The article explains:
- 6 main reasons why a man doesn’t help solve problems
- Explanation of male passivity from a psychological point of view
- 8 recommendations on how to teach a man to help in difficult situations
- Or maybe women are to blame for everything?
Recently, representatives of the fairer sex are increasingly complaining that men close to them do not help solve problems. Moreover, problems in the mouths of women can mean anything: from banal help with housework to support in financial matters.
There is some truth in these complaints, and a very significant one. Men have become much less active in this regard than before. Therefore, their friends have only two options: to do everything themselves or to convince their partner to provide all possible assistance in resolving this or that issue. The second is, of course, preferable.
Explanation of male passivity from a psychological point of view
If you try to find an answer in psychology to the question “Why doesn’t a man want to help solve problems?”, then the explanation may be as follows.
Men and women look at the world with completely different eyes. For women, it goes without saying that they understand when someone needs help - it’s in their nature. How care, mercy, and compassion are also inherent. Mother Nature rewarded men with other virtues: the desire to fight for leadership and defeat competitors.
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These two worlds, despite their close intertwining, often do not understand each other. In relationships between men, unspoken laws say: help can be equated to insult, since the “helper” believes that the other does not have the strength to complete the task. Of course, a man can ask for help, but only when he clearly understands that he cannot cope on his own. That is why he does not strive to be active until he is asked to do so.
Women, in turn, often do not ask for help because they are afraid of being rejected. They may hint at the need for support, but men do not understand allusions well. You need to talk to them directly.
So it turns out that a woman plows around the house like a horse, and then, completely exhausted, begins to reproach her husband: “Can’t you see that it’s hard for me? Is it really that hard to help? Why do you always have to ask? It is necessary, otherwise don’t complain that your husband is a heartless dork. No one can read another's mind.
There is no shame in asking for help in some matter. Naturally, there is no need to demand or persuade, a simple: “Help, please” for an adequate man is a signal for incredible activity and the manifestation of remarkable dexterity.
By the way, remember that any person is pleased to receive gratitude for work done. Your partner is no exception. Tell him “Thank you” even for minor assistance, and next time he will be even more willing to get down to business.
Should a man help a woman financially?
Modern girls are by no means muslin young ladies, born and raised to adorn male society. Women often earn better than men and are even able to provide not only for themselves, but also for their children, and sometimes even their husbands. Even a girl who does not need anything wants to see care from a loved one, and money in modern society is its equivalent.
Should a man give money to a woman for her daily expenses and larger purchases? This depends, of course, on the well-being of the man himself. And women have a psychological mechanism - she subconsciously evaluates a man as a potential husband and breadwinner.
A common expression is that a man must drag a mammoth into a cave to a woman, and she must cook it and maintain the hearth.
In the modern interpretation, this means that material assistance is required from a man, and support for the emotional component in a relationship is required from a woman. The exchange of these values is the basis of relationships between the sexes, even outside of marriage.
Another reason why men willingly part with their earned money for the sake of their beloved is the desire to increase their self-esteem. How is this related? And it's very simple. The higher a man’s ambitions, self-esteem and leadership qualities, the more he wants to see a “status” woman next to him. Namely: fit, well-groomed, beautiful.
By providing his girlfriend with money for all these manipulations, a man makes an investment not only in her, but also in himself. And not always disinterestedly. Of course, you have to pay for such care. Only hopeless romantics at a young age are capable of spending money on their beloved just like that. Grown-up men know how to count money and are aware of what they want to spend it on.
Why is it difficult to ask a man for money?3
- There are financially secure women who simply do not need other people's money and gifts. They are able to buy anything for their beloved, so asking a man for something simply won’t occur to them.
- Women with a certain upbringing have problems asking men for money. They could have inherited this pattern of behavior from their mother or grandmother, who had an unflattering opinion of the stronger sex and preferred to do without their handouts.
- From childhood, many mothers try to instill modesty in girls, so they forbid asking or taking anything from men, even if they persistently offer them something. Only such behavior corresponds to the image of a “lady”.
- Often women do not dare to ask their men for material signs of attention, realizing that their relationship does not have a solid foundation and the gentleman is not going to invest in such a short-term “project” as another mistress.
How will this affect the relationship?
Man giving gifts to woman
An ideal family is a family in which the woman does not know where the money comes from, and the man does not understand where it goes. It sounds loud, but it reflects a picture of security in material and spiritual terms.
The money has to go somewhere. A man saves and thinks where best to invest it. Sometimes he doesn’t allow himself small things. A woman is more prudent in this regard; if the family needs something, she will buy it.
For reference, the young man receives an incentive if the money goes somewhere. This makes you work and get inspiration from a woman. The process is not a vicious circle, but a normal picture of material relations in the family.
Money is the embodiment of male care and love. They are expressed in gifts, real estate and specific things. A woman, taking them, becomes happier. At such a moment, she is ready to give her patron everything she needs. For example:
- Caring;
- Clean things;
- Abundance of delicious food;
- Child;
- Cozy homely atmosphere.
When the financial situation improves, the woman guides her man in spiritual truth.
He is always looking for the meaning of life, trying to answer questions and find out his place on earth. Without the inspiration of the other half, his search will lead to nervous breakdowns and depression. It’s important not to think that a woman should be with a pot of borscht, and a man should be with a hammer. These items are tools for embodying the main role. For a man, it’s providing for his other half; for a woman, it’s motivating a young man and caring for children.
Why is happiness where the family is secure and the children are well-groomed? A man fulfills his role and earns money to provide for his family. A woman accepts the love of her other half and returns it in the form of care, inspiration and care for her family.
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What to do if your husband is greedy?
Psychologists say that a woman is able to consider a greedy and overly economical man even in the first stages of dating and developing a relationship. If a partner does not give gifts or show signs of attention to his potential bride, most likely he does not consider it necessary to spend money on this. In the future, such a man will consider that his woman is satisfied with such a life and will not change his habits. It is likely that the greedy spouse will not consider it necessary in the future to provide not only for the woman, but also for the children. If the husband does not give money for the child, this is a serious reason to sort out the relationship with him and perhaps visit a consultation with a psychologist.
Perhaps the man does not fully understand the need to spend a significant amount of money and therefore does not give cash to his wife. In this case, a sincere conversation will work favorably, in which the girl can talk about the necessary expenses and agree with him on the subsequent provision of a check or a report on the money spent. Although, this fact may indicate mistrust between spouses.
What to do if a man does not help financially?
If a man does not help a woman financially, the psychology of the relationship is built differently than in the case when the partner does not refuse support. There are several reasons for this.
A man can save on a girlfriend in several cases:
1. He's a pathological miser. In this case, the person tries to minimize any of his expenses, including spending on a girl. At the same time, he may experience sincere feelings, but is unable to overcome this character trait. In this case, the girl will have to choose what is more important to her - his immaterial love or a material manifestation of care.
2. The man is Alphonse. Such representatives of the “stronger sex” will not only not spend an extra penny on a girl, but rather, on the contrary, will demand money from her in exchange for their love. Such “macho men” are usually young, good-looking and choose older women who have good income. If a woman is ready to buy Alphonse’s love, that’s her choice, but she will never get money from him.
3. The man does not consider the relationship serious. If a guy doesn’t see any prospects for the development of a romance, and a girl is only a temporary consolation for him, he won’t waste his money on her. The maximum you can get is a few trips to the cinema and two or three bouquets for a favorable impression. After a man achieves his goal, he does not need to spend money on a girl.
Many simpletons fall into this trap. They live in illusions and dreams about the future, point blank not noticing that the man is not ready to spend even an extra penny on her.
4. The man is cautious. Not all guys are ready to spend money on a girl from the first meeting. The reason for this behavior may be past disappointments.
For example, very trusting people become victims of scammers and give them large sums, seduced by beauty and attitude. As a result, they get disappointment and resentment towards all women and obviously will not rush into spending, “testing” each girl for greed and honesty. If you are ready to accept the rules of this game and earn trust, then in the future, most likely, you will get the most generous and devoted partner.
If a man does not help financially and does not spend money on a woman, this means that he has one of the listed problems in the relationship. You can solve them, leave everything as is, or break up with the person. And we are not talking about any global amounts. A guy, even one who is strapped for money, is able to find some money to please his beloved. This is inherent in nature in all creatures, and, as you know, you cannot argue with it. If you don’t see even minimal material care from a man, think about it.
How to ask for money correctly4
It’s worth starting with the fact that the man is normal and has some money, then he will be happy to spend some of it on the woman he loves. However, you need to be able to correctly formulate your request so that a man does not form an opinion about her as a notorious bitch.
- For requests, you need to choose the right time when the man is well-fed, in a good mood and has no problems at work.
- Men don't understand hints well, so you shouldn't tell him what beautiful shoes your girlfriend bought, he may not understand that his beloved wants to buy a new pair of shoes.
- A woman should ask confidently, without stiffness, and not as if she was put on the porch to beg.
- You must justify your request. Explain why the money is needed, how it will be used, how much is needed and what the outcome of the purchase will be.
If the gentleman answered in the affirmative, you need to thank him with all your heart and say that you were counting on a positive answer, because you did not doubt his generosity and care.
Reasons for lack of finance
Sometimes a woman believes that her husband is simply sparing money to support his family, but in reality he may have difficulties with the process of earning money. Psychologists say: this aspect is very important, since a man can limit his family financially only because he chooses the most important and personally necessary areas for financing. In this case, one should recognize the presence of a serious psychological problem, which consists of incorrect attitudes. They block the subconscious and do not allow you to go beyond your usual earnings.
If you realize the presence of such difficulties, you can visit a psychologist who will identify specific problems and the reasons for their occurrence. After painstaking work and a thorough analysis of all aspects of the lack of money in the family, most likely, problems such as “the husband does not want to give money” or “how to force the spouse to support the family” will disappear on their own. A man, leaving his comfort zone, will certainly feel like a different person and realize the level of responsibility for the material well-being of his household.
