Love is an individual and multifaceted feeling that cannot be analyzed structurally. It manifests itself differently in each person: some love emotionally and passionately, jealous of every pillar, others simply want to be close and care, and still others generally experience this feeling alone, without counting on reciprocity.
It is believed that fidelity is the first sign and main condition of true sincere love. It turns out that people who have affairs on the side do not love either their spouses or lovers? Is this really so and is it possible to love two men at the same time? Let's figure it out.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
There are a lot of stories in literature and cinema when one man experiences a strong love attachment for two girls at once. Moreover, we often heard about such triangles from our colleagues, neighbors and mother’s friends. Is it possible to love two women at the same time? Many men who have affairs on the side will answer this question in the affirmative. “I love both my wife and my mistress, I can’t help it” is a popular plot in movies, pulp novels and even in jokes.
What is the situation with representatives of the weaker half of humanity? If a man living in two families is a common phenomenon, then for girls such a situation is unlikely.
Ladies are much more rational and practical creatures than gentlemen. It is impossible to imagine that a woman who has a worthy and beloved partner would want to find someone else for a change. A representative of the fairer sex is unlikely to risk her happiness for the sake of an affair.
Women start affairs on the side, running away from dislike with their husbands, coldness, misunderstanding and detachment, but not in order to find thrills and bright emotions.
When a man takes a mistress, this does not mean that he has stopped loving his wife; perhaps he wants to find what he is missing in his marriage. For example, he loves his wife for loyalty, support, kindness and family comfort, and his mistress for passionate sex, lightness and a feeling of restored youth. Even authoritative psychologists confirm the fact that a man is quite capable of loving two partners - with different emotions, but equally strongly.
Women do not have such divisions. They associate love primarily with respect. If respect disappears, love usually goes with it. Some women resign themselves to this state of affairs and continue to live with a comfortable husband as neighbors, others take lovers.
If a lady has a lover, this also does not mean that she is in love with him. Many women start such relationships for the sake of tone and sexual pleasure, and mistake ordinary attraction, the desire to speak out, to be significant, etc. for love.
So, is it possible to love two men at the same time? Can. But for women, “double” love is not typical and unlikely. Most likely, she loves only one, and in front of the second she is tormented by a feeling of guilt, or she simply doesn’t understand herself. This is a classic scenario for such stories. But even here there are exceptions, when a girl truly falls in love with two guys and cannot make a choice.
Do you need to make a choice?
It seems that life is wonderful: with one you feel like behind a stone wall, the other carries you in your arms and calls you a goddess. But it won't always be like this.
Chasing two birds with one stone is a thankless task, you can lose both! In such a triangle, a woman is convinced of her sinlessness. Yes, I fell in love with both, but you can’t order your heart! I am with them out of love, and not just satisfying base instincts.
Let’s switch places for a second: do you want to be an “alternate airfield” for your husband?
He loves both you and his neighbor Vera, should he break up? Are you ready to share your beloved with your rival? Fight to win a place in his heart? Or, nevertheless, set a classic ultimatum: “Either me or her.”
But men also have feelings. Everyone wants to be the only one, loved, the center of the Universe. Your infidelity not only hurts, but also causes significant blows to his ego.
Love is not walks under the moon or notes with hearts, it is the strongest spiritual connection.
If you truly love, you are afraid to hurt a person, because his pain ricochets through your heart. The pangs of choice indicate affection, sympathy, habit, but not love.
If none of the men embody the qualities you need, you should let them go and continue your search.
The world is big, and among four billion men there will definitely be your soul mate!
Love of two - reasons
A situation where a woman is passionate about two gentlemen can have different plots. The first scenario is that a young lady accepts advances from two men at the same time, but she just can’t figure out which one she likes more. In this case, it is too early to talk about love, so we will not consider such a situation.
The second scenario is that a woman is married or in a permanent relationship and at the same time falls in love with another person. What does psychology say about such triangles and how can you love two men at the same time? To answer these questions, let’s look at the reasons for this situation.
Love for men for different qualities
In fact, unlike men, it is not so common for a woman to love two partners for different qualities. She wants to see all the best characteristics in one person and preferably in her legal spouse. If a lady has strong feelings for her husband, she is unlikely to be able to simultaneously harbor the same emotions for another person - this is one of the features of female nature.
At the same time, in any, even very loving couple, crises occur in relationships: cooling in sex, misunderstanding, habit, everyday problems, etc. A woman who ceases to be happy in family life becomes especially sensitive and vulnerable. She can perceive sympathy and flirting with a stranger as falling in love or even love. Despite the problems in the family, she still loves her husband, perceiving him as a loved one, a cozy and reliable haven, the head of the family and the father of her children. At the same time, her lover gives her fundamentally new emotions; with him she feels desired and interesting, experiences passion, and enjoys courtship and compliments.
In this situation, the woman does not love her lover, but rather her condition next to him, which she cannot receive with her husband.
After many years of relationship, the partner becomes understandable and painfully predictable. We know his every habit perfectly, understand without words and can even predict his actions. Sudden feelings for another man may be due to a feeling of novelty and mystery.
Thus, sincere affection for two men at the same time is quite real. For example, in a spouse one is attracted to seriousness, stability, constancy and reliability. And in a lover - unpredictability, a sense of humor, ease of communication and sexual liberation. It is unlikely that the second option can be called love. Ladies perceive the active release of joy hormones and dizziness from flirting with a pleasant man as a strong feeling. At such moments, it is important to maintain your sanity and not jump into the deep end.
Dissatisfaction with current relationships
Perhaps this is the most common reason for adultery among women. The list of factors of female dissatisfaction includes:
- lack or lack of attention;
- lack of sexual interest on the part of the man;
- lack of finances;
- increased interest of the partner in other women, etc.
If there are problems in a couple, some girls prefer to reconcile and leave everything as it is, others enter into dialogue with their partner and try to solve the problem, while others seek consolation on the side or even file for divorce. If the last ways out seem to be the most effective for you, it means that there is most likely no love for your partner. Before plunging into a new relationship, you should understand yourself and put an end to the previous union. A new romantic interest and betrayal of your spouse are unlikely to solve the problem, but rather, on the contrary, will further aggravate an already difficult situation.
Psychology still does not give a concrete answer to the question of whether it is possible to love two men at the same time. Each case is individual. But if a woman does not try to solve the problem with her husband and at the same time starts a new romance, most likely she does not have any feelings for the first partner, and they may never arise for the second.
Often, girls begin to actively flirt with other guys in order to take revenge on their spouse for cheating. A light affair has every chance of developing into falling in love if the new partner, unlike the husband, gives the woman that very missing feeling of need and attractiveness.
Selfishness and immaturity of women
Infantility is characteristic of almost every woman to varying degrees. For some, it is developed on a global scale, making it difficult to make wise and adequate decisions even in adulthood.
When getting married, infantile girls count on an endless fairy tale and are very disappointed when they realize that for a harmonious relationship they will have to work a lot, restrain themselves, make compromises, and at some points even sacrifice their interests for the sake of their husband and family.
Faced with harsh reality, infantile girls prefer to escape from the problem to a place where they will be given that very fairy tale - travel, gifts, beautiful courtship, romantic dates, constant compliments and admiration for their beauty. If in a new relationship such a woman receives everything that her husband cannot provide, she quickly gets carried away and even falls in love with her new fairy-tale prince. A characteristic feature of such young ladies is that they themselves vaguely understand what they really want, so over time, adultery also ceases to suit them, and they return to their deceived husband.
Personal crisis
If a girl seems to have strong feelings for two guys at the same time, most likely she doesn't really love either of them. If there is true love and affection, the question of any romantic feelings for another person is unlikely to arise.
Often such tossing occurs among young ladies during a period of personal crisis. At this time, women may be tormented by financial problems, lack of children or professional fulfillment. In addition, the lady begins to doubt her love for her own husband; it seems to her that she was mistaken and made the wrong choice. It happens that a woman simply has nothing to do, and she wants to realize her potential in romantic adventures.
In a state of emotional distress, meeting an attractive man can be perceived as salvation and a gift of fate. The spiritual emptiness is filled with attention from the new gentleman. Feeling desired, the lady temporarily forgets about her crisis and completely surrenders to the surging feelings, mistaking them for falling in love or even love.
So is it possible or not?
Is it possible to love two men sincerely and honestly? A woman often in an ambivalent situation lives in torment, doubt, feels guilty, and remorse.
It is worth admitting to yourself that one of these states is not real. Suddenly it turns out that even both feelings are not true feelings, but only a substitute. If both partners are insufficient in some way and you only need something, this does not exclude the appearance of a third, fourth, each of whom will give something of their own. There will be no talk of love here, only consumption. Saying to yourself “I love two men” is much easier than realizing that one of them is a replacement or an addition.
Relationships are not always given ready-made; you need to work on them to get what you need and expect. The easiest way is to try to find them completely at once, replacing one object that did not provide what was needed with a second one. And it’s still too early to part with the first one, in case he comes to his senses and changes. Isn’t it selfish then to play with other people’s feelings? Or the girl is an adventurer and she is curious about the forbidden fruit itself.
What should I do?
Whether a woman can love two men at the same time depends on the specific situation. If such a question arises, then, most likely, there is no love for any of the candidates or the young lady is simply confused in her feelings and does not want to lose any of the gentlemen.
By plunging into such a relationship, a lady risks ruining her life and remaining in splendid isolation. Sooner or later you will have to make an adult decision and make an informed choice.
So, what to do if you think you love two people at the same time:
- If possible, take a short break from communicating with both partners. Ask to go on a business trip or go on vacation to another city to think carefully about your feelings and understand who you miss the most.
- Assess what a relationship with each candidate gives you and what you will lose if you break up. Keep in mind that breaking up with your husband will be much more difficult than breaking up with your lover, especially if there are children in the marriage. Don't rush into such decisions. You know your lover worse than your husband, and there is no guarantee that in the future he will not disappoint you or betray you.
- Analyze the attitude of both candidates. Pay attention to which of them sincerely cares about you and shows care not in words, but in actions. Don't focus on just one passion. The most important selection criteria are respect, understanding, a sense of calm and confidence. These “components” of love are the most difficult to conquer, and not every couple has them.
- Talk to your spouse frankly, but do not talk about your adultery if your husband has no idea about anything. Ask him what doesn’t suit him in his current relationship, tell him honestly what you don’t like. Be calm and don't throw tantrums. Perhaps, in a frank and constructive dialogue, you will find a way out of the current situation and be able to improve everything.
If you want to find out for sure whether a person can love two people at the same time, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. An honest look from the outside and professional advice will help you soberly assess the situation and make an informed decision.
What to do if you love two people
Look at the situation. Perhaps, after the idealization and romanticization of the image of new love, this flair will gradually fade and the relationship will gradually fade away. Or it may turn out that this connection will strengthen and become much deeper and brighter than the first, so that it will have to be interrupted. But a third character may even appear, which will include everything that is separately in the first two loves.
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You need to understand yourself. Try to understand why such a polygon appeared in life, what is actually missing. We perceive ourselves through others - this means that a person needs to realize a lot about himself, since he needs to receive so much at once from two other people.
Is it possible to truly love two people at once? Advice from a psychologist was last modified: October 1, 2021 by Masha Dubrovskaya
Think about the future
Another good trick from psychologists: to decide which man you want to stay with, imagine a not-so-distant future with each of them. Think about what your husband and lover can do for you, what they are willing to sacrifice for you. It is better to make a choice and be wrong in your thoughts than to make a stupid decision in real life.
