Hypocrisy is a style of behavior that implies insincerity, hiding real emotions, thoughts and inner states. The meaning of the word hypocrisy originates in the Roman Empire, when actors taking part in theatrical performances used a variety of masks that reflected the emotional state of the character. This phenomenon should not always be condemned and condemned. Every individual has had a situation in life in which they had to hide the truth from their interlocutor, lie and use “sweet lies” instead of “bitter truth.”
What forces a person to hypocrisy is mainly fear. And in overwhelming situations, this is a fear of one’s opinion or perception of reality, which is caused by low self-esteem. Therefore, when the interlocutor is a hypocrite, and this can be revealed simply through gestures, intonation, and facial expression, you should not immediately be offended by the speaker’s lies. If this person is truly dear, you should understand his fear, realizing what caused it, and how you can change the situation with your actions.
To overcome such a personality trait as hypocrisy, it is necessary to build rules of life and an unshakable system of principles. If an individual's behavior is based on values, such a person will have more control over his speech and actions, avoiding lies and weakness. A person with adequate self-esteem will not be ashamed of his point of view or worldview.
What is hypocrisy
It is convenient for a person to wear a mask behind which he hides his true state of mind.
Hypocrisy is a person’s tendency to change his opinion, wanting to benefit from it. Hypocrisy can also be a kind of manifestation of a person’s personal complexes.
Hypocrisy is the antonym of sincerity and is manifested in the fact that a person spreads rumors and gossip about his friends. The basis of this behavior is the survival instinct.
In psychology, this term denotes a person’s desire to hide his negative attitude towards one or another individual, or malicious intent, under an advantageous, socially approved mask.
In pedagogy, hypocrisy is understood as a low level of education. Famous teachers are convinced that with the right approach to education, a child will not grow up to be a hypocrite.
Communication between comrades based on lies and hypocrisy
Why do people become hypocrites?
A hypocritical person begins to be a hypocrite for specific reasons. This can be both education and a way of psychological protection. But for what reasons exactly does a person become hypocritical? Let's look at the main factors in the formation of duplicity.
Fear of punishment or condemnation
Strange as it may seem, duplicity and hypocrisy can primarily be caused by fear and uncertainty. For example, a person is unsure of the correctness of his opinion or decision, so he prefers to obey the opinion of the majority. Such people are weak-willed. Therefore, even if their attitude towards someone is opposite, they will not say so for fear of not being accepted in the social group.
Principle of least resistance
The principle of least resistance works similarly to fear of punishment. That is, the less “different” you are from those around you, the easier it is to become a full-fledged part of a group. Thus, in this case, hypocrisy works as a measure and method of socialization.
Following social norms
Imposed moral and social values can also cause the formation of duplicity. our views may differ dramatically from generally accepted ones. Therefore, hypocrisy is self-deception in which we adapt to general norms, denying independent opinions and views.
Insincerity towards oneself can cause the formation of duplicity
Reluctance to offend
“White lie” - everyone has heard this phrase at least once. She says that sometimes it is better to lie than to tell the truth. But is it? Hardly.
Hypocrisy, based on a reluctance to offend, is built on the internal belief of the hypocrite that his lies will make everyone better. This way he will save someone from unnecessary negativity and worries.
Selfish motives
Self-interest is secret reasons, most often associated with material gain. For example, hypocrisy can be used to get a high grade on an exam or to advance in your career.
Copying parents' behavior
Education and family are the sources of formation of our personality. Therefore, if lying was common in the family. It is more likely that in adult life the child will begin to unconsciously copy this model of building relationships with people.
Hypocrisy as a mechanism of self-deception
This type is very associated with uncertainty and reluctance to enter into confrontation with others. Therefore, the hypocrite deceives not only the people around him, but also himself.
Hypocrisy does not always involve causing moral harm to someone
Differences and similarities of lies and hypocrisy
Duplicity has much in common with deception, but it is impossible to equate these negative personality traits. These two vices have both similarities and fundamental differences.
A deceiver lies to make his life easier. The hypocrite also lies, but he pursues another goal - obtaining benefits. In addition, a liar knows that he is behaving incorrectly, while a hypocrite sees nothing wrong in his actions. A deceiver tries to confirm his words with specific actions, which a hypocrite never does.
The similarity between a deceiver and a two-faced person is that neither one nor the other strives to be sincere with their communication partners. If exposed, these people will try to justify themselves and reduce everything to a banal misunderstanding.
Asya Rakhovich
Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.
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How to Deal with a Hypocrite
Every person has his own approach. If you can recognize acquaintances in the described signs, this is not a reason for frustration. There are ways that you can use to save relationships and not fall for the tricks of pretenders.
- If there is no point in maintaining friendly relations with a hypocrite, you can avoid him. This is a simple way to reduce stress and a method for keeping encounters with an unpleasant person to a minimum. Its meaning is to demonstratively show a person that those around him refuse to spend time with him because his behavior does not fit into the generally accepted framework.
- If it is impossible to completely avoid communication, then it can be minimized. It is better to find a new company, meetings with which will bring joy, and spend a minimum of time with hypocrites, even at general meetings and parties. However, even short communication should not be negative. Compliance with the rules of politeness and good manners reduces pretense on both sides.
- Staying calm is the right tactic. It is important to make it clear to the hypocrite that it is necessary to comply with the limits of behavior, but this should be done without tension, but confidently. Phrases that would work include: “I don’t like it when you talk about me like that” or “I don’t like it when you behave like that.”
- The main thing is not to fall to the level of a hypocrite. If a situation arises in which you want to express dissatisfaction with your interlocutor, it is better to restrain yourself, since it will be difficult to convince other people who witnessed the altercation that there are not two hypocrites in front of them.
- A conversation will help if the person has just begun to show signs of being a pretender. A person should explain why such communication is unpleasant and causes discomfort instead of emotions of joy and happiness. You can find out the reason for pretending with leading questions, for example: “All our mutual friends have noticed that you have changed. What happened?”, “You started communicating with a new company, that’s probably why you changed so much?”, “What do you mean all the time?”
- Give each other a break and pause communication. It is impossible to force a person to change, so it is important to let the friendship cool down so that after a couple of weeks or months you can start communicating with a clean slate. If this does not bring positive results, then it is for the best. With the disappearance of toxic people from life, new roads will open and new people will appear.
Types of hypocrisy
Since a negative personality trait manifests itself differently in different people, in the course of experimental studies, scientists tried to distinguish between the typical behavior patterns of hypocrites. Psychologists classify duplicity as follows:
- Moral duplicity. Such a person strives to make a positive impression on others, he is vain. The individual ascribes to himself moral qualities that he does not possess, talks about sublime deeds, presenting himself as a hero, although in reality he has never committed them. There are not always evil intentions behind such behavior; sometimes such a hypocrite simply cannot find the strength to behave differently.
- Moral weakness. This type is based on weak moral principles of the individual. Such people tend to justify their unseemly actions by a coincidence of circumstances, by the lack of opportunity to act differently.
- Duality of standards. An individual with this form of hypocrisy does not see anything wrong in his actions. However, he condemns similar actions of others. A hypocrite with double standards will always find an excuse for his unseemly behavior, but he will never accept the excuses of those around him.
What is hypocrisy?
Most often, a pretender is not easy to recognize immediately. The deception is revealed after everything that is needed is received from the victim. Or it happens by accident. Therefore, in life you may need practical advice on how to recognize a hypocrite. Attentiveness and healthy skepticism will help here - you should not take for granted everything you hear from unfamiliar people, especially if they are talking about themselves. Learn to distrust - it has helped many people avoid unpleasant situations. First you need to take a closer look at the person, observe his actions, and only then draw your own conclusions.
Signs of hypocrisy:
- Different behavior when surrounded by friends, colleagues, or at home;
- Words and statements do not match actions;
- Accusations directed at others and complete justification of one’s own actions;
- When exposed, hypocrites deny their own claims, making up excuses as they go;
- The victim image that hypocrites like to wear evokes pity among others and allows them to manipulate others.
There is a category of people who are in a hurry to help others, do charity work, sign up as volunteers and in every way create the image of “Mother Teresa”. Why did we mention these people making the world a better place? Because, looking at some very “correct” people, the question arises: is altruism hypocrisy or not?
It would seem, where do such thoughts come from, since the guys are making every effort for the benefit of those around them? They are ready to share their last shirt with a homeless person and donate all the money to help poor homeless animals. This is true, but not always. Most young people do this out of sincere and pure motives, but not all. So-called altruism may be false, and all good deeds are done for self-affirmation.
Lies and hypocrisy are not combined with real sincerity. The pretender will serve a bowl of soup to a homeless person with a smile on his face, seething with hatred and contempt in his soul. A kind grandson takes care of an elderly granny who dotes on him, and he does it only for the sake of the apartment. And if grandma leaves an inheritance to someone other than him during her lifetime, the dear grandson will turn into a cruel tyrant capable of killing the unfortunate old lady.
Hypocrite people show their true colors in extreme circumstances. If you have suspicions, create an unusual and provocative situation that allegedly threatens the well-being of the pretender. He will quickly lose his composure and you will see his true intentions.
History of the term
Even during the primitive communal system, people learned to be hypocrites. Scientists are sure that the hypocritical instinct is inherent in humans by nature. Of course, this behavioral feature appeared earlier than the special term by which this personal quality was called.
The term for this personality trait originated in Ancient Rome. At that time, girls playing various roles in the theater were called hypocrites. In a literal sense, this word meant “to try on different faces, to appear in different images, to wear a mask.”
The roots of hypocrisy should be sought in ancient theatrical art
The Greeks also had the word “hypocrisy”, using which they wanted to say that a person was behaving artificially, pretending.
Now this term denotes such human behavior in which a clear contradiction is revealed between his external actions and personal beliefs. Synonymous concepts for this personality trait are:
- falsehood - insincerity in behavior, falsity (the term is used in psychology when there is a need to indicate the discrepancy between a person’s words and his facial reactions);
- guile is a negative character trait, expressed in the fact that a person displays cunning, flattery, and intrigue when communicating with loved ones;
- pretense – conscious actions of a person aimed at misleading interlocutors;
- hypocrisy is a demonstrative model of pious behavior of an individual who in reality does not follow religious principles and does not show piety in everyday life;
- deception – deliberate concealment of true information, distortion of facts;
- two-facedness is a psychological strategy of human behavior in which the words and actions of an individual diverge from his personal beliefs.
Who are you pretending to be?
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners, so that they may appear before people. Truly I say to you, they are already receiving their reward” (Matthew 6:5).
Are you pretending to be righteous? Do you pretend to pray when you don't even believe that God is there in that situation? Do you pretend to be happy with others when you yourself are filled with jealousy and rivalry? Do you pretend to trust God, while you yourself are simply consumed by fear? Do you pretend to care about other people just to get them to like you?
Who is a hypocrite in simple words
A hypocrite is a two-faced individual who lacks sincerity in his judgments and views. Such a person tries to hide his own immoral actions under good intentions. But the hypocrite will condemn similar immoral actions of those around him.
A hypocrite in life tries to appear to be someone he really is not.
Two-faced people are rightfully considered manipulators. After all, they know where the interlocutor’s weak point is, therefore, wanting to achieve their goal, they blackmail, play on feelings and prejudices.
How is partiality different from subordination?
Subordination implies the form and framework of official subordination. This subordination is based not on personal bias, but on the rules of official discipline. Without subordination, no structured organization can function.
Discretion is associated with the voluntary ingratiation of one person to another (motives may be different). Quite often such ingratiation is accompanied by flattery and hypocrisy, while the rules of subordination can be followed without flattery and hypocrisy.
Flattery and hypocrisy contribute to the development of such an ugly quality as pseudo-humility (see also: Humility). The flip side of ingratiating yourself with useful people is often disdain for useless people (outsiders). And this, in turn, contributes to the formation of arrogance.
Signs of a hypocrite
You can recognize a hypocrite by their characteristic behavior patterns. Hypocrites have the following characteristics:
- a hypocritical person promises a lot and does little (but at the same time reacts painfully to the failure to fulfill promises given to him);
- a two-faced person is well versed in social psychology, knows how to sense the mood of his interlocutor and skillfully plays along with him;
- such people love to brag, they are characterized by vanity (such people often invent reasons for boasting, because they have very few actual personal achievements);
- a hypocritical person ingratiates himself with successful people through deception and flattery (they are driven by banal envy);
- they are often confused in their own lies, so they can present different texts of the same story (they do not feel remorse when a contradiction in their words is pointed out to them, brushing off reproaches);
- two-faced people do not know how to keep other people's secrets (but at the same time they condemn those who spread other people's secrets);
- It is difficult for them to refrain from exaggerating facts and distorting information, even if they know that others can expose their deception;
- two-faced people are not able to admit their guilt and ask for forgiveness from a person (therefore, as a rule, they do not have strong friendships that have been tested over the years);
- two-faced people constantly criticize others, they tend to cling to any little things and shortcomings of others;
- Such individuals cannot admit their own mistakes (when mistakes are pointed out to them, they get offended, and sometimes even completely and irrevocably break off relations with a straightforward person who decided to point out a flaw);
- hypocritical people tend to collect and spread gossip and rumors (often they invent them themselves);
- they do not respect simple straightforward people;
- They tend to want to teach others, point out their mistakes and mistakes;
- hypocrites are sensitive to criticism (which is why they often have tense relationships with their superiors);
- such individuals strive to evoke pity and sympathy, they often put pressure on feelings in the process of interpersonal communication;
- true hypocrites will not say something good about a person if he is not nearby at the time of the conversation, since they are not able to truly admire successful individuals and their talents;
- a person who is accustomed to being a hypocrite is in no hurry to come to the rescue in a difficult situation (he justifies himself by saying that he does not have the required skills, capabilities, and is also confident that at a critical moment there will certainly be someone else next to the person in need who can provide help) ;
- if he is approached with a request, he immediately remembers urgent matters, declaring that he would certainly help, but now he needs to run;
- he can offer his help if he is sure that the person will refuse it, but he will not be particularly zealous in this, fearing that the person will suddenly change his position;
- When helping someone, they expect gratitude and benefits, so they will certainly remind you for a long time about the service provided.
External signs also reveal a hypocrite:
- when he smiles, there are no facial folds on his face;
- when he smiles, his eyes remain sharp, cold, indifferent;
- during communication, his eyebrows remain motionless;
- he compresses his lips tightly;
- in the process of communication, the hypocrite’s posture is usually closed;
- often his hands make uncontrolled movements.
To learn to accurately identify hypocritical people in one’s own environment, a person needs to develop his emotional intelligence.
Is it possible to help a hypocrite reform?
If a person himself has a need to stop being a hypocrite, of course, you can help him. But we should not forget that people who grew up with the attitude of conforming to the “ideal model” of themselves should go to an appointment with a psychologist. Because such a “protective mask” sometimes grows too tightly to a person and is a compensation for his fears and phobias. And they are not so easy to deal with.
But you shouldn’t be a hypocrite yourself. After all, if the boss asks for an opinion about a new monstrously disgusting green dress, it is unlikely that there will be those brave enough to declare their true opinion to their face. We will at least try to find at least something attractive in him. Therefore, if you want to help a hypocrite, start with yourself...
Reasons for hypocrisy
Hypocrisy occurs in a person due to the following reasons:
- excessive demands on the child from parents, unfair and cruel methods of education;
- unconscious copying of parents' behavior patterns by children;
- low self-esteem of the individual;
- self-interest, the desire to obtain material benefits, benefits;
- evil intentions of the individual;
- low level of human upbringing caused by errors in education;
- lack of a system of moral guidelines in humans;
- fear of condemnation or punishment from influential people;
- the desire to make your life easier, because it is not always easy and pleasant to tell people the truth;
- the desire to please a friend, boss or business partner;
- adolescence, during which a person tries on certain roles and masks;
- the desire to make a good impression, to win over;
- the desire to comply with the moral norms and rules of society;
- a person’s desire to avoid conflicts and maintain friendly relations with superiors, colleagues, neighbors, and relatives;
- the desire to avoid retribution for one’s actions;
- fear of hurting the soul of a loved one;
Despite the fact that every person has the prerequisites for the development of a negative character trait, duplicity is not characteristic of everyone. If a boy or girl from childhood is accustomed to setting humane goals for themselves, their negative character traits will be under conscious control. A person with a high level of moral development will not allow himself to commit inhumane acts.
Hypocrisy is just easier
The problem is, practicing what you preach or maintaining a high moral standard is work, it's work. If you tell people to give money to charity or to abstain from certain indulgences, then that means you should do it too. But what if you just told everyone what to do, and how to do it right, but for some reason you didn’t do it yourself?
People tend to favor the principle of least effort, often known as the “path of least resistance,” which means they will take whatever option requires the least amount of effort. Hypocrisy allows you to appear principled without being so, which is much easier than sticking to strict principles. Some modern politicians seem to have realized this fact, making big speeches about all the great things they do and then often doing none of them.
There are some advantages, of course. Some research suggests that when called upon to practice hypocrisy, people may end up being more committed to the beliefs and practices they previously claimed to hold. So don't be afraid to point out hypocrisy when you see it, you may be doing something good overall.
Intuitively, it seems that we may dislike hypocrites because their words are inconsistent with their behavior, because they lack the self-control to behave in accordance with their own moral standards, or because they knowingly engage in behavior that is they know is morally wrong. All of these explanations seem plausible, but new research suggests that it is the distortion of their moral character that causes dissonance that really makes us angry.
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Pros and cons of hypocrisy
Hypocrisy does not always bring only harm to others and the two-faced person himself. This character trait also has a positive meaning.
Advantages and disadvantages
hypocrisy allows you to avoid sharp corners in a conversation;
this personality trait helps to avoid conflict;
Hypocrisy is used when one does not want to offend the interlocutor.
if a person is accustomed to being a hypocrite, he will not apologize, knowing that he has offended the person;
duplicity is characteristic of selfish people;
The hypocrite does not have strong friendships, since he is not capable of sincere positive feelings;
hypocrites are susceptible to developing diseases of the cardiovascular system;
they are often diagnosed with gastrointestinal disorders;
a hypocrite suffers from envy; it hinders him not only in the personal sphere, but also in the professional sphere.
Since hypocrisy has positive aspects, it means that people who have weakly expressed this character trait should develop it. To do this you need:
- learn to smile in critical and conflict situations;
- convince the suffering person that everything will be fine, all problems can be solved;
- hide your negative emotions and those around you.
Each person decides for himself whether to be a hypocrite, focusing on the situation
How to deal with hypocrisy within yourself
Based on the results of this article, one important conclusion can be drawn: every person is a hypocrite to one degree or another. And this is quite normal, since hiding the true attitude and motives in some life situations can serve as a way to avoid conflicts, build business relationships, etc.
But what to do when hypocrisy goes beyond reasonable and acceptable limits? What if I'm a hypocrite? Of course, this phenomenon lends itself to self-control and self-regulation. In this case, it is not at all necessary to contact specialists. Because you can get rid of duplicity yourself. Here are some tips to combat hypocrisy within yourself:
- Initially, you need to sort out your life attitudes and values. In the process of this, you need to accept the fact that you are an individual person who has the right to his own point of view. Even if this point of view does not suit most people. Of course, here we are talking about those attitudes that do not go beyond the concepts of morality and ethics;
- Develop a moderate eccentricity in yourself that will not allow you to succumb to the opinions of others who may be hypocritical. This factor is characteristic of some social groups, and the originality of eccentrics can save you.
- Accept and understand the responsibility you have for your own values. Here again the point is that your interests and moral qualities/values are unshakable and should not be criticized by others;
- Strive for development. Development, including self-development, is a way to solve most personality problems. Spend more time alone with yourself, learn to understand and hear yourself and your desires;
- Work on your self-esteem. Finding that golden mean of self-esteem is quite difficult. It's easy to go to extremes. Therefore, it is important to understand that you can be better than someone only based on objective criteria. For example, by the presence of professional skills. But you can’t adequately consider yourself worse. Perhaps your fear of responsibility is stopping you;
- Be sincere with your loved ones. It is important to learn how to express your emotions and attitude correctly. Start with a close and narrow circle. As soon as you learn to correctly present your thoughts to them, this will automatically transfer to the sphere of ordinary communication between people.
Attitude towards hypocrisy in religion
In all religious teachings, hypocrisy is considered a sinful characteristic of man.
The Orthodox religion believes that hypocrisy came to man from the devil. To follow the righteous path, such an individual needs to cleanse his soul through confession, numerous services and prayers.
In Islam, hypocritical persons are called munafiks. They believe that the munafik does not deserve any benefits, since he is the “last man” in society.
The sacred scriptures of Judaism require the removal of hypocritical people from religion.
The moral foundations of any society are based on religious values. In Sunday schools, clergy encourage students to be merciful, sincere, and to show compassion for loved ones. That is why many teachers are convinced that the religious views of parents and their piety will contribute to the formation of a true citizen of society.
Cultural hypocrisy
According to Sigmund Freud, cultural hypocrisy is a special condition maintained by society due to its inherent feelings of insecurity and the need to protect its apparent lability by prohibiting criticism and discussion. It arises due to the fact that society demands the implementation of a high ideal of morality from each of its members, without caring how difficult it is. At the same time, it is not so rich and organized that it can reward everyone to the extent of their refusal to satisfy their instincts. So it leaves it to the individual himself to decide how he can obtain sufficient compensation for the sacrifice made in order to maintain peace of mind. In general, he is forced to live psychologically beyond his capabilities, because unsatisfied drives make him feel the demands of culture as constant oppression.
How to get rid of hypocrisy
To eradicate a negative character trait in yourself, you need to be patient. You can cope with it only with the help of a strong will. You need to start self-correction by recognizing the problem. The main method of eliminating a negative personality trait will be total self-control.
To overcome an unpleasant personality trait in yourself, you need to:
- Learn to enjoy life, enjoy communicating with different people.
- Instead of collecting gossip and rumors, you should engage in your own self-development and professional growth. The more personal achievements a person has, the less will be his need to invent them.
- Systematically engage in sports, yoga, meditation. Such activities transform not only the body, but also the soul.
- Communicate with those people who inspire admiration. Such people emanate positive energy, which transforms a person’s consciousness and personal attitudes.
It is very difficult to get rid of hypocrisy
Expert opinion on hypocrisy
“Hypocrisy is a selfish lie. Lying to achieve some private goal, for example, for career advancement or to take possession of someone else's property." "The reason that we are all hypocrites somewhere in our souls is fear. We are afraid that they will turn away from us, will not accept us, we are afraid of being misunderstood, of being left alone in the end. We are also afraid that someone will find out about our feelings, because in the modern world it is too fashionable to be independent and self-sufficient. » Extremely harmful quality Affects psychological health Disturbs relationships with others
How to disarm a hypocrite
To disarm a hypocrite you need to:
- be natural in behavior and actions;
- consciously form and protect your own system of life principles and values;
- increase self-esteem;
- adhere to strict consistency and logic in everyday actions and when performing professional duties;
- be as honest as possible when communicating with friends, relatives and colleagues.
By engaging in self-improvement and cultivating moral principles in oneself, a person attracts positive people with high moral principles. Hypocrites do not choose such individuals as their victims.
How to expose a hypocrite
Do you want to expose the hypocrite? Do you want others to know about his fakeness? Then you can apply the following actions:
- Constantly ask leading questions to the hypocrite. Try to confuse him;
- Call out the hypocrisy directly and try to have a constructive dialogue;
- If your relationship is close, try to have a heart-to-heart talk and express the problem;
- Involve other people: friends, loved ones, relatives;
- Remember the inconsistencies;
- You can try to prick the hypocrite in a common company so that he is in the discomfort zone.
