger sex, which means this quality should be cultivated in themselves. As psychologists advise, to develop confidence, you need to constantly motivate yourself daily and tirelessly, find excellent qualities, praise your intelligence and ingenuity, charisma and beauty, strength and courage, talent and sparkling humor. Don’t be shy and look for everything in yourself that is worthy of praise and admiration. To enhance the effect, you can ask your loved ones to praise you more often, so that you believe in your masculine attractiveness and irresistibility.

Intellectual development for men

At the same time, do not forget that women love smart and ironic men. Therefore, work on your intellectual development and train your sense of humor. A nice joke when meeting a girl you like is already half the success. Work on your figure, do not forget about sports activities, although an overly pumped up body does not awaken sensuality, so take moderation in everything, try to be stylish and interesting to the opposite sex.

Exercises

To gain self-confidence and awaken sensuality, try performing the psychological exercises below.

Below is a list of exercises for the development of sexuality:

• First of all, try to work on your sensuality. To do this, take several items that are pleasant to the touch - a silk scarf or handkerchief, a piece of fur, a plush toy, a piece of velvet - whatever your imagination suggests. Close your eyes, take one of them in your hands and slowly feel, stroke, caress it, trying to focus on your sensations from contact with different surfaces. Do this for 10-15 minutes a day with all objects - this will awaken your sexuality.
• Mentally decide which features you need to change or develop in order to feel sexy. Make a list and plan to eradicate or acquire these qualities.
• Constantly engage in auto-training, instilling in yourself confidence in your irresistibility and sexuality, internally experience the state of how you would feel if you were sexy and desirable.
• Work on the plasticity of your movements, take up dancing at least at an amateur level - all dancers are very flexible and flexible, so they look very sexy.
• Learn to relax and not give way to your nerves - fussiness and restlessness do not add to your sexuality.
• Dedicate at least five minutes a day to introspection, plunging into your own inner world and listening to the desires of your body and organism. When you learn to hear your desires, it will be easier for you to express yourself in sex.
• Try to look attractive and sexy in appearance - nothing increases self-esteem and confidence in sexuality more than sincere attention and admiration.

A skill from deep childhood

As it turns out, this skill of ours, like most others, originates in deep childhood, when all the basic concepts of life are born. Being in a cozy home atmosphere of universal love and affection, the child absorbs these feelings from early childhood, and during his puberty, care, love, mutual understanding, and goodwill are formed, which over time develop into sensuality and romanticism. It is believed that children from families where happiness and mutual understanding reign have a sufficient level of inner sexuality that gives bright and unique relationships. They do not need to worry about how to develop sexuality.

The situation is different with children in whose families there was not enough love, care and affection. These children, even when they try to find love as adults, do so ineptly and constrainedly, having no idea how to show their love and tenderness. For this reason, many of them develop various complexes and problems. Such people need to learn on their own how to develop sexuality. Just keep in mind that there is some difference between women's and men's.

Self confidence

Well, in conclusion, let’s take a look at the entire article and talk about self-confidence. This is one of the most important points. The sexiest feature of a woman is her self-confidence. A healthy sense of self-esteem, built on knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Confidence in her own worth gives a woman an inner peace that radiates to everyone around her. Thus, all the people around receive a clear signal: she is good, you can hit on her. Your self-confidence can be seen in your gaze, manner of movement, conversation and all other factors that are mentioned above. Of course, often the path to self-confidence is a lifelong job. However, if you really want to be sexy, start with your personality before you buy your first short skirt.

I could write about other things that make a woman sexy. A memorable aroma, the sound of a voice, red lipstick. But you already know the most important thing. Sexy is not breasts and high heels. This is the natural strength within every woman. Therefore, first of all, you must know who you are and for what purpose you use sexuality. The line between a sexy woman and a vulgar one is very thin. A lot depends on your maturity. It all depends on what's in your head.