A serious relationship is one of the most important stages in the life of almost all people. After all, they are created with the goal of becoming a family in the future in which children will be born and grow up. However, school textbooks devote virtually no space to this topic, and very little truly useful and necessary information about this is given in lessons. Because of this, many people don't know whether to get into a relationship or how to make the right decision. We'll talk about this and more in this article.
What is a serious relationship?
A serious relationship is a relationship between two people with long-term plans and the desire to live their whole lives together. This is only a general definition, since each person independently determines for himself what a serious relationship is. For example, some people care about the fact of registering a serious relationship (that is, entering into an official marriage), others care about children in the family, and others are simply ready to enjoy each other’s company and gradually build a family.
In any case, both people should be satisfied with their character, characteristics, appearance and sexual characteristics. After all, one of the important characteristics of a serious relationship is the intention to live your whole life only with this person. Therefore, even different libidos (need for sex) among people can destroy a family if scandals begin on this basis. Moreover, in such a relationship, each participant wants to feel support, love, understanding, and so on.
This means that both the guy and the girl should not only “receive” something from each other, but also “give.” After all, even the strongest love cannot withstand constant reproaches and scandals. You not only need to be in a serious relationship, but also constantly work on it. And by “working on a serious relationship” we also mean working on oneself. After all, you will have to look for compromises, learn to negotiate with each other. Without this, a serious relationship is impossible.
Useful video
From this video you will learn what a serious relationship is and how to build one?
Any, the most stormy and passionate romance one day subsides, and it depends only on two people whether there will be anything left after the hurricane of feelings.
When it is almost impossible to imagine your life without a certain person, when you want to share any joy and sadness with your other half, and instead of “I”, “we” is increasingly pronounced - mature and conscious relationships come.
Mental and emotional closeness, care and concern for a loved one become a solid foundation on which you can build a serious relationship.
How can you understand that you are ready for a serious relationship?
For many, a serious relationship is marriage, the conclusion of which indicates the beginning of this very relationship. However, it is not. After all, you first need to meet a person for a serious relationship, then you need to understand whether he is suitable for you as a life partner or not. At the same time, even if this person is the dream of your whole life, do not forget that he can refuse you.
However, if your relationship is developing successfully, and you are already close to becoming a couple and at least starting to date, then before making a decision you need to understand whether you or your partner will regret it. After all, love and infatuation are different things that are difficult to distinguish at the very beginning of a relationship. You can do this by answering a number of questions:
- Do you feel safe with your partner?
- Do you want to share your emotions and sensations with your partner, including the most personal ones?
- Do your views on life coincide?
- Can you imagine your serious relationship in 1 year or 5 years? And in 10-20 years?
- Are you willing to sacrifice something personally to develop a serious relationship with this person?
- Are you ready to support and be close to your partner during any problems, for example, with health or finances (and we are not talking about a common cold or lack of money for an expensive hotel in Turkey, but about the most serious problems)?
If you confidently answered “Yes” to all or most of the questions, then this relationship can develop into something more. Of course, provided that the partner also confidently and positively answers these questions. However, you should not ask them openly, since with these questions you can put the person in an awkward situation.
Do you want to listen and tell
The “how I spent my day” stories themselves are rarely exciting enough. However, sincere sympathy and interest can transform even the most ordinary things. It is for this reason that unprofessional photographs of strangers are boring to look at - it’s a different matter when our friends are captured there.
If the relationship is serious, people are an end in itself for each other, and not a way to satisfy momentary desires.
Love begins to manifest itself only when we love those whom we cannot use for our own purposes.
Erich Fromm
sociologist, philosopher, psychologist
What did your partner prefer to do as a child, where did he get the scar on his skin, what did he think about this or that news? If this doesn't interest you at all, this is a wake-up call. If your stories are not listened to and your opinion is never asked, you are unlikely to be an important part of other people's lives.
What signs indicate that the relationship is not yet serious?
Even if you have been dating or married to a person for several years, this does not always mean that you are in a happy, serious relationship. There are several signs that can help you understand that something is going wrong in a relationship:
- you are constrained and always choose your words, sometimes you think that it is better to deceive than to tell the truth;
- you know little about your partner: his relatives, friends, how he likes to spend his leisure time, and so on;
- you don’t know about the qualities of his personality: how he behaves in a stressful situation, how he accepts or provides help (but there is no need to specifically put a person in these situations, they will come on their own over time);
- in a difficult situation, you do not ask your partner for help, but do it yourself or turn to another person;
- you do not have a sincere desire to fully open up to your partner (meaning talk about true sensations and feelings).
At the same time, some people look at their partner through rose-colored glasses and do not notice all the situations described above. This behavior and attitude is especially typical for girls. If you nevertheless notice such behavior in yourself, then this is not a reason to destroy the relationship. They can be saved and made happy. Sometimes a sincere and open dialogue with your significant other helps with this. In other situations, it is necessary to contact a family psychologist.
Are you ready to receive and provide assistance?
The most successful and happiest relationships happen to self-sufficient people. But sometimes we all need the support of loved ones. For some people (especially those who were raised to believe that complaining and crying are shameful), accepting it is a difficult task.
However, if we truly trust someone, then the feeling of wounded pride and fear of being in debt recedes. We are ready to accept help as a gift for which we do not have to pay.
Sometimes, due to differences in temperament or upbringing, support can be difficult to recognize. For example, you felt bad, but they didn’t feel sorry for you and didn’t take you in their arms. But perhaps at that moment the partner was busy remaining calm, calling a car and Googling the address of the nearest clinic. This means that his willingness to help is expressed in this way.
However, if a person did not come to help at all, most likely he is “neither a friend nor an enemy, just that.” You can have some kind of relationship with him if you really want, but you shouldn’t rely on him for serious things.
What does a serious relationship mean from a man's point of view?
Men, as a rule, are action-oriented, and can pay attention to the emotional side of a serious relationship only occasionally: congratulations on the holidays, invitations to a movie/restaurant/for a walk, and so on. Therefore, you need to evaluate a guy precisely by his actions. A man for a serious relationship will be ready to do a lot: come to help in a difficult situation, provide moral support, introduce him to relatives and friends, and the like.
Advantages and disadvantages of regular meetings
Consistency means stability, confidence,
reliability. Those who strive for this will look for a responsible partner. Those who need intrigue, a sharp impression, lack of control and a minimum of obligations avoid seriousness in every possible way.
Each relationship model has advantages and disadvantages. Since regular meetings are considered the standard of communication between a man and a woman, everyone should strive for them. However, modern society is gradually moving away from standards, dictating different rules and choosing its own model of behavior. Advantages of regular meetings:
- moral and emotional calm;
- confidence in the future;
- the opportunity to make joint plans;
- support in difficult times;
- understanding;
- the opportunity to talk about feelings openly, without trying to hide true intentions and desires;
- constant sex and minimal risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection;
- accepting a partner into the circle of your friends, parents, family.
Disadvantages of a permanent partnership:
- monotony, predictability;
- lack of vivid emotions, emotional shocks;
- responsibilities;
- responsibility;
- financial expenses:
- restriction of freedom of action;
- control.
A person in a relationship practically disappears from the sight of free people. This status automatically means that “he is busy” or “she is not free.” Of course, there are situations when couples break up, but single people have a greater chance of starting a new romance. The disadvantages of regular meetings automatically turn into the advantages of non-permanent connections. Currently, the “sex without obligations” format is gaining popularity.
Diagnosis by severity level
Sometimes it is impossible to predict how a new acquaintance will end. You just need to try, throw yourself into the pool headlong, and concentrate on your own hopes and expectations. Some people, especially young people, are worried: how can you understand in advance that your partner has serious intentions?
If the chosen one is interested in the interests of the other half, asks about health and existing affairs, it means that the relationship as a whole is not indifferent to him. A person who has far-reaching plans will strive to gain attention and make the best impression.
How to recognize a guy's serious intentions
Every girl would like to understand that a guy is serious with her even before she receives a marriage proposal. This is how women are made, they need it for peace of mind.
There are a few simple signs that indicate a guy is really serious about you.
The first one is getting to know the family. Men do not introduce their mothers to the temporary characters in their lives. The same goes for a man's best friends. If you see that a man wants to introduce you to people close to him, you can be calm.
Another important sign is making general plans for the future. This does not apply to plans for the coming weekend, we are talking about long-term projects. For example, a man is planning to move to another city and is thinking about whether you will have something to your liking there.
Or maybe he has dreamed of visiting some country all his life and plans to take you with him.
Another sign is the desire to spend important days together. For example, on his birthday, a guy wants to be only with you, and does not go fishing with his friends.
Mutual assistance
In a serious relationship, problems are not divided into male and female. They become common. For example, a woman has some difficulties. In this case, the man will never remain on the sidelines. He will try to help her with temporary problems . If a man finds himself in a similar situation, his beloved will also make every effort to cope with the difficulties.
Support for your loved one
Signs of severity
You can determine that your partner is serious by the following signs:
- makes joint plans;
- shows a desire to be together often;
- lets you into your life, shares problems, achievements;
- delves into the partner’s problems and tries to help;
- does not cheat, does not look around at other guys or girls;
- trusts and shows interest in the successes of the other half;
- talks about children;
- proposes cohabitation or proposes marriage;
- introduces parents and expresses a desire to enter the partner’s family circle;
- constantly in touch, does not hide anything;
- shows love, care;
- takes into account the partner’s opinion;
- knows how to listen and hears;
- happy when together;
- values the feelings of her other half and is not shy about demonstrating her own love.
When partners are committed to a serious relationship, they are ready to change, change their lives, and adjust their habits. If this is not the case, the connection will not last long.
Similar views on life
No wonder they say that loving does not mean looking at each other. Love manifests itself when partners go in the same direction
Similar views on life can manifest themselves even in small things. For example, lovers dream of having a dog , buying this or that thing, etc.
Partners can also dream big together: move to another country, go on a trip around the world, or start a big family. And those who look in different directions are unlikely to be able to build a long romance. Sooner or later they will break up.
The path to happiness or the path to nowhere
When describing their problem of an unfulfilled or collapsed relationship to a psychologist, many people (mostly women) emphasize that they were deceived, betrayed, or even used under the guise of serious intentions. Finding themselves alone and beginning to analyze their recent happy past, these people come to the conclusion that they did everything possible, “put their whole soul” into making a strong union take place. In other words, they were confident that by their actions they deserved guarantees of a successful outcome.
However, life does not give any guarantees, and the person who caused the breakup is not at all to blame for the fact that the partner initially perceived him as a party to an unspoken agreement, and not a person with free will. He could have really serious intentions, but circumstances developed in such a way that a relationship became impossible. Such an everyday situation, if not analyzed from the point of view of useful experience, can give rise to a feeling of fear of the relationship in the deceived partner.
Fear, as many famous psychologists say, is the antonym of love. Without giving oneself the opportunity to hear a former lover and understand the motives for his departure, a person deliberately deprives himself of the opportunity to move on. Therefore, if such a situation does occur, you should not dwell on the failure and regret the time spent. You should give yourself a break to realize all the benefits received in connection with the death of an unnecessary person and continue to move forward.
Experiences within the normal range
Any new experience in life is stressful. Let it be small and let it be positive. But, whatever one may say, novelty is always scary.
Stable and harmonious relationships imply interaction, an exchange of time, feelings, energy that cannot be compared with anything. Therefore, each of your experiences is unique.
If all the questions that come to your mind are “Does he really like me?”, “How does this dress fit on me?”, “Am I too intrusive?” - this is also normal.
The main thing is that doubts disappear on a date. So that they do not become the background of your communication. And you don’t need to tear your hair out if he doesn’t call for an hour or reschedules the meeting (and in advance).
Save yourself and do something. He doesn't have to call every half hour. And, if he really likes you, he will still do it when the opportunity arises.
Having different interests
There is an opinion that if a couple has different interests, then they will not be able to build a long and strong relationship . This is actually a stupid stereotype. On the contrary, the presence of different hobbies indicates the seriousness of the intentions of each party.
For example, a girl is a dancer, and a guy is a musician. Due to their different interests, they will need to spend time separately. In this case, partners will be able to show their trust in each other.
Many people strive to join the hobbies of their loved one. They believe that this is the only way they can get closer. In fact, the other half will receive an overabundance of attention , since the partner is always nearby.
That is why the presence of trust and spending time separately indicates a serious relationship. Lovers value and respect each other so much that they are ready to provide free time. Without these things you shouldn't count on a long romance.
Trust in a couple
Why you can't build a serious relationship
Sometimes people don't understand why they can't build a serious relationship. In this case, it is worth conducting a deep analysis of your personality and your actions. Better yet, consult a psychologist.
A specialist will help you understand yourself and find a solution to the problem. Serious and long-term work is required in situations where a person has suffered a traumatic experience, for example, an abusive relationship (violation of personal boundaries, various types of violence). And also when a person himself acts as an abuser. Only a professional can help you deal with this.
And remember, before starting a serious relationship, you need to understand whether you and your partner are ready for it. If you have already found the right person for you, but are afraid that your feelings may not be mutual, we recommend reading the article “How to avoid getting into the friend zone - 20 tips for a guy.”
How to get over a breakup
It happens that it was not possible to build a relationship, then you need to know how to survive a breakup. Therefore, we have prepared effective tips for you:
- Don't keep your emotions bottled up. This is harmful to your nervous system and also threatens to cause an even bigger surge in the future.
- Don't try to distract yourself with bad habits like alcohol. This won't help you at all, it will only make the situation worse.
- Get new experiences. Try to do something you've never done before. For example, go snowboarding or go to a trampoline center.
- Change your image. It’s not for nothing that they joke about a bob after a breakup; a new look can really lift your mood and self-esteem.
- And most importantly, if the final decision to separate has been made, delete/block your ex-partner.
It's useful to know how to get over a breakup. It is also very important to always control other areas of your life. Especially career, relationships with family and academic success. Read more about the last area.
