Why does your ex write - reasons and advice on how to behave

In this article we will tell you:

14 reasons why your ex writes
Women's emotions when their ex writes to them
Several options for what to answer if your ex writes
If your ex writes, should you renew the relationship?
Final Tips for Getting Your Ex to Stop Texting

So you broke up. One terrible day, your partner informed you that your paths were diverging further and he did not see a future together with you. Or he indicated another reason, or perhaps he simply left in English and disappeared without a trace. It took you time and strength to get through this painful stage. The wounds are healed and you have a taste for life again. Perhaps even started a new relationship.

And then, like a bolt from the blue, a message from him. From someone whom you have already erased from your life and who, it would seem, no longer has a place in it. Why is your ex writing? What are his intentions, what is he trying to achieve? Every woman asks herself similar questions. In this article we will try to answer them and give advice on how to act in such a situation.

Women's emotions when their ex writes to them

When you see your ex's number flashed on your phone screen, you undoubtedly experience certain emotions. This may be accompanied by severe anxiety, rapid heartbeat, and “butterflies in the stomach.” Of course, it becomes pleasant, because it means that the man remembers you and is looking for communication. Even if you are both sure that you cannot be together, the sudden appearance of a former gentleman in your life can evoke bright feelings.

3 important steps

which every woman should go through

Anika Snagovskaya

Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.

I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.

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You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.

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I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.

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Take your gifts!

The famous family psychologist John-Paul Bird states in this regard that news from an ex-man can be a consolation for a woman. After all, this is direct evidence that he remembers and thinks about her, that she occupies some place in his life, that he is still attached to her. It's definitely nice.

Your personal success

When you were dating, you were the office manager, bringing coffee to the director and making photocopies of documents. Now you have become the head of the department, half of the office employees are subordinate to you. You no longer ride a minibus, and you don’t go to McDonald’s. Every six months you post photos from foreign resorts on your page. He is simply annoyed that you were “nobody” with him. And now I have achieved success! Perhaps you became like this because he abandoned you. There was no need to wash his socks or cook borscht. Moving away from depression, you focused on work and achieved heights. This hurt his pride . Now he wanted to take at least a piece of your success for himself, to regale on your laurels. Are you ready to share your success with someone who abandoned you?

Several options for what to answer if your ex writes

Maybe you shouldn’t bother yourself with why your ex is writing after a year or several years? You must remember that it is not at all necessary to respond to his attempts to get closer, especially if this upsets your emotional, psychological and mental balance.

If you do not want to communicate or are afraid that you will not be able to resist his persistence, do not respond to calls and SMS. This is especially true when it comes to humiliating and unhealthy relationships with your ex. According to psychologists, such communication can have a detrimental effect on your health.

What to do if a former lover with whom you had a happy and vibrant romance writes? You imagine again and again that you will be together and suddenly you receive an SMS from him. In this case it will be difficult to resist. Reply to his message in a simply friendly manner. Have a casual conversation and find out what his intentions are. Then it will be possible to understand whether it is worth being more active.

#4 Suffers from narcissism

Some men remind their ex-girlfriends of themselves for the reason that they love praise and want to gain attention. They try to get the ex-darling to think about the previous relationship and want to return it or repeat it. Narcissism is a serious mental disorder triggered by childhood trauma. This condition needs to be worked through with a specialist. As for the girl, she should not pay attention to this young man. It is better to immerse yourself in a new hobby, it could also be another relationship.

Ex's narcissism is the reason for his stalking

If your ex writes, should you renew the relationship?

Analyze your feelings, decide for yourself what you would like: return to your ex or break up forever. This is only your choice, and here you need to listen exclusively to your desires and emotions. Why is my ex-husband writing? It's obvious that he wants to rekindle the relationship. You still excite him.

We have prepared some tips on how to get your ex-lover back.

First of all, don’t rush to respond to his message right away. Build a dialogue openly and clearly and see where it leads.
Be direct. Be confident and say what you think and feel. It is quite possible that he decided to establish contact with you for a reason, and he has his own selfish intentions. See how he reacts to your frankness.
Listen to yourself. Do you really want to get back with your ex? Even if you still have feelings, think about whether you really need it. If you have doubts about this, if it seems that the relationship is hopeless, then why make any attempts to get closer?
Organize a live meeting. If the thought of going on a date with your ex excites you, why not sit in a cafe and have a cup of coffee? Chat with him in a calm environment on neutral territory. This will clear up a lot between you.

What to pay attention to when a man shows up after a breakup?

The following things will help you make sure: your beloved or husband returned because he loves you. Selfishness, the desire to improve shaky self-esteem, to feel more psychologically comfortable have nothing to do with it.

The returning man is actively making plans.

He talks about a future together, hints: he’s ready to start a family. This is a serious sign: the gentleman has firmly decided to throw in his lot with you.

The gentleman has changed.

A man truly loves if he has rethought the reasons for the breakup, admitted his own mistakes, and sincerely strives to improve.

Final Tips for Getting Your Ex to Stop Texting

On the contrary, if your ex-boyfriend annoys you, and you are categorically against any communication, and especially the resumption of the relationship, make it clear to him that you do not need to be bothered. Say directly that you do not want to correspond with him or meet with him. Your answers should be concise and very clear.

Why does your ex sometimes text? Why not ask him about it directly? Maybe the guy won’t tell you the real reasons, but you can try. If your ex does not respond to requests to leave you alone, simply blacklist him. This can be done in any messenger and social networks to stop being tormented by thinking about the motives of his actions.

For what reasons does your ex-boyfriend remind you of his existence?

Ex-boyfriends, as a rule, appear not when the girl is in tears and despair hoping for his return, but at the most unexpected moments, when all the negative emotions are left behind. And most often, psychologists say, this does not come from great love... But first things first.

So, for what reason does the ex-boyfriend remind you of himself!

Curiosity

“How is she doing without me? Have you forgotten? Did you find anyone? Is her chosen one better or worse than me? This motive overcomes those men who were very loved, extolled, and put first in relationships. He just needs to know what is happening now with his former chosen one. If the girl is just as lonely, his ego remains the same and he disappears again. If she is happy, the guy is very upset that he is no longer the center of someone else's universe. He reminds himself something like this: “Hello, will you give me my favorite CD? Shall we meet for a cup of coffee? Congratulations." By the way, if the girl is happy, the ex may become even more active, such is the psychology of the conqueror! Prove, return, wipe your nose! And it doesn’t matter whether he himself is free or not.

What to do? Don't stroke someone else's pride and hold your head high! “Thank you for your congratulations. I'm fine. Take the disk from Mitya. We’ll sit down sometime, but not now, I’m busy.”

Old memories

The psychology of men during separation is such that at first the man feels a dizzying freedom. He starts going to parties again, drinking beer, surrounding himself with friends. But soon a painful melancholy comes. Random short-lived meetings with women bring little relief and seem meaningless. It turns out that the beloved always remained conscious.

Gradually, pleasant moments from the past become intrusive and deprive you of peace. The gentleman begins to think: it’s hard for the girl he loves without a strong man’s shoulder. The ex is jealous of potential new gentlemen and feels remorse for his own mistakes. After three weeks, the gentleman is overcome by real nostalgia, a great desire to renew the relationship. And he returns.

Longing for a lost relationship is often an explanation for why an ex-wife reminds her of herself. According to the psychologist, it is more difficult for women to forget past love.

Remember! Men perceive information with their eyes. Therefore, social networks (especially Instagram with a bunch of photos) greatly enhance old memories. As soon as a man looks at a VKontakte page, pictures of a girl, strong memories suddenly awaken, a great desire appears to start dating again, living together, making plans. That's why the ex-boyfriend begins to remind himself. The psychology of men is designed this way.

Revenge

“After breaking up, your ex became prettier, got a new man, lost weight, found a prestigious job? How could she leave so quickly? How dare you become happy without me? We need to remind her of ourselves!” If your ex-boyfriend has this kind of thinking, beware, he will do everything possible to once again convince you of his irresistibility. This is the psychology of a narcissist man!

What should ex-girlfriends do? Don't create illusions! React to the appearance calmly (any emotions spur such guys), gently refusing your ex’s attention.

Remember: narcissists are weak-willed, selfish, petty individuals who, a priori, cannot give happiness to anyone other than themselves.

Jealousy

The psychology of men is such that they are terrible owners, this is one of the reasons for the sudden appearance of your ex in your life. The scenario of the last novel looked something like this: the relationship was bright, intense, and there were strong feelings in them. For some reason the guy wanted to step aside and did so without much difficulty. He feels light, carefree, free, however, when he comes across a happy photo of his ex-girlfriend with a new boyfriend, his world collapses!

A man is especially acutely consumed by emotions if it was not just a relationship, but he and the woman were legally married. Old memories immediately overwhelm you, your soul is filled with melancholy, life without a wife seems meaningless, which is why you have a burning desire to remind yourself, to get your wife back. This is real jealousy. The ex-man begins to write SMS, surprise with little surprises, look for meetings in order to sincerely look into the eyes. Does such a relationship have a chance to exist? They have, if there is love there!

Unsuccessful attempts to find a woman similar to an ex-lover

After a long period of stability, it is psychologically extremely difficult for a man to find a partner. He actually formed a certain stereotype about the ideal lover. Finding a woman who meets the right requirements becomes very difficult. In the new lady, the gentleman subconsciously tries to see his former beloved, and constantly stumbles upon inconsistencies.

In general, looking for a new partner after many years of relationship is difficult. Representatives of the stronger sex quickly get used to the comfortable position when the woman is “already here, conquered.” That is why the former lover first reminds of himself, then returns to his beloved. The psychology of men gives rise to rather predictable actions.

The guy often constantly visits and corresponds. Going through all the stages of a relationship again, getting used to a girl and new requirements is not an easy task. Men quickly get used to good things; the stronger half of humanity is attracted by the lost “comfort zone”, the former lover. By the way, this also explains why the ex-wife reminds of herself. The psychology of both sexes is very similar regarding relationships after a breakup.

Loneliness

If an ex-boyfriend reminds you of himself years after the breakup, he is definitely driven by loneliness. The woman is sincerely perplexed: why bring up the past if so much time has passed? What motive does the man have? Why does he persistently burst into life with calls and letters, reminding him of his existence?

The psychology of some men is characterized by a simple truth: “What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose, we cry.” Usually this is not immediately realized. There was a beautiful girl who sincerely loved the guy, surrounded him with care and attention, and wanted to legitimize the relationship. The guy was wagging his tail and was unsure of his feelings, which led to a breakup. A lot of time has passed, and he, having never met his love, bitterly realizes that that woman was destined by fate itself. He is haunted by warm memories of his former lover, and as a result, the unhappy partner becomes more active. The ex-man congratulates his beloved on the holiday, insists on meeting, admits that he has loved only her all his life, and proposes marriage.

Is it worth returning to the past? Psychologists do not advise, but focus on your feelings. If you are driven by pity, benevolence, or the desire to punch a careless gentleman on the nose, these are not the right reasons for reunion. Well, if you also think that this is true love, why not?

Sincere repentance

This is the psychology of men in love. If the partners are young, such stories are not uncommon: resentment, emotions, jealousy, vows of love, tears, sincere forgiveness... Here no one becomes each other’s ex, people break up, however, they still consider themselves not free. After a while, partners repent of what they have done and remind their other halves of themselves. The ex-boyfriend begins to like all the posts on social networks of the chosen one, write pessimistic SMS, look for meetings in common companies, etc.

If the psychology of the partners is mature, the man will remind himself differently. This could be an unexpected email with a sad story about lost love, an evening call six months after breaking up with a sincere desire to know how you are doing, a grand romantic surprise, or a drunken late-night visit with love confessions. It all depends on the character of the man.

Envy

For example, quite a lot of time has passed since the breakup. A man sees that his ex-girlfriend was able to make her dreams come true (she found a prestigious job, purchased real estate, traveled almost all over the world). He is overcome by envy, because he himself has achieved nothing. He starts calling his ex-lover and asking for forgiveness. In such cases, it is not worth giving a second chance. A man is most likely driven by envy.

Breaking up is a mistake

The gentleman begins to realize how beloved the road is, how much he has lost. The man suddenly realizes: he was constantly fixated on negative things and stopped noticing the positive qualities of his beloved.

Sexual dissatisfaction

In the psychology of separation, another category of men is identified - males. Such people, breaking up with their girlfriends, go in search of new sexual partners. When men do not find a worthy replacement for their former passion, they try to bring back the past.

You can easily understand that a guy is driven by sexual dissatisfaction. When he calls, he constantly gives compliments, invites you home to sit with a cup of coffee, and there are notes of passion and flirtation in his voice. A woman should not agree to such proposals. After some time, the male will decide to break up again or will cheat. The most likely outcome of the resumption of relations is a new break, due to which resentment and pain will again be tormented.

Fallback option

To the question why an ex-boyfriend reminds of himself, there is a psychologist’s answer: the reason for this behavior may be the fear of being left with nothing. The man goes in search of a new chosen one, but at the same time considers his ex as a backup option, periodically calls her, learns about her plans, affairs, and health.

Situation three: the ex-lover is deceiving himself

For you, this relationship is a thing of the past; you are happy alone or with another person. But your ex-partner is engaged in self-deception - he continues to convince himself that he does not need you, although in reality this is not the case at all. And it’s enough for him to slightly let go of control over the situation by drinking in the company of friends, and he’s ready to call and write to you.

Reason: This behavior is caused by the suppressed feelings of the ex.

What to do: Just don't reciprocate. “You can't do anything here. His emotions are his to live through. If you don’t need this person, the topic should be closed to you,” the psychologist is convinced. Or you can take a little benefit from the situation and enjoy active attention to your person, the expert suggests. But from an ethical point of view, this is a dubious story.

Read also: Creating videos for Instagram Supa

I bet

Men tend to measure themselves against each other - strength, number of love victories, size of protruding parts of the body, toughness, and whatever. At the next breakup, they brag to their friends that they left on their own, although she is still burning and asks to return. To which they get the natural “prove it.” A dispute is a dispute, you have to prove it, but what if the object actually no longer remembers? First, the ex looks through the accounts and reminds him of himself by liking the photo. If a girl also likes his photo, then he begins to take active action - he writes non-stop, hints at a meeting, or invites you to call him at certain hours under the pretext of after work or study. At the time of a call or a walk, there are friends nearby who observe the supposed suffering of an abandoned girl.

Start with a clean slate

It's not always possible to start over again.
This approach is closely related to nostalgia. Your ex-boyfriend flips through your shared photos and remembers how cool it was back then. Wants it all to happen again . It's been a long time. He believes that he has changed for the better. You miss him too. And here the guy can initiate an idea called “try to start all over again.” Starting a relationship like this can really give you a new honeymoon. While he still wants to impress you, so as not to look stupid. There will be flowers, gifts, attention, affection, care. All this will end someday. You will return to the state of affairs that was before the separation. If you broke up because he cheated on you. Know that he will easily change again. Don't try to bring back the past . It won't be like before. It's better to focus on the present and future. Life is full of new emotions. Take a step towards them, not a step back... into the past

Curiosity

Of course, you can also see soul-warming motives in a guy’s curiosity: he doesn’t care what happens to you, he’s worried and still loves you. This is also possible. But! Again, this nasty “but”... A guy may simply be curious about your existence outside of his life, as he would be interested in a sold car: whether it broke down without him, whether it obeys the other owner and whether he is going to return it because he disappointed him. The guy has fears that you too will be “returned” or that you will return yourself, call, look for a reason to meet, and he wants to be ready for this.

The guy’s curiosity may have another selfish goal. He needs to know to what extent your suffering has reached without him. Are you tearing your hair out, have you lost weight or, on the contrary, have you gained weight by eating/drinking away your grief? Or maybe you've changed hands out of boredom, and now everyone will understand that you were good only as long as you had a real man with you? Or he sincerely worries about you and is interested in your life, because he still feels responsible and is waiting for the moment when another man will “pick you up”, and the guy will be able to shift moral responsibility onto him with relief.

Finally realized

I saved the sweets for last. In 5 - 10 cases out of 100, guys still understand how much a girl meant to them. Usually this takes them a lot of time - several months or even years. Going to this decision, they overcome the following stages:

Relief.
The sweetness of freedom.
A love adventure.
Disappointment in another.
Another try and again disappointment.
Melancholy and anger at oneself for weakness.
Fighting pride.
Unbearable sadness.
Awareness and acceptance.
Return.

Does one who has realized deserve forgiveness? Definitely yes. But only if you also feel something. If not, take pity on him and send him on his way. It is incredibly difficult to build something worthwhile on ruins. That's all I have. Goodbye.

What do “reminders” mean?

Why do exes come back? If every woman understood what was happening, then, most likely, she would never allow herself to be taken in by her former lover again. But everything is so prosaic and unpleasant that it’s worth talking about.

The most common reason why men come back is sex. Here a man may come back because he enjoyed sex with his ex-partner. He may come back, because he doesn’t have anyone to sleep with yet, so he calls his exes, seeing who falls for his “reminder” of himself. He may simply want to spice up his sex by remembering his ex.

Sex is something that can push a man to restore ties with his former passion. Moreover, he is not mistaken in his miscalculations, because the woman herself is telling herself that she is loved, and all he can do is see her, give her a nice gift and take her to bed, to which she will agree, since all the significant stages have already been passed... in the past.

Situation 1. A man calls and writes, but does not offer the woman to restore the relationship. What does it mean?

Here, most likely, the man simply does not want to take responsibility for restoring the relationship. It simply gives the woman a chance to begin to take the initiative to restore the connection. He reminds of himself, and she will do the rest herself.

Is it worth going back?

It's up to you to decide. Perhaps you should give your ex-lover a second chance. But it’s a SECOND CHANCE !
Not third, not fourth, not eighth. Human psychology and behavior are not always ideal. We are people, we tend to make mistakes. A mistake can be forgiven. But its systematic repetition should not be tolerated. Therefore, never rush into a decision. Give yourself (and him) time to think. At least a day, preferably several. Say that you are not ready to make a final decision right now. It’s better to weigh everything again, think it over. It’s also important which of you initiated the separation . If it was you, then follow your line to the end. Any confusion, any weakness or even subtle hints can give him hope. And the ex will show even more attentions

If the initiator was a man. The reason itself is important. If these are serious reasons (treason, insult, inappropriate behavior, material damage) and his fault, then show pride. You don't deserve this kind of treatment . And no amount of atonement will heal the spiritual wound. If you broke up out of stupidity, then you need to look at the circumstances

Take a closer look at your ex. And answer your questions. Did he really realize the mistake ? Are his words sincere? Do you still have feelings for him? Listen to your own heart and compare all the facts. If your ex-partner has not changed, then stepping on a rake twice may end up being doubly painful

Tip: Always express yourself cheerfully and positively

This is pretty understandable, but I see a lot of my clients try to start a fight or create drama as soon as they start communicating with their ex. I can tell you that there is nothing less attractive to your ex than starting a new war with them.

So remember: never try to argue with your ex about your past relationships, don't ask who they dated, and last but not least, DON'T ask them to give you a second chance.

I know this will be difficult for some of you, but this is very important at this time. I mean, put yourself in her shoes - do you want to talk to someone who is constantly trying to add fuel to the fire? Of course not. People generally want to be surrounded by happy and positive people. So do your best to be that person.

Dispersal field

It is vital for men to have someone admire them. If things are not going well in the love field, then they return to proven options, but not for good, but as an “alternate airfield.” As soon as another “love” looms on the horizon, he will go over to her, but he will also keep you on a short leash. When a man really wants to win a woman back, sometimes he does not appear, but does not give way and does everything to win her heart again. And the advances from the one who is preparing the “alternate airfield” are like handouts or a favor. Wake up your pride and drive this sly man away.

Revenge

During the time that has passed since your separation, you have become prettier . She lost excess weight, started going to a cosmetologist, changed her image, and began wearing more revealing outfits. This fact may embitter him. You blossomed in his absence. And with him was a gray mouse. He himself did not help you open up, become a better version of yourself. Now, like a boy, he just wants to cause mischief. Since this beauty does not belong to him, then the feeling of ownership will push him to stupid decisions. No one can say how his psyche works and what methods of revenge he will choose. Avoid this man , politely let him know that you are no longer interested in him. In correspondence, answer briefly and dryly. No mutual likes, even if it turned out very well on the avatar. It is better not to respond to messages that do not contain questions at all. For example, if he writes “Hello! The weather is so nice today.” It reads like “Hello! Let’s meet today and take a walk.” It is better to ignore such messages. Yes, you received information from this letter that the weather is wonderful. And what? She will be the way she is even without his words. And to inform you about the weather... no one obligated him to do this

Jealousy woke up

The psychology of most men is such that when ex-girlfriends, and especially wives, have a boyfriend, they become wildly jealous. And not because love is hidden deep somewhere. It's about a sense of ownership. A woman, like a car, always remains his, albeit with the prefix “former”. A jealous person will interfere with life in every possible way, pompously appear on the way, try to show himself from the best side, or, conversely, be rude and insult your gentleman. It would be good if he clearly explained to the jealous person that he has no rights to you.