How to learn to be silent. How to learn to remain silent

The folk wisdom “silence is golden” is always relevant, but not everyone adheres to this opinion. With the advent of maturity, having gained life experience, awareness of these words comes and people begin to think about how to learn to remain silent and not say too much.

Communication is a complex process in establishing contacts between people or entire groups. Without communication, society will not exist. No area of life or activity can do without communication, regardless of whether a person prefers company or loneliness, whether he is an introvert or an extrovert. The ability to communicate correctly is a good quality, since both shyness and excessive sociability bring problems to a person.

Every person knows that in certain cases his words can cause pain to the interlocutor, cause aggression or a negative reaction in someone. Learning to remain silent and not say too much is quite difficult, for both women and men. It is required to think ahead and analyze all your thoughts and the consequences of publicizing any information.

People love to talk about all sorts of nonsense, everyday life, and exchange information about life situations. Having had a conversation and showing attention and sincere interest to your interlocutor, it is very difficult to resist saying unnecessary things.

In order not to say too much, you need to think through your words in advance, be one step ahead of the situation, and be able to instantly assess whether it is risky to say what you want to say to your interlocutor while in a specific situation. By learning to think ahead over time, the problem of learning to remain silent will be solved.

Manifestations of silence in everyday life

Silence has a special niche in our lives. There are a number of situations when the question of how to learn to remain silent is not raised, since this is not necessary. Silence is natural and obligatory in the following cases:

Rituals – special events or people deserve to be observed with a moment of silence.
Obligations - a unique version of monastic asceticism, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
Rights – “You have the right to remain silent” implies time for thoughtful speech.
Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give away other people's secrets has always been highly valued in any person.

Speech development

More and more people cannot formulate sentences correctly, do not know the meanings of many words, and abuse filler words and profanity. I think this is mainly due to the fact that most people prefer to watch TV or go to the movies instead of reading an interesting book. But you and I are not like that. At a minimum, you are already reading this article, and I am writing it for you. Therefore, we continue to develop speech.

Correct sentence construction

It is very difficult to understand a person who, during a conversation, jumps from topic to topic, tries for a painfully long time to find the right words and cannot form sentences correctly, depriving his story of logic.

But the order of words is of great importance. This is taught at school during Russian language lessons. Due to incorrect word order, the meaning of the sentence is distorted and may even cause laughter. Let me give you a few examples of semantic errors.

Residents of the house demanded troubleshooting and repairs (What did the residents demand? Make repairs or eliminate them?).
The owner kicked the dog, which immediately took offense and ran away (The leg got offended and ran away?).
A few years later he met her again. This was, unfortunately, a 39-year-old married lady (Is it a pity that she is already 39 years old? Or that she is married?).

To avoid such mistakes in a conversation, I advise you to do the following:

improve literacy with the help of Russian language textbooks and reference books;
Read at least 30 minutes every day - preference is best given to fiction, journalism, and special books on development.
retell what you read - just be sure to check how consistently and logically you repeat the text.

Increasing vocabulary

A meager vocabulary does not allow one to fully express thoughts, forcing a person to constantly stumble in search of the right word. Such speech sounds choppy and monotonous, because the same words are used, and overall produces a repulsive impression.

Regular replenishment of vocabulary will be ensured by the following actions.

Read quality literature daily. Be sure to get yourself a notebook where you will write down your favorite phrases and clever expressions. At the right moment, the right quote will come to mind and embellish your speech.
Working with an explanatory dictionary. As soon as you come across a new word, be sure to check its meaning in a dictionary. You can write down the word and try to remember it, but only in context, in order to avoid incorrect use of the term in the future.
Solving crosswords, scanwords and other games that require an extensive vocabulary.
Selection of synonyms. This is great practice for completing a thesaurus and will help you avoid tautology when speaking. Now there are various applications for smartphones that help you select synonyms.

Getting rid of parasitic words

Parasitic words include words and phrases devoid of any semantic meaning:

Well;
Briefly speaking;
exactly this;
type;
Here;
as if, etc.

Most often, a person pronounces them unconsciously to fill the pause that has arisen. The insidiousness of parasite words is that their use becomes a bad habit. It can be eradicated only by making conscious efforts. Here are some tips.

Record any conversation you have with friends or relatives on a voice recorder.
Listen to the recording and identify the filler words.
Train yourself to speak a little slower than you are used to, so that you have time to realize the moment when you want to utter a harmful word. It's better to take a short break.
Ask relatives, friends and acquaintances to make comments to you as soon as they hear the parasitic word. And so that the motivation of your interlocutors is even stronger and they listen more greedily to your speech, pay them 50 rubles for each “parasite” that slips through. This way you will have better control over yourself, otherwise you will go broke.

It will be difficult at first. After all, eradicating a bad habit requires enormous effort, powerful self-discipline and control. It will take 2 to 3 weeks of hard work to clear your speech of “slag.”

Basic ways to remain silent

How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and look for solutions that can help most people. In order to learn to remain silent at the right moment, use the following techniques:

Self-esteem. If you notice an inability to control your speech and often cannot restrain yourself from speaking out, which causes you considerable inconvenience in life, you should first of all understand yourself. Why is this happening? Continuous chatter can signal a weakened nervous system, stress, depression, and other more serious psychological problems. Naturally, it would be best to discuss this with a psychologist. It will help you relieve internal tension, and the situation will definitely improve. However, not every person will see a doctor. Most people believe that they can cope with this problem themselves. You can try to figure it out on your own, but it will be much more difficult.
Meditations. Self-immersion, comprehension. There are many techniques for relaxation, stopping thoughts, achieving inner emptiness, in which one’s inner voice is best heard, one’s personality is revealed, and sometimes very important truths are comprehended.
Loneliness. In order to learn to remain silent, you can step away from society for a while and be alone with yourself. This will provide an excellent opportunity to listen and hear. At the same time, it’s good to listen not so much to music, but to listen to nature: the singing of birds, the murmur of water. Try to evaluate the environment, the whole world and understand your place in it.

How to learn to remain silent when necessary?

Even if you remember all the rules described above, it is not so easy to learn to remain silent when necessary. But there are simple and proven ways that can help.

Breathe and count

If you feel like you are about to say something unnecessary, exhale and count to 10. Of course, this simplest method does not always help, so be sure to use the other methods given below.

Develop pragmatism

Psychologists believe that an outburst of emotions is sometimes exactly what a person needs. This is why people tend to react to things that concern them in one way or another. But the result of this may be unpredictable. After all, psychological battles exhaust not only the interlocutor, but also the one who starts them.

To avoid this, you need to imagine the matter in the long term. Think about the benefits you will get if you remain silent now. Perhaps you will not hurt your loved one, avoid problems with your boss, or ruin your relationship with friends.

Postpone the conversation

It is better to postpone important conversations for a long time. This can be days and sometimes weeks. If you act on impulse, you can say stupid things. Give yourself time to think things through and cool down if necessary. Weigh the pros and cons, and only then start the conversation.

“Undress” your interlocutor

No, this is not about imagining your opponent literally without clothes. In this case, you need to imagine how funny he will look, for example, in a bathing suit that emphasizes his flaws.

But this method is only good if you are communicating with an aggressor or tyrant. Picture him in ridiculous clothes and situations. This will make it easier for you not to say anything unnecessary and not get involved in a quarrel. You simply cannot take your abuser seriously.

Breathe deeply

No matter how trivial this advice may seem, it works. During deep inhalation, the body receives more oxygen. Your brain and nervous system work more efficiently, so you're more likely to calm down. If you feel like you're about to lose your temper, start screaming, or simply can't resist gossiping, start breathing deeply.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes

This method works best when communicating with children who know how to get angry. But instead of yelling at your child again, try to imagine yourself in his place. Remember how you felt when your parents scolded you for torn clothes or broken toys. Surely there was nothing pleasant about it.

Remember the folk wisdom

Every time you want to say something that is not necessary, remember well-known proverbs and sayings. For example, “bite your tongue”, “like taking water into your mouth.” It is not necessary to perceive them in a figurative sense.

Try to follow what the sayings say directly. Of course, it’s difficult to drink water every time you want to talk about something, but biting your tongue is much easier. This can be done unnoticed by the interlocutor. Physical pain will force you to shift your attention to it, and other things will be forgotten for a while.

There is another technique that is popular among those conducting important negotiations. An elastic band is put on the hands, which is used to bind money. And at important moments, a person pulls it off to remind himself of the need to take a break. Shifting your attention helps you think through some decisions without rushing.

Train your endurance

If you realize that you suffer from incontinence, start training your willpower. The next time someone steps on your foot on public transport, or someone jumps in line at a store, just remain silent.

No matter how much you want to express everything to the offender, restrain yourself. Take the first step towards becoming more tolerant. Over time, you will learn to control what you say.

Use special formulas

Psychologists believe that constantly repeated phrases help to consolidate certain information in the mind. These affirmations contain the necessary formula that works effectively with the subconscious.

For example, you can say something like “I can stop at the right moment and remain silent when necessary” every day. Say the phrase every day, and also in those moments when you are about to blurt out too much.

Analyze

Everything a person does is in one way or another connected with the experiences he receives throughout his life. And your “breakdowns” in conversation should also have a reason. Try to find her!

To do this, you need to remember every time you started saying unnecessary things. Think about what all these cases might have in common? Once you understand what it is, it will be much easier for you to control yourself.

Use "filters"

During a conversation, “filter” what you are going to say several times. Create for yourself 3-4 criteria that your speech should meet. For example, it should not harm another person, the spoken words should bring some benefit, and not just shake the air, and you should be confident in their truthfulness. If the intended speech meets all the criteria, it can be delivered.

Many smart people have said that the science of silence is one of the most important for humanity. The Chinese believe that there is no need to speak unless words change the silence for the better. Believe me, you can improve your relationships with many people just by learning to remain silent when it matters. Do you find it difficult to restrain yourself in a conversation? Share your own ways to keep your mouth shut in the comments!

Comment

Ways to remain silent in critical situations

How to learn to remain silent in such situations when emotions are in full swing and there is no opportunity to sit down and calmly meditate or retire, and words just rush out, and you are absolutely sure that you will regret them later?

Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take over and you want to speak out, but this cannot be done, breathing exercises help many. Take a very deep breath and exhale for a long time. For many people, just breathing for a few minutes is enough. The brain will be oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical state will change.
Water. In order to remain silent, you can occupy your mouth with something else - drink water or eat something, chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous irritants.
Physical exercise. If possible, physical activity can be a good way to distract from unnecessary words. Whatever is most difficult for you: squats, push-ups, presses. In other cases, you can simply run away from an unpleasant conversation in the literal sense of the word.
Painful sensations. Pain can distract you from almost everything in the world. Our body is so physiologically structured that in the presence of pain, it is distracted exclusively by them, everything else loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: a regular elastic band for tying banknotes is put on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is pulled back and released. In this case, you can adjust the amount of pain by pulling the elastic band to different lengths. By the way, this method is currently widespread and allows you not only to avoid unnecessary words in a particular situation, but also to prevent this from happening in the future, since the body develops a conditioned reflex: if you blurt out too much, you get pain.

When is it better to remain silent?

In order not to say too much, and not to regret it in the future, it is worth remembering a few rules. In these cases, it is better to remain silent, no matter how much effort it costs you.

It's none of your business

Imagine the situation. You are in a friendly company that begins to discuss someone you know. Even if you are truly interested, you should not actively intervene in the conversation. Is it worth asking about a person you don't even know? If you don't want to be known as a gossip, try to control your curiosity. You should not comment on what your friends or acquaintances say about someone.

Private bussiness

There are some personal topics that are best shared only with those you trust 100%. If you have difficulties with your partner, some secrets have appeared, or your own feelings have changed, you should not immediately dump it on strangers. Some things are best discussed only with those whom they directly concern. For example, difficulties in relationships - with the partner himself or with a family psychologist.

But not everyone can keep their personal life secret. Women love to share their secrets with friends or acquaintances. The next time you have such a desire, think about whether they can give you decent advice.

The person you want to tell about your experiences can boast of happiness in your personal life or achievements in the area where you have difficulties? If not, try to overcome yourself, but remain silent!

Happiness loves silence

Another popular saying, the truth of which many have been able to test in practice. Has something you have long dreamed of come true? Did you receive unexpected profits? Try to keep this a secret, at least from strangers.

Many people mistakenly believe that their happiness will be increased if they share good news. In practice, everything turns out quite the opposite! You may not believe in the evil eye, but envious people will always find ways to cause harm. There is another option - your unexpected happiness will upset someone who has been doing poorly lately.

Strange companion

There are people who know how to distort everything they are told. They simply do not know how to listen, but only come up with their own version of events. You should not share anything of even minimal importance with such interlocutors.

They can change the words so that you regret every phrase you say. If possible, avoid conversations with such people, or better yet, do not come into contact with them at all.

Phrases spoken out of place

If you are participating in a conversation whose topic is unclear to you, it is better to remain silent. This is the case when it is better not to speak, so as not to be branded a fool. The desire to appear smarter or more enlightened than you are is unlikely to work in your favor.

On the contrary, your interlocutors may be shocked by your ignorance. Therefore, do not get involved in a conversation in which you understand nothing. Better wait for a more suitable topic.

Argument

Anger and anger have always been bad advisors. Most often, people say things they later regret in the midst of a quarrel. Don't be one of these people - give yourself and your interlocutor time to cool down. After all, in anger you can say something that will ruin the life of a loved one. It's better to leave so that the anger subsides.

Criticizing someone is also not the best way to establish contact. A person who turns out to be wrong will still try to defend his point of view. He will always be able to find thousands of counter arguments for every statement. This is how psychological defense works. At worst, in the heat of anger, he will do something stupid that will harm either him or you.

Useful tips

For some reason, many people like to give advice that they are often not even asked for. Every person has an opinion on one topic or another. But this is absolutely no reason to voice it to anyone with whom you enter into a conversation.

Even if you are asked what you think on a particular issue, take your time. Take time to reflect to see if you can actually give useful advice? Or will you just once again utter a meaningless set of phrases that will only harm your interlocutor? The one who gives advice automatically takes responsibility for the fate of another person. Are you ready for this?

In the case when a person asks to listen to him, it is best to limit himself to this. Let your interlocutor speak about what worries him, but do not rush to “help” with advice. Perhaps during the conversation he himself will understand what he really needs to do.

We talk, but not on all topics

There are some topics that are best not discussed in society. Issues of politics, religion and finance can be touched upon with great caution. Especially if you are in a company that you know almost nothing about.

Even if you fervently believe in God, you should not start talking about religion. Don't encourage anyone to convert to your faith or start attending church immediately. If you are confident in a politician and think that he should definitely lead the country, do not call for voting for him. The people you interact with may have their own point of view on all these issues.

You can touch on these topics only if there is a very awkward pause in the conversation. And remember to avoid calls to action.

What is beautiful speech

First of all, you need to understand what is meant by beautiful speech. When a person speaks beautifully, he expresses his thoughts competently and coherently, his speech is smooth, clear, moderately emotional, filled with the right intonations. It is pleasant to listen to such a person, and the information he conveys is perceived easily and accessible.

Eloquence can be innate or acquired. Some people are born with the gift of eloquence and can speak calmly and feel confident in any situation - in front of the public, on the phone or in a personal conversation. They make good speakers, capable of convincing an audience of anything. People who do not have innate eloquence can develop it if they wish. There are various trainings for this, there are many books and video lessons on this topic.

Features of beautiful and confident speech

Correct construction of phrases and speech patterns, absence of water words that do not carry a semantic load.
No slang or profanity.
Even voice, smooth flow of speech without acceleration or excessive slowdown, stuttering and swallowing the endings of words.
Clear and concise presentation of information.
Using polite words in conversation, showing sincere interest in listeners.