Trust issues? How to prevent paranoia from ruining your relationship


Persecution mania (in one word, paranoia, scientifically correctly called persecutory delusion of persecution) is an acute mental disorder in which the patient experiences the conviction that a certain person or group of people wants to harm his health or take his life.

Most often, most paranoid people consider their relatives, neighbors, work colleagues, secret organizations, and aliens to be pests.

A person with persecution mania becomes withdrawn, suspicious, overly anxious, and unable to adequately assess himself and the environment.

Patients with this type of mental disorder can contact law enforcement agencies in order to warn about their fears, concerns, anxieties and save their lives. Most often, anxiety is excessive and not supported by objective data.

However, there are cases when a person was actually monitored. One striking example is the American writer Ernest Hemingway, who was actually monitored by American intelligence agencies. Therefore, it is necessary to carefully verify all reports of surveillance.

Persecutory delusions are one of the most common forms of mental disorders. Psychiatrist Vladimir Bekhterev diagnosed Joseph Stalin with a severe form of paranoia, talking about the spread of persecution mania among people in power.

Free yourself from the desire for constant control

You may not realize that constant calls and SMS messages to your partner themselves imply mistrust. Try to get rid of the desire to control your chosen one using simple psychological methods. Take a deep breath, put your phone down and focus on the things that matter. Meet with friends, play sports or watch a football match.

Kinds

The classification accepted by scientists includes several types of paranoia:

  1. Alcoholic . Delusional psychosis appears as a result of an advanced form of alcoholism. Most often, the patient suffers from delusions of jealousy or persecution.
  2. Paranoia of the fight . This term is somewhat outdated, but is still used in medicine. He describes a state in which a person with a disorder is focused on protecting his “infringed rights” and actively advocates for the restoration of justice. At the same time, the person is active and fanatical.
  3. Paranoia of desire . Delirium with amorous or erotic overtones.
  4. Involutionary .
    Systematized nonsense, from the outside looking like a chain of events/observations/beliefs that complement each other and flow from each other. A sick person skillfully uses any factual information, interpreting it in such a way that it fits into the concept of the existing legend.
  5. Hypochondriacal. Systematized delusion that begins with delusional interpretations and unfolds (intensifies) over time.
  6. Spicy . Delirium accompanied by hallucinations and stuporous symptoms.
  7. Acute-expansive . With this type of disorder, ideas of one’s own greatness, exclusivity and power dominate.
  8. Persecute . The patient's belief that he is being persecuted.
  9. Sensitive . A person suffering from the disorder becomes very vulnerable, touchy and sensitive, which forms the basis for conflicts.
  10. Paranoia of conscience . Tendency to self-accusation and suspecting oneself of something bad.
  11. Suggestive . A person falls into a state close to hypnotic when interacting with a pleasant/desired object.
  12. Litigative . Paranoia of struggle, in which a person is prone to arguing and defending his interests at any cost.
  13. Chronic . Develops in adulthood and old age (from 45 to 60 years).

Don't spend your minutes waiting alone

If you are at home all alone, the minutes before your chosen one returns will seem like real torture. Left alone with your thoughts, you will become a slave to them and develop even more paranoia. To take your mind off things, plan a meeting with friends. Talk to them about anything, even about your fears. This will give you the opportunity to understand how exaggerated your fears are. A casual conversation will save your mental energy and leave your anxiety unfed.

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Be open if repairing the relationship is your goal.

In the event that your partner has indeed had an affair and you both want to save the relationship, an open heart and an open mind are two necessary ingredients for success. Don't be afraid to seek help from a professional psychologist. Specialists have many years of experience in counseling people who find themselves in difficult life situations; they successfully help partners change their attitude towards each other (especially in the area of ​​thoughts and feelings). Choosing reconciliation after the discovery of infidelity can be difficult, but with the help of a professional expert, you can look at the situation with new eyes.

Put your worries on paper

Here is a technique that people use in therapeutic courses. Write down problems and possible fears in a negative thinking journal. Allow yourself just 20 minutes of pure time a day to worry about your spouse's infidelity. Negative journal entries like these can help reduce your anxiety. Remember to balance these 20 minutes with positive actions, such as positive affirmations.

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Provoking causes: hypotheses and theories

The exact reasons that provoke the development of persecution mania are unknown. To date, only hypotheses have been put forward about the influence of various factors on the human psyche:

  • hereditary predisposition to mental illness;
  • features of the organization of the central nervous system;
  • suffered psycho-emotional traumas - most psychiatrists’ works note that people who have experienced violence or excessive fear suffer from paranoid delusions;
  • poisoning with alcohol and its surrogates, which has a negative effect on the human brain and psyche (depending on a person’s psychotype, alcohol to one degree or another increases anxiety and creates mental disorders);
  • taking narcotic drugs;
  • poisoning with neurotoxic drugs;
  • the presence of a victim complex - in this case, the patient feels like a victim and tries to shift some of the responsibility from himself and blame others for his failures;
  • stress;
  • brain damage by Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease;
  • consequences of stroke;
  • unfavorable psycho-emotional atmosphere in the family and at work.

Release your guard

Paranoid people prefer to keep their ears open; they believe that other people are constantly trying to humiliate them, hurt them, harm them in some way, or threaten them. As a rule, they have unfounded beliefs and habits. However, feelings of guilt or mistrust interfere with the ability to form close relationships. Try not to look for only flaws in other people, try not to think about worst-case scenarios every second. Notice the positive traits in others.

Paranoid - who is it?

What is the meaning of the word "paranoid"?

A paranoid is a special type of personality in which a person is usually closed, secretive, distrustful, suspicious and lacking a sense of humor.

Paranoid people constantly suspect those around them of some insidious plan, conspiracy or bad intent.

On the basis of paranoia, people suffering from this disorder form an extremely valuable idea. And all events occurring in the outside world are regarded as confirmation of this idea.

And any facts that refute it are simply ignored or given an interpretation that will satisfy the beliefs of the sick person.

Take a breath before you react

The key to managing paranoia is learning coping strategies, or behaviors to cope with stressful situations. It turns out that you can learn not to react to the emotional state of the mind by synchronizing your reason and intuition. However, difficulties arise if a person is not able to understand the differences between intuitive instinct and paranoia. You have to reinterpret the meaning of what is happening inside your head or what is happening outside of yourself. A story that is not based entirely on facts cannot be interpreted unambiguously. Reduce fear by analyzing and calmly assessing the situation, pass it through an intuitive sense of your own awareness. This will be beneficial for your relationship, so you will have to learn how to slow down your impulse response reactions.

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Paranoid personalities. How can a psychologist or coach work with such clients?

That is, this is a fantasy about being pursued, enemies everywhere. These people are suspicious, they have no sense of humor, and they are so grandiose. The more destroyed the paranoid, the grander his fantasies.

  • If a healthy person with a paranoid radical has a fantasy that, for example, the boss wants to get me out of this job, then
  • a destroyed paranoid person will have a fantasy about CER and FBI agents who seem to have united against him and, for example, want to poison him.

That is, the world of a paranoid person: enemies everywhere, enemies everywhere. In paranoid fantasies there is this element of persecution. If this is such a ruined client, then it’s like a horror movie feeling, there’s some kind of monster around every corner (that’s stalking). But in general, even in the fantasies of healthy people with paranoid radicals, there is this persecution (they are persecuting me). For example, my mother-in-law comes and specifically looks, and where I haven’t wiped away the torture, etc., she haunts me. These things indicate that a paranoid radical is now active . Often this also cannot be ruled out, this paranoid fantasy turns out to be such a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, a person actually attracts people into his life (if the paranoid radical is strong) who will actually carry out this persecution. For example, the boss really wants to get her out of work or the mother-in-law really gets to the bottom of every speck of dust. Here we understand that these are manifestations of a paranoid radical, but at the same time we understand that this may correspond to reality, especially in neurotics. It’s clear that if all the agents in the world are hunting me, then that’s a different story. But such everyday things can completely coincide. Therefore, it is important that we as psychologists do not look at this as just a fantasy. Yes, initially this is a paranoid fantasy, around which reality has already been built. We are working for transformation, to reduce this paranoid fantasy, but at the same time we do not deny that this can really be so. Paranoids are people who are gloomy and suspicious and, in general, often not very pleasant. I mean, for the client, they are more difficult to love than schizoid patients, in some ways.

What feelings, affects, drives are there within a paranoid personality? These are anger, resentment, vindictiveness, fear and shame. Here are the main conditions. Often paranoid people have eye movements: down to the left, diagonally. From this we can determine that a person has turned on a paranoid radical. That is, it turns out as a combination of two movements,

  • if the eyes are directed to the left, then it is believed that this is an expression of pure fear.
  • if down, then it's a shame,
  • and if down to the left, it’s such a mixture of fear and shame. This is what constitutes the emotional basis of the paranoid personality.

Just like narcissistic personalities, paranoids are extremely vulnerable to envy. That is, envy is also a very important thing there, it plays a role, but since their main defense is projection, and they say, someone else is jealous of me. They see this envy as a kind of persecution. Why, for example, does my mother-in-law want to pick on me? Yes, because she envies me and because of this envy she pursues me. That is, envy is like the reason why she haunts me. In a paranoid fantasy, this is how it gets twisted. Likewise, paranoid people are jealous. Jealousy is a paranoid radical and the same projection mechanism works there. In fact, when a person is very jealous, it is always because he has his own unrealized sexual impulses. Conventionally, it is he who wants another partner, not his partner. His partner may also want it, but in jealousy there is always this projection of one’s own sexual impulses onto the partner. And jealousy is also a manifestation of a paranoid radical.

The main defense of paranoid people, as I already said, is projection. And depending on the level of organization of the personality, this projection will either more or less correspond to the object, if the person, for example, is neurotic (in reality, my mother-in-law is pushing me and I’m really projecting this inner enemy of mine onto her). That is, it is approximately the same. But if a paranoid person is on a psychotic level, then naturally these projections are completely inconsistent and for other people it looks like complete nonsense. These are examples of the fact that all the intelligence services in the world are hunting me because they want to kill me. A borderline paranoid, he will do the following, he will use projective identification , that is, he will accuse the other of being jealous of him, of hating him, until the other actually begins to hate him. That is, there will be projective identification here. That is, once again,

  • a psychotic, paranoid person will be delusional, no one is hunting for him, but it seems to him that the FBI is hunting for him;
  • the border guard will use projective identification, “force” others to really hate themselves;
  • and for a neurotic and paranoid person this will more or less coincide (both object and projection).

Next I will give ways. For example, how a paranoid person might cope with the desire for intimacy with someone of the same sex. There is this desire and how can a paranoid person interpret it within himself so as not to recognize this desire. It might look like this. And in this example you can see the principle of how these fantasies are formed in your head. For example, a person wants intimacy with a person of the same sex and he needs to protect himself from this desire. He can think, that is, he conditionally has a feeling inside him - I love him. And how can he change this?

  • I don’t love him, I love myself (this is the first moment);
  • I don't love him, I love her (move it);
  • I don't love him, she loves him (jealousy);
  • I don’t love him, he loves me (that is, already persecution, he is the one pursuing me);
  • I don’t like him, I hate him (this is when there are those who very strongly, for example, condemn homosexuals, and I once talked about the fact that these people are hidden homosexuals, at least they have these impulses).

This is how intricately our defenses can play it all out inside.

What kind of relationships do paranoids build? A child who grew up paranoid suffered from serious defeats and feelings of his own power. That is, he was suppressed, he was humiliated. That is, there is this dynamic there. Often those children who have been “immersed” in all the contents associated with the experience of weakness unconsciously become paranoid. In the family system, some child was weak, so he is so weak. All other family members denied the weakness and one child was selected into whom it was “immersed.” Also, an excessively strong level of anxiety in the mother is also something that can become the basis for the formation of a paranoid radical. That is, whenever such a child turns to his mother, she

  • or denied the problem,
  • or inflated to the scale of a disaster.

That is, a child, for example, scraped his knee, comes, or the mother says: so what. And as a child, this is a mini-disaster. Or my mother would start, oh my God, and almost start calling an ambulance. Here is an example of a mother who can provoke the activation of a paranoid radical in a child. It was difficult for the mother, writes Nancy McWilms , to draw the line between fantasy and behavior, and therefore she informed the child that thoughts were equivalent to actions. The daughter was receiving a message that her personal feelings of love or hate were dangerously powerful. This is another point that can provoke the development of a paranoid radical. When a parent communicates to a child that his thoughts equal his actions. And Nancy McWilliams gives a good example with her daughter, when her daughter came from kindergarten and said:

  • The teacher told us that good children should think good thoughts and do good deeds. To which Nancy McWilliams replied that she did not agree with this, that you can think different thoughts, but you need to do good deeds.

And after some time she describes that the eldest daughter was somehow with the younger one, they were playing, etc., and the eldest says: I do good things, but I think such bad thoughts. And it was very therapeutic, in fact, because Nancy McWilms drew this line for her that thought does not equal action. But paranoid people do not have this trait. That is, if she thought badly of me, then she will pursue me or kill me or destroy me. For paranoids, there is another important point in family history (how paranoid personalities appear); there is often a very suppressive father, of whom the child is very afraid. Paranoids have a lot in common with psychopaths, but there is an important distinguishing feature:

  • paranoids can love, they can form attachments, they are quite good partners and they can create long-term relationships.

This is the main difference. The self-image of paranoids consists of 2 polarities:

  • it is humiliated, weak, despising
  • and almighty, triumphant.

You see, it’s really similar here with psychopaths, in terms of the fact that it also revolves around strength : weak-strong (almighty). That's about it. And in general, if we are talking about pathology, then a paranoid person cannot calm down either on this policy or on this one. When he feels weak, humiliated, etc., he experiences extreme anxiety, shame, and anger. These are all the things. When he is omnipotent and triumphant, he experiences a very strong feeling of guilt, because then there are others who are so weak and prize-winning, humiliated. That is, this is what happens in such a pathological expression. Another point often associated with paranoia is homosexuality. Often paranoid people experience attraction to people of the same sex, but cannot admit it to themselves and project their desire onto another person, that it is he who is pursuing me. That's how it is. And most psychologists interpret this homosexuality not so much as real homosexuality, but as a search for a “native” soul. Karen writes about this that because as children we were comfortable with children of the same sex before we became comfortable with the opposite sex, and because people of the same sex are more similar to us than people of the opposite sex, then when we withdraw from everyone , we are still drawn to someone of the same gender as us. Unfortunately, when patients begin to realize this craving, they misinterpret it as homosexuality, and this circumstance includes defense.

The main way a paranoid person tries to increase his self-esteem is to fight against authority figures and others in a significant role. As if there is a need to fight and defeat the pursuing parent. Such people often support revolutions. What is revolution? - let's remove this parent, he is terrible or suppressive. This is very similar to paranoid people, all these calls and slogans.

What kind of transference, counterpenos, do we experience with paranoid people? The transfer happens very quickly. That is, if you can work with other individuals for six months, etc., and only then transference reactions, then here they quickly occur sharply. Positive transference is rare. More often, paranoid people see in a psychologist the same Persecutor, humiliating, threatening, etc. That is, this inner monster is transferred to the psychologist. The psychologist's countertransference can be hostile. What I said at the beginning is that paranoid people are difficult to love because they are so suspicious, they are so vindictive, they are so dark. It is clear that this is their defense, but it seems so. And a psychologist can understand everything with his mind, but it is quite difficult to fall in love. Well, firstly, if you only feel suspicion in your direction. This is how the dynamics turn out. Again, I'm talking now about fairly severely damaged paranoid people. Also, in countertransference, you will have a desire to immediately show the client the absurdity of his fears. That is, for example, a client comes and says, she wants to poison me, etc. And you see the absurdity of this and you have such a strong desire to expose it, to say, no, this is not so. And this is a countertransference reaction. It’s worth holding on to this wish of yours.

How do we work with paranoid clients? Nancy McWilliams says the following about this: if a paranoid person begins to really trust the therapist, then the therapy is already over and has been a huge success. If we can create trust , then that's it, the therapy is over, a huge success. That is, briefly and succinctly about working with paranoid clients. How is trust created? Naturally, borders and stability, nothing else. This is even more important with paranoid clients than with other people. The role of a sense of humor and self-irony is also important. This is what paranoid clients do not have, this is what can alleviate their condition. Because jokes are a safe way to defuse aggression. And Nancy McWilliams gives examples of how she and her colleagues use humor while working. One patient was convinced that his plane would crash on the way to Europe and he was shocked and calmed down after I remarked: Do you think that God is so unmerciful that he would sacrifice the lives of hundreds of other people just to get to you? It is clear that this was not done (said) at the first session. Another example concerns a young woman who developed intense paranoid fears shortly before her upcoming wedding. She sleeplessly experienced the wedding as an outstanding success. This was at a time when a crazy bomb thrower (there was such a terrorist in New York) installed his deadly weapons in subway cars. She was sure that she would die from the bomb and therefore avoided the subway. Aren’t you afraid of the crazy bomb throwers, she asked me. And before I could answer her, she grinned, of course not, you only travel by taxi. I convinced her that I also use the subway and I have a very good reason not to be afraid of it, because I know that the crazy bomb thrower wants to get her, not me. That is, here comes something like joining this client’s fantasy. That is, she did not deny, yes, the bomb thrower wants to get you. Just like that. There is also an important recommendation when working with paranoid clients: answer their questions directly. Not with a question in response to a question, as usual, but directly. For example, if any other client tells you that I have the impression that you are in a bad mood today. Eg. In general, it would be therapeutic not to answer directly, but to somehow interpret it. About the fact that it seems so to you, how this fantasy can influence you, that I’m in a bad mood. or Who did you experience this with? (that it seems to you that I’m in a bad mood), etc. That is, somehow interpret this and lead the client somewhere. With paranoid people, it is recommended to answer directly. Yes, I’m in that mood (good or I’m in some other mood). That is, answer the question directly.

It is important to avoid, as I have already said, direct confrontation of the paranoid idea. That is, when you want to expose this countertransference (You will feel it, well, this is nonsense. You want to expose it), well, you don’t need to do this.

Also, when working with paranoid clients, one must avoid any interpretations that the client must either explicitly accept or completely reject. For example, do you feel like he's following you? and the client seems to have to say, yes, it seems so. That is, he must clearly accept or completely reject (to say no, I don’t think so). Why should such interpretations be avoided? Because for a paranoid person, he can neither accept nor reject. For him to accept completely, to say yes, yes, this is exactly how it is. This amounts to humiliation and subordination. I mean, it's humiliating. As if he completely submitted to the therapist (that is, if he agreed). And if he says, no, this is not true at all, then he begins to worry that the psychologist will take revenge on him, there will be retribution for this. This is the client's fantasy.

And also our task in therapy is to draw, draw and draw the line between thoughts and actions. The example I gave you was the case of Nancy McWilliams with her daughter. We should differentiate this roughly in the same way; we should carry this idea through in therapy.

That's all. I look forward to your questions and thoughts. See you!

Social media fuels paranoia

The Internet and social media further fuel paranoia as they allow you to secretly monitor situations or suspicious activities. Any controversial post will easily lower your self-esteem and sow a seed of doubt in your soul. This innocent, friendly photo paints a picture of cheating in your mind. It affects how you feel and how you behave with your significant other. To avoid feeding paranoid thoughts, stop spending time on social media and pretending to be a private detective. This way, you stop coming up with non-existent scenarios, and ask who is this girl who constantly leaves enthusiastic comments under your chosen one’s posts.

Focus on the present moment

Spending more time focusing on the present (both emotionally and physically) will reduce the symptoms of self-blame. Think about what are the thoughts that cause destructive emotions? Learn to recognize these sensations; in the future, this will give you the opportunity to act more consciously. Without awareness that focuses your attention on the present moment, the ability to respond appropriately will be lost. A prerequisite for behavior change is identifying the causes of paranoia. These behaviors in romantic relationships may be better understood within the framework of attachment theory. When you know your love style, you will work from that knowledge.

Treatment

Paranoia is characterized as a disease of the human psyche. It can manifest itself in various forms and stages: initial and severe.

With a mild form of the disorder, a person has difficulty communicating with other people, and a mild form of mistrust and isolation appears.

Treatment has its own difficulties:

  1. The patient may show distrust, and it becomes more difficult to establish contact.
  2. Refuses to admit that he is sick. In this case, what the doctor must initially do is establish contact with the person. This is not easy and may take a lot of time, but it is necessary to begin effective treatment.

It is important to diagnose the disease in time. With timely assistance, the patient learns to control his emotions, and all other symptoms, and can suppress attacks of aggression

For paranoia, different types of therapy are carried out. One of the most effective is cognitive behavioral. It works as follows - a person will be able to change his behavior pattern at the right time in order to prevent relapse.

If contacting a doctor is late, you should act more quickly.

Learn to love yourself

“Love yourself, and those around you will love you,” as popular wisdom says. This factor is also key in the ability to trust other people. If you are insecure, have low self-esteem, or believe that you don't deserve to be treated well, those insecurities will carry over into the relationship. However, one should not confuse adequate love for one’s own person and selfishness. In order to learn to treat yourself correctly, repeat positive mantras every time self-flagellation appears.

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Treatment

The main condition for proper treatment of paranoia is taking medications.

In medicine, paranoia is not classified as psychosis, but a patient with paranoia has certain difficulties interacting with other people, which can cause a lot of inconvenience to both those around him and the patient himself. If a patient is diagnosed with paranoia, doctors prescribe him treatment, which consists of undergoing a course of psychological correction.

A complicating factor in the treatment of paranoia is that the patient may experience distrust of everyone around him, including doctors. Or, due to criticality towards the entire world around him, the patient may refuse to admit the fact that he has a disease such as paranoia.

Therefore, the main task for a doctor is to establish good and trusting contact with the patient. As a rule, this is difficult to do, and it may take a lot of time for the doctor to win over the patient and begin to effectively fight the disease.

Thanks to psychotherapy, the patient begins to control the symptoms of the disease, feels the approach of an exacerbation and takes certain actions to alleviate or prevent it. There are several types of therapy that can help cope with paranoia. For example, thanks to cognitive behavioral therapy, the patient will be able to change his behavior pattern at the right time in order to prevent relapse.

As for the question - “how is paranoia treated?”, then everything is quite twofold - some patients who have just begun to show some symptoms of paranoia cope with this problem forever. But there are also a large number of patients in whom attacks of paranoia alternate with a certain remission. As already mentioned, a lot depends on at what stage of development of paranoia this disease was discovered. Due to an overly critical perception of the surrounding world, the patient himself may not notice the manifestations of paranoia, even with its strong development. For this reason, many patients end up seeing a doctor at a time when the disease has already reached a strong stage of development, and in this case it will be much more difficult to help the patient. In addition, the doctor knows well how paranoia differs from schizophrenia, and is able to help the patient detect this more dangerous disease at an early stage.

As a rule, the doctor draws up a complex that includes the following treatment methods:

  • Taking neuroleptics, antipsychotropic drugs;
  • Taking sedatives;
  • Family psychotherapy;
  • Tranquilizers;
  • Individual psychotherapy;
  • Antidepressants;
  • Psychotherapy, which includes the use of cognitive behavioral methods.
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