Betrayal always hurts. And almost always unexpectedly. And that’s why it’s very difficult to worry about him.
But, unfortunately, this is part of relationships between people. Sometimes we are betrayed, sometimes we are betrayed. But even if we don’t do this, this does not give us guarantees that we will never be betrayed. Unfortunately.
There are always two sides to betrayal:
- the one who betrayed
- and the one who was betrayed.
To someone who has been betrayed, it may seem that only he is hurt. He may experience extreme resentment, pain, hatred, confusion and horror.
But it can also be very difficult for someone who betrayed to live through such an experience.
In this article I will look at such a difficult topic in relationships as betrayal. And I will share some of my ideas that can help both sides survive betrayal. And how to live further after this.
What is betrayal?
Each person puts his own meaning into the concept of “betrayal.” What will be a betrayal for one person will not necessarily be a betrayal for another.
But in general, betrayal is usually understood as those actions that violate trust. And it turns out that if we don’t trust a person, then he cannot betray us.
Some people protect themselves from possible betrayal by not trusting anyone. On the one hand, this provides a certain security. But at the same time, it deprives you of the opportunity to build close relationships with other people. After all, intimacy and deep loving relationships are impossible without trust.
What actions can be considered betrayal:
- Treason. Moreover, betrayal can be not only when a loved one cheats. It happens when, for example, a partner cheats on a woman with her friend. Then she experiences a double betrayal.
- Deception. Most often, intentional deception is understood as betrayal.
- Violation of important agreements for a person.
- Telling a third party a secret. Breach of confidentiality.
- Parting. When an important person suddenly ends the relationship.
- Violence. For example, violence from parents is perceived by a child as betrayal. And it greatly violates his trust in them, etc.
Not all people tolerate betrayal and treason the same way.
Women who are faithful to their husbands experience very deep suffering. They carefully preserve the hearth and comfort. Good wives and caring mothers - for them, family relationships and family always come first.
We are not taught, either at school or in institutions, how to live and how to build emotional and trusting relationships. When we get married, we live as if according to a script, seeing before our eyes the unsuccessful marriages of our friends or our parents. Minor quarrels and grievances begin, which are resolved in bed, as they say: “Darlings scold - they just amuse themselves.” But years pass, and if you don’t have emotional intimacy, then bed doesn’t solve anything and the relationship fades away.
Spouses are moving away from each other, showing more and more claims, irritation, and misunderstandings. What you previously liked about your loved one now irritates you. Most often, people stay together out of habit and a sense of duty to their children. Tension increases, and the man begins to look for another woman who will support him, listen and understand. Who will simply love him without any reproaches. At the same time, he does not worry that he betrayed his wife; for him this is something new, a change of sensations.
Who betrays more often?
People for whom loyalty, trust, reliability and honesty are not special values betray more often.
Also, those who endure too much betray more often than others. After all, if a person does not express his dissatisfaction, he is always sweet and good, always so correct. That is, there is a risk that sooner or later he may express his accumulated negativity “behind his back.” That is, not directly, but, for example, through betrayal or gossip.
Inner traitor
Each of us has the potential to betray another person. We are not perfect, each of us has a “dark side”.
And admitting to yourself that you have an “inner traitor” makes the experience of betrayal a little easier.
When you understand that in certain situations and under certain circumstances you are also capable of betraying. Or maybe you have already had such an experience where you betrayed. This awareness helps you worry a little less about what happened or possible betrayal by other people.
Love and disappointments
If you ask your friends to remember famous aphorisms about betrayal, the quotes they voice for the most part will most likely relate to love and adultery. Indeed, in real life, memories of knives stuck in the back are rare. But family dramas and broken hearts are in the history of every second marriage. Why does this happen, since on the wedding day all the newlyweds take vows of fidelity to each other and promise to preserve and protect the union under any circumstances?
The question of why people cheat can be considered philosophical, and the answer to it should be sought in each specific case. Meanwhile, the betrayal of a loved one is one of the most terrible and painful. People tend to idealize the object of their love and trust him endlessly. It is for this reason that news of deception usually sounds like a bolt from the blue.
Reasons for betrayal
People betray for various reasons. It's not very often that people do this because they intentionally want to hurt the other person.
It is often called betrayal when a person simply acts in accordance with his own interests. Which are at odds with the interests of other people.
Sometimes people betray out of ignorance, due to a lack of awareness. That is, when they themselves do not realize that by some of their actions they are betraying the trust of another.
Also, betrayal is often prompted by one’s own pain. When we are hurt, we are more likely to hurt other people.
