Today we will talk about what talkativeness is, why it irritates people, and also why talkativeness interferes with success - why it is harmful. We’ll also think about how to get rid of all this. Looking ahead, it should be noted that talkativeness also has positive sides.
Few people like people who are withdrawn, closed and silent. On the other hand, there are people who can be called sociable. Sociable people are what you need. But if your communication goes beyond all boundaries and reaches the point of talkativeness and excessive verbosity, then others also cease to like it. The ability to listen to other people is as valuable as the ability to speak beautifully.
Why talkativeness interferes with success
Scientists have found that the human brain itself is not very good at handling several things at once. When you speak, you cannot read something at the same time or drive a car as well. In addition, when you are too verbose, people around you quickly lose the thread - they get bored if you cannot express your thoughts briefly, clearly, and concisely!
Chatty people
interfere with colleagues' work. Sometimes they talk with their tongue about everything, indiscriminately or without regard to the case. Colleagues are forced to buy headphones in order to somehow distance themselves from the information noise.
By the way, for some professions, talkativeness and talkativeness
may be more of a plus than a minus. For example, a sales manager who makes a lot of cold calls should like to talk a lot.
The ability to keep one's mouth shut and to be responsible for one's words is as important a quality of a business person as the ability to speak competently. Sometimes spilling someone's secret, promising more than you are physically able to do - all this will not best characterize your business qualities! It’s not for nothing that there is a saying that your tongue is your enemy. However, on the other hand, the language will bring it to Kyiv. So you need to be able to speak at the right time, and also stop at the right time.
How to properly respond to talkative people
If among your relatives, friends or acquaintances there are talkers, then it is important to know how to communicate with such people. The easiest way is to try to reduce contacts with such individuals to a minimum.
When it comes to a one-time meeting with a chatterbox in line or at work, it makes sense to quickly and quietly retreat, having found a compelling but plausible reason why you need to run away right now.
The worst thing is if you cannot completely isolate yourself from a talkative person due to objective reasons: for example, you have to live under the same roof with him or meet him often. Then try not to react so harshly to his endless stream of words, stopping his “verbal diarrhea” with correct remarks and finding an opportunity to periodically move away from the chatterbox. Psychologists are convinced that talkativeness is contagious.
Those who are irritated by these people today may become more talkative themselves over time. Reducing the number of contacts is an ideal solution for those who know citizens who are eager for empty and endless conversations.
In some cases, when someone else's talkativeness interferes with the performance of official duties, since it constantly distracts from work, it is reasonable to directly and honestly voice your complaints to the chatterbox. Let him be offended, angry or react in the most unexpected way, but sitting, enduring and suffering from meaningless conversations about nothing when there is a need to do important things is not reasonable.
How to speak briefly and clearly
It has been noticed by many people that they sometimes cannot express the essence of the matter in a few sentences so that it is immediately understandable and intelligible. This happens when you start pouring a lot of details or unimportant nuances on your interlocutor, but forget to succinctly tell him what you want to convey. Fortunately, the skill of expressing your thoughts succinctly can be trained, for example, by writing articles or giving a presentation in public. It is usually considered normal for a report to last 3-5 minutes. It doesn’t matter whether you are showing a business project to an investor, defending a graduation project, or want to convey something to someone. You only have a few minutes left. After this time, even if you are not interrupted, the listener’s attention is naturally distracted and it becomes noticeably more difficult to keep the audience’s attention.
Specific steps to help get rid of excessive talkativeness:
- answer as briefly and succinctly as possible!
- try to talk on the phone for as little time as possible and only on business;
- Call less or personally distract your colleagues from their work - and write more emails where appropriate. Colleagues will answer you when it is convenient for them;
- prepare your speech in advance, rehearse if you have to speak in public;
- Ways such as meditation, solitude, and writing down your thoughts on paper help to get rid of talkativeness.
Verbosity is not always a negative thing. Sometimes it can be very appropriate. Especially when you are talking with a person about topics that interest both of you. But when your interlocutor has long lost interest in the conversation and listens out of politeness, this is a reason to be wary and stop wasting your tongue. In society, excessive talkativeness may be mistaken for narrow-mindedness.
Sociability can be a great way to learn new things or expand a person’s vocabulary and acquire the necessary connections. On the other hand, sometimes chatting can be a waste of time. That is why it is advisable to communicate with people who are interesting to you and from whom you can learn something. A person’s environment and who he communicates with during work and free time is a very serious factor in success.
Stress is to blame
A person who talks without stopping constantly experiences internal tension, from which talking helps him get rid of it.
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We know that half of our illnesses occur due to stress. Talkativeness is no exception. It is not without reason that in the modern world, conversational psychotherapy is used, when a person is given the opportunity to speak out so that he gets rid of all internal pressures. Church confession can also be considered a form of talk therapy. A person talks about his sins and thereby “frees the soul.”
Talkativeness is often called compulsion. These are repetitive actions that calm a person. This includes not only excessive talkativeness, but also the desire to do some actions several times. For example, such people wipe dust or wash their hands all day for inner peace.
There is also such a term in medicine as Tourette's syndrome. It manifests itself in a person's inability to keep his words. Such people constantly shout obscene words or inappropriate statements. Tourette syndrome can be noticed in a child in infancy. This is a disorder of the nervous system. Even in the maternity hospital, future talkers stand out among the children: one child calmly drinks milk and falls asleep, while the other constantly screams, being dry and well-fed. Psychologists note that adults with Tourette syndrome can be found in different areas of life.
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Women's talkativeness is not a myth
According to statistics, the average woman speaks three times more than a man every day. Reaches up to 20,000 words per day (according to other sources, the average number of words is 23,000 for women). The average duration of men's phone calls is noticeably shorter than that of women.
Women even have a larger vocabulary than men, and their brains are developed differently compared to the stronger sex. To summarize, male speech is usually based on facts and the transfer of information; there is rarely room for unimportant details. Women's speech contains more details and an emotional component. Some sites even write that women relieve stress through communication.
Men have learned to respect their spouses' need for communication and prefer their women to spend hours talking on the phone with their girlfriends. This is much better than becoming a victim of her monologue yourself. Yes, men don’t like exhausting conversations. I know this from myself.
Interesting fact about female talkativeness
Scientists have found that women, unlike men, have a larger vocabulary. The average woman has 23,000 words in her diet, while men use half that number. And if you also take into account the fact that in the evening a man’s work in the part of his brain responsible for speech functions slows down, it becomes clear why he is not able to hold a conversation with his talkative wife. Published by econet.ru.
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PS And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
Don't talk hand in hand!
The other day a funny thing happened. One student who did an internship with me brought forms where I had to sign, put a stamp, enter my name and position. While I was filling out everything, he was talking crazy! Constantly!! Because he mumbled something under my hand, I made mistakes on several forms. The quality of everything you do also deteriorates when someone tells you something or you talk yourself, for example, while driving. For this reason, it is better not to talk on the phone while driving, even if you have a speakerphone.
Later, my father called me and during an active conversation on my cell phone, I made even more mistakes when filling out student documents. This is how talkativeness can lead to real trouble.
Women's talkativeness is just a myth
In place of the chatty lady in this joke, her husband could just as easily have been her husband (picture from the website mkhawaja.jeeran.com)
American psychologists have refuted the prevailing idea in literature and the media that women are more talkative. Experiments conducted on American and Mexican university students did not reveal significant differences between the sexes in the number of words spoken during the day.
There has long been a belief that women are more talkative than men. This opinion is vividly represented in European folklore. In recent decades, it has seeped into the popular scientific literature on psychology and is perceived by many as a scientifically established fact. In particular, information has been circulating from one publication to another for 15 years that women supposedly speak an average of 20,000 words a day, and men only 7,000.
However, a more correct study conducted by American psychologists at the end of last year showed that these statements actually have no serious scientific basis: all estimates of this kind are based on unrepresentative samples and too rough assumptions, simply put, taken from the air. 153 people carried a voice recorder with them for several days; As a result, it turned out that women pronounce on average 8805, and men 6073 words per day. The problem, however, is that the participants in the experiment had the opportunity to turn the recorder on and off at their own discretion, so the result obtained can be interpreted in different ways - it is possible that it does not indicate the silence of men, but their secrecy, a greater share in their conversations of such topics and turns that they would like to hide from prying ears.
And now in the latest issue of Science
The results of a new study have been published in which an attempt was made to take into account previous errors. Six samples of university students from the United States and Mexico were studied, with a total of 396 people (210 women and 186 men). All participants in the experiment were required to constantly carry a digital voice recorder in their pocket or bag, packaged in such a way as to exclude the possibility of any manipulation. Students were told that the recorder would turn on at random intervals and record for 30 seconds; in total, recording time will not exceed 5% of your total waking time. The subjects were not able to determine whether the recorder was currently on or off. Before the recording was handed over to the researchers, the students were promised the opportunity to listen to it and erase anything they deemed necessary. All this was true, except for the information about the random time intervals between turning on the recorder: in fact, it turned on every 12.5 minutes. The students learned about this only at the end of the experiment.
Subsequent testing showed that, according to the participants themselves, wearing a voice recorder had very little effect on their speech activity. Additional confirmation of this is provided by two facts: firstly, in the recorded fragments of conversations, the experiment was discussed extremely rarely; secondly, after listening to their recordings, students in most cases did not consider it necessary to erase anything (on average, less than 1% of the recorded time was erased).
In none of the six studied groups were there any significant differences in the number of words spoken between men and women. On average, across all six samples, women pronounced 16,215 words per day, men - 15,669, with a very large spread (individual differences in talkativeness turned out to be quite large).
The identified difference between the sexes does not pass the test of statistical significance, that is, it is within the limits of random noise. On this basis, the authors conclude that ideas about increased talkativeness in women should be discarded as scientifically unfounded.
A limitation of the study, by the authors' own admission, is that all subjects were university students. However, if increased talkativeness were (as previously assumed) a biologically determined, evolutionarily adaptive trait of the fair sex, then this should have manifested itself in students in exactly the same way as in more diverse samples.
Source:
Matthias R. Mehl, Simine Vazire, Nairán Ramírez-Esparza, Richard B. Slatcher, James W. Pennebaker.
Are Women Really More Talkative Than Men? // Science
. 2007. V. 317. P. 82.
Alexander Markov
