Married man and married woman: psychology of lovers' relationships

Love does not depend on the stamp in your passport. Therefore, when choosing a partner, a person is rarely interested in the marital status of the chosen one. Sometimes the bonds of marriage bind one of the lovers, but it happens that both partners have already managed to start a family. What pushes people to cheat? What are the distinctive features of the relationship between a married man and a married woman? Can they be happy? Let's try to answer several fundamentally important questions.

An affair between married people outside of marriage

The relationship between spouses undergoes changes with each new year of marriage: from the phase of intense love to mature conscious love. Not every marriage can go through relationship phases that bring pleasure and personal fulfillment to the spouses.

Often, after a few years, a husband and wife begin to doubt the correctness of their choice of a life partner. For some, dissatisfaction with the family remains unexpressed, while others solve the problem in a different way: having an affair on the side.

An affair between a married man and a married woman is an attempt by people to take advantage of a second chance. When meeting with a person in an equal position, lovers easily understand the problems and needs of the chosen one. Such meetings renew feelings, inspire, and allow you to reevaluate your views on family and marriage.

Recommendations if a married woman falls in love with a married man

In this situation, it is necessary to understand that both partners are in an equal position. Adviсe:

Respect his personal space, then he will take care of yours too.
Set boundaries and agreements – when and where meetings are scheduled, how communication will take place.
Take care of your family and value it above all else - lovers can change, but children will always remain.
Don't get involved with your spouse's friend/colleague, this will lead to the connection being quickly revealed.
Hide your emotions in front of your husband. If he is attentive, he will notice the shine of his eyes, increased attention to appearance, and a loving smile when reading an SMS.
Make sure you have a good alibi. This could be a club you go to with a friend. A great option is going to the gym 3 times a week.
Label gifts, but don't hide them. Tell us about your mother’s birthday present or your own purchase with the bonus you received.
Correspondence and calls - only at work using a company computer/phone. No personal gadgets.
Wash away the smell of men's perfume and the aroma of aftershave lotion.

Reasons for cheating with an unfree partner

Since both lovers are legally married, they are in the same position. When deciding to start a relationship, they are guided by:

Confidence in your partner. Married lovers and mistresses understand each other's desires and needs much faster than people who are not burdened with a family. They can become not only romantic partners for their loved ones, but also friends and allies.
Desire to try new things. Cheating with an unfree lover is an atypical romance that causes a strong emotional shock. The desire to re-experience a surge of positive emotions associated with new impressions attracts lovers and encourages them to continue the relationship in order to experience previously unfamiliar sensations. Also, a forbidden connection causes a surge of adrenaline, the feeling of danger is intoxicating and alluring.
Additional guarantee. The presence of official spouses among lovers complicates the development of relationships, but ensures that lovers have an additional anchor that keeps them from committing radical actions that could harm their reputation.

Relationships that develop between unfree people solve two problems at the same time: they give a positive emotional charge and relieve them of the obligations that accompany other types of love relationships.

Convenience

A girl who puts on the image of a mistress unconsciously adapts her boyfriend to the role of her future husband. It’s easier for “Casanova” to communicate with a married girl. She has a husband, and she hides her desire to have a new relationship. Lives a quiet life. Spends time at work, at home, meeting with friends and spends time in secret meetings with her boyfriend. To make a decision to change her life, a girl will weigh the pros and cons several times and only then decide to make changes in her life. After all, the decision will affect all members of her real family.

It is easier for married people to hold secret meetings with lovers. None of the lovers oblige each other to anything. At this moment, they care not only about their lives, but also do not forget about their families, trying to maintain external family well-being. Thanks to the mystery, such relationships can last a long time.

Pros of secret communication

Secret relationships give lovers positive experiences that they don’t receive in the family:

Extension of the romantic period. Spouses rarely maintain a romantic phase after marriage. In a relationship between lovers, this is not a phase, but the only option for spending time together.
Element of danger. The need to hide adds spice to the novel and makes it more valuable. Forced into hiding, lovers experience an additional rush of adrenaline, as a result, the feeling of satisfaction intensifies and affection increases.
An opportunity to reconsider your attitude towards family. If the couple's life together has reached a dead end, a shake-up in the form of betrayal will make it possible to understand whether they really need this marriage.

Love between a married man and a married woman is an opportunity to temporarily forget about problems in the family and surrender to romantic feelings. Therefore, in a situation of an unsuccessful marriage, such a relationship becomes the only chance to experience true love.

Astrologer's advice

Representatives of different constellations have different requirements for partners. It is worth familiarizing yourself with the features of the signs:

Aries. He believes that a guy must take the initiative. To interest a fire sign, you should look good and move. Aries love erotic massage, sexual experiments, love in a public place.
Taurus are distrustful and cautious. It is important for the sign representative to study the girl before approaching her. He considers sexual intimacy an art. This is an attentive, serious lover who is afraid of criticism. You should communicate with him with restraint and carefully.
Twins. This is a flighty guy who needs his opposite - a patient, wise girl. If a woman can calmly accept her lover’s infidelity, then she will be able to keep him. Gemini's partner must remain seductive, value her lover's freedom and take care of him.
Cancer. Looking for an understanding and devoted woman, a capable lover. Loves spectacular ladies. Does not believe in friendly relations between representatives of different sexes. He should talk about his feelings directly, without coquetry.
A lion. He is surrounded by many fans, so he singles out only the brightest. He loves original and well-groomed ladies who need to be wooed. Loves compliments, needs them after an act of love. Jealous and dominant. Avoids career women.
Virgo. The key features of the sign are loyalty, sincerity, cleanliness, and rationality. He is vulnerable and demands respect for his feelings. Virgos are attached to their mothers. The ridicule associated with this can hurt a guy. He is conservative and is attracted to feminine and shy girls.
Libra is a subtle soul that needs harmony and beauty. He is indecisive and flighty. Looking for a like-minded woman. His lady should look luxurious. Loves romantic attributes (cinema, touching kisses, walks). He is interested in mysterious personalities. He does not start relationships with available women.
Scorpion. He cheats and does not consider it immoral. He believes that the soul loves, but the body remains free. Jealous partners irritate him. At the same time, he himself is a passionate owner who will not forgive the traitor. Loves attractive, mysterious and inaccessible girls.
Sagittarius is romantic, smart, sociable. Believes that he should not belong to only one partner. Looking for a like-minded, deep and understanding woman. Appreciates a homely atmosphere and delicious food. Loves intellectual conversations.
Capricorn. Ambitious, stubborn, persistent. Believes in the power of money. He often lies to impress his interlocutor. He is vain and seems boring to many. He is looking for a patient woman who will not demand too much attention.
Aquarius. Not jealous. He loves shocking girls who know how to shock others. He needs to open up gradually so as not to get bored. Sex without emotional intimacy is considered a boring mechanical act. Looking for a soul mate.
Fish. These are sensual and dreamy personalities. They love to make romantic gestures. They are looking for a mysterious, good-natured, motherly caring lady. The guy is touchy, but ashamed of it. Sometimes needs solitude. At such moments, he counts on understanding from his beloved.

In these special relationships, harmony and a sober perception of the situation are important. It is necessary to simultaneously control feelings and allow yourself to enjoy intimacy without commitment.

Additional features

The result of an affair between lovers burdened with family may be a reconsideration of their opinion about marriage. If scandals constantly arise in the family, relationships have become tense, and romance has disappeared from them - betrayal can become a kind of reboot.

There are often cases when betrayal helps solve a problem that arises in the family. In this case, the relationship on the side is temporary and frivolous.

Lovers receive from each other:

an opportunity to take a break from marital responsibilities;
emotional support;
lost romance.

The charge of positive emotions received from a lover helps to get rid of the tension that accumulates within the family. Thus, betrayal that ends in the separation of lovers can help preserve family relationships.

Bored sex

Previously fabulous sex gradually becomes monotonous. Physical intimacy becomes boring, the mysterious act of love becomes an ordinary marital duty.

Wise wives try to introduce novelty and come up with various ways to diversify the intimate sphere. However, attempts to reawaken a former passion often end in failure. The emotional level remains the same. Having lost interest, the spouses start third-party affairs.

Another sexual partner gives vivid sexual sensations and brings previously unknown experience. Outside connections are attracted by the opportunity to experience the variety of sex. Physical contact helps to experience positive emotions and the joy of discovery. A feeling of the unknown appears, and a desire to experiment arises.

Why do women like other people's husbands?

The reason for adultery on the part of a woman is the dissatisfaction of the need for an emotional connection. The need to do housework, raise children, and often work takes a significant part of a woman’s energy and time. Various pleasures become inaccessible, the woman feels left out of life. Especially if the husband behaves coldly, distantly, and does not offer help. Comparing her married life with the families of other women, the dissatisfied spouse decides that she might have better luck with someone else's successful husband.

By dating another man, a woman receives the necessary moral and sexual satisfaction. You can simply have fun with someone else’s husband, without thinking about everyday life, raising children and other things that overshadow a romantic relationship. The presence of a loved one with a legal spouse makes the relationship piquant. A woman feels like a winner, having taken some of the male attention from her wife and achieved reciprocity on his part.

Benefits of being a lover

This is an easy relationship - there is no need to give reports, promises, you can break it off at any time. No guilt, only freedom.
A rich experience. How can you find out the type of man that suits you if you don’t try to get closer to him?
Have a nice stay. The beloved on the side receives more entertainment, cafes and even trips to resorts than the legal spouse. Enjoy life without obligations.
Rest from household duties. You will open the buttons on the shirt, and someone else will sew them on. How to cook borscht, wash socks, iron suits.
Fresh emotions, including from extreme sports.
Material support. Often a man strives to provide for his beloved. You can expect even such large gifts as a car or an apartment from a well-to-do businessman.

The danger of double treason

Mutual infidelity increases the risk of discovery. Lovers who dream of keeping their romance a secret are forced to hide, meet in remote places, and be afraid to meet acquaintances. This adds additional stress to meetings.

If one of the deceived spouses finds out about the betrayal, then keeping the secret from the second family will be much more difficult. Lovers can look at a casual romance differently: for one, family is not important, the other perceives betrayal as a temporary affair and values the relationship with the official spouse. A married woman, even from the point of view of modern free views, risks her reputation more than a man. She will be condemned for double treason: deceiving her own husband and taking a stranger along for the ride.

How to get away from the family

This is a rare occurrence, but you can achieve a divorce following these recommendations:

Act quickly. An impulsive decision is made in the first months of falling in love.
Find out more about personality, habits, activities, preferences.
Become a friend, listen to complaints, give advice.
Collect information about your wife and be better than her - externally, intellectually.
Give him what he doesn't get at home.
Don’t dismiss your problems; if you want to help, he will become interested himself.
Don't focus on finances.
Any contact with the legal spouse is prohibited.

Options for developing relationships

Relationships that begin with light flirting between married people can develop in three directions:

A short whirlwind romance. Such relationships are preferred by spouses experiencing conflict in their official marriage. They do not want to get a divorce, they just want to relieve emotional stress and refresh their relationship.
A long affair with rare meetings. An option suitable for middle-aged spouses who want a new relationship, but for some reason do not want to get a divorce.
An affair turning into a full-fledged relationship. Such relationships can develop in people who have completely lost interest in their other spouses. Lovers easily decide to divorce and hardly hide the relationship from the very beginning. As a rule, these are young people under 35 years of age, disappointed by an early first marriage. Leaving for other people does not always end successfully, so it is worth considering whether it is necessary to destroy families.

The development of relationships is influenced by many external factors: the social status of the spouses, financial viability, family opinion.

conclusions

There are many reasons why a married man thinks about cheating. Sometimes this is a cooling towards his wife or just a desire to try the thrill. Guys are possessive by nature, and when they find out about the infidelity of their other half, they will not cheat in response, they will simply break up, since they cannot allow the woman to belong to someone else. But at that time he can easily take a mistress on the side.

Having a mistress for a male most often means getting pleasure. It may be bad from a moral point of view, but extramarital affairs have existed since ancient times and will not disappear anywhere as long as man lives on earth.

How to keep relationships secret from official spouses?

Double infidelity is difficult to hide, so lovers must exercise extra caution:

Come up with an excuse for the meeting in advance. In case of a sudden collision with acquaintances, you should prepare a convincing explanation that will not arouse suspicion.
Avoid gifts and noticeable “traces” of the relationship. An attentive person will notice not only traces of kisses and the smell of other people's perfume, but also less obvious signs. Gifts received for no reason will be difficult to hide, so it is better to do without this part of the relationship. If the family has a common budget, then it will not be difficult to determine what the money was allocated for and what appeared suddenly and without loss from the common wallet. It is better to discuss the topic of gifts right away.
Plan your leisure time carefully. Spouses will definitely suspect something if lovers choose time for meetings that they usually spent with their families. Communication with relatives and friends is also reduced, which will inevitably affect relationships with them.
Launch preemptive strikes. Sometimes family leisure should be specially organized before the official spouses become suspicious.
Avoid discussions. Even with close friends, it is better not to share details of the relationship. They may accidentally cause a secret to be revealed, or unwittingly let it slip in the presence of the spouses.

It should be understood that it will be difficult to hide the relationship for a long time. Sooner or later, you will have to choose the path to develop the romance: continue to meet occasionally, fearing exposure, or decide to have a frank conversation with your spouses.

Love triangle: he is single, she is married

For some reason, it is generally accepted that the reason for the emergence of love triangles lies in male polygamy. But facts are stubborn things, and they say quite the opposite: much more often, women are the initiators of adultery. They are driven either by a really great real feeling, or by a desire to take revenge on their husband and make him jealous. But each individual case has its own reason. There is only one thing in common: if a woman decides to commit adultery, it means that not everything is going smoothly in her family.

Let's not focus on why men cheat. Here everything is more or less clear: the desire to assert oneself, the need for novelty and variety of sensations, sympathy and falling in love, finally. Many men differentiate between family and relationships outside of it, not considering outside sex to be treason, and therefore return home without remorse. There are cases when a man suffers from love for a married woman, but does not even try to change anything in the relationship that has arisen.

Psychologists' opinion

The psychological approach to relationships between married lovers is based on the idea of a married couple as a special social group. Psychologists explain the behavior of spouses who decide to cheat with an unfree partner by the need to realize the motive of competition. Someone else's partner seems like a better relationship option: if he or she has already been chosen to start a family, he or she likely has more advantages. Sometimes such relationships lead to divorces and attempts to build an official relationship, but this is not always a good idea. Having the opportunity to meet openly, the couple begins to behave differently and illusions collapse, which encourages partners to return to their previous lives: to wives and husbands.

An affair with someone else's spouse allows a woman to take a break from married life while maintaining her status as a married lady. A married man with a married mistress realizes the hunter's instinct. By winning a new woman, he gets rid of the need to think about starting a family with his mistress - after all, she herself is married.

A psychologist’s view of betrayal in general can be seen in the video:

Why do guys have relationships on the side?

Any person gets tired of monotony, and the male half of humanity has never been monogamous. Causes:

Mental rejuvenation. This is especially true for people aged 45+. They are interested in younger girls, they make them feel young and reckless.
I want to get away from my wife's nagging. The spouse nags on various issues, while the mistress is ready to listen with understanding.
Aesthetic pleasure: in the evenings he is greeted by a beautifully made-up, well-groomed lady in sexy lingerie, and not slippers, a robe and curlers.
New sensations in bed. Sex with the same partner for 10-20 years often leads to decreased libido.
Revenge on the wife if she committed adultery.

Advice for a married lover

In connection with the reasons for betrayal, I want to emphasize that you will not replace his family, but only several areas of his life. Therefore, 95% of the time he will not abandon his wife. Do not spoil your and his nerves by demanding a divorce, blackmailing, contacting your wife.

Ask a question

Lack of romance

Initially, relationships are always filled with romance. The lovers are worried, trying to seem better. The admirer diligently looks after him: he gives flowers, gifts, various pleasant little things, dinners - he tries in every possible way to please the lady of his heart. The chosen one also maintains a loving atmosphere: she arranges romantic evenings, always looks impeccable, and prepares surprises.

The period of cohabitation is coming. Relationships gradually become boring. The spouse begins to attach more importance to housekeeping and less to appearance. The husband stops giving his beloved pleasure with small romantic amenities. The young couple is overwhelmed by the daily routine.

Romance is a necessary part of married life.

The cessation of romantic courtship creates the impression of the fading of former tender feelings. Thoughts become darkened. The desire to fall in love again arises, because strangers seem much more romantic.

The appearance of a new object of admiration causes excitement. There is a desire to impress, delight, surprise. Emotions flare up again. A person needs to maintain the feeling of “butterflies”.