Everything that happens between a man and a woman has always aroused great interest. However no educational system provides comprehensive knowledge on how to create a happy, strong couple or family.
Boys and girls draw their knowledge from the experience of their parents, films, books, personal observations and communication with peers.
Intimacy or living together these days is not evidence of seriousness of intentions, and there are no clear criteria for this concept. That's why it's so important to realize what a new novel represents and whether it has hope for the future .
What is a serious relationship?
Each person has his own concept of a “serious relationship” .
For some, this means the desire to have children, for others, meeting relatives and friends of the other half, and for others, simply the desire to spend time together. Attention! A serious relationship is a combination of moral and moral qualities of partners, a commonality of their interests and views, long-term plans and the desire to live life together.
In this case, both parties are completely satisfied with each other and do not feel the need for other members of the opposite sex.
In a relationship, each party first tries to satisfy their needs and expectations, both physically and emotionally.
The feeling of support, love, joint leisure and common plans fuel and strengthen the union no less than physical intimacy.
Pursuing the satisfaction of personal goals in a relationship, the concept of caring for a partner is crowded out. It is important not so much to “receive” as to “give” , and if both parties follow this principle, the union has a chance of development.
The willingness to sacrifice one’s interests for the benefit of the union or the well-being of one’s other half speaks of seriousness of intentions and strong feelings.
What indicates readiness for them?
The main factor of any union is a strong and tender feeling . No couple can have a long and happy relationship experience without feelings of love, tenderness and respect.
Important! But distinguishing love from infatuation, especially at the very beginning of a relationship, is quite difficult.
Answering the following questions will help you understand your emotions::
- Do you feel protected and safe around your partner?
- Do you have a desire to share your experiences and emotions?
- Do you feel like you “speak the same language” and your views on life coincide?
- can you imagine your union after 1, 5, 10 years of marriage?
- Are you ready to sacrifice something important for the sake of a common future?
- Do you agree to support your partner during financial difficulties or health problems?
If all questions are given a confident positive answer, then the relationship has every chance of developing into a long-term serious relationship . If it is difficult to give a definite answer to some questions, or if there are a large number of “no” answers, the relationship cannot be called serious.
Any relationship is a “tango for two.” Both partners must have the desire and desire for common long-term plans for life .
For your information! There is a metaphor that love is a distance of 20 steps with a barrier in the middle, and everyone in a couple must walk their 10 steps.
Different points of view
The meaning of a serious relationship for a person changes not only with a change of partner, but also over time. A young couple can position themselves as strong and established in the presence of a harmonious sexual union, and being abroad for their 50th birthday, people will pay more attention to the sensitivity and prudence of their partner. This explains the huge difference in views and values between people with large age differences.
Modern views of young people on relationships are also ambiguous. Despite the fact that in their dreams most girls adhere to the traditional relationship scenario prescribed by the classics, in reality they have to literally prove to a potential companion their right to exist next to him. Of course, this doesn’t always happen, but more and more young people are entering adulthood with the confidence that a serious relationship comes not with taking responsibility for their significant other, but after a certain number of successful dates.
When is it too early to consider them serious?
The duration of an alliance does not always mean its stability and stability. You can intuitively feel that something is going wrong, but not be aware of what exactly. A number of points may show that the relationship is developing in the wrong direction and your future is at risk .
You feel constrained, select your words and think about every word. This is acceptable on a first date, when everyone wants to make a good impression and take a closer look at each other. But if the relationship continues for a long time, and the stiffness does not go away, perhaps this is not the person for you.
You don't know much about him. No matter how cheerful, kind, and understanding your partner is, you can’t talk about the seriousness of the relationship if you don’t know your relatives, don’t know where your other half works and how they spend their leisure time.
In addition, it is important to know about personality traits : behavior in a stressful situation, how one helps and how one accepts help, attitude towards children, animals, etc.
In case of a difficult situation, you will turn to him for help. If, when you find yourself in a difficult situation, you don’t want to ask your partner for help, this indicates a lack of trust and intimacy between you. The idea of turning to a loved one for help or support comes naturally, no matter how delicate the situation may be.
You don't want to open up completely to this person. If the desire to share your innermost thoughts and experiences does not arise as the romance develops, you should think about whether this is really your person. True intimacy is characterized by complete acceptance of each other's personalities, thoughts and feelings, even when partners have opposing views.
Attention! When analyzing the development of relationships, it is important not so much to be guided by the voice of reason, but by sensations, feelings and intuition. If your partner is ideal in your eyes, but the feeling of anxiety persists, perhaps you are looking at him through “rose-colored glasses” or he is playing a role without showing his true colors.
Why and why do people need them?
The main goal of any relationship is communication, and it is the basis for the psychological and social development of any individual . We begin to interact with other people from birth.
The first person with whom we establish a strong relationship is our mother. It helps the child live and develop, accept himself and know the love of another.
Later, the mother becomes the main guide to the outside world and helps the individual to socialize. When a person becomes adult and completely independent, he chooses what kind of relationship he needs.
Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in unpleasant relationships that they did not choose . V. M. Myasishchev also wrote about this: “An important feature of our society is forcing a person to enter into long-term interaction with other people, even despite a negative attitude towards them.”
For your information! To better understand the role that interpersonal relationships play in a person’s life, we need to understand the consequences of their absence.
If an individual lacks communication with other people, he experiences a feeling that psychologists call emotional hunger , and is divided into 4 types :
- Hunger for stimulation;
- Hunger for recognition;
- Hunger in the absence of quality communication;
- Hunger for recognition.
Now let's look in more detail at how all these types of psychological problems are related to interpersonal relationships.
Hunger for stimulation
This term was introduced by Eric Burn, an American psychologist and founder of transactional analysis. This type of hunger for communication occurs when there is a complete lack of interaction with other people .
If a person voluntarily or forcedly stops seeing and talking with others, after just a few days this leads to negative changes in his psyche. From this we can conclude that relationships with other people are the basis for the mental health of any person .
Hunger for recognition
This type of relationship deficit occurs when a person finds himself in an unfamiliar environment .
By the way! This often happens when starting a new job or moving to another city or country.
It seems like there are people around, but you can’t strike up a relationship with any of them yet, so you feel very lonely, even when you’re among a large crowd of people.
Hunger in the absence of quality communication
In this situation, a person can have a large number of different relationships: friendly, family and even romantic. At the same time, the quality of communication does not meet its internal requirements, which leads to dissatisfaction .
Hunger for recognition
Our professional activities are also an occasion for interpersonal relationships. We want others to recognize us as a master of our craft.
When this does not happen and a person cannot discuss his achievements and failures with someone, this also leads to dissatisfaction and irritability.
Now we can conclude that a person needs relationships to maintain mental health and feel like a full-fledged person . At the same time, it is very important that interpersonal relationships are of high quality and bring a lot of positive emotions. Otherwise, it will not bring proper satisfaction in life.
How to understand that you are in a serious relationship?
In addition to the obvious physical differences between men and women, there is a colossal difference in the type of thinking .
Men and women mean completely different things to the concept of “relationships,” which is why misunderstandings, resentments and conflicts arise.
This topic has long been the object of close attention of psychologists, sociologists and writers, as evidenced by John Gray’s bestseller “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
Understanding each other’s thinking patterns helps us stop “measuring everything in our own steps”.
Important! When a person is capable of empathy - conscious empathy with the feelings and emotions of another, it is easier for him to look at the situation more objectively, to imagine it through the eyes of his partner.
From a man's point of view
A man by nature is focused on the external side of relationships: making money, protecting his family, general activities. Men often do not know how to build emotional relationships and this is given to them with great difficulty .
Representatives of the stronger sex are more action-oriented and are only willing to devote time to the emotional sphere sporadically. For example, congratulations and gifts on holidays, compliments, invitations to a movie or restaurant.
Remembering the peculiarity of men's thinking, it is easier to understand the seriousness of his intentions . To do this, it is necessary to mentally omit the entire emotional background of the relationship and analyze whether the partner has taken specific actions for the sake of this union.
He arrived in a difficult situation, offered help and provided it, introduced him to friends and relatives, invited him to a cafe, etc.
In addition, from an early age, boys are aware of their responsibility for words, deeds and actions .
Important! By entering into an alliance with a woman, a man automatically begins to feel responsible for her well-being and takes protection over her.
Caring can manifest itself in the desire to meet, see off, as well as in increased control over the leisure time and movements of your chosen one.
From a woman's point of view
Women by nature are more focused on creating a strong union and microclimate in it . It is the fair sex who are prone to romanticize any relationship and can often be mistaken about their partner’s intentions.
The abundance of love messages, the frequent desire to make sure that feelings are reciprocated, the desire to discuss all the intricacies of the union are the prerogative of the fair half of humanity.
From childhood, girls are taught to show care, patience and complaisance; games of daughter-mother and experience within the family lay the foundation for future ideas about the chosen one.
Unlike a man, a woman cares not so much about the result as about the process.
However, it is the ladies who are focused on starting a family and consider their chosen one as a candidate for husband, while men often do not pursue such a goal in a new romance.
Unlike a man, a woman needs to talk through her feelings and emotions, receive sympathy and emotional support.
Often a woman has already decided what she will do next and does not wait for help on an external level. The man, lowering his feelings, immediately offers a solution, considering this the best help. This difference in thinking often becomes a reason for misunderstanding and quarrels.
Types of marriages in Russia2
- A legal marriage is a union of two people, officially registered in the registry office, which gives rise to the rights and obligations of spouses at the legislative level.
- Actual marriage is the cohabitation of two partners, running a common household and, often, raising common children.
- Church marriage - holding a wedding in a church. Previously, this type of marriage was considered legal. In the modern world, weddings are also held, but do not have legal force.
This classification implies the creation of normal relationships between a man and a woman, which are based on mutual feelings and the desire to be together.
Useful video
From this video you will learn what a serious relationship is and how to build one?
Any, the most stormy and passionate romance one day subsides, and it depends only on two people whether there will be anything left after the hurricane of feelings.
When it is almost impossible to imagine your life without a certain person, when you want to share any joy and sadness with your other half, and instead of “I”, “we” is increasingly pronounced - mature and conscious relationships come.
Mental and emotional closeness, care and concern for a loved one become a solid foundation on which you can build a serious relationship.
