Hello, dear readers! When putting on a wedding dress, few people imagine how a man crying with happiness will one day pack his things and leave him in deafening silence. It's impossible to prepare for this. So what to do when your husband leaves the family, how to behave, the advice of a psychologist on this topic does not vary too much. Everyone encourages you to be persistent, proud, look your best and thank the person who leaves you for the years together. Seriously?
The theory about the boundless inner self-control of an abandoned wife is certainly interesting, but in practice it happens extremely rarely. Reading such advice with your hands shaking with anger and resentment is doubly unpleasant. Therefore, on the blog we will do things differently and find out what to do through real stories, and we will immediately look at it from the outside, when the husband left the family for his mistress, and from the point of view of the husband who left for nowhere, that is, separation without the fact of betrayal.
How to get it back
It’s difficult to draw a conclusion from three stories, but after reading fifty more, the opinion remains unchanged. When leaving the family, in the overwhelming majority of cases, men rush back. Therefore, in order for your husband to return to the family, you don’t need to behave in any special way, you just need to know what is better not to do:
- persuade, cry and beg to return, at least for the first month, this is the time when he is inspired by freedom and does not hear anything;
- insult him behind his back - the fewer acquaintances are aware of the situation, the easier it is to later renew the alliance without making excuses for momentary weakness;
- There is absolutely no point in threatening and taking revenge on your mistress - she certainly acted, to put it mildly, badly, but “fighting hand-to-hand” is simply humiliating;
- looking for a replacement - it’s impossible to build a new love and a strong marriage in a short time, you shouldn’t even try, you first need to sort yourself out, with the divorce, and when the emotions subside, then it will come to the men;
- fall into depression - you want to cry, please, only behind a closed door, but turning into unkempt and exhausted in public is the road to eternal loneliness.
There have been many requests on the forums when the ex-wife in despair asks how to behave if her husband “doesn’t want to live with me.” It's simple, let him go. That’s it, it’s morally simple to cut the energetic thread of attachment. Esotericists call this process “visualization of liberation,” when they imagine ropes coming from the heart and lower abdomen towards the ex-husband, and they are mentally cut off with huge scissors. Psychologists call this process cutting off the energy supply that forms the former’s thoughts about his exclusivity. The law of the universe is that the less you want to get someone back, the faster they come back.
This is why men leave their families2
What makes relationships so unbearable? Let's look at the main reasons:
- the man feels unnecessary and meaningless. The beloved does not show joy next to him, and does not seem to notice at all what he does for her. She does not admire her loved one, she demonstrates that she can do everything herself. The man does not understand why this woman needs him, because it seems that if he is gone, then absolutely nothing will change in her life. What to do, you ask? It is very important to show your loved one how important he is to you and that you value him, and also need him and his help, that without him you will simply be lost.
You should inspire him to take action, rejoice at initiatives and, most importantly, not be indifferent. Of course, he does all sorts of little things, sometimes he’ll hammer a nail, sometimes he’ll help move the sofa, but you rarely show your achievements beyond delicious borscht, family life consists of little things and that’s where happiness lies. So go ahead - admiration, gratitude and most importantly - show your loved one that you need him. Ask for help with something, but not in an orderly tone, but with a confused smile, saying, “Oh, I can’t drive away this spider without you, or the bottle won’t open, you’re so strong, help me, please,” and again this nice smile.
- restriction of freedom. Yes, this is also a problem, because often a man feels in a relationship as if in a cage where he is not allowed to do anything, and if he allows himself anything, his wife will make a scandal. Or she will simply show everyone by her behavior that she is very dissatisfied. It is unbearable for a man to live in conditions where he does not receive encouragement and praise, because his entire body and psyche, from hormonal levels to the structure of the brain, are aimed at achievement. And achievements include assessment from the outside. If there is only dissatisfaction from the outside, then how to live?
And if the wife forbade harmful and bad things, otherwise the wife sometimes argues over a pair of dumbbells, saying, take them out to the garage, they are disturbing the room. Well, that is, her varnishes and creams do not interfere, and there is no need to take them out to the toilet? - the man thinks and he wants to escape from this madhouse. Of course, you shouldn’t turn your home into a workshop or encourage everything your husband does, but allowing him to spend the evening with friends or practice in the room is not difficult, is it?
Results
Leaving a family, divorce, discord, quarrels and mistresses are all difficult psychologically and physically. There are no two identical stories and no miracle way to make everything work. If you want everything back, exhale, let him go, direct your strength to not lose yourself and restore your inner peace. It is worth accepting the idea that fate took away the worst of life in order to give a chance for happiness. Statistics are inexorable, husbands come back, but usually when no one is waiting for them.
Write your story or your thoughts on this issue in the comments.
Why did my husband leave home?
Girls are greatly mistaken when they believe that they only leave bad wives. A wife can be the best housewife and be a tigress in bed. Despite all this, a man can leave her. Guys are prone to selfish behavior towards women who love them.
Most often, a marriage is dissolved due to the usual infringement of male pride. The spouse may become very fixated on the unpleasant word spoken and leave the family for this reason.
Common mistakes
If your husband leaves, how to survive a divorce is not the only question you need to ask. You need to make sure that the experience gained is beneficial and does not spoil your potential new relationship. To do this, you need to avoid the mistakes that women most often make in such situations. The most common of them:
- Attempts to completely switch to a career. This will have a good effect on your finances and help you avoid worries, but it will ruin your relationships with family and friends and reduce your chances of finding new love. Try to find a balance between work and communication with other people.
- Numerous novels. A few flings and even a lover can really help you ease the pain and hurt, but don't let these hobbies completely take over your life. You will be able to build strong relationships only some time after the divorce, and each new fleeting romance will reduce your chances of true love.
- Public jealousy. Even if it’s hard for you to cope with your husband’s departure and it hurts to see him with another woman, don’t let him understand this. Moreover, you should not pursue him and try to ruin his life together with his new chosen one - this may make their feelings even stronger.
- Involving children. Do not involve your child in your disputes with your husband; even after a divorce, he should still have a loving father. Stories about how ugly dad acted can instill in children an aversion to the very institution of marriage and problems in future relationships. And if the child really loves his father, your attempts to turn him against his father may lead to a deterioration in your relationship with him.
- Frequent mention of ex-husband in new relationships. There is no need to constantly complain to your new chosen one about your ex-spouse, much less often compare them with each other. The past should not spoil your present and future.
- Trying to meet my husband without a clear goal. If you just want to see each other, but do not understand whether you are going to renew the relationship, it is better not to make an appointment. Often the reason for looking for meetings is jealousy, resentment and loneliness, and with such negative preconditions, a long-awaited date will not bring you any positive results.
- Excessive reflection. A breakup is always a reason to reevaluate yourself and try to become better, but you don’t need to get too carried away with introspection. Too many wives blame only themselves for divorce, even in cases where the husband was openly unfaithful and completely ignored the needs of the family.
Is it worth returning?
Before returning a departed man, a woman should think carefully about whether it is worth taking this step.
- It should be remembered that if the husband left once, this may happen again;
- You need to fight for marriage only if the partners still love each other;
- a man who has offended his wife by betrayal or other meanness should be forgiven only if absolutely necessary;
- after a man leaves and returns, it is impossible to restore the previous trusting relationship with him;
- it will take time to establish a connection, and there is a high chance that it will be wasted.
Not every marriage should be attempted to be saved. But with immeasurable love, it is worth fighting for this feeling.
If you love a man very much, you should try to get him back
In what cases is it not necessary to return a man?
Toxic relationship
If you have many more bad memories than good ones. If a man has his own pains, injuries, complexes, you should not be responsible for them.
After all, it often happens like this: you fell in love with him, started living together - and suddenly negative traits began to appear. Aggression, jealousy, deceit and others.
And if you categorically cannot agree, do not hear each other, there is no need to hold on to the relationship.
Violence
Physical, sexual, moral. Most often, the tendency to violence is associated with childhood trauma. A man believes that raising his hand to a woman is normal, because his father did it. Disrespect for his companion is ingrained in him from an early age.
Insults, manipulation, sexual violence, suppression of will - this also cannot be tolerated. Such attitudes are also associated with childhood experience; a man knows how to fight a woman, but does not know how to love her.
It’s really better to let go of these relationships and find your destiny, learn to attract worthy men.
How to behave when breaking up?
If a man insists on divorce, it is better to adhere to certain tactics. Here are some tips from psychologists on what to do if your husband leaves home:
- don’t try to hold on with tears and pleas, it’s pointless;
- when saying goodbye, you need to remain calm and friendly;
- be sure to say words of gratitude for the years that you lived together, remember the brightest and most pleasant moments of your life together;
- take care of your appearance: you can’t let a man see you tear-stained and unkempt, let him see what a gorgeous woman he’s depriving himself of.
Under no circumstances pretend to be a victim, even if you really want to make people feel sorry for you. Tears and pleas will have the opposite effect - the man will want to run away quickly so as not to hear the lamentations. Detachment and independence can cause the husband to doubt the correctness of his actions.
Tears and pleas can only make things worse
When speaking, try to avoid resentment and trembling in your voice. Talk only about the positive aspects of the relationship. There is a chance that the man will want to return everything back.
The behavior of a woman who has decided to leave.
If sincere feelings have disappeared between spouses, leaving only a habit, then such a relationship can be disastrous for both. Therefore, divorce may be the only right decision. Such separation is usually painless.
When a husband wants to get a divorce and his wife suspects this, she needs to prepare in advance for a conversation about divorce in order to be as calm as possible at this moment. And then don’t give in to panic and be objective in your own decisions. After all, after a divorce, a woman has a choice: depression or a new happy life.
What to do after your spouse leaves you?
The man left, leaving his ex-wife alone. A woman’s further behavior is influenced by a specific situation. For example, if he left his family not because of a new lover, the woman’s tactics should be as follows:
- attend common companies or parties where you can meet your ex-spouse, and you need to look great;
- call your spouse into the house for the remaining things, at the same time unobtrusively remind him how warm and cozy it was for you in this very house;
- if you have children together, there is no need to prohibit the father from seeing them; on the contrary, you should invite him to spend time with them as often as possible, focusing on family values;
- If a man has been seriously offended, he will have to correct the situation not only with an apology: he must show repentance through words and actions.
If a man leaves, this does not mean that you have completely broken up. It's another matter if he has already met a new love. Then, in order to improve the relationship, you will have to try:
- do not make unflattering statements about the homewrecker;
- Prepare carefully for every meeting with your ex-husband in order to amaze him with your beauty;
- If possible and desired, find a boyfriend to make your spouse jealous;
- act with detachment and coldness so that the man does not guess about your inner pain.
If a man cannot make up his mind and alternates between leaving and returning, and this lasts for many months, the woman needs to firmly determine her position. Explain that you don’t feel the need for a guest marriage, because you can meet another man and not wait for your ex-husband all your life.
Throwing is a sign that he is not ready to decide on a divorce.
Also, the husband has not made a final decision on divorce if he hesitates to file documents for divorce. Don't rush him into applying, it's better to start sending sweet messages sometimes, as if you're meeting him by chance. Such moments can make a man think that getting a divorce is stupid.
If he said goodbye: how to get a guy back after a breakup?
They no longer have anything in common with their spouse
We must admit: over time, all people change. However, Barth says many men tend to think that the woman they married ten years ago will be the same person today as she was on their wedding day. The reality is: if you want to stay married, you'll have to grow together—or risk separation.
“I often hear men say: “We no longer have common interests.” He wants to vacation in the Caribbean and she wants to go to a luxury hotel in Paris. He would like to go to the cinema, but for several hours they cannot choose a film that they both like,” she explains. “These differences, which seem so mundane and insignificant, not only make you feel like you’re no longer on the same page, but also make you feel like you’re no longer respected.”
Marriage has lackluster sex (or no sex at all)
According to Barth, when men in counseling complain about the lack of sex life in marriage, they most often mention that their spouse no longer considers them physically attractive.
“Sometimes the fear of not being good enough in bed is so great that a man’s psyche pushes it into the unconscious. In some cases, men do not admit to themselves what worries them. As a result, it turns out that it is easier for them to escape from such a marriage than to admit to themselves possible problems and begin to correct them,” sums up the psychotherapist.
