Hi all! A woman’s self-esteem is the foundation on which relationships are built, both with others and with herself. It is self-respect that prevents others from treating you poorly. For some reason, it is common in society to confuse and confuse these concepts with pride or arrogance. Yes, some flirt and disguise their anxieties and complexes. But today we will look at what this beautiful phrase actually means. We will also find out what needs to be done to become more confident and resilient.
About pride and self-esteem
Do you know that pride is not a biological, but a social feeling. For a woman to have pride, although it would be more correct, of course, to call it self-esteem, at least 4 generations in her family must treat women like queens. Raise in strictness and impeccability, instill good manners, teach intelligence and never, hear, never humiliate! No violence should be committed against her. Never. And to what can be interpreted as violence, for example, pressure at school, the rudeness of an ill-mannered person, the correct attitude must be formed.
She must have an attitude towards her own life as the highest value.
And this means no self-sacrifice. Where will the descendants of people who have had it drilled into their heads for 70 years that the homeland is most important come from?
Most modern women only experience life without deprivation in the first or second generation. What's in the first one?
How many people are familiar with financial freedom now?
How many people know what it’s like to come to a store and buy, even groceries, despite the price tags and without thinking about the budget?
In fact, there are few such people. And financial independence is one of the layers of the self-platform.
As long as a woman lives with the thought of survival, self-esteem will modestly stand aside.
And it is not necessary that she would definitely be beaten. Hitting is an extreme thing. Even in a very decent job, you can regularly hear wishes to “keep your mouth shut.” We need to understand that there are exactly the same people around us, with violated rights, mixed values, with great-grandmothers with a history of having a live abortion in the morning, and in the evening going to the machine to work the night shift.
The descendants of these women also do not know self-esteem and human dignity in general. If they happen to stand above others, they will humiliate without realizing it.
It’s a blessing if you’re reading now and don’t understand what I mean. So you are incredibly lucky. Appreciate it. Take care of it like a priceless gift!
Today, most women do not have self-esteem, but have an “inflated value” that is not supported by anything other than a couple of women’s trainings completed and the advice of equally tired friends. Such a woman yells at her teenage son: “Who are you opening your mouth to, you bastard?” And then she argues that there are no normal men. And it won't. She just killed one with her own hands.
True self-esteem is diffused in the air, like the aroma of long-lasting perfume.
The person who has it can be seen a kilometer away.
It's in everything. In manners, in posture, in confident calm, in the ability to admit mistakes and be responsible for them.
I don’t want to say that a woman with such feelings will never be offended. She'll just try to figure it out and answer the way she should. Sometimes the appropriate response is to smile and simply hug the person who is probably in as much pain as you. And only downtrodden people definitely want blood. A lot of blood. Humiliation of another, so that he crawls and never gets up. And until it doesn’t work out, they slam the doors so that the whole house can hear.
In general, developing self-esteem begins not with protecting yourself, but with the understanding that if you behave adequately, nothing threatens you. This can be called basic trust in the world. Which, again, the majority do not have, because nowhere were they taught an adequate attitude towards the world.
It is very easy to understand whether it exists or not by the ability not to generalize. One will say after a breakup, “I was unlucky, it didn’t work out, I’ll wait for someone else.” And the second is “oh well, fuck them all.” The generalization also suggests that the person does not know how to act differently.
Then you need to learn to recognize violence. Physical, emotional, spiritual, manipulation, distortion. Learn to hear and see, to evaluate people sensibly.
And only when a person begins to feel where and in what way the pressure is being applied to him, and is able to assess what exactly is happening. This is the pressure of fear, pain, retaliatory humiliation, loss of control due to some external circumstances - then he can begin to learn to build boundaries.
But here we do everything the other way around. First, they are taught to defend and attack, forming an image of the enemy. Moreover, a close enemy. And then they are surprised that a person lives in a state of eternal war with those whom, according to God’s plan, he should accept and love.
And if we talk about therapy, the stages of which, by the way, I have already described, then it should begin with the questions “who am I?” Why do I respect myself? What do I own? What do I live for? Published by econet.ru.
Shubina Elena, especially for econet.ru
If you have any questions, ask them here
PS And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! econet
Women with low self-esteem - what kind of men choose them?
Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life because they “know their place.” However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.
A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her and does not look at anyone else. And even if she does look, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to measure up. And so he is forgiven a lot - pettiness, rudeness, and sloppiness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.
A woman with low self-esteem is treated negatively not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.
They are especially easy to manipulate by instilling in them a feeling of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.
Seriousness.
On the other hand, you also need someone who won't make fun of any situation, no matter how serious, and will treat your headaches and problems with the seriousness and attention they deserve. You have had partners in the past who downplayed the seriousness of your problems, or even did not consider them problems at all.
And now you refuse to settle for someone who is not ready to help you pass through the darkness and cold of problems to the safe haven on the other side
You've had partners in the past who downplayed the seriousness of your problems, or even didn't consider them problems at all. And now you refuse to settle for someone who is not ready to help you pass through the darkness and cold of problems to the safe haven on the other side.
How can a woman learn to value herself?
A woman planning to develop self-respect will have to work in two main areas:
- Improving external attractiveness.
- Enrichment and development of the inner world.
Being under constant pressure from society, a woman may begin to experience nervousness and depression, which can lead to the formation of various complexes
Therefore, if a woman sets a goal to increase her own value, she should pay attention to the following recommendations:
- Be proud of even the smallest victories. Always remember that you are a woman who has a number of advantages and disadvantages. And, if disadvantages are usually hidden, then the advantages are worth being proud of. Have you dreamed of learning belly dancing or culinary arts for a long time and finally achieved it? Many will consider your achievements insignificant, but you must remember how much effort was spent on the path to your goal. Despite all the difficulties, you were able to realize your dream, therefore, you have something to be proud of.
- Maintain your attractiveness. The main weapon of every woman is her appearance. Therefore, try your best to improve your image. Visit the gym, beauty salon, follow fashion trends. If you do not have the financial ability to use the services of specialists, then do not despair. Think about folk beauty recipes, take note of video lessons from leading fitness trainers. All this will help you stay in shape.
- The right environment. In order to develop self-esteem, you should communicate with confident women, look for like-minded women. Try to spend more time not talking with your neighbor about borscht and pots, but in conversations with those representatives of the fair sex who can share valuable experience with you and give wise advice.
Important Work on yourself should be regular and desirable. Over time you will see a noticeable difference
Don't expect quick results, but know that the reward will be a confident outlook and respect for yourself as an individual.
How to Raise Self-Esteem to Love Yourself: 5 Steps
Why do you need to think and evaluate yourself adequately? Yes, so that harmony arises between yourself and the world that surrounds you. And with this we will be helped by effective practices designed to inspire respect for you.
To increase
self-esteem , you should go through several stages, i.e. how to fix it step by step. There are five steps that will help a woman learn to love herself:
- You need to act as if you already have high self-esteem. Look from the outside at the behavior of a woman radiating self-confidence. Most likely, she looks stylish. Excellent makeup, hairstyle, fashionable clothes, flying gait. So, you should definitely visit this image! In order for self-esteem to increase, a woman should try to change her image, dress in new stylish clothes, buy elegant shoes, and choose a different perfume scent for herself. And you will certainly feel what is inside you will, over time, adapt to your new appearance - positive dynamics have begun!
- You need to imagine one of the best and happiest versions of yourself. You have an impeccable appearance, you enjoy authority among your colleagues, you have no spiritual, intellectual, emotional, or material problems. At the same time, it is worth taking a walk, recording this feeling in memory. You will certainly like yourself in this state, looking at yourself as if from the outside. And when you suddenly find yourself in a situation that threatens your self-esteem to fall under the pressure of evil critics, remember that your future is wonderful, there is a place for self-esteem in it, which means it exists in real time.
- Look at yourself with loving eyes. Your loved one is usually simply caressed by your gaze. There is tenderness, love, hope that everything will be fine with him. Every small detail does not escape your attention; for you, every wrinkle, gesture and body (often very far from ideal) is charming. So for what reasons do you not look at yourself in the same way? Recreate in your memory this feeling of love and unconditional acceptance of the person you adore for who he is, and look at your mirror reflection.
- Do what you like, and don’t do what you don’t enjoy. It is simple and yet complex. If you do something that you are good at or you are surrounded by people with whom you enjoy communicating, then you will experience only positive emotions. This helps to improve self-esteem even better. Try to eliminate all negativity that is not related to issues of survival and satisfaction of basic needs. If this is difficult for you, take a moment to abandon all problematic issues and simply enjoy the peace.
- In self-love you need to go to the end . Under no circumstances should you give up your position, no matter what happens to you: you suddenly become poor, gain weight, lose weight, or have some difficulties at work. Don't stop loving yourself! If you start to torment yourself because of your weaknesses and mistakes, fight it. And do it as if you are interceding for a person who is very dear to you.
Raise your self-esteem
No one gave anyone such rights - to crush or change you for themselves. And the only woman with whom you are obliged to compare yourself is yourself, until recently. Only in this way can you discern the growth of your “I” and decide what steps still need to be taken in order to fully begin to value and respect yourself.
Self-doubt breeds disrespect
The more crap a person is willing to tolerate just like that, the more rules and principles he is willing to ignore, the less he values himself, the less respect he will have.
You don’t need to be a great psychologist to understand: these thoughts are a consequence of low self-esteem. This means that self-esteem urgently needs to be raised. Because self-doubt not only spoils relationships with men, but also reduces your possible achievements and prevents you from enjoying life.
Is it possible to increase self-esteem? Can. And it's not that difficult. I recommend starting by reading the article about low self-esteem, and then you will understand what to do.
When a woman cannot be called worthy
Society has developed certain stereotypes of behavior in which a woman loses the right to be called worthy, namely:
- A feeling of inferiority without a man, the desire to meet someone, to enter into any relationship, just so as not to be lonely;
- “Running” after a man, monitoring his communication, even checking his phone and social networks;
- Flirting of a married lady in relation to other men;
- Familiar, cheeky behavior;
- Agreement to play a “secondary role” in a relationship with a man;
- Long-suffering if the relationship becomes unbearable for a number of reasons;
- A manner of dressing that is inappropriate in society, expressed in open exposure of one’s body, the presence of clothes of “flashy” colors, etc.;
- Insult and humiliation of a man;
- Deceiving a partner, hiding money and having a “second” life;
- Screaming, swearing, quarreling, proving that you are right;
- Vanity, attempts to curry favor with society and gain love and recognition;
- The presence of envy and the desire to gossip;
- Treating any strangers as rivals and homewreckers;
- Easy attitude towards sexual contacts with different men;
- Habit of lying;
- Lack of desire to take care of one’s appearance, clothing and home;
- The struggle for one’s happiness and the conquest of a “place under the luminary,” expressed in the seizure of someone else’s territory, a husband or a pair of boots;
- Agreement not to spend the night at home. Unmarried women cannot spend the night where they “slept”, as this is indecent. A man who knows and respects your boundaries will always take a lady home;
- Committing dishonest or illegal acts;
- Smoking, excessive drinking, swearing;
- Kissing, frivolous hugging or other displays of passion in public places;
- Household “servicing” of men’s needs before marriage. This is the function of the domestic worker or legal wife;
- Living in a civil marriage and having children in such circumstances;
- Displaying a photo in underwear or a swimsuit. The same applies to photographs in which a woman openly demonstrates her readiness for sexual pleasures.
Some items on this list have been slightly adjusted and softened over time. Thus, society has become more tolerant of living together without a stamp in the passport. And children born out of wedlock have long been no longer called bastards.
The great Faina Ranevskaya said: “It is better to be a good person who swears than a quiet, well-mannered creature.” Not a message for action, but a reason for mass “not stoning.”
Respect will go, love will go
You will stop loving your man if you stop respecting him. And vice versa it also works.
Therefore, a man should never lose respect for his woman. And this part of the relationship depends entirely on the woman. Because you can never say: “It’s his fault that he stopped respecting me.” It just doesn't happen that way.
Therefore, “how to make a man respect himself” is not an entirely correct way of asking the question. You don’t need to force anyone to respect you, otherwise it’s similar to when the boss, the son of the owner of the company, who has not done anything useful and cannot boast of either intelligence or professionalism, tries to force himself to be respected by pressure. It won't work out like that.
Pump up your qualities - and then it will be impossible not to respect you.
Work on self-respect, respect those who deserve it, maintain your dignity, and may everything work out for you! Happy relationship
