In this article we will tell you:
- Why do you think you still love your ex-husband?
- Plan to get your ex husband back
- Actions to erase your ex-husband from your memory
- Revenge on ex-husband
- Final tips for communicating with your ex-husband
“I still love my ex-husband” - such revelations are not uncommon on women’s forums. Unfortunately, they often occur at appointments with family psychologists. Having strong feelings for your ex-husband (no matter how old your marriage is) is discouraging. In the heat of divorce proceedings, partners are driven by different emotions, but in most cases they are negative.
And so the woman was left alone with her grief and loneliness and suddenly realized that her feelings for her ex-husband were as strong as at the beginning of the relationship. And it turns out that these three words so dear to the heart are valuable not only during the candy-bouquet period, but in many couples they are forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
When the husks fall off, true feelings are revealed. But a divorce certificate (and perhaps a new partner) can become a serious obstacle. And many women are not ready to forget about all the grievances and mistakes in order to return everything back. What to do if the love for your ex-husband is still strong?
Why do you think you still love your ex-husband?
Sometimes women confuse love for their ex-husband with other feelings that they cannot correctly identify. Sometimes emotions are imposed on the fair sex by characteristics of their character (for example, immaturity) or loneliness.
In this article we will tell you what is really going on in a woman’s soul and what she should do in a given situation.
- Life without him
Running a household together for several years inevitably leads to the distribution of responsibilities between partners. Even a woman’s memory adapts to her husband. For example, if you always forgot the birthdays of loved ones, then most likely your ex-husband often reminded you of the arrival of another important date. And you, in turn, without hesitation could tell the size of his parents’ clothes, which made it much easier for both of you to choose a gift for them. Now you have forgotten about your sister’s birthday, because there was no one to remind you of it. You felt sad.
And then the need arose to do on your own what you once did together. And she also has to do her housework herself. Over and over again, you mentally return to the past and think about how it was before.
Analyze your memories. Surely you have begun to idealize your ex-spouse and your relationship with him. It seems to you that everything was beautiful and cloudless before. And this despite the fact that you were quarreling over the garbage that was not collected on time, which was left after your husband drilled a hole in the wall and hung a picture.
If you recognize yourself in the example above, then you are simply experiencing a feeling of loneliness. And it has nothing to do with love. There is no need to rush to marry your ex-husband again. Yes, at first your family will be almost perfect. But eventually you will again come to the point that you need to get a divorce.
- You can't live without a man
You lack the skill of independent living. First you lived with your parents, then with your husband. Your spouse provided for you and took care of you. And you took it for granted until you were left alone.
Your condition can be compared to the feelings of a student who has just moved into a dormitory and does not know how to organize his life. It's a natural process of adaptation, you just need a little more time to adjust. Very soon you will figure out what's what. And only after that you can analyze your feelings for your ex-spouse and understand whether it is love or fear of being left alone with adult problems. Maybe it's time to grow up.
- It's not over between you
The divorce took place. And, it would seem, the end has been set in the relationship. But this is not so, because you both have something left to say. Maybe you didn’t want a divorce, but only had a great desire to prove something? Maybe it was manipulation, a threat that had to be carried out? You simply could not hear each other due to your personalities and temperaments.
Probably, a quarrel is a way for you to throw out emotions. This time you couldn’t stop, and it came to divorce. The family broke up, but the feelings remained.
Sometimes it is quite difficult to recognize love, to separate it from infatuation and passion. But this must be done. First, calm down and evaluate your relationship. To do this, answer the following questions: “Did your discussions always end in a quarrel?”, “Did you fight for the sake of reconciliatory sex?”, “Was there love between you?”
Maybe this was your first big quarrel. And one of you was the first to talk about divorce, but the pride of the second did not allow you to give in? And you both had to answer for your words and see things through to the end? In this case, you should initiate the resumption of the relationship yourself. Of course, if not too much time has passed since the divorce. Why should you take the first step? Because you are the one reading literature right now and trying to find the answer to the question - I love my ex-husband: what should I do?
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
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Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.
I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.
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I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
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Take your gifts!
- Do you have children
Children perceive their parents in a special way, not as a man and a woman, but as a mother and father. As people who are always together, who are one whole for them. They do not accept divorce, because their parents are a priori the best.
Divorce is a difficult time for all family members. You need to remain calm and remember why you decided to take this step. Talk to the children. They need to understand that their father is no longer your husband, but he is still their dad. And divorce won't change that. You may have to say this many times, it is important to be patient at these moments. It is much more difficult for children to accept the fact that their parents are divorcing, because they were not the ones who made the decision.
Don't let your child manipulate you. Explain that it’s difficult and painful for you too, and that you need time to think and calm down.
If you can firmly say: “I’m divorced, but I love my ex-husband,” and are sure that the feelings are mutual, you should develop a strategy for bringing your husband home. Not having another woman with him will make things much easier for you. In any case, you have a number of advantages:
- know his preferences;
- you know how to please him;
- you feel comfortable together;
- you have a common history, memories.
Before you begin to return your husband to the family bosom, it is worth analyzing the mistakes in the relationship that led to the divorce and finding ways to eliminate them.
Movies to help you get over a breakup
If you love your ex-husband, you need to remember the movie - a wonderful interlocutor who does not need questions and answers. But it will give invaluable life advice, without judging or lecturing.
There are 4 stages after a breakup: shock, tears, resentment, goodbye. For each you will find 3 films that are ideal for the situation.
Stage No. 1
The emotions that cover you in the first days after a breakup can be classified as mixed. Either it is joy, or thoughts about a mistake made or dreams of a new life. The main thing is not to try to find love in the first week.
- "Shallow" - a film whose main character is a surfer who gets into a fight with a shark. There is not even a hint of intellectuality in this tape. The main thing is that you laugh at the stupid moments.
- "Thor: Ragnarok" - a funny movie with great humor that you can enjoy watching with friends or alone.
- "Moana" - a beautiful cartoon without romance, created by . The story about a brave girl will help you distract yourself, thanks to good musical accompaniment, bright art and island landscapes.
Stage No. 2
At the stage of sadness and suffering, it will be useful to cry.
- "Last Love on Earth" - science fiction that tells about a period when people begin to lose their feelings one after another. Despite the questions that arise, the drama is perfect for shedding tears.
- "Pianist" is a film that has a secret weapon against ennui. The plot itself already evokes strong emotions. In addition, its soundtrack (Chopin's 20th nocturne) even without a picture strikes a chord.
- "La La Land" is a film that needs to be watched when faced with the reality that not every dream comes true and not every relationship ends in a happy ending.
Stage No. 3
At this stage, everything about your ex begins to infuriate you: the way he jokes, his looks, his habits. This period can be quite long, but you should try to move to the next stage as quickly as possible. The best way is to watch a movie.
- "Deadly Attraction" - a great drama starring Winona Ryder and Christian Slater. Watching it will make you think.
- "Phantom Thread" is a beautiful movie that gives you the opportunity to release excess venom about the near future awaiting your ex-husband.
- "Gone Girl" - a thriller, when watching which you will be able to imagine your ex in the place of the main character and at the same time appreciate the ingenuity of the main character.
Stage No. 4
When all the emotional somersaults are behind you, you can switch to an inspiring movie. The main thing is to understand that the most important person is you and you need to learn to concentrate on yourself. And cinema will help you, as it will draw you inside and distract you.
- "Visiting Alice" suitable for showing in nail salons, but this film is perfect for you now. The heroine Reese Witherpoon is going through a stage of rebooting her life, but this only makes her better. This is what we need.
- "Miss Sloane" - a dynamic drama about a woman who is a couple of steps ahead of her competitors. You need to watch the movie in order to gain the confidence of a real winner.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Plan to get your ex husband back
Let's say you assessed your emotions and realized: I love my ex-husband and cannot imagine my future life without him. So it's time to bring him home. But your desire alone is not enough, you must change. You return the same person who left you. And if you both remain the same, then your romance will have the same ending as the first time. You will have to restructure your thinking, otherwise you will not be able to improve your family life.
Before you act, make sure once again that your feelings are sincere. You must be sure that you are not replacing with love the fear of loneliness, the reluctance to be branded a “divorcee,” or anxiety about your financial situation. Only sincere feelings can become a reason to renew a relationship. And only when they are mutual. If a person does not love you, then all your attempts to put pressure on him will only generate negative emotions.
The return plan is as follows:
- Remember and analyze the reasons for divorce.
The period of loneliness is a great time for introspection and evaluation of one’s own behavior. Mentally return to the worst moments of your life together, remember the reasons for the quarrels. Understand what irritated him about you, what he lacked. By changing these factors, you can build a new relationship with your ex-husband.
You must sincerely forgive your ex-spouse for anything that offends you. Forget the bad, start from scratch. You are not faced with the task of returning your old family, you need to create a new one. Then you will find yourself married again, and you will say “I love my ex-husband” with pride.
- Establish regular communication.
This will not be difficult to do if you have common children. Remember the main thing - reproaches, accusations and tears during your meetings are unacceptable. Your communication should be easy and unobtrusive. Show interest in the affairs of your ex-spouse, remember situations from your common past. Combined with your impeccable appearance, this will give a good result.
He always catches your eye
This situation is very specific, since it is difficult not to get noticed, for example, if you study or work together. It's a completely different matter if you don't work together, study together, or even live in different areas. What if your ex suddenly starts showing up to you
? For example, I started visiting the same gym where you go; began to frequent your favorite establishments, although he had never been there before; I started using a new route for jogging, which allows me to run into you as if by chance.
But who knows what could happen?
In a word, if you suddenly notice with surprise that you have begun to see your ex almost more often than before, perhaps he really really misses you and your relationship, the old days. He wants to see you more often
, and express his emotions, but he is afraid of rejection. You can try to start over, but first you should make sure that this was not some kind of accident (for example, he moved into the neighboring house purely by chance!).
EpicStockMedia
Actions to erase your ex-husband from your memory
Sometimes a woman understands: I love my ex-husband, but he has a different family. And he is happy in it. She has no other options but to cut him out of her life.
She has to come to terms with the idea that her marriage to him is a thing of the past. During this period, it is necessary to realize that everything is just beginning and she will definitely be happy. Any change is a chance for the best. You shouldn’t waste time on a relationship with a person who doesn’t love you; it’s better to start a new romance that brings exclusively positive emotions. Sooner or later, a man will appear in your life who can give you vivid sensations. And the past will turn into experience, without which your happiness would not become a reality.
How to forget your ex-husband?
- Remove from visible places all things that remind you of him. This will reboot your memory, stop being nervous and worrying. Send joint photos, gifts, souvenirs from travel as far as possible. This will become a symbol of liberation and will allow your subconscious to cleanse itself.
He has no new relationships, although a lot of time has passed
No matter how difficult the breakup of your relationship is, no matter how long you worry, there is always a necessary period of time
in order for the passions to subside, the pain to dull and an irresistible desire to live on to arise. Live and start new relationships, of course.
But if more than enough time has passed, but your ex is still as lonely as immediately after your breakup, this is a reason to think about it. Perhaps he never found anyone who was better than you
? Or has he never let you go from his heart, despite the passing months or even years? This theory can only be tested experimentally!
However, you must be sure that he really did not start a new relationship after you!
Revenge on ex-husband
At a certain point in time, the ex-wife begins to want revenge on her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. “I’ve loved my ex-husband all my life, but he left for someone else! I hate it! - say ladies with similar experience. Women are sure that they love their soulmate and therefore now experience a mixture of emotions from rage, hatred and fear.
In fact, love brings positive emotions, while revenge generates hatred and pain. Having taken revenge, a woman makes everyone unhappy - her ex-husband, his mistress, and herself. If you really love your husband, then let him go and wish him happiness. It will be difficult and painful for you, but you will get through it.
Revenge will not go unnoticed by your friends. It is likely that they will not be able to take your side and show understanding. Friends, neighbors, parents, children, colleagues - everyone will know what you did. What will be the consequences of your action? How will this affect you and your children?
In addition, taking revenge will not give you the relief you expected. All that awaits you is complete emotional devastation and energy blockade. You will not find either joy or peace.
Possible mistakes when wanting to return your loved one
Don't stalk your loved one. You'll only make him angry
- One of the common mistakes is trying to win back through sex. You must understand that the guy will simply start treating you like a girl of easy virtue.
- You can’t stalk him or torment him with repeated calls.
- You can’t humiliate yourself, lie at his feet, beg him to return everything.
- There is no need to think that life is over, try to drown your grief in wine, or think about suicide.
- Intimidate the guy with the threat of blackmail in order to try to get him back.
- There is no need to resort to lies. The biggest mistake is telling a guy that you are expecting a child from him, and even more so, trying to get pregnant quickly in order to pass off what you want as reality.
- You can't promise what you can't do. Or just say that you will do whatever he wants. Who knows what's on his mind.
- Create scandals and hysterics. So you definitely won’t get him back.
Final tips for communicating with your ex-husband
In a situation where a woman really loves her ex-husband, but a relationship between them is impossible, she should let him go. You should not look for support and support in him, you need to learn to be independent and awaken self-confidence. Only then will letting go of your loved one become a feasible task for you. There is no need to hold on to the illusion of love; it is much better to make room in your heart for a new feeling.
If you love me, forgive me. And wish you happiness! The main thing is that the person is alive and well.
It is very difficult to forget a person; you will need something to fill the void. Let it be positive energy that you can draw from the outside world. Sports, dancing, traveling - choose what fills you with energy. Your main task is to acquire peace and inner harmony.
Don't get carried away with short-term romances. You don't need them at this stage. Focus on the joyful moments of your life, gain a feeling of happiness and freedom. This will not be easy to do. At first you will begin to experience echoes of these feelings, but gradually they will become full-fledged and real. Remember, divorce is often the beginning of a new stage in life.
You just need to stop focusing on past failures and then you will see that the world around you is beautiful!
It keeps in touch with your family members
Situations, of course, are different, but it is not always the case that a man or woman, after a breakup, maintains good relations with their partner’s family members. And especially not everyone
will try to use any excuse to communicate with them. This looks especially strange when your ex does not and cannot have any common affairs with anyone from your family.
Robert Kneschke
However, if such communication occurs, it may well be that he does not lose hope of getting back together with you. Finding out is quite simple - you can talk to those members of your family
, with whom your ex actively communicates. Ask them to express their point of view; finally ask what your ex is talking to them about - maybe about you?
Do not rush to regard this step of your ex as a sign of remaining love for you, if your relationship
lasted so long that he simply became close friends with one of your family members.
