On modern forums you can often come across the problem of boredom that arises in a couple. The most common advice in this case is separation. This seems like the ideal way out of the situation, especially if the guy got bored with the girl, and not vice versa. After all, if the relationship has already become boring and there is nothing interesting in it, then what awaits the couple during their life together?
In fact, boredom occurs for various reasons. By getting rid of them, you can revive the relationship again and make it more joyful and interesting for both.
Psychology of communication with girls
If a young man has not mastered the art of communicating with the opposite sex, then he can hardly expect that he will be successful with girls or that any of his relationships will last happily ever after.
Making contact
The first thing you need to do is establish contact with the person you like. If you do everything correctly, then after just a few minutes of communication the girl will have the impression that you have known each other for a long time and can be trusted.
Girls are usually quite sensitive and emotional, and in order to capture her attention, it is not enough just to have conversations with her - it is important to be able to evoke emotions. What's the easiest way to do this? Of course, with the help of flirting and compliments. When flirting, do not forget to resort to humor so that communication with you is not suffocating, but easy.
When talking to the person you have attracted, let her know that you are really interested in her, and not just as a friend, but as a potential lover. If the sympathy is mutual, then the girl will relax and respond to your efforts. A date should not look like an exchange of information - dilute it with compliments (perhaps with light banter), look into her eyes often, smile.
Notice the details
Many guys make the mistake of trying to tell girls as much about themselves as possible in order to impress them, while paying little attention to the information they are trying to convey to them. Oh, voiced by the interlocutor, the guy can easily build a further conversation with her, asking leading questions on a particular topic.
This method is also useful because the girl sees the guy’s interest and understands that he is listening to what she tells him. Any representative of the fair sex is pleased to realize the fact that she is interesting to a young man as a person, and his attention to detail will clearly indicate this to her. The interlocutor understands that your conversations are not superficial. At the same time, you don’t need to immediately ask questions as soon as the girl voices a fact - that’s not what we’re talking about at all. You need to remember what she says and ask some questions later.
Also, an equally important skill is to provide the girl with details about yourself, and not remain silent. Start interesting topics that she can then develop. This way she will feel more comfortable, realizing that she can also prove herself to be an attentive and interested interlocutor.
What to look for
There is an opinion that women decide in the first few minutes whether they will maintain a romantic relationship with a guy. To make a good first impression, there are a few things you need to pay attention to.
Appearance
To please a girl, take care of your decent appearance. It is unlikely that your beloved will appreciate stale hair, unkempt nails, acne or unkempt facial stubble, the smell of sweat and plaque. Most likely, these factors will not work in your favor. Get yourself in order before meeting women.
Pay attention to clothes
If your shoes are dirty, worn out, and there are stains on your clothes, then do not hope that your beloved will not notice this. Most likely, this is the first thing she will pay attention to. That's why it's important to wear clean and well-ironed clothes every day. This way you won’t scare the girl away and she will like you.
Approaching a girl
There are several nuances that will help you speak correctly and win over your beloved. Take care of good posture and friendly gestures. During a conversation, look your lover straight in the eyes, let your voice sound confident and calm. And, of course, smile. The interlocutor will feel that you are pleased to be in her company. Then, most likely, she will begin to feel reciprocity towards you.
READ What you can talk about with a girl on VK: examples of dialogue
Language of the body
How can a man say that he likes a girl using body language? You need to straighten your back, straighten your shoulders. You are allowed to lean lightly on something. For example, on a bar counter or a car. From the position of a self-confident man, you can already “shoot with your eyes,” making it clear that you are not indifferent to your interlocutor. If you are sitting, then straighten up, but try to keep your posture natural. Using this knowledge, you can easily seduce the beauty.
Smile
Positive emotions make you feel good. That is why in such an important matter as communicating with the woman you like, you must not forget about a smile. This will show a friendly attitude. You can also give your interlocutor a good mood with the help of witty jokes. This will promote the body's production of endorphins. Make sure your humor is not crude or corny.
How to start communicating with a girl correctly
How to approach the girl you like
For many guys, approaching a girl is even scarier than starting a conversation with her, and that is why many wonderful acquaintances have not taken place in the world. Leave this fear behind so you don't miss your chance. Behave simply and naturally. Some girls are wary of meeting people on the street, not wanting to become a victim of a pick-up artist, so the more pretentiously you try to attract her, the more likely it is that she will start to pull away. Try to approach and simply say: “I’m very afraid that you will refuse, but I still hope that you will tell me your phone number.” At the first second, the girl may be confused, then you sincerely add: “I really liked you, let’s try to communicate!” If you are at least a little attracted to a girl, then she will probably give you her phone number. Some girls are embarrassed to dictate their number - in this case, hand her your phone and ask her to dial yourself, or give her a pen and a diary where she can write the number. Perhaps this method seems too simple to you and your imagination offers you many other options. One such option is to choose a free dating site. In this case, try to do as your intuition tells you.
What topic to talk about
First of all, find out what the girl's name is, then pronounce her name more often. Also, don't forget to introduce yourself. The point with the pronunciation of her name is very important - many girls like it when a young man calls them by name, this immediately puts them at ease. Note that you really like the sound of her name. Find out what it means. If the girl doesn’t know the answer, suggest your own version, which she will probably be flattered to hear.
Of course, the first conversation should not include any intimate hints or vulgar topics - this may confuse the interlocutor. There is also no need to tell the girl about problems with relatives or difficulties of any other nature - your communication should be easy. Of course, if the girl herself is prone to revelations, and you like it, then you can decide on reciprocity in this case. And yet, do not be the first to start such topics - for many interlocutors such conversations will seem offensive.
How to behave to interest a girl
A girl will be interested in a guy who knows how to carry on a conversation - this applies to both live communication and dialogues on the Internet. If you feel like you're having trouble with this, then develop all the skills of a good storyteller by taking an example from a more outgoing friend or taking online lessons on this subject. You should have a few captivating stories to fill awkward pauses in conversation. Topics can be very diverse - your first culinary experience, impressions of some travel and much more. If you understand that you have absolutely nothing to tell, then you are unlikely to interest a girl - make your life richer and more varied, and then new stories will not keep you waiting.
It is important not only to be a great storyteller, but also to remember the other participant in the conversation. This means that you should not reduce all your speeches to yourself - do not forget to give the girl appropriate and preferably not hackneyed compliments, listen with interest to what she tells you.
How to get a girl to talk if she's quiet
If you try with all your might to talk to a silent woman in the very first minutes of meeting her, this will only push her away from you. This girl is probably shy, and she may need more than one meeting to begin to open up to her interlocutor. It is important to understand this and not focus on it. If you like a girl, don’t tell her: “You’re always silent, I don’t know what to talk about with you.” She may become even more withdrawn. Show that you are in any case pleasant and comfortable in her company, play a staring contest with her, first ask questions that do not require a detailed answer, then “increase the pace” and touch on broader topics. The main advice in this situation: only an open and sociable person can get a silent person to talk. If you feel like you can't cope, then leave this idea. If you are interested in a girl, then your efforts will not be in vain - such silent people, as a rule, are embarrassed only in the company of unfamiliar people, but with loved ones they turn out to be quite interesting and deep interlocutors.
Building the right dialogue with a girl
There are two participants involved in constructing a dialogue, and it is important to remember this. Of course, if the girl is quiet and is still embarrassed to open up, then it would be right if you mainly conduct the conversation. But even in this case, at least occasionally you need to ask her questions. If the girl is not particularly shy, then you should not “pull the blanket over yourself”, trying to impress the person you like. Some guys forget themselves and start a continuous dialogue about themselves, making the girl feel bored. It often happens that a girl seems to want to tell something about herself, but first of all, the guy doesn’t let her get a word in or immediately interrupts, again turning the conversation vector towards himself. It is important to learn to be an attentive interlocutor, and not just a great storyteller.
Subject for conversation
Don't know how to get a girl to talk? Wrap it around. When communicating, avoid topics about salary, place of work, former partners, health, personal problems, family secrets and religion.
It’s also not worth talking about masculine topics at the very beginning. Exceptions include the moment when a girl herself has an interest in cars, computers or other male interests. There are actually quite a lot of such women.
I recommend on the first date with a woman to talk about funny incidents from life, pets, esotericism.
The most important thing is that during communication it is easy and pleasant for everyone to engage in dialogue with each other.
Difficulties in communicating with the girl you like and how to deal with them
Of course, it all depends on what kind of difficulties are meant. Let's look at some of them.
The girl ignores.
Despite the fact that you often call her, invite her on dates, arrange surprises, the girl not only does not show much interest in communicating with you, but sometimes even ignores you. In this case, it is inappropriate to show even more initiative. Probably, the girl either doesn’t like you, or she is interested in someone else, or she has other problems right now and is not interested in your advances. In this case, take a break for a couple of weeks and try to get in touch again. If the girl again does not show interest in you, then the pause will have to be increased.
The girl agrees to dates, but not to sex.
Try to determine the reasons for this behavior. If there is romance, dates, kisses in your relationship, but the girl is not ready to take the next step, carefully find out from her what this is connected with. You can directly say: “I feel very good with you, I like spending time with you, but every day I understand that this is not enough for me, and I would like us to become closer. Don’t you want the same?” Based on her answer, you will draw conclusions. It may be that the girl is simply bored and periodically kills a cookie in your company or takes advantage of you in some way. But this is the worst option. It is possible that she is a virgin, she has different ideas about the speed of rapprochement between couples, something confuses her in your behavior, she is not sure of the seriousness of your intentions, and the like. A frank conversation will give you more insight into the situation.
The girl does not show initiative.
She enthusiastically responds to offers of dates, always answers calls and messages, but she never takes the first steps herself. Perhaps the girl was raised with the understanding that a man should always take the initiative and a woman should accept it, and any other relationship model seems wrong to her. In this situation, ignoring it for a few days can help. If the girl herself doesn’t call, then you call and find out why she didn’t call. She may begin to make excuses that she was waiting for a call from you. Then invite her to meet and “talk seriously.” On a date, explain to the girl that relationships are built by both people, and if she remains the same without initiative, then you will have a hard time.
End communication at the right time
Even if you really like your interlocutor, you shouldn’t drag out the date too much. It’s better to cut it off at an interesting moment so that the girl remains in anticipation of a new meeting with such an interesting person.
Of course, you shouldn't abruptly leave a date. After an hour and a half, politely say goodbye, say how pleasant it was for you to communicate with your beloved, and also that you will be glad to see her again.
If the conversation drags on, positive emotions may fade. The interlocutor will become bored. The date may leave an ambiguous impression, and it will be more difficult for you to agree on a new meeting.
Clever words for communication that touch girls
If you want to impress a girl, “touch her soul,” and burn it into her memory, then it won’t hurt you to turn to the works of the classics. Perhaps from this side the interlocutor does not expect to recognize you at all. Pick up a few quotes that you can skillfully use in conversation. Just don’t need to quote statuses, which are abundant in various groups on VK - if they caught your eye, then, most likely, the girl has already read them. Just search on the Internet for “quotes about love”, “quotes about relationships”, “quotes about friendship” and so on. Think about what you will probably talk about with the girl and make appropriate preparations. To avoid getting confused yourself, choose small but effective sayings.
What might this look like? For example: “You know, even though Brodsky said, home is a place where they don’t ask you unnecessary questions,” but with us everything is often completely different.” This can be said with a smile and then followed by some story on this topic. In general, think in advance about phrases with which you can effectively “show off.”
How to change the topic of conversation
How to talk to a girl when you run out of thoughts on a specific topic? If you no longer have anything to say on a certain topic, then you should change it. A conversation with a girl should move on to another topic naturally, and this can be done with the help of an open question. Thus, the second topic will supposedly cling to the previous one.
Let's assume that the conversation was about flowers, and now you want to change the topic:
The woman says: I adore lilies.
The man answers: I think that lilies will be an excellent present before the presentation of the main gift. What would you like to receive as a gift after presenting the lilies?
Thus, you have moved from the theme of flowers to the theme of gifts.
How to communicate with a girl so that she falls in love
Show you care.
Girls often fall in love with guys who care about them and pay attention to them. Nowadays, girls are increasingly complaining about narcissistic men, so a caring and attentive male representative will undoubtedly stand out against the background of these “narcissists.” care can be manifested in small things - throwing your jacket over her shoulders in cold weather or offering to warm up in a cozy place (for example, in an interesting coffee shop or restaurant). If a girl is sick, send her a bouquet of flowers with a note expressing your hope for her speedy recovery.
Traditional courtship.
Many men now fundamentally do not want to pay for a girl in cafes and other establishments, believing that since both participants are interested in the relationship, they should invest equally. By the way, many women have long come to terms with this trend, and they themselves offer to pay for themselves so as not to end up in a stupid position. And yet such relationships cannot be called correct. If a girl manages to meet a man who is familiar with traditional courtship (pay for her at the cinema, in a cafe), then she will probably choose him, sincerely admiring this “chivalrous” behavior. It would not occur to a sane man to call a woman mercantile for this - he himself is humiliated by the situation when he cannot pay for coffee for his lady. Even if your girlfriend easily and without question pays for everything equally with you, then rest assured that subconsciously this situation is unpleasant for her. In response to the traditional courtship of a man, a girl usually gives no less (and in a monetary sense too!) in the form of surprises, gifts, romantic dinners - for a man who is afraid to spend an extra ruble on her, she herself will try with less enthusiasm.
Compliments.
Some representatives of the fair sex periodically complain to their friends about their partner’s inattention - this leads to a cooling of feelings. When a guy is attentive, it works in the opposite direction. If a girl bought a new dress, then she certainly wants to hear that it suits her very well, and she looks gorgeous in it. If she has been to the hairdresser, tell her that her hair is very soft and shiny. A girl who spends several hours a week working out at the gym will be happy to hear that she has an amazing figure. Notice any changes in your chosen one’s appearance and celebrate them. There is an opinion that the more attention we pay to someone, the more active the interest on the part of this person. You can check this in practice!
What topics are best not to use if you want to get a girl to talk?
Don't immediately try to become a best friend and ask too personal questions. There is also a list of topics that are usually not discussed with strangers:
- place of work, income, prospects - she will decide that you are looking for a wealthy bride;
- past relationships, reasons for separation - questions will lead to the fact that she will start crying into your vest and will not be able to perceive you as a new guy;
- personal and family problems - reduce negativity to a minimum;
- health problems - such a question will definitely cause inconvenience, the topic is not suitable for comfortable communication;
- attitude towards different religions, political situations - the topic can lead to disagreements and conflict.
If you ask questions on these topics, then be prepared for a negative reaction on her part and even disappointment in you. In addition to the topics, your behavior, presentation, manner of communication and many other nuances are also important.
I don’t know how to talk to girls at all, what should I do?
Pickup trainings. Many people believe that at such trainings they first of all teach how to “tempt a girl for sex.” In fact, this is not at all paramount. You will not achieve any intimacy if you do not learn to communicate with the opposite sex. That is why it is more correct to say that, first of all, at such trainings they teach the art of communicating with girls. Of course, then you can use the acquired skills as you please.
If you are unable to attend such trainings in person, then you may be interested in online courses - you will most likely easily find the ones you need on the Internet, guided by the reviews you like. You can also check out some free tips that pickup gurus share in various videos.
It is possible that you have a friend who can easily start a conversation with almost any girl and interest her. Observe him from the outside, draw conclusions for yourself. If we are talking about a close friend, then frankly ask him to point out your mistakes and give some recommendations.
Advice from psychologists
