How to get rid of the past: advice from psychologists

The article explains:

Reasons why a person may live in the past
A simple explanation of why you shouldn't live in the past
12 tips for those who have decided to stop living in the past

Unfortunately, the question of how to stop living in the past is relevant for many. There are a lot of people who cannot forget about their long-standing successes or are simply afraid to look into the eyes of the present, preferring to immerse themselves in a fictional world over and over again.

Invented because the past no longer exists. It is gone forever. All that remains is his disembodied shadow, which, however, greatly interferes with moving forward, or even just enjoying life. Something definitely needs to be done about this. Otherwise, trouble!

Why do people get stuck in the past?

To effectively solve a problem, you need to understand its essence. The past has a tremendous influence on a person. And that's why:

Playback. In a continuously changing series of events, people inevitably encounter situations similar to those that occurred in the past. Negative or positive memories involuntarily pop up in your head. Consciousness begins to search in the depths of memory for answers to recurring questions.
Emotional dependence. Memory records moments of the past, as well as the range of feelings that a person experienced at a particular moment. Speaking about emotions, it is worth noting that a person, as a rule, clings to something positive and joyful, replaying the event of past days in his head over and over again.
Hypertrophied instinct of self-preservation. It is expressed in the fact that a person falls into hysterics and panic when something in his life begins to change. In this way, he tries to protect himself as much as possible from changes and maintain a state that was once safe and comfortable for him.

Recommendations from a psychologist: how to learn to forgive yourself

How to forgive yourself for past mistakes - advice from a psychologist:

Realize that you are the only person you will spend your entire life with. You are the only one you can always rely on. Any other person can leave your life. Make friends with yourself. And for this you need to forgive, love and accept yourself.
Replace self-flagellation with healthy introspection. Instead of drowning in guilt and shame and simply reliving the past over and over again, learn to analyze traumatic situations and learn from them.
Learn to love yourself unconditionally. You are valuable and deserving of love for the mere fact of your existence. Stop trying to earn good treatment for yourself. You deserve it for nothing.
Study the life stories of famous people. In interviews, media personalities willingly share their problems and methods for solving them. Many openly tell what they were once ashamed of, what they scolded themselves for and how they eventually forgave. For example, the famous actress and TV presenter Larisa Guzeeva for a long time could not forgive herself for her cold attitude towards her own children, as well as for alcoholism, indecent behavior, disruption of performances, etc. But the woman found the strength to take the path of correction, let go of the past and prove to herself and others that she could live differently.
Consult books. For example, read the book by M. Mikhailova and M. Arkhipova “Forgiveness. How to make peace with yourself and others.”

Group psychotherapy is very helpful in forgiving yourself. If you cannot yet contact a psychologist, then find a support group on the Internet. For example, on psychological forums people actively share their experiences of forgiveness. And some psychologists conduct free consultations via chat and answer user questions.

Important! Understand that everyone makes mistakes. This is fine. And life doesn't end there.

Sources

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https://psyfiles.ru/phobias/zivu-proslym.html
https://www.Teatr-Benefis.ru/staty/psihologiya/kak-legko-otpustit-proshloe-i-nachat-zhit-nastoyashhim/
https://uspeh-woman.com/otpustite-svoe-proshloe-i-osvobodite-sebja/
https://heroine.ru/10-sovetov-dlya-tex-kto-ne-mozhet-otpustit-proshloe/
https://mozaic-life.ru/otpustit-proshloe-i-nachat-zhit-nastoyashchim/
https://knife.media/toxic-cargo/
https://vsvoemdome.ru/psihologiya/samorazvitie/kak-otpustit-proshloe
https://FB.ru/article/399772/kak-izbavitsya-ot-proshlogo-sovetyi-psihologov
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https://lifemotivation.online/razvitie-lichnosti/samopoznanie/kak-prostit-sebya

Forgive and love your past self

Forgiving and loving yourself is the surest way to get rid of the past. Continuing to scold and reproach yourself will not change past events, but you will greatly poison your present and close the road to the future. But if you let go of what has already happened, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Choose a quiet time and replay in your head a past situation that haunts you. Moreover, look at it through the eyes of your “then” self, and not your “today” self. Your task is to justify your action. Circumstances, youth, lack of knowledge and experience, lack of support - then you simply could not do otherwise. Forgive and love your past self, even take pity in order to love your present self.

The past is the teacher

Everything that the Universe sends to us should be perceived as a test, a test of strength, and not as punishment. Any situation, especially an unpleasant one, is sent to us for a specific purpose - to learn something. For example, after breaking up with your loved one due to a wrong decision, you learned to appreciate dear people. After spending several years indulging in your bad habits, you realized that time needs to be valued, and you also realized which addictions you need to get rid of.

Of course, you have made mistakes in the past. Perhaps the wrong decisions had fatal consequences. But would you be where you are today if you hadn't made mistakes? Alas, it is the wrong decisions that make us better and wiser.

Be grateful for the past

How to get rid of the past? Look at the past times not with sadness, but with gratitude. After all, no matter how difficult and foggy past events may have been, it is to them that you owe what you are now. Difficulties have taught you to be persistent and courageous. You have become stronger, you have begun to perceive life’s troubles more easily.

In this case, psychologists recommend using a technique with the poetic name “Pearls of Wisdom.” Its essence is to analyze the situation that haunts you, and as a result, write down on a piece of paper everything that it taught you, how it changed you. These are the very “pearls”. Thank the past for them and let go of the situation without regret.

Forgive and let go of people from the past

To start living life to the fullest, it is important to know how to get rid of past relationships and connections. Surely there were people in your life who hurt you, set you up, or left you alone when you needed help. Often, past grievances prevent you from making new acquaintances and building new relationships. You subconsciously expect trickery and betrayal from everyone.

Give up your resentment and hatred. Those people with whom you are offended have changed a long time ago, just like you. It is possible that they also regret their actions. Of course, no one forces you to love them, maintain close contacts with them, and so on. But you simply have to forgive them. You don't need to tell them about it. Just get rid of the resentment within yourself.

Toxic cargo: how to stop regretting the past

Learn a lesson from the past

When it seems (or you know for sure) that you made a mistake in the past, you need to find the benefit in the situation so that it is not so offensive. Ask yourself what lesson can be learned from what happened. Analyze the answers, draw conclusions, and to consolidate the results, write them down in a notebook. This will help not only ease the torment, but also avoid repeating the mistake in the future.

Learn to forgive yourself and others

You can reproach yourself endlessly for doing the wrong thing or missing an opportunity. Therefore, it is important to forgive - other people and yourself. Don’t be cruel to yourself: everyone can make a mistake, even you, and this is normal, because only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Life is not a computer game in which you can reboot and start everything from the saved moment.

Work on the bugs

There are fatal mistakes in life that cannot be corrected. However, this is rare: relationships can be improved with the help of apologies and kind deeds, and a mistake at work can be made up for with conscious work. Remember this when you scold yourself for wrong behavior. Spend the energy that goes into reflection on correcting the mistake: think about how best to do it, and take action.

Remember why you did what you did

Some time after making a mistake, it seems that it would have been logical to do something differently, so we mercilessly reproach ourselves for our miscalculations. We forget that in the past we acted based on the circumstances in which we found ourselves, and of all the possible options, we probably chose the most logical decision. Keep this in mind when you beat yourself up: remember why you did what you did, and you'll likely see that you made a justifiable decision.

Don't exaggerate your guilt

Many people consider themselves the center of the world, and their own mistakes seem catastrophic to them. However, more often than not, it’s actually not that scary. Try to look at your mistake with an open mind: is it really because of one mistake that your whole life has gone downhill and it cannot be corrected? Or did it have dire consequences for other people? This is unlikely to be true, which means you shouldn’t waste a lot of time on regrets.

Take a look at yourself from the outside

We tend not only to sympathize with our loved ones and friends, but also to forgive a lot. You should treat yourself the same way. Look at yourself through the eyes of a good friend, say words of consolation, and you will see that the mistake has ballooned to the scale of a catastrophe only in your head, and to any other person it will not seem so comprehensive. This will ease the internal torment and help you look at the situation soberly.

Don't forget that everything is possible in the future

When it seems like the world has collapsed because of a mistake, think that there is still time ahead. Surely you can fix a lot of things in your life, because we rarely find ourselves in hopeless situations. This will require effort and work, but it is better to spend it on future achievements than on self-criticism. The main thing is to learn to look forward realistically, and not through the prism of already missed opportunities or wrong decisions.

Radical Acceptance

If no method has helped you deal with the pain of thinking about past mistakes, try radical acceptance. Sometimes no tricks of consciousness help explain your behavior in the past. Then there is only one step left - to accept and love your life entirely, with all its victories and failures. In part, this resembles the position of a fatalist: well, since all this happened, so be it.

Rewrite old scripts

“I’m living in the past, how can I get rid of this?” - This is exactly the question many people come to see a psychologist with. During the conversation, specialists often notice that throughout his life the patient walks in circles, constantly stepping on the same rake, acting in a similar “wrong” way in similar situations.

The reason is that the human brain records scenarios that are triggered whenever you find yourself in a similar situation. To break this vicious circle, you need to rewrite the negative script of the past in a positive manner. Imagine that a situation that haunts you has been resolved in your favor. Think through a sequence of actions that could lead to a positive outcome. This will help you avoid making mistakes in the future.

Don't fight disappointment and pain

We often look for answers to our questions externally: in books and podcasts, in trainings and seminars, from mentors and spiritual teachers. But this does not always help to understand your aspirations, and sooner or later you need to look inside yourself.

In this case, disappointments and painful memories will inevitably surface. You want to run away from them, but you have to look them in the face. And then you will notice this paradox: the more you fight the pain, the more you give it strength. And when you finally let go of this struggle, it becomes easier.

It's quite difficult. The need to give up goes against everything we are constantly taught: to strive, to push, to endure, to win. But when we surrender, we find peace and find inspiration. And this is not the same as reconciling and falling into apathy.

When you let go of the desperate desire to change the situation, you finally become free.

And you can only live a meaningful life in this state of freedom and self-expression without excuses. Understand that disappointments and pain are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid of them. Yes, you can get your heart broken, you can get fired from your job, your creative project can fail.

But what you learn in the process will help you grow and become a different person. The only way to avoid disappointment is to never take risks. But it will be a very limited life.

Learn to appreciate the present

If you are tired of despondency, you need to figure out how to get rid of the past and live in the present. After all, what is life? This is what is happening, what you look like, what you feel right now. If you constantly dwell on the past, you miss out on unique moments that are gone forever. Very soon they will also become a past for you, for which you will begin to blame yourself.

To stop the past from dominating your life, block it with thoughts about the present. Think more about how you look now, how you feel now, how comfortable you are now, what you would like now. Surprisingly, such thoughts release internal energy and charge a person with joyful thoughts.

Fix what can be fixed

Life goes on, you need to learn this simple truth. And it does not continue in your memories and soul-searching. Every minute counts down precious time. But our life is not so long as to allow ourselves to neglect even one second.

Think about what past mistakes you can correct today. For example, you offended a friend in your youth, but you are still tormented by feelings of guilt. Find her on social networks, try to talk and ask for forgiveness. It is unlikely that she still holds a grudge against you. Of course, your friend may turn out to be a rather vindictive person who will refuse to accept your apology. Don't let this bother you. The main thing is that you apologized.

Remember that you always have the opportunity to change something. You only need the present and the future for this.

Get rid of excess

A surefire way to get rid of past connections and events is to clear your personal space of everything that reminds you of old times. Hoarding is human nature. Photos, souvenirs, clothes, interior items, dishes - every thing in your home probably has some memories associated with it. And they are not always pleasant.

Set a goal to complete a complete audit of everything stored in your home within a month. Looking at each thing, listen to your inner feelings and the voice of memory. If there is negativity, feel free to get rid of this item (throw it away, give it away, sell it). Gradually surround yourself with new “clean” things that will gradually be filled with positive meaning.

Perform an emotional reset

In the process of searching for means and ways to get rid of jealousy of the past, a person tries to be calm and balanced. But this is not always the right approach. Negative emotions need to be released to make room for new positive thoughts and feelings.

This can be done in a variety of ways. You can scream loudly, break a cup, tear a newspaper into small pieces, cry your heart out. In terms of emotional release, physical activity helps well, which also brings considerable benefits to the body in terms of health and aesthetics.

Effective techniques for dealing with memories

If you cannot get rid of memories of the past using basic methods, use additional techniques that work quickly and clearly. Here are the main ones:

Positive attitude. Before you get out of bed in the morning, tune in to perceive something new. Program yourself for the fact that the new day will bring positive moments, which will subsequently fall into the “piggy bank” of your pleasant memories.
Give the negative to the water. If you feel like your thoughts are overwhelmed by negative memories of the past, go to the sink and turn on the water. Looking at the stream, scroll through your head everything that worries you, imagining how negative emotions flow down the drain along with the water.
Change your surroundings. The ideal scenario is a radical change of residence. A more realistic option is to add new details to your environment (re-glue the wallpaper, hang new curtains, acquire a new interesting hobby).
Expand your social circle. Contacts with people help you switch from negative thoughts to interesting conversation. It’s good if, during a period of emotional decline, you communicate with some new people with whom you do not have common negative memories from the past.
Change your image. Internal transformation, according to psychologists, occurs much easier if it is accompanied by external transformation. Visit the hairdresser, adjust your wardrobe, join the gym - update your appearance.
Get rid of bad habits. Oddly enough, this is a common recommendation from psychologists. The fact is that alcohol and nicotine depress the psyche, forcing you to return again and again to unpleasant moments of the past. By giving up these habits, you will cleanse your body and thoughts.

Don't live in the past, live in the present

Here's what the famous writer and psychologist Dale Carnegie thought about the past and future:

The first and most important thing a person should know about anxiety is that in order to crowd out anxiety from one’s life, one must make every effort to distinguish between the past and the future.

Carnegie proposes installing “iron doors” between them, thereby creating the “sealed compartments” of today. It is necessary to live in the present, without regretting the past and without worrying about the future. Otherwise, past experiences and thoughts of hope will create anxiety and worry.

Be happy and enjoy today. You have probably already been told once: “Don’t live in the past, live in the present.” It's time to understand that you are here and now. You are neither in the past nor in the future.

Meditation

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to get rid of your past life. It's simple, accessible, and doesn't require any special skills. The main thing is to devote at least a few minutes to meditation every day. This is done as follows:

Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you will feel comfortable and where no one will disturb you.
Take a comfortable position. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position like yoga. You can sit, lie, stand.
Close your eyes and try to completely relax.
Imagine that you are surrounded by endless and beautiful nature. But you have a heavy bag in your hands, which prevents you from running towards the world around you.
Mentally open the bag, revealing a pile of stones. Throw them out of the bag one by one, giving each stone some meaning - an event from the past.
When the stones “run out,” lie quietly for a few more minutes, then take a refreshing shower to wash away any remaining negativity.

Some answers

Remember that everything that happens to you is not a test and it is not a problem. These are your lessons and training.

Perhaps some of you will have questions about the injustice of this world in your minds. But our world is measured down to the millimeter. And everything in it proceeds as it should.

Why did some people survive the war?
This means their souls had to learn compassion and mercy. They had to go through this suffering in order to be purified.
Why do people get serious illnesses?
A person earns his own diseases. Based on his behavior and thoughts, he acquires one or another disease. Sometimes this is a punishment for bad deeds in a past life.
Why do children suffer and die?
These are the lessons of their parents or the whole family.
Why do they take the brightest and most talented people at a young age?
This means they fulfilled their mission in this particular incarnation. By the way, their next incarnation will be even more successful.