The problem of sexual orientation is quite acute in modern society. Same-sex love in any form, both relationships between a man and a man, and the love of a woman for a woman, is associated by most people with something unnatural, negative and unacceptable. Previously, it was believed that the manifestation of feelings and passion between two representatives of the fair sex was a direct referral to a clinic for the mentally ill. Is it that scary? Why do some ladies prefer their own kind to the stronger sex? What provokes the development of such relationships and what does love between women lead to? Modern psychology provides answers to these questions.
Behavioral characteristics of women
According to numerous studies, females are more sensitive and emotional than males. Nature itself has endowed women with the ability to love and experience strong feelings towards men, create a family and give birth to children. However, under the influence of numerous life factors, the psyche and innate behavioral characteristics of the fair half of humanity undergo serious changes. Modern life sometimes forces women to take on some of the responsibilities of men, perform hard physical work and play roles in society that are not typical for them. All this provokes changes in the character and personal qualities of representatives of the fairer sex.
Causes
Same-sex relationships among beautiful ladies can develop on their own, regardless of the person’s age and previous sexual orientation. There are cases when, before meeting a new partner, a girl had a fairly strong love relationship with a man, but after that she preferred love between women.
In addition to the most inexplicable emergence of passion for a person of the same sex, the construction of such relationships can be provoked by social factors, upbringing, environment, LGBT propaganda, as well as negative experiences with a member of the opposite sex.
Trying to discover something new
Most people are driven to various experiments in their sexual life by curiosity. For example, some use escort services (phone sex, ordering “priestesses of love”) or resort to communicating with representatives of a different race. So what is the difference between the relationships between women, the love that arises between them? All this is the same experiment, a unique way to diversify personal life, which uncomplicated, free-thinking individuals decide to undertake, while being fully aware of their actions and deeds. Some representatives of the fair sex try in this way to feel what exactly a man experiences when touching a woman, caring for her and enjoying intimacy with her.
Propaganda
What has been broadcast recently on TV, as well as in various online communities, is nothing more than indirect propaganda of lesbian relationships. Show business celebrities openly demonstrate their sexual orientation, showing how fashionable and modern it is, and in some countries rallies of LGBT activists are held.
Provocations of this kind have no effect on the seasoned minds of mature, established individuals. Mostly young girls and teenagers with fragile psyches fall under the influence of propaganda. Then a woman’s love for another woman develops under the influence of external suggestion, and it is dominated to a greater extent by playing for the public. Freshman and high school girls are often not aware of their actions; this kind of relationship ends at a more mature age - before the age of 20.
OPEN TO SOCIETY
My first mutual love happened to me in my first year. In dorm. I emphasize this fact not because outside the room we stopped loving each other, but because I immediately strictly stipulated the impossibility of coming out. “My friend Sasha lives here,” I told my girlfriend, “she shouldn’t know anything.” I hardly thought then how much pain my words caused my beloved. I knew for sure: Sasha should not be in the know. Like the rest of my friends, parents and any new acquaintances. Where did the fear come from that instilled this cowardly confidence in me? (My first love still reminds me of her - we haven’t been together for a long time, but we are close friends.) I don’t know. Probably, from childhood, “Loving a girl is wrong” was imprinted in my brain in such letters.
Now I'm 30, and I no longer hide anything from anyone. Friend Sasha was one of the first to find out: it took three glasses of liqueur to loosen her tongue. Well, a few years of life, like in the witness protection program. You get really tired of this. So almost everyone close to me knows, but I’m still embarrassed to kiss my current girlfriend on the street, in a restaurant, on a subway escalator. I don't want to cause inconvenience to others. That is, I am a priori sure that they will not like it. But actually, what the hell? Why shouldn’t they be happy for me - my girlfriend is beautiful!
We've been together for almost 4 years and everything is fine with us. Recently we decided that it was time to have a child. My beloved is a little upset that she will not shine at her wedding in a white dress, and the wedding itself is not going to happen to us, with such and such laws. Not to mention the fact that the baby, when it arrives, will technically not be mine. But we ignore formalities. I heard that many girls go to the registry office simply because they want to get married. We want to be together, and let the passport lie in the drawer.
Alcohol
There are many anecdotes and comical stories about how a man and a woman, having too much alcohol, end up in the same bed the next morning. Who said this couldn't happen between two ladies? For example, women met to share personal problems, sat in a bar, drank heavily and “blowed off” a couple of obsessive, sleazy gentlemen. Then they smoothly moved to the apartment of one of their friends and went to sleep on the same bed. This was followed by innocent hugs, then kisses and so on. In the morning, both ladies will be confused and feel a sense of shame, since this has never happened to them before. The love of 2 women at this stage will most likely end, and both partners will never cross paths again. Less often, such relationships develop into something more. Researchers have proven that this situation occurs mainly with women who have recently met, and rarely with old close friends.
Signs that your ex-girlfriend still loves you
If a girl’s feelings have not yet cooled down, she will always try to maintain contact with her ex-partner, appearing on his social networks, tracking life events and being interested in affairs through acquaintances. She will be jealous and at the same time defiantly post her “happy” photos online.
He will look for an excuse to meet and ask for help.
She will always “accidentally” find herself in those places that her ex visits, trying to unobtrusively remind her of herself. She will complain to mutual friends about how she regrets the breakup and how bad she feels alone, hoping that the information will reach the recipient.
She won’t be stopped late to call and talk about their past together and the reasons for the breakup, especially if she drank a couple of glasses of wine.
In the end, the girl can openly say that she misses her and wants to get back into the relationship.
Natalia
Man's Desire
Passion, a woman's love for a woman, can be caused by the desire of the husband/regular male sexual partner to try a threesome. It has been proven that some men are especially turned on by lesbian play, and many of them would like to make such fantasies a reality. It is worth noting that women easily agree to such experiments, without resisting such strange dreams. They are motivated mainly by the fear of losing their lover, jealousy, curiosity and the desire to satisfy their partner. However, such a one-time relationship can develop into a new relationship, where the man becomes the third wheel.
How long will this last
But while bad guys have the power of hypnosis and magnetism, it's important to note that their methods of seduction wear out pretty quickly.
Although they find it relatively easy to build new relationships, research suggests that over time they have a harder time maintaining their captivating first impression. Don't forget that bad guys tend to have character traits such as selfishness, indifference and arrogance.
Just be careful, since recognizing the true essence of a person is not immediately possible. Bad guys are good at hiding their bad qualities.
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Dissatisfaction
The lack of sex life, as well as dissatisfaction with it, can provoke same-sex love: 2 women will be united by the desire to receive as many positive emotions as possible from intercourse. Recently, many different articles have appeared that say that ladies know better what they themselves need, therefore the love of a woman for a woman can only bring positivity and a positive energy charge. Of course, after reading information of this kind, a girl, dissatisfied with heterosexual relationships and disappointed in love, will risk trying the forbidden fruit. Often this ends in a long-term union or a bad experience.
Dissatisfaction can be provoked by male egoism, the desire to please himself more than his partner. Therefore, the female subconscious erects a kind of wall in front of relationships with representatives of the stronger sex, which forces the individual to radically change his sexual orientation.
About love between women: psychological trauma
This factor includes both emotional and physical violence, as well as misunderstanding on the part of a person’s environment, child and teenage cruelty. Family is the main social factor influencing personal development. A negative attitude towards a girl in childhood, abuse from the father, his betrayal or sexual violence - all this in the future affects the preferences of an adult in terms of sexual orientation.
A woman’s love for a woman can develop not only thanks to “ghosts” from childhood and psychological trauma received during this period. The first negative sexual experience with a man, ridicule and bullying from peers of the opposite sex leave an unfillable hole in a woman’s psyche. For her, communication with a man becomes painful, and intimacy becomes something unnatural and unpleasant. In connection with this, a woman begins to seek solace in a relationship with a representative of the same sex.
Psychologists believe that the love of two women, based on psychological trauma and fears received at any stage of human development, does not bring positive emotions; it is a psychological problem that requires correction, and in some cases, treatment.
Why true female friendship, despite all disagreements, happens
If you know how to properly distribute friendly energy, not be too intrusive, provide support when it’s really needed, and not trespass on each other’s personal space, you can build a long-lasting and strong relationship.
Rules
It is possible to lose a friend if you do not comply with a basic list of requirements:
- Try to choose as a companion a person who is similar in social status in society, intelligence and family status. The smaller the gap in different areas of life, the easier it is for friends to understand each other.
- Personal problems that arise at work or at home with your husband - try to solve them yourself, without consulting a close friend. Otherwise, you risk dragging her into unnecessary squabbles, further complicating the situation.
- Be sure to protect your personal space and set aside time for relaxation without strangers.
- Don't give her all the information indiscriminately. She can tell it to third parties without bad thoughts and thereby damage your reputation.
- The grounds for close relationships are equality and mutual assistance. If one of the girls always has time to help or meet, and the other is busy at the right time, this is already parasitism.
- There are also unspoken rules: if a person is absent, you should not judge him, discuss him, or express criticism. If she finds out, there will be a quarrel and the end of trusted ties.
And most importantly, appreciate those who know how to sincerely rejoice at their achievements!
Ask a question
Woman with girl: love and sex. Attitude of men
Most representatives of the stronger half of humanity have a positive attitude towards the love and intimacy of two women. This is associated with erotic fantasies, where girls participate in sexual games, and the man is a direct observer and sometimes a participant in intercourse.
Some believe that individuals with similar sexual preferences are excellent friends and companions for men. However, in reality, everything can be different: in addition to being gay, women can be ardent fans of feminism and, as a result, haters of males.
The love of beautiful women for each other can be perceived negatively. Among men who do not accept any manifestation of homosexuality, including female homosexuality, it is generally accepted that a person should follow his original purpose - creating a family and procreation, and any discrepancy with natural attitudes and instincts is a manifestation of mental abnormalities. Similar opinions are also found among heterosexual women, but the weaker sex is more inclined to sympathize and pity people with a different sexual orientation.
More than friendship...
It is important to distinguish love from simple sympathy. And having decided on a relationship, you should take into account its possible pros and cons.
How to distinguish passion from true feeling
Passion prevails at the first stage of rapprochement. This is a period of intense love, when a person idealizes a partner and does not notice vices. The companions still don’t know each other well. Sexual desire comes to the fore. It is strong sexual experiences that are called passion.
Love is deep affection. A loving person perceives his partner more consciously: he loves his strengths and accepts his weaknesses. This closeness arises due to the partners having common interests and the same values. Long lasting relationships are built when there is a balance of passion and true love.
To distinguish between deep feeling and passion, you need to ask yourself a series of questions . Psychologists recommend that every person in love ask themselves:
- does he become better next to his partner (true love motivates to develop, and the other half should support; passion is associated with a restriction of freedom, so it brings destruction);
- who is considered the main one in a couple (in true love people are equal, they give and receive a lot unselfishly; if only one partner enjoys attention and gifts, this is not love);
- what he likes about his chosen one (passion admires appearance, and love admires personality);
- whether he remains himself next to his soul mate (in true love, masks are unacceptable; lovers reveal their secrets to each other);
- is he ready to live life next to his beloved (passion is a temporary attraction; love is a more permanent feeling, on the basis of which many manage to create a strong, long-lasting union);
- whether, after the passion has cooled, the need for kisses remains (many couples, by inertia, have sex without kissing at all; if the feelings remain, the desire to kiss will not disappear).
READ Serious relationships: how to create and maintain them
Possible difficulties
It is important to consider the disadvantages of such a connection. For example:
- bullying in society;
- lack of opportunity to officially marry (lovers can cohabit, but lose legal privileges: financial assistance, the opportunity to adopt a child);
- procreation (such a couple cannot give birth to a common baby, and two girls do not have the right to adopt a child in their homeland).
Undoubted advantages
You can name the advantages of such a union. For example:
- high-quality intimate life (women better understand each other’s needs, therefore in same-sex unions sex is considered to be of higher quality);
- trust (girls are more likely to remain faithful and try to build strong monogamous relationships);
- common interests (it’s easier for a lady to find a person with similar tastes among representatives of her sex; while women’s and men’s hobbies are less likely to coincide);
- support (girls are able to support, sympathize, and give wise advice; guys are less likely to show compassion);
- understanding (a woman understands other women well, because the psychology of the female sex is one; many conflicts in opposite-sex couples are associated with differences in their psychology).
When the feelings are not mutual
If you can’t accept rejection, you can make friends and stay close. Through friendship, you need to demonstrate to your chosen one the advantages of same-sex relationships (comfort, harmony, common interests, reliability, support, trust). If a girl is heterosexual, she will be attracted to stereotypical masculine qualities in another girl (strength, courage, confidence, restraint, independence). The chosen one must make sure that her friend is internally more courageous than many men.
You shouldn’t be intrusive and beg the girl for leniency. This will turn her off. It’s better not to show emotions, but to become that “protector” and “reliable shoulder.” This will not interfere with friendship, and the girl she loves may one day look at her friend with different eyes. You can sometimes unobtrusively hint at feelings (beautiful deeds, touching touches and glances).
It’s worth checking how a girl feels about touching and hugging. If she doesn’t push you away and answers with pleasure, you can allow yourself these interactions. Girls often become attached to other people through touch. They become attached to human warmth and care. But all this can take a lot of time. If the feelings are unbearable, and the refusal causes severe pain, it is better to break off contacts, get over the illness and move on with your life. In most cases, time heals a broken heart.
Religion
Almost all official world religions consider homosexuality a sin. Despite the loyalty of modern society in Western countries towards LGBT people, most Christian and Catholic churches, as well as Islam, do not accept individuals who openly declare their sexual preferences in favor of people of the same sex. Religious foundations say that such phenomena are a fall from grace, since God originally intended marriage, the union of the loving hearts of a man and a woman, which gives rise to new life.
However, recently in some Catholic churches and communities there has been a tendency to accept homosexuality as such and openly support sexual minorities.
MUSICAL INTRO
I lived in the third entrance, and she lived in the fourth.
We rode bicycles together and sang in the choir the Neapolitan song “Tell your girlfriend, girls, that I don’t sleep at night dreaming about her.” And in the 9th grade, these words took on a new meaning: I fell in love with my friend. I didn’t sleep at night, but not because I dreamed about her. It was clear to me that I had nothing to count on, even if I came to the disco in a tie and invited her to dance to the song Still Loving You by the Scorpions (there were such thoughts). I couldn’t sleep from self-pity: poor girl, I thought, shedding tears, you will never see happiness.
A decade and a half has passed since then, I was still happy, and more than once, but our society, it seems, still thinks like that tearful fifteen-year-old girl.
nbsp;Ryazan, Arkhangelsk and Kostroma regions, as well as St. Petersburg, have a law banning the promotion of homosexuality to minors. There is no guarantee that it will not be introduced in other Russian cities by the time this issue is published. But this will not prevent minors from falling in love with people of the same sex. But it will greatly help the suffering of having to hide the truth from friends and parents.
What does a relationship look like between two women?
There is an opinion that in same-sex family life, both partners behave like ordinary housewives: they cook, clean, do laundry, spend joint evenings watching melodramas and romantic films, while empathizing with the heroes of the films.
This is far from true. In each of the homosexual couples, relationships are built according to the same principle as in heterosexual couples. One of the women takes a stronger, masculine position, and the other, accordingly, a feminine one. For example, a partner with an expressed desire to protect, protect and provide for the family will work and play the role of a husband. The second will perform basic female duties: cooking, keeping the house clean.
PIRATE RAID
Yes, by the way, it was the passport that was in the hands of my girlfriend when we met. It was at the airport: we were flying on a press tour to an island in the Mediterranean Sea. On the plane they sat next to her, she took out her laptop and began showing her vacation photos. Her young man, a pleasant brunette with intelligent eyes, often flashed on them. Its presence did not cause me any annoyance. Good people, and it became clear that she is exactly like that even at passport control, are almost always busy with other good people. And that I am free, the exceptions only confirm the rule.
On the island we were shown a cave in which, according to legend, a pirate once lived. I don’t know why I was so shocked by this information, but that same evening I knocked on the girl’s room, holding a camera in my hands, and offered to look at today’s pictures together. Then she said that even through my closed windows I could hear the waves roaring threateningly. But for some reason she can’t hear it. And, perhaps, I’ll spend the night here so that the pirates don’t find me. Honestly, there was nothing on my mind except pirates. She didn’t understand what was on the girl’s mind, but she agreed to look at the photographs. A month later I was already living with her in her Moscow apartment.
Everything was strange. For her, because she had never dated women before. For me - because everything went like clockwork, unlike previous novels that burst apart two months after the start. She did not let me understand that this was a temporary option with no prospects. The boyfriend was sent on indefinite leave. They let me into their territory and emptied the shelves in the closet. We were fed breakfast and dinner. They would have fed us lunches, but during the day we were both at work.
Encouraged (and even somewhat dumbfounded) by how easily and quickly everything worked out, I introduced her to the friends with whom I was renting an apartment at the time. They decided: get married! And they thought that soon they would have to look for a new neighbor. But I vacated the room after a year, although I appeared there extremely rarely. I was not going to insist on a formal move (the actual one happened almost immediately). I knew that the girl was still scared, but sooner or later she would ask me about it.
Common affairs quickly formed. I helped her buy a car. She earned more than me and also studied. Now, having graduated from university, he is working in a new specialty. Less money, more joy. Therefore, I provide vacation trips and Ikea. It's very nice to spend money on a loved one. For my last birthday, she gave me a ring. And I gave myself almost the same one. True, I was wrong with the size, and I wear mine on the middle finger of my right hand. And she has hers - on the nameless left, as if she were a widow (my version) or in a Catholic marriage (her version).
We are not jealous of each other. I didn’t say a word when she returned from her hometown with a portrait of a naked woman and hung it above our bed. It seems that they didn’t write from her - why worry then? And she just laughs when I bring a new interesting female acquaintance from a business trip and take him to art exhibitions. She knows that I am sociable, but I love only her. She knows almost all of my exes and is even friends with them. And one ex-girlfriend told me this: “If you don’t take care and cherish her, I’ll curse her!”
Her entourage did not even think of cursing me. My best friend breathed a sigh of relief when she found out that I was not a replacement for her, but just a new “atypical” life partner. Another, more conservative-minded, cried once that our children would not have a father, but quickly reconciled herself and gives equally wonderful gifts to both of us on all holidays. Male friends are delighted: a girl and a girl are a dream! Parents, however, regularly want to find a “good groom,” but we are sure that they will understand: a good groom may well turn out to be a good bride. As they said on a similar occasion in the film “Some Like It Hot”: “Everyone has their own shortcomings.”
Source: www.cosmo.ru
Psychologists' opinion
It is believed that if a person is comfortable in a relationship with a person of the same sex as him, then this does not require any treatment or specialist attention. However, if a person experiences a certain discomfort, does not fail to constantly publicly declare his involvement in a particular sexual minority, and also openly demonstrates his relationships in the presence of minors - these are signs of mental disorders.
It is worth noting that female homosexuality itself is not considered a disease in modern psychology and psychiatry. In most cases, a woman’s attraction to a woman is caused by a defensive reaction to painful relationships with men, dissatisfaction with sex life, and violence. But it also happens that a woman simply meets a person of the same sex, falls in love with him for reasons inexplicable and incomprehensible to her, and creates a couple with him.
Daughters - mothers
Often these are very complex relationships, the closest and dearest people sometimes seem to speak different languages or even from opposite worlds. In a mother-daughter union, psychologists identify several models of relationships:
- girlfriends; the mother sees in her daughter, first of all, an independent person, respects her individuality, and, as an older friend, unobtrusively strives to help if any problems arise; In this case, the daughter finds in her mother an object worthy of imitation and wants to be like her;
- rivals; There is an elderly woman and nearby a blooming youth, the first, realizing the decline, directs her irritation against her daughter. Headship can belong to both mother and daughter. The tension in such a relationship is destructive and does not bode well until the eldest woman shows wisdom and proves by deed that she is not an enemy to her child.
- Cold War; Here the selfishness of the daughter, who does not even accept the very possibility of her mother having her own personal life, collides with the mother’s sacrifice, who devotes herself entirely only to the family. As a rule, this situation is typical in single-parent families.
Relationship with a married man
