Psychology of relationships between a married man and a free lover

You won't surprise anyone with cheating anymore. Some even believe that all men and women cheat, and there are no more honest ones left. This is not true, but there is still a grain of truth in it. Infidelity has become commonplace. The most common connection is between a married man and a single woman: the psychology of the relationship of such a couple is extremely simple. They depend on each other, they need just such a painful romance. Although they don’t want to admit it to themselves.

Why does a married man need a relationship with a free woman?

Things don't always go smoothly in marriage. And then the unhappy husband begins to look to the side. Look for a partner with whom you can have a good time. A small part of cheaters choose a married woman; most of the time the choice falls on a bachelor. After all, there are fewer problems with it, it is easier to adjust the meeting schedule and there are no such risks of exposure.

But in general, the reasons for starting an affair are similar for all unfaithful men:

1. Lack of attention . It especially affects those representatives of the stronger sex who, before getting married, were in demand among ladies and felt wanted and in demand. And if at first such a man received due attention from his wife, then over time the wife no longer looks at her chosen one with loving eyes and does not sigh languidly. Wanting to get old emotions, the husband is looking for a relationship on the side.
2. Lack of respect in marriage . If both spouses do not respect each other, allow themselves mutual offensive insults and even assault, then such a union will not last long. The only restraining factor can be children, and not always, because rarely do couples agree to live with each other like cats and dogs until the end of their days.
3. Lack of quality intimacy . But this is the very nuance because of which a husband forgives his wife a lot - poor cooking, uncleanliness, and bad character. If in bed a woman is able to turn her husband’s head, he will forget about all her shortcomings. But ladies who do not consider it necessary to please their man risk becoming part of a “love triangle.”
4. Self-affirmation . A man can get someone on his side out of flattery. It’s as if a person wants to prove to the whole world that he is in demand and that someone might still like him.
5. Age crisis . This is especially true for men and women over 35 years of age. A person begins to rethink his life and sometimes realizes that he once took a wrong turn in the past. Some people conclude that they should have gotten a different education, some are dissatisfied with their chosen place of work, and some are reconsidering their views on the partner they once married.
6. Revenge. If a wife cheated on her husband in the past, he can repay her in kind and start dating a young unmarried girl. The man in this case is driven more by a desire to annoy his wife than by sympathy for his mistress. Often a person does not feel any feelings at all for his passion.
7. The nature of a "womanizer" . Having fallen head over heels in love with a dazzling handsome man and married him, women do not think about the fact that, most likely, they will shed bitter tears all their lives from resentment and a sense of injustice. Men who are accustomed to denying themselves nothing and changing women like gloves are unlikely to reconsider their views on life after marriage.
8. Sincere feelings. Sometimes life develops in such a way that people can get married and live side by side for many years without feeling love and affection for each other. For example, a fleeting relationship in youth brings consequences in the form of a child, and a guy, like a true gentleman, takes a girl as his wife so as not to leave his child “fatherless.” At the same time, a young man may not experience deep feelings in the mother of his child, and this, years later, bears fruit in the form of love for another woman.

By and large, a mistress is simply a solution to domestic problems and a way to assert oneself. It is extremely rare that a connection is based on real feelings and strong love.

What kind of mistresses do men go to?

In order to win in a love triangle, the mistress must be many times better than the wife. Often a woman tries so hard to get closer to a man’s ideal and win that she really becomes a beauty, a smart girl and a sex goddess. The only thing a man should remember when leaving for such a woman is that she works for such an image to the limit of her capabilities and will stop straining immediately after she becomes a wife.

Every lover dreams of becoming a wife

Why does a single woman need a relationship with a married man?

There are many reasons why girls decide to start a relationship not with a bachelor, but with a busy man:

1. Low self-esteem . Women who are not confident in themselves believe that they do not deserve full happiness. Therefore, for the sake of tiny doses of love and at least some attention, they are ready to endure a supporting role. After all, they are convinced that they are incapable of more.
2. Pity for the man . Being gentle and sensitive creatures, women become attached to men who make them feel pity. For example, a man may complain about his tyrant wife, who constantly humiliates him and is always dissatisfied with him. In this case, a free lover will want to surround the poor fellow with affection and love in order to alleviate his suffering.
3. Money . Most successful and rich men are not free, but this does not stop the hunters of wealth. The thirst for expensive gifts and good material security is much stronger than the desire to start a family with an ordinary young man who is not burdened with marital responsibilities. By the way, rich men themselves are not averse to buying the “love” of young beauties for the sake of a pleasant pastime. Among especially wealthy men, it is even prestigious to have young mistresses. Sometimes they are introduced only to maintain their status in the company of like-minded people and not to be a “black sheep.”
4. Unpreparedness for marriage . If a woman gets involved with a bachelor who is aiming for marriage, then sooner or later the man will ask her to marry, which the young lady does not want. Therefore, it is easier for a girl to receive love, attention and intimacy from a man who is already married and will not put the responsibility for a serious relationship on the fragile shoulders of his mistress. In addition, having become a wife, a girl will not be able to devote much time to herself, because she needs to cook dinner, wash clothes, iron shirts, and clean up the house. Some women literally shudder at the thought of marriage, because it will turn them into a servant in their own home.
5. Love . Having listed the frequently encountered motives for a relationship with a “married man,” one cannot also mention the bright and pure love that a woman can easily develop for someone else’s husband. Of course, rare and passionate meetings, secret relationships and the sweet taste of the forbidden fruit fuel this vicious relationship. But a truly loving girl really dreams more than anything else of being in the place of her chosen one’s wife. This is the case when a relationship with a busy man brings pain and suffering to a woman, making her an unhappy supporting character.

Each of the love unions may have their own reason for creating and maintaining this relationship. And how this connection is built, and what is the psychology of the relationship between two lovers, read on.

Can a mistress be older than a man?

Yes, young, sexually inexperienced men strive to have experienced lovers older than them. If an elderly woman, in addition to successful sex, offers a young man delicious dinners, the ability to listen without getting irritated and give wise advice - such a union can be very successful.

Good sex, makeup, hair and a good meal do wonders

Psychology of relationships between a married man and a single girl

This relationship cannot be called healthy. A man tries, with the help of his mistress, to make up for something that is missing in the marriage. And a lonely girl agrees to rare meetings because of her psychological traumas.

It is an extremely rare case when a confident woman consciously remains on the sidelines. In this case, it is convenient for her - physical intimacy and nothing more. Usually these are career women who simply do not have time for a full-fledged romance.

But if a mistress has feelings and hopes for a family, then she has fallen into a trap. Some personal problems prevent her from building a relationship with a free man, and she is content with second roles. Obediently turns a blind eye to the obvious lies of his partner.

Most often we are talking about dependent relationships. When you cannot get rid of feelings on your own, it is better to seek psychological help. It will be good for you.

Relations in the triangle are very tense.

Over time, the relationship within a love triangle ceases to be convenient for one of its participants. Most often for a man. The fact is that only a small percentage of mistresses are satisfied with their position, since almost any lady dreams of female happiness and a home with her beloved man. The only question is when the mistress will get tired of enduring and declare her rights to the chosen one. It’s only a matter of time, because a woman can express a desire to be the first lady either a month after the relationship or several years later.

You need to understand and accept the fact that in 90% of cases, men do not leave their wives, perfectly comfortable on two chairs at the same time. Even when spouses find out about their husbands’ infidelities, they do everything to keep their wife. They even break up with lovers with whom they had a relationship for a long time.

All women understand that a relationship with a married man is a dead end and a waste of precious time. But, as you know, you cannot command the heart, and therefore the beautiful half of humanity will endure inconvenience and humiliation for the opportunity to at least occasionally be with their beloved.

Psychologists say: if a man has not talked to his wife for 1.5-2 years and has not even made an attempt to break up with her, then he will never do this.

The relationship between a married lover and an unmarried lover can hardly be called healthy, so the sooner you break it off, the better it will be for you.

Options for developing relationships

A connection that arose from fleeting flirtation and mutual sympathy can develop in three directions:

1. A short but passionate romance. Such relationships are preferred by people who are experiencing conflict in their marriage, but do not seek divorce; they only need to “let off steam.”
2. Long-term relationships with rare but vibrant meetings. Typically, such adultery is decided by middle-aged people who want to bring new meaning to life.
3. A romance that turns into a serious and full-fledged relationship. This step is usually taken by young spouses under 35 years of age who have not had time to have children, loans, real estate, etc., but have already become disillusioned with their wife or husband and have lost interest in them.

Regardless of which scenario is closer to you, do not be fooled by illusions or serious plans for your busy chosen one.

Does a man leave his family for his mistress: how often, in what cases?

In the vast majority of cases, a man does not leave his family for his mistress. Because he understands perfectly well that he is already in an excellent position. Often the initiator of a breakup is the wife who finds out about her husband’s infidelity. In this case, the man may go to his mistress against his will. He can also leave the family if his marriage is falling apart at the seams due to mutual misunderstanding between him and his wife.

Often the initiator of divorce due to her husband’s infidelity is the wife

If his mistress offers him attentive care and understanding instead of scandals in his family, he may buy into such tricks and leave his wife. If a man marries his new passion and instead of the status of “mistress,” she receives the status of “wife,” he risks repeating the failures of his first marriage, but in a more severe version, and his new wife risks getting the role of a wife waiting for her husband after the trip. to a new, more interesting woman.

The situation may repeat itself in a new marriage.

How to behave in a relationship with a married man

The first thing you must do is admit to yourself the meaninglessness of this union. Convince yourself that the man has brought you more suffering than joy. Even if this is not so, then only for now - everything is still ahead.

Next, you should talk to your lover and find out what he expects from a relationship with you, what plans does he have for the future, including for you? If a person continues to feed you breakfast and convince him that everything will be fine soon, don’t give in. Men who have the gift of persuasion can fool their mistresses for many years, and then, at the right moment, abandon the woman like waste material.

If even the thought of breaking up throws you into a cold sweat, then learn to behave correctly with your lover so that he not only does not change his attitude towards you, but also seriously thinks about connecting his life with you.

Here's how you can do it:

1. Don't nag him. For these purposes he has a wife. Most often, husbands look for a quiet haven in the arms of another woman to take a break from the constant claims of a grumpy wife. If you start dripping on his brain, you may soon find yourself abandoned.
2. Don't discuss his wife. Even if he himself complains to you about his missus, says how she got him and that there is no way to live from her, under no circumstances start throwing mud at your wife. This can be regarded as an attempt to rise above the spouse, to demonstrate one’s superiority. In addition, husbands can scold their wives just for the sake of a nice word, but in reality they are very attached to their women. There is no question of divorcing your wife. And men need mistresses to bring some bright colors into gray everyday life.
3. Become his support. A man should see that he can always come to you and get the support he needs. He should feel calm and comfortable in your company, and let him perceive any opportunity to see you as a blessing from fate. Show him that he is always welcome in your home, that you are ready to listen to him and give him practical advice, to encourage him in difficult times.
4. Don't talk about your relationship with a married man. Think about it, why should you tell your friends, acquaintances and relatives that you have entered into a vicious relationship? Remember that the situation may turn against you, rumors will spread about your frivolity and there is a high probability that the wife of your chosen one will find out about everything. Do not expect that after this the boyfriend will become completely yours. Most likely, your relationship will come to an end, and the man will initiate this.
5. Don't introduce your loved one to friends and family. This takes place when a man is free and has nothing to hide. But as soon as you introduce a person to your friends and even parents, the man understands that they want to pin another serious relationship on him, which he actually already has with his legal wife. Don't put your lover in an awkward position.

At the same time, being in a forbidden relationship, do not forget about your beloved:

1. Get ready for a new relationship. Even if you have feelings for a man, you must understand deep down that he is unlikely to ever leave his family for you. Therefore, you need to take care of your life and always be open to meeting new people. Who knows, maybe you will meet a man who will not only be free, but he will also be able to make you the happiest woman in the world. And being in a relationship that is already doomed to failure, you voluntarily deprive yourself of female happiness.
2. Think about what you will do when your loved one leaves you. No matter how bitter it may sound, someday you will have to break up (unless, of course, the man is one of those 10% of cheaters who are ready to leave their family for their mistress). And in order not to drown in the swamp of disappointment, you should think over an action plan for yourself. Maybe you wanted to move to another city or even country? Change your job or do something you've been dreaming about for a long time? If a turning point comes in your personal life, you must distract yourself from bad thoughts and start with a clean slate.
3. Constantly improve. Do not breathe a man and do not perceive him as light in a window. Be a self-sufficient and interesting person, maintain an attractive appearance, read, study, attend social events. Such women do not remain alone for long.

Is a man going through a breakup? Do men forget their former lovers?

If the separation between two people occurred by mutual consent, then it can be painless for both the man and the woman. If such people remember the time spent together, it is with slight sadness and gratitude. If the breakup was painful and on the initiative of one of the parties, then the man or woman who lost intimacy will suffer and be tormented by emotions. If the woman who left was bright, unconventional and a Personality with a capital P, then it will be impossible for a man to forget such a woman.

Men don't forget bright sex

How to break up with a married lover

You may be overcome by an uncontrollable fear of the future and the unknown. You don’t know how to be without this person and how to live, realizing that you will never be able to touch your loved one again, drown in his arms.

It's better to go through this now than to suffer for the rest of your life.

Only by gathering all your will into a fist can you decide to make drastic changes. Rest assured, although your life will seem meaningless after the breakup, over time you will thank yourself for this step.

So, if you seriously decide to break up with a married man, do it in 3 stages.

Stage 1 – comprehension

If you realize that your relationship with your married man cannot continue, but you are putting off making a decision, think about what will happen to you in 5 years. Your lover has everything covered: he has a wife, kids, a stable job, a hobby, a house, a car. What will happen to you after 5 years? Gone years without family and any confidence in the future.

It may be painful for you to even think about breaking up with a person, but imagine how easy you will feel in a year. By wounding yourself in the very heart, you, without knowing it, are freed from the shackles in which you chained yourself.

When you realize that this relationship cannot continue further, you need to convey your thoughts to your partner, and here the next stage begins.

Stage 2 – conversation

Bring the person out to talk, be honest and persistent. Ask a man how he perceives you and this relationship? What thoughts does he have about a future with you?

Does he think that he is being selfish by wasting your time? Your goal is not to listen to promises that “I’ll solve the problems with the business, then I’ll talk to my wife” or “I can’t get a divorce now, our loan hasn’t been paid off, but wait another six months and we’ll definitely be together.”

All these are notorious excuses that husbands have been feeding their mistresses for many years. Express your desire to start a new life, either with or without your lover. If he is not ready for this, then feel free to confront him with the fact that you are breaking up.

Stage 3 – shifting focus from relationships to your life

If it’s hard for you to give up contact with your loved one in one second, you don’t need to break yourself. Continue communicating with the man, but make sure that every day you become more and more unaccustomed to him.

For example, do not initiate a date, let your meetings become less frequent. Don’t rush to cancel your plans when a man asks you to meet somewhere after work, refuse. Instead of spending the evening texting with your lover, go to the theater with your friend, sign up for a foreign language or dance course.

Gradually fill your life with new people, new hobbies. And over time, you will understand that the person for whom you were so “dry” just recently occupied an undeservedly large space in your head and heart.

Relationship difficulties3

Relationships with a mistress are not always built away from common interests and lovers meet at work. If two people are unlucky and their colleagues know about the relationship, then it will be impossible to avoid caustic comments. A woman is always followed by women with disdainful glances and, at the first opportunity, given an appraising glance.

If the lover is not a fury, ready to tear anyone apart, but modest, quiet, timid, then doubts begin to torment her. At this moment, the man also feels the pressure of the team, and the constant jokes from his colleagues do not allow him to forget about adultery. Thoughts swarm in my head, the first remorse sets in, and if at this time everything is fine, the wife does not nag and tries to devote all her time to him, then conflicting feelings arise.

Only a man should break the web, because he is alone, and there are two women next to him. Each of them expects to become one and only, but this does not happen and everything drags on for years. If one of them doesn’t lose her nerve and she gains the strength to cut herself out of the vicious relationship.

Positive aspects of external communication

In an extramarital affair, its participants see many advantages for themselves:

READ

How to quickly forget your lover and get rid of pain

1. The relationship is easy and casual, especially in the first months of the romance. Lovers enjoy each other and do not think about problems.
2. A married mistress does not have to be invited abroad; you don’t have to appear with her in public places and don’t give her expensive gifts.
3. A mistress usually does not claim a man's freedom. From her he receives periodic sex and a charge of positive emotions.
4. Relationships between married lovers usually end without mutual claims or resentment. The mistress does not seek to be condemned by society. Her married companion also wants to keep everything a secret.

Not always everything goes smoothly in an affair with a mistress. It happens that a girl begins to blackmail her partner, reproach her, or tries to take the place of his wife.

If both lovers are married

An outside relationship involving a married lover and a married mistress is characterized by a connection that does not complicate life.

READ How to survive a breakup with your lover: advice from a psychologist

This state of affairs is beneficial for many reasons:

1. Both partners meet solely for sex. They realize and understand this, which eliminates the need to invent any excuses or justifications.
2. There is no need for courtship or long conversations, as this takes a lot of time.
3. The atmosphere in such couples is calmer, as there are no misunderstandings or quarrels.
4. Partners have no desire to destroy each other's legal family, while a lover free from marital ties may demand a more serious relationship. Marital status eliminates such difficulties.
5. In such relationships, partners will do everything possible so that no one suspects their connection.
6. It is easy to end such a relationship. In this case, there will be no scandals, tears or complaints.

But when both lovers are not free from marital ties, such an amorous conflict can lead to a far from peaceful ending. If one of them decides to move to a new level of relationship, it could end in the destruction of both families. In this case, there will be more affected parties.

I fell in love with someone else's husband, what should I do?

If a woman is not ready to part with her ringed gentleman, she will have to learn several rules of secret relationships.

1. The main thing is to come to terms with the fact that she will be in last place after his family, friends, work and hobbies.
2. She shouldn't call or text him after hours. He will get in touch himself when it is convenient for him.
3. She will have to internalize with her whole being that he does have sex with his wife. That she most likely is not sick, not ugly, not mercantile to the point of disgust, and does not have a crocodile character. It’s impossible to even imagine this type of woman, let alone share shelter with her and raise common children.
4. It is important to remember that with such a connection, lovers do not go on vacation together, so as not to meet his friends. And she will have to celebrate the holidays - not only the New Year, but also her birthday - alone or with friends.
5. It is necessary to be aware that a man can have many mistresses, and not to be deluded by his position as a desired woman, since a lover can easily find a new passion.
6. She should always look great, hide her robe and tracksuit away. Don’t get hung up on your lover and don’t be afraid of losing him. One of the best time-tested medicines is self-development. The successes achieved in this field inspire and distract from worries.

And in general, sometimes it’s useful to look at yourself from the outside. One way or another, any experience develops and enriches – even this one. Perhaps, in a relationship between a married man and a single woman, the psychology and solution to the problems of this relationship will be found after some time and will be non-trivial.

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When a lover is an outlet

The psychology of relationships between long-time lovers over time moves into a state where the initial passions subside, and the man is drawn to the woman out of habit. She created a special cozy atmosphere for her lover, so he feels more comfortable on the side than in the family:

• she is undemanding;
• I am sincerely glad to see him;
• ready to listen and support in any situation;
• does not make claims and does not provoke conflicts.

Such an idyll can last for years, but on condition that the girl is silent and patient. As a result, a relationship with a lover becomes like visiting a psychotherapist who helps relieve tension, talk it out, and restore peace of mind. In the current circumstances, the husband does not consider any future prospects with this woman; he does not want to change anything, since he knows firsthand what family life is.

READ How and where to find a lover for a woman: advice for all occasions

Why do husbands have mistresses?

The attraction of such a relationship for the stronger sex and why they have mistresses is explained quite simply. The soul of a male asks for fresh, bright impressions, a holiday, new emotions, the body asks for thrills, variety in the intimate sphere. His family life has long been established, his rear is covered, there is nothing to worry about, the relationship with his wife has entered a calm, even boring phase, the former sharpness is no longer there, the nights on the marital bed are not marked by special passion. For him, making new acquaintances on the side is just a game, a sport. He's not in love - he's infatuated. He believes that his mistress will come out of this game without much loss (if he even thinks about what her prospects are), that the game will always be under his control and will last as long as he wishes, until he drinks the cup of pleasure to the bottom. This is really a game of a married man and a free woman, a psychology that includes the roles of hunter and victim - only the victim believes that she is loved and will soon become happy.

There are other reasons too. For example, many family men have a desire to assert themselves in front of friends and themselves, to show others that he is able to support a luxurious young charmer - since she agreed to respond favorably to his advances, it means he is still “ogogo.” Or the desire to make the “last push” before approaching old age. Or it could simply be infidelity that has become a habit, low moral principles and consumer standards towards the wife.

It also happens, however, that the basis of a marriage is a mistake of youth - the so-called “flutter” - and therefore the wife was not initially loved enough for her husband to remain faithful to her. It’s just that the child must be raised by his own father. He does this in good faith, but... his search for his woman still continues.

It happens, although extremely rarely, something for which you can hardly blame your spouse. An unexpected meeting, an outburst of emotions, a kinship of souls... and it is no longer possible to return to your old life, because a new feeling has turned your whole life upside down and crossed out the past. In this situation, both, as a rule, do not remain lovers for long, breaking the previous marriage ties and creating anew, without lies, even at the expense of someone else’s grief.

Finally, when everything has completely fallen apart for the two spouses, and the family is preserved formally, on paper, only for the sake of the children. In such a relationship, both feel liberated and treat the new connection of their half philosophically.