American author and motivational speaker Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) is considered one of the pioneers of the self-help industry. His training programs were extremely successful: employees from Audi, BMW, Coca-Cola, Oracle and Honda took Carnegie courses. He proved that the most successful people in life and business are not those who have technical know-how, but people with developed social and communication skills.
We invite you to get acquainted with Dale Carnegie's valuable and effective advice that will help you achieve success in all areas of life.
Family and childhood
Dale Kernegie was born into a poor farming family in a small village in Missouri, the youngest of two children. Later, in 1904, the family moved to the town of Belton. Despite the fact that in his childhood and youth he woke up very early every morning - at 4 o'clock, because he had to milk the cows - he still did not miss classes in college. Teacher education could be obtained free of charge at a local educational institution as part of a program to combat illiteracy among the population.
But Dale had no friends among his peers. He was withdrawn and complex, despite the fact that among his classmates everyone was also massively poor; Carnegie did not even have more or less decent clothes. Therefore, he did not take part in any activities in college.
The only place he decided to go was the debating circle. There it suddenly turned out that Dale had something to say to others. To the surprise of his teachers and classmates, he turned out to be an excellent speaker. Feeling that he was doing at least something well, the guy began to independently plan his studies: what he needed to improve, and what subjects he could do without. In addition, he began to take part in various recitation competitions and each time took honorable places.
TOP 5 rules that will lead to effective communication according to Carnegie
At the first stage, remember the golden rule of three greetings: call the person by name, smile, be sincere. The second rule will not surprise you, look at the subject of conversation through the eyes of the interlocutor, keep the focus on yourself from him. The third rule for those who like to pull the blanket on their own side: switch to conflict-free communication, don’t argue, let your interlocutor feel important.
The fourth rule deserves an Oscar, but you can’t overplay the game. Organize a performance, a presentation with non-standard moves, improvise within the framework of a pre-prepared communication model. The fifth rule is sacred, never violate the boundaries of your opponent’s integrity, if you fail at the first stage, simply admit your mistakes, and then communicate, smoothly screwing into the depths of the conversation like a gimlet.
Work and first money
At the age of 20, Dale left college, failing his Latin exam, and he decided for himself that he wanted to be something more than just a village teacher.
That's why he's looking for a job. His first job was correspondence courses for farm workers, then he became a “salesman” - selling meat and lard at Armor & Company. The guy from the village was a very successful sales agent. Since his earnings directly depended on his ability to speak beautifully and confidently with clients, he tried his best. And in the evenings he worked on his first book about the ability to persuade. Having published several copies of his brochure, he, despite all his efforts, was able to sell only two or three copies. Therefore, he gave up and plunged into sales again, and three years later, taking his $500 saved for a “rainy day” (today this amount is equivalent to almost 13 thousand dollars), he quits trading - the time has come to go to study and become a teacher, as he dreamed of it.
A tutorial against fear
This can be called another famous creation of Carnegie, which was published in 1948 under the title “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” And again it turned out that people were just waiting for the famous author to once again tell how to make their lives better.
We all suffer from stress from time to time, which results in excessive suspiciousness, anxiety, susceptibility to fear and the inability to get exhausting thoughts out of our heads. Chronic anxiety darkens existence, deprives it of color, undermines health, and becomes an obstacle to well-being, success and happiness (see “How to become a successful person: 10 tips from Dale Carnegie”). Dale Carnegie gives a lot of advice, based not only on his psychological findings, but also on practice, on how to confront countless fears, find peace of mind and harmony.
New York and the first lectures
First, he begins to listen to a course of lectures at the Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York. But he didn’t achieve much success there. He landed a small role as a doctor in the show Polly of the Circus. After the show closed, Dale was left without work and became depressed. Returning to New York penniless, he first lived in a poor house run by the Christian Association for boys. In such conditions it was difficult to find the strength to live on, but Dale came up with a method: he asked one of the KHADP managers to allow him to talk to the guys so that they would get rid of their problems. For this he was to receive 80% of the money set aside by the organization for these purposes. At first, Carnegie didn’t do too well, but then he managed to get the guys to talk. He suggested that they simply talk about everything that worries them. It turned out that this method worked flawlessly.
Here Carnegie also remembered the printed brochures with advice on how to become successful. An economic crisis was raging outside and people were ready to give a few dollars for useful advice on how to help themselves in a few days.
Quotes
There is only one way to earn love in this world - stop demanding it and start giving love without expecting gratitude.
Don't be afraid of the enemies that attack you. Beware of friends who flatter you.
Every person is a fool for at least five minutes a day. The real wisdom is not to exceed this time limit.
Of course, your husband has shortcomings. Otherwise, he would not have married you.
Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to him in any language.
Sudden Breakthrough
Therefore, in December 1912, he founded his own courses, at the same time changing his last name from Carnagey to Carnegie. The reason was self-promotion: at that time, the successful billionaire Andrew Carnegie was very popular, so Dale changed his last name to a consonant one.
In Carnegie's courses, he taught Americans to believe in themselves and to establish connections with the right people. He started earning $500 (now about $12,000) every week.
From that moment on, Carnegie’s life changed dramatically: he travels around the country with his lectures, writes essays that are published in scientific journals.
His popularity among Americans grew every year.
In 1916, Dale rented his first hall, now known as Carnegie Hall. There he began conducting his lecture courses on how to become popular, how to improve his business, and answered questions from his listeners.
He eventually organized his lectures into books. So, in 1926, his first Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business was published, which he then re-published after revision in 1931. Next came Little Known Facts about Well Known People, on which he worked together with Laurel Thomas. The book was published in 1934.
The most successful was How to Win Friends and Influence People - 5 million were sold during Carnegie’s lifetime, but in total it was translated into 31 languages and went through 17 reprints.
The last book was published after Carnegie’s death, in 1956 - Public Speaking for Brinzza Success
Carnegie founded the Dale Carnegie Institute for Effective Speaking and Human Relations, which is still in operation today. There are several branches around the world. The Carnegie Institution is still located in St. Louis, and tens of thousands of people from all over the world undergo internships and professional training there every year.
He was also the organizer of Dale Carnegie Training, a training center that now has offices in various countries around the world and employs about three thousand trainers.
Although Carnegie himself never said that his lectures were his personal developments. His main merit is to explain in human language what psychologists previously presented only in the form of diagrams and models.
factorian 12/13/201712/13/2017 Category ScienceTags psychology Comment.
Dale Carnegie's bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People has taken the world by storm. In this book, Dale Carnegie, now a classic of behavioral psychology, laid the foundations for effective communication. To this day, Carnegie’s advice does not lose its relevance and usefulness.
We decided to tell you about the ten most important techniques recommended by a psychologist.
1. Be a good listener
Many believe that the best way to convince a person of something is to immediately begin persistently and in detail to present your point of view and arguments in its favor, but more often than not, such behavior only hinders the achievement of mutual understanding. To win over your interlocutor, you first need to become an attentive and grateful listener yourself.
2. Sincere interest is the key to success
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
Show interest in your interlocutor, ask questions that he will answer with pleasure, listen to his story about himself and the things that are important to him. After giving him the opportunity to speak out, try to direct the conversation in the direction you want, but try to remain within the interests of the interlocutor. As the Roman poet Publius Sirus once noted:
3. Don't get carried away with criticism
“If you want to collect honey, don’t knock over the hive!”
If your interlocutor’s view on the subject of discussion contradicts your opinion, do not rush to criticize him and insist on your own. Try to be more diplomatic, talk more about where your points of view coincide. Ask several questions that the interlocutor will have to answer positively - this will make it easier to achieve agreement during the further conversation (the so-called Socrates' secret).
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In the event that you are nevertheless forced to point out a mistake to your interlocutor, soften the criticism with appropriate and sincere recognition of your opponent’s merits. Don't focus on the weak points of his position, mention them in passing.
4. Don't let differences escalate into arguments.
“There is only one way to win an argument - to avoid it.”
If disagreements arise, do not give in to the desire to immediately take a defensive position and take everything said by your interlocutor with hostility, remain calm. Remember: “When two partners always agree with each other, then one of them is redundant.” It is natural to have different views. By reading different opinions, you will understand what aspects of the problem you missed, which will allow you to adjust and supplement your point of view.
Respect other people's opinions and do not rush to tell your interlocutor that he is wrong, and at the same time be able to admit your mistakes.
5. To motivate someone to take action, make them want it.
“When fishing, without thinking about my own preferences, I bait the hook not with strawberries and cream, but with a worm.”
Of course, we are not talking about threats or brute force - awaken in the interlocutor a desire to achieve something and make it clear that the easiest way to achieve this is through certain actions. A simple example - let's say you notice that your child indulges in cigarettes. In such cases, many parents begin the conversation with phrases like: “I’ll see you again...” and so on. As a rule, such methods of persuasion, as well as moral teachings from the category “I was at your age...” are not very effective. Explain to your child that smoking will interfere with his participation in his favorite sport and will certainly affect the results of his hundred-meter race. Most likely, he will not like the prospect of being out of breath during training and looking like a laughing stock in front of the whole class.
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6. Let the interlocutor think that the idea belongs to him
“The sage, wanting to be above people, lowers himself below them, and wanting to be ahead of people, puts himself behind them.”
As a rule, people tend to trust their own ideas more than those of others, so instead of insistently trying to convey your idea in its entirety, subtly mention it so that the interlocutor can develop it himself. In the future, considering the idea to be his own, the interlocutor will treat its implementation with much more enthusiasm than if you had expressed it from beginning to end.
7. Try to look at the problem from the other person's point of view
It will be easier for you to influence your interlocutor if you sincerely try to understand the motives that may guide him. Ask yourself, “How would I feel and what would I do if I were in his shoes?” — an outside perspective will help you save time and nerves. A person is much more willing to act based on his own interests than to obey the will of others.
8. Instead of giving orders, ask questions.
Posing a question is a much more effective way to solve a problem than a direct order. The question encourages creative exploration, avoids feelings of resentment and spares the ego of the interlocutor; it will be easier for him to solve the problem if he himself participated in its development.
See also: Love is Evil: Stories of Crazy Ex-Girlfriends
9. Make the person feel important
Are you a manager and you need your subordinate to do an excellent job? Talk to him about the importance of his work for the entire company and explain that he is simply irreplaceable in his position. Every person is pleased to hear something like this about themselves, and after such a conversation the employee will probably work harder on the task. Self-love and a sense of self-worth can serve as an excellent incentive in work.
10. Present your ideas brightly and visually
To convey your message to your interlocutor or audience, adopt methods used in the media. Remember commercials - it is much more interesting to watch a car speeding along the highway than to listen to a long story about it.
For example, if you have developed a method for improving the efficiency of a company, instead of dryly presenting the results of your calculations to management, give a small, pre-thought-out presentation. An extraordinary presentation of the material will certainly not leave listeners indifferent and will attract attention to your idea.
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Personal life
Dale Carnegie was married twice. His first marriage ended in divorce, but no one spoke about it publicly, because his next book was just about to be published, which had a separate section on the seven secrets of a successful marriage. His second marriage was no more successful. It was also supposed to end in divorce, but the second wife found a silver lining and took all the reins of her husband’s business into her own hands. Although they no longer lived together.
Dale Carnegie had a daughter from his second marriage and another adopted daughter from his second wife’s first marriage.
Carnegie died at his home. The cause was Hodgkin's disease - malignant tumors in the lymph nodes. Although there is still a version that Carnegie committed suicide. He was buried in Belton.
Dale Carnegie is an outstanding personality who worked for the good
Today, every tenth person is familiar with the rules of negotiation from the legendary master of communication. Sales managers actively use techniques from psychologists, ordinary people find friends with their help, and psychologists conduct professional activities. But many do not know who this author is, who taught millions of people to communicate and learn about each other’s advantages through positive contact and the search for common interesting topics for conversation. Wikipedia does not reveal interesting aspects of the life of a psychologist and writer, but I do not recommend believing rumors.
Interesting Facts
- Rumors that Carnegie committed suicide began because of Irwin Tressler's book How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. The book was a parody of Carnegie's work, and it was Tressler who put a bullet in his head.
- Carnegie Mellon University is not affiliated with Dale Carnegie. The technical schools, which later became institutes, were founded in 1900 by Andrew Carnegie.
- How to Win and Influence Friends is one of the twenty most important books of the 20th century.
Books written by Dale Carnegie
Carnegie has written nearly 200 books that help people develop interpersonal, public speaking, and sales skills. Below is a list of bestsellers by a brilliant writer and lecturer that we definitely recommend taking note of:
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
- "How to stop worrying and start living"
- “How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public”
- “How to enjoy life and enjoy work”
- "How to Become an Effective Leader"
- "Unknown Lincoln"
- "Public Speaking as a Path to Success"
We wish you pleasant reading and believe that the valuable experience that Carnegie shares on the pages of his books will benefit you.
Dale Carnegie's main message can be formulated as follows: cooperation is the key to well-being; stop being selfish, do selfless acts for other people.
And in conclusion, we invite you to test your knowledge on the topic of the article using a small test:
Friends, add a little altruism and philanthropy to your life, and your level of happiness will inevitably increase. Good luck and success!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Six Key Principles of Effective Communication
- Graham's Pyramid
- How to communicate with manipulators
- How to calm a heated argument
- In a dispute, the truth is born: is it relevant or not?
- How to improve your listening skills
- 3 Eco-Friendly Ways to Get What You Need from Someone
- Manipulation techniques in discussion
- Conversation Techniques
- A selection of materials on leadership
Keywords:1LLL, 1Communication
