Self-esteem

The more confident a person is in his views, actions, and strengths, the more respect the people around him look at him and listen to him. I will talk about self-esteem - what it is, why it is valuable, how to increase self-esteem. For women, confidence and a sense of value are more important than for men, since they perceive criticism more painfully, are generally more critical of themselves, and also tend to be upset not only because of failures, but also because of less-than-ideal appearance and a carelessly thrown word.

The second term, in addition to the acronym CSD, is “self-concept”, that is, how everyone sees themselves, what they consist of, what roles they play, and how successful they feel in them. Social masks (and labels), for example, mother, wife, daughter, colleague, are implemented to varying degrees. But if they harmoniously complement each other, then the result is a person with developed self-esteem and self-confidence.

What does self-esteem mean?

If we compare CSD and self-esteem, then the second term is narrower, since it only covers a person’s opinion about himself. While the first state involves a combination of self-esteem and healthy ambitions, as well as the assessment of an external, third-party observer.

Let's analyze the signs:

High demands on yourself. The owner of self-esteem will never ask more from others than from himself. This applies to behavior, actions, and appearance.
Neatness. He will never allow himself to be sloppy (in clothes, in cleaning the apartment), he knows that cleaning up dirt is not shameful, it is much worse to live in it.
Good manners towards acquaintances and strangers. It is not pretentious or ostentatious, but comes as a matter of course.
Awareness of one's own boundaries. He does not perceive intrusion into the boundaries of the “I”, unsolicited advice, criticism, because he clearly evaluates his person.
There is no pride, that is, he does not show himself off, comparing himself with less successful ones, and does not self-actualize at the expense of others. He can be proud, but only of real achievements. At the same time, he is not inclined to exceed his merits or extol them - only an objective assessment of achievements.
There is no selfishness - a person does not violate other people’s rights, boundaries, interests, does not put them to the detriment of his own, because he values other people.
Self-respect, he values his time and energy, understands why he himself and others can respect him.
Comparison is not with weaker or stronger ones, but with oneself “yesterday”, “today” and “tomorrow”. Such a person does not focus on well-known biographies, their successes and failures, as well as on loved ones and examples in the family. He does not strive to become better than mom or dad, but only to develop and grow every day in relation to his previous achievements.
Reaches a successful end in any endeavor he embarks on. A person does not scatter himself over several tasks, being sure that this is beyond his strength, but immediately takes on tasks that he is guaranteed to successfully complete.
Inner peace - there is no place for involuntary depression and spontaneous hysterics.
Reliability. Every given word and promise will be fulfilled. These are the people that friends and family call when they are in trouble because they are confident in him.
A confident position in front of those who are stronger (older, higher in status, richer), and decent behavior with those who are weaker.
Composure. In any difficult, exciting and unforeseen situation, even if doubts and worries creep into the soul, a person with CSD can take control of himself and the situation.
The leader, not the follower. He will not follow the lead of the crowd, will be guided by a single opinion and will not report to it.
Responsibility for actions, words, thoughts. There is no need to shift blame or responsibility to another.

People nearby automatically treat you with respect and do not dare to be rude, insult, or belittle your personality. They are imbued with trust, partly it comes from within - from self-esteem.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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This is a decent girl. Who is a real woman worthy of respect?

WHO IS A REAL WOMAN worthy of respect and admiration? Throughout the history of mankind, women have been looking for the answer to the question - what do you need to be to be a real woman worthy of respect and admiration?

Let's try to figure this out. “They greet you by their clothes.” Accordingly, a real woman, worthy of respect and admiration, should dress stylishly and beautifully. This is already a common truth. A haphazardly dressed woman will evoke neither respect nor admiration. Fortunately, now this is not so difficult to do. There are many shops, fashion magazines, stylists and even relevant TV programs at your service. But it also happens that a well-dressed woman does not evoke either respect or admiration. What could be the reasons? First of all, in self-love and self-confidence. If a woman loves herself and respects herself, she is filled with the bright energy of love and success. She attracts you to her. She attracts, delights, she is successful and prosperous. Everything is very simple. The energy law of correspondence works here. Law of attraction. The external world is a reflection of the internal. And therefore, a woman who wants to be successful, respected, delightful and attractive must, first of all, feel like that herself. So, where to start when embarking on the wonderful path of internal transformation? Educate yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you like about yourself, what don’t you like, what would you like to change about yourself? Try to use your hair, makeup and clothing to make your strengths in your appearance or figure more pronounced and to make your weaknesses less noticeable. Think positively. Change your thinking. Perception of yourself and the world around you. Look at everything with a new look, through the prism of love and joy. It is now popular to read about the power of thought because it really works. Thoughts are material. The more you mentally admire yourself, think about yourself calmly, respectfully, the more all this will be reflected in your outer world. Don't judge yourself or others. Try to see the positive aspects in everything. And even perceive failures as lessons or gifts of fate. Don't just think, but also act. You have already mastered positive thinking! Bravo! It's time to take action! Action is, in fact, the key to developing self-confidence. You are what you think and what you do. Keep a “Notebook of Happiness” in which you will write down gratitude, affirmations, and your dreams and plans every day. Indulge yourself with what you love - walks, chocolate, going to the cinema and theater, new books, new dresses, etc., etc. Show kindness and generosity. Showing kindness and generosity are powerful ways to improve self-esteem. You start to feel good, feeling like you have done something very good. Focus not on problems, but on solutions. If you like to complain, get upset, worry, or focus on your problems, then change that right now! Start focusing on solutions to the problem. For example. If you constantly think, “I'm lonely,” change your thinking. Say, “I’m looking for love,” and focus on where and how you can meet “Prince Charming.” Smile more often. There is always something to smile or be happy about in your life. Be joyful and positive. Smile to yourself. Smile at the world around you and the world will smile at you! Forgiveness and gratitude. Always forgive yourself for all “mistakes” (which, from now on, we learn to perceive as lessons or gifts of fate). Forgive everyone who caused any negative emotions in you. Forgive and let go. This will help you feel joy and happiness. Be grateful for everything that happens in your life. Wake up and go to sleep with words of gratitude and a smile on your face! You are beautiful! Contact. Learn to communicate, be the first to make contact, and make new acquaintances. This will help you gain more self-confidence and expand your circle of acquaintances, and therefore opportunities. Exchange positivity and kind words. If you don't hear praise, compliments, or kind words as often as you'd like, start saying them first. Praise, admire, give compliments and kind words to others and it will come back to you. Believe in your success and you will experience it in all directions, because the law of life is the law of faith. You are what you believe in! Remember this, dear women! Good luck and prosperity to you! Olga Angelovskaya

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Why self-worth is important

This character trait helps both in personal life and in career and social activities. It can be developed in childhood or adulthood. The main ways for parents to become CSD are encouragement, teaching independence, the habit of evaluating the child’s actions and voicing what they lead to - both good and bad, as well as teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions. An adult can develop independently in the same way, let’s list why:

To become a leader who is respected. They follow the leader, listen to the point of view, listen to advice.
Avoid becoming a victim - the behavior of someone who is constantly offended and humiliated leads to failures in his personal life and at work. The initial attitude of defeat leads to real failures - others begin to ignore or humiliate, “harass” the psychologically sacrificial type of people. Women of this type often marry a husband prone to domestic violence or a despotic, totalitarian man.
See successes first, not failures. Bad times happen to everyone, but you shouldn’t dwell on failures. Such a pessimistic view leads to real mistakes and problems - there are more of them, the burden puts pressure on a person who can break. A developed sense of self-worth leads to an optimistic approach to life.

People around you often treat people who don’t respect themselves poorly. They see uncertainty, subconsciously believing that it is justified.

Let's give an example: a woman with a low NRR, when applying for a job, says that she has little experience, shyly lists her places of activity, talks about the reasons for her dismissal, and shows her experiences. The result is that the head of the HR department believes that the candidate is incompetent and is not interested in the position.

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The second one has good self-esteem and self-confidence. She shows right from the start that she is confident in the successful performance of her duties, even if she has no experience, notes her positive qualities and does not allow her to doubt her capabilities. Even if the first applicant was more educated and competent, had more experience, with a 99% probability they will choose the second.

We conclude: CSD is what makes the people around you treat you with respect from the very beginning, and makes you yourself have goals, not be afraid to achieve them, and not be upset over mistakes, but only draw conclusions.

Examples

What does male and female dignity mean? Due to natural differences between men and women, their sense of dignity manifests itself differently.

Read about the causes and methods of overcoming existential emptiness here.

Men

A typical example of the manifestation of worthy behavior is the fulfillment of military duty in difficult periods for the state or the protection of the interests of the country within the framework of professional activities.

At all times, the military has been the standard of masculinity. These people have clear ideas about honor, justice and duty.

They are ready their children, parents, and strangers at the cost of their own lives

The concept of military honor includes defending the interests of the country, willingness to give one’s life, respect for the uniform and flag, execution of orders in any circumstances, etc.

Another option is a competition in strength and endurance, which men love so much.

To win a victory over an equal or superior opponent is also a manifestation of dignity.

Thus, a man subconsciously seeks to prove that he deserves respect and recognition . At the same time, during the competitions the principles of fairness, equality, and mutual assistance are observed.

Often men who have nothing to do with the work of rescuers provide assistance to people in extreme situations.

Saving people from a fire, rescuing a drowning person and other similar actions indicate the ability to take responsibility and consider oneself capable of helping people.

Women

Historically, the main advantage of a woman is the ability to be a good wife and mother . Successful fulfillment of the duties of a homemaker gives a woman confidence in her own worth.

If she respects herself and understands her needs, then only men worthy of her will always be next to her.

It is self-respect that allows a woman to build harmonious relationships in the family.

If she values herself and at the same time respects her choice , then the man nearby will always feel care, attention and support.

Children growing up in such an atmosphere, in turn, grow into worthy adults who create equally strong families.

A worthy girl never stoops to gossip, criticism and condemnation . Because she respects herself, she doesn't want to waste time on such negative conversations.

Her speech will not contain rude, abusive words, and her gestures and facial expressions will never be vulgar or intrusive.

The ability to show respect for someone else’s appearance, opinions, and actions is the behavior of a truly worthy woman.

Self-respect also manifests itself in the desire to take care of oneself . Untidy clothes, unkempt hands, bad smell - all this causes rejection among others.

Dignity should be manifested not only in behavior, but also in appearance. Self-love is manifested in the obligatory care of your body, which is visible to all the people around you.

When it helps

I have already noted that this is not some narrow competence that is needed only at a specific moment. This is a life position that is always involved. Self-worth does not turn on and off, it simply is. This is an innate feature that is accessible to some and not to others; on the contrary, everyone can get good self-esteem. If you are having difficulty with this, have lost faith in yourself, or have felt like a victim rather than a leader since early childhood, I recommend signing up for my consultation.

I will list life situations and areas of life where it is necessary to have self-esteem:

Romantic relationships and marriage. A woman's self-worth helps attract men who are confident in themselves. Usually, next to a strong and purposeful lady, you will rarely find a man who is able to raise his hand or who likes to drink - such guys themselves have very low self-esteem, which means they are simply afraid to approach a lady who, based on her ability to hold herself, is head and shoulders above them. Therefore, next to you will be a life partner who is not afraid of new achievements, is ready to improve himself and supports you in your endeavors. Men who are next to a girl with a low FSD often consciously or subconsciously try to limit the scope of women's accomplishments and achievements. It often looks like this: the husband builds a career, develops, goes to the gym and makes business acquaintances, while the wife stays at home with the children and confines herself to everyday life. If you do not want to become a victim in a relationship, but want to be partners, equal individuals who are not “subordinate,” you should spend more time developing yourself and your sense of self-worth.
Family, raising children. The younger generation looks to their parents, wanting to find role models. Confidence is a trait that completely helps to gain the respect of the weaker, and a child up to a certain age is a priori weaker than an adult. If your son/daughter does not find such an example or authority in you, he will look among those around him. It’s good if this is a teacher or father of the family, but it could be a “bad guy” from the senior class who does not suffer from low self-esteem. Only a strong and self-confident person can really raise children correctly, instill in them good manners and habits , share with them an interest in sports, studies, and art.
Career. We have already given an example with two applicants. It follows from it that understanding the value of one’s personality, one’s own successes, and achievements is an important quality when applying for a job, as well as when negotiating, communicating with superiors, and building business connections. An employee who lacks self-confidence is first on the list for dismissal, as well as overtime, unpaid sick leave and no promotion. CHSD will help you climb the career ladder, get a position that matches your competence, as well as develop and improve yourself in order to achieve more every year.
Friendship and camaraderie. Any communication (interpersonal, business) can occur according to two patterns: “equal to equal” or “subordinate to superior.” These schemes work in any situation. Scandalous behavior is one of the signs of low self-esteem.

This is an incomplete list of situations from areas of life when self-esteem will help. It is always important, every minute. You should wake up in the morning with the thought that you are a significant and irreplaceable part of the family and company.

How to behave in society as a teenager. List of rules for children's behavior outside the home

There are official rules for the behavior of children - a list of them can be found in children's and educational institutions. Requirements for the behavior of teenagers, of course, are much more complex than for kids, but the main ones, common to everyone, are given in the list:

Rules of conduct developed by the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

On the street and in public places, talk without shouting, do not make noise, and do not disturb other people.
Show politeness to older people, patronize little ones. Be attentive to people with disabilities.
Maintain cleanliness in public places - do not litter, do not spit, take care of green spaces.
Protect public and other people's property.
Do not commit unworthy acts and protect your friends from them. This means: do not offend or insult others, do not take other people’s things, do not abuse animals, etc.
Unaccompanied by an adult, children under 16 years of age cannot be on the street after 21:00 in the evening (during the holidays, children over 12 years of age can walk until 22:00).
Teenagers are allowed to attend entertainment events no later than 21:30.

These teenagers are maliciously violating the rules of conduct

These basic requirements include a number of prohibitions for schoolchildren and teenagers:

Take part in any actions that disrupt order in public places.
Drinking alcohol, smoking, swearing, playing cards in public places.
Engage in trading and resale.
You cannot climb into basements, onto roofs, or onto railway cars.
Ride on the running boards of public transport.
Swim independently without adult supervision.
Hooliganism, throwing stones at passing vehicles, placing various objects on the rails.

Children under 16 years of age are prohibited from riding a scooter on the road.

For teenagers, there is also a ban on riding a bicycle on the roads until the age of 14, and on a moped or scooter until the age of 16.

Risks of inadequate heart rate

Without developing this quality, a person can get:

lack of confidence in one's actions;
shame for your words;
susceptibility to manipulation by others;
depressive moods;
low social status;
low ambitions, and at the same time – a complete lack of aspirations and achievements.

This psychological pathology (and this is undoubtedly a big mistake when raising a child) leads to dissonance in every area of life, and at the same time to a constant bad mood and negative thinking.

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Personal dignity of a man

This characteristic of a representative of the stronger sex is inherent in those who know their place in life; most likely, they have already found their path, including a career, or are actively searching. This is a person who sensibly evaluates his pros and cons, and does not seek constant approval. I will list the characteristic features:

Doesn’t do things for the sake of other people’s opinions or their consent.
Does not insult others, elevating himself in comparison.
He defends his position.
Sets goals and achieves them.
Has an individual personality.
He is not afraid of mistakes, but finds experience in them, and no longer repeats mistakes.
Always maintains composure and does not show negative emotions.

Respect for human dignity

Any person has the right to respect from the state, individual bodies, officials, and other members of society.

Art. 21 of the Constitution of the Russian Federation states that the dignity of the individual is protected at the state level and nothing can act as a basis for its derogation.

This norm implies that any person has the following rights :

Protection from torture, violence, cruelty, humiliation.
Possibility of voluntary refusal of medical, scientific or other experiments.
Access to rights and benefits provided by the state regardless of gender, age, nationality, financial status, religious and political beliefs.
The right to protect one's dignity in court.

Personal dignity of a woman

This feeling can be compared to inner harmony - the girl begins to listen to her own desires, sees her strengths and weaknesses, develops the former and eliminates the latter. Character traits:

He takes care of his own body - not to meet “standards”, but to maintain health and contentment with his reflection.
Allows you to take care of yourself - gratefully accepts compliments and gifts, does not strive to do everything yourself, gives a man the right to perform “male” duties.
She does not ask for love, but only gives reasons to be loved. Never “runs” after a young man.
She skillfully shares home problems and joys with work moments, never prefers one to the complete detriment of the other, finds compromises, remains a good employee and a loving mother and wife.

How to behave with dignity as a girl. Peculiarities

Very often we associate the word “etiquette” with how, for example, how to properly set a table, which glass to use for wine and which for water, how to dress for a particular social event. But this concept is broader; it covers all spectrums of a woman’s life.

Etiquette is also how to behave in public transport and how to organize communication in a work team. A young girl must demonstrate her manners and good manners in relations with a young man, his and her parents. This can even include friendly chat with a girlfriend, who, it turns out, must also obey special rules.

To take the path of “becoming a lady,” you first need to learn to monitor your emotions. Nowadays, many girls are accustomed to vigorously expressing their overwhelming feelings. Restraint and modesty are the main distinctive features that distinguish a true lady, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s the joy of meeting a friend or the indignation of an unfair incident.

Learning to hide your emotions is a very important step in the process of learning good manners. There is no need to come up with excuses for yourself that at that moment it was impossible to remain silent or outwardly remain indifferent to the situation - surely the problem will soon be solved on its own, but restoring a damaged reputation is much more difficult.

Try to be more tolerant of the shortcomings of others, do not criticize anyone in public, do not interfere in other people’s affairs, behave modestly and with dignity - these principles will pay for ignorance of the basic rules of etiquette.

How to develop self-esteem

This trait is laid down and formed in childhood. From an early age, parents teach to be responsible for their actions, independent and purposeful, and also praise for achievements and are proud of their child.

It happens that reproaches, words of disappointment, a symptom of learned helplessness lead to low self-esteem in adulthood. Then you need to relearn self-respect. In childhood, CSD develops:

praise for good deeds, acquired skills, but not commendable rewards for every step;
encouragement of aspirations and assistance in achieving goals;
teaching responsibility for wrongdoing.

How to recover

Sometimes there are moments when you completely lose faith in yourself - after a streak of failures in your personal life or work. To regain your former self-confidence, I recommend:

Improve physical fitness and gain new knowledge, improve yourself. Sign up for yoga and cooking classes, find a good book, go get additional education.
Achieve goals. Have you always wanted to become a clothing designer? Take courses, master the rules of sewing and finally get your sewing machine out of the attic!
Know the norms of behavior in society and rights, laws.