I began to hate my wife: reasons, consequences and way out of the situation

Possible reasons

Constant scandals thrown up by a wife can cause a feeling of hatred towards her.
The relationship between husband and wife is quite often ambiguous. Often, along with love there is irritation, which over time can develop into true hatred.

Let's look at why the development of hatred can be observed, what could happen for a husband to begin to hate his wife.

1. A woman who does not develop and degrades is annoying. The man is no longer interested in spending his time with her. This irritability will gradually accumulate and at some point it will turn into hatred.
2. Cheating on your spouse or her betrayal in another form. This is one of the most serious reasons that can lead to fierce hatred.
3. Over time, the wife’s excessive care, intrusiveness, and control begin to drive out and enrage the man.
4. When a wife throws tantrums with or without cause, she irritates and sometimes causes aggression in her husband.
5. When a man feels that his significant other treats him with disrespect, he understands that he does not want to love such a woman, and since he is forced to live under the same roof with her, he gradually begins to secretly hate her. The same applies to situations where a woman does not know how to empathize, listen and hear her partner.
6. Problems in intimate life. In a situation where a woman does not give a man what he needs in bed, he subconsciously becomes angry with her.
7. Hatred can also develop when a woman has changed a lot, for example, she has gained a lot of weight. If a husband likes slender women, then a plump wife will cause a feeling of hostility, sometimes even disgust.
8. Marriage of convenience, or forced, for example, due to pregnancy. The man has not experienced and does not experience tender feelings for a woman. Only over time does his indifference develop into a hateful attitude.
9. The feeling of hatred may hide the presence of life problems, and they are not necessarily directly related to the spouse. For example, he experiences serious difficulties at work. That is, in reality, a man does not hate his wife - she simply falls under his hot hand.
10. Hatred can also develop towards a wife who leads an antisocial lifestyle, abuses alcohol, smokes a lot, or treats children poorly.
11. Feelings for your wife can be killed by family troubles and everyday problems. A situation where a young couple, during the period of dating, is going through a romantic period, starting a family, living day after day under one roof, faces many difficulties that are not always possible to cope with. A man begins to blame his wife for all problems, and this is how hatred towards her is formed.
12. When a wife is more successful than her husband, has achieved more in life, has career growth, earns more money, the man begins to hate her because his pride suffers, he feels insignificant compared to his wife.
13. Hatred may be the result of childhood trauma. This is mainly noted in cases where a man had a difficult relationship with his mother, for example, she overly controlled him, used physical violence in the process of raising him, suppressed all his desires, and hindered his endeavors. When such a boy grows up, he sees his mother in all women, that is, they pose a hidden threat to him. The same situation can be observed if a man was abandoned by his mother and grew up only with his father. He harbored a grudge against his mother, who betrayed him. What is important is that in a situation with childhood psychological trauma, a man himself may not even be aware of the reason for his frolicking hatred towards the female sex or towards a specific woman who is now nearby.
14. Hatred can develop in a situation where the husband met another woman, fell in love with her, and is in two relationships. When meeting his lover, he flies on the wings of love. Returning home, his wife begins to irritate him, enrage him, the man begins to dislike his wife.

You can also learn about the reasons why a wife hates her husband.

Likely consequences

It is important to understand the consequences of hating your wife:

• divorce as a mutual desire;
• living with a feeling of hatred and the inability to break off relationships leads to the development of constant stress and depression;
• aggression, which may involve the use of physical violence;
• a man who lives experiencing such negative emotions towards his partner will never be happy, and will not make the woman next to him so;
• Children who grow up in a family where the father has a negative attitude towards the mother will not develop normally, and their psychological state will be subject to stress. It is worth understanding how deeply children feel what is happening around them.

Why is this necessary?

Before ending a relationship and deciding on a real divorce, it is important to try all attempts to restore the union. Otherwise, the problem will not be solved and difficulties will remain. And the likely next relationship with another lady will also ultimately result in negative feelings and separation. At the same time, you definitely need to listen to the voice of Russian folklore, which says that from love to hate there is one step. And vice versa.

Of course, both spouses must try to save the family. But perhaps if you set an example, your wife will follow it and try just as hard. He will begin to monitor his appearance and speech, try to control his emotions, perhaps even offer erotic games - who knows? And then, over time, you will stop hating her and revive long-forgotten warm feelings in yourself. In any case, there is definitely a chance to restore the marriage, you just have to try. And this will serve as a good example to your children, who have always been attentive observers.

If your attempts do not lead to changes for the better, then simply let go of the situation and learn to live without each other, each with their own lives, but not in this marriage.

What to do

Family psychotherapy helps to cope with problems in couples

1. First of all, it is necessary to understand what exactly causes the feeling of hatred. Perhaps the reason is not the spouse at all. You need to imagine what would happen if the woman who now lives nearby were not in your life. Would you feel the same as you do now, or would something change?
2. Don't rush into filing for divorce. Perhaps everything can be fixed, we just need to figure out the reason for the hatred that has arisen. It is especially necessary to think about saving the family if you have children together and the cause of hatred can be solved.
3. If you are familiar with the phrase: “I hate my ex-wife,” then you no longer live under the same roof, and you still harbor a grudge against your spouse, then you need to let go of the situation, understand that you need to move on with your life, forgive if the woman in front of you is guilty of something guilty, let go of negative thoughts. After all, by doing this you are harming yourself first and foremost.
4. If the hatred is due, for example, to the reluctance of the wife to allow him to see the children, then you need to find a way out of this situation, if necessary, contact a lawyer, but it is better to have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife, without showing anger, and amicably agree on a solution to this issue. Most likely, when the conflict is resolved, the feeling of hatred will disappear.
5. If hatred is caused by your spouse’s betrayal, then you need to either forgive her and get over this betrayal, or, if you realize that you will never be able to come to terms with what happened, it is better to break up.
6. If you are annoyed by a woman’s behavior, which is manifested by excessive guardianship, jealousy, throwing tantrums, constant scandals, then you can try to talk to her, explaining how you feel and how difficult it is for you to put up with her behavior like that. Or, if this is not your option, you need to go to an appointment with a family psychotherapist, who will help more smoothly explain to the woman that her behavior is unacceptable.
7. If hatred is caused by childhood psychological trauma, then you should contact a psychologist who will find the reason in your childhood and teach you how to live it so that the events of childhood do not affect your life today.
8. If the woman who lives next to you feels disrespected and unsupportive, she may simply not love you. In such a situation, you need to think about whether it is worth maintaining such a relationship.
9. If the reason for hatred lies in problems in your intimate life, then it is best to talk about it with your soulmate, talk about what you feel, what does not suit you, perhaps your spouse does not even know about it.
10. If you married not for love, but because of certain circumstances, and during all this time the feeling of love for the woman did not awaken, but on the contrary, anger and hatred appeared, then it is better to end such a union.
11. If a woman behaves inappropriately, abuses alcohol, drugs, or hits children, then she must be taken to see a psychotherapist, and, if necessary, a narcologist, because a man is unlikely to be able to change anything on his own. But you shouldn’t leave such a sick woman to the mercy of fate, leave her without help. Even if you hate her at the moment, you probably loved this woman before.
12. If you hate your spouse because she is more successful than you, then you need to work on your self-esteem. Anyone can achieve a lot, you need to believe in yourself. You can also work with a psychotherapist who can guide you on the right path, change your behavior pattern and internal attitudes.
13. If you hate your spouse because another woman has appeared in your life, and you are convinced that the feeling that has arisen for her is real and you are ready to live your whole life with her, then you should honestly talk about everything with your wife and part ways. -good.
14. If you feel dislike for your spouse because after a certain period, she has changed a lot and is no longer attracted to you, then you definitely need to discuss this with her. After all, she may not even know what is going on in your soul. You need to tell her that you would like to see her slimmer and more well-groomed. But you need to speak carefully so as not to hurt her pride or offend her. You can also start playing sports or going to the gym with your spouse. Physical activity will not hurt anyone, and a woman will not be so scared and in pain that you, for example, send her to lose weight.

Now you know, if a husband hates his wife, what could have preceded it. It is important to understand that hatred is not born out of nowhere; in any case, something provokes it. It is not always, in fact, aimed at the partner. Therefore, you should not get excited and rush to think about divorce, because it is possible that this will not solve your problems.

What other methods of overcoming hatred exist?

1. A woman needs to try to create maximum comfort, surround a man with such care and love that he has no reason for conflict.
2. If this doesn't help, you should try to take a break from the relationship. Often ending a relationship for 3-4 weeks helps a man realize how much he needs his other half.
3. You can try to add variety to your relationship. A joint vacation, moving, experimenting with sex can help a man change his attitude.
4. You should often remember the best moments from your life together, trying to use them to awaken positive emotions in your partner.
5. If a woman cheated or committed another serious offense, you need to apologize and prove with all your actions that this will not happen again.
6. If the listed methods do not help, it is recommended to contact a psychologist to undergo a course of couples therapy.

First you need to try to fix the problem on your own. If this fails, you can always contact a family psychologist. A specialist, with the help of special games and constant dialogue, will help determine the root cause of the conflict and eliminate it.

It is important to understand that relationships are not always saved. Sometimes the mutual hostility of spouses turns out to be so serious that only divorce helps to defuse the situation. If the lovers continue to live together, this will only strain the relationship.

Often a temporary break helps both the man and the woman realize how attached they are to each other. However, the break should not last more than a month, and during this entire period it is recommended to maintain verbal contact.

Psychologists advise arranging romantic surprises and going out together more often. Perhaps if a man is constantly reminded of happy days, his hatred will fade away and he will want to save the marriage.

Sometimes hatred arises because of a woman’s misdeeds, her infidelity. In such situations, you should not expect a lightning-fast resolution of the conflict. It almost always takes a man several months to cool down and begin to have feelings for his wife again. You should not rush him, but with all your actions it is recommended to prove your impeccable loyalty in the future.