“Maturing” the relationship between husband and wife: how to maintain love in marriage and overcome all crises

Any cycle of contact goes through different stages, so the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is a model that reveals the peculiarities of relationships with their parents, as well as the prospects for raising children, dealing with colleagues and just passers-by. These are the closest people, interaction with whom is dense and frequent (sometimes continuous), so here the most shadow sides of the personality appear, all the negative and unaccepted complexes and shortcomings of one’s own are projected.

The psychology of relations between husband and wife can be considered at the everyday and scientific levels. In the first option, this will be advice from your closest friends, relatives, and simply practical advice from popular magazines and subscriptions to blogs and news feeds about what lace should be used to return passion and how many bouquets you need to give in order to ward off lovers.

The scientific approach studies family crises more deeply, trying to understand everyone’s psychology, to see children’s problems and complexes, to unravel those long-standing grievances and projections, thanks to which true contact disappears between people and all relationships turn into ice. Such consideration is not aimed at development, positive aspects and description of favorable situations, since people themselves do not think much about the dynamics of relationships until negative experiences begin or a separation crisis looms.

Psychology, how to maintain love in the relationship between husband and wife, is the most popular topic among queries after raising children. Even personal development for many becomes a lower priority compared to relationships, although people do not want to understand that in order to ensure peace, romance and the continuation of relationships, they will have to work on their own world, facing its monsters, not with a stick.

Types of relationships between spouses

The relationship between husband and wife is very similar to any other. Family psychology divides them into the following types:

• Cooperation is almost perfect. The couple has established mutual understanding and mutual support. This type is considered the best for a family.
• Parity – here both partners are equal. When building such relationships, mutual benefit is pursued.
• Competition is an expressed desire to achieve greater heights and get ahead of a partner. On the positive side, rivalry aimed at goals beneficial to the family will have a positive impact on marriage. But if there is competition, tension will certainly arise . Sometimes such rivalry can escalate into open confrontation.
• Competition is the desire to dominate a spouse. In such conditions, the family cannot exist in integrity and unity . There is a constant struggle of interests between partners. The emergence of competition in relationships quickly destroys the family unit.
• Antagonism consists of marital confrontation and is the result of competitive struggle. Staying together in a state of antagonism is a necessary measure. A family can be temporarily preserved due to some external factors, but then inevitably dies .

Important ! Family relationships are not constant and often change. Due to getting used to a partner or fatigue, competition, for example, can turn into temporary competition or parity.

First quarrels and misunderstandings

The family is created as a place where there will be warmth, understanding and love, but when the romance goes away, everyday life and the force of habit begin, the personality traits and family stories of each begin to come to light, the grinding begins.

The first quarrels in the family usually happen on everyday topics, but they look quite violent, because everyone tries to tolerate negative manifestations and remains silent, accumulating not only resentment, but also destructive anger. The reasons for such dissatisfaction lie in the different ideas of partners about the structure of family life. Here we are not necessarily talking about pulling the blanket and unwillingness to do something, putting everything on the other; there are couples fighting over who will earn money. This defies planning and logic, but leads to critical emotional upheavals, causes very strong shifts in the horizon of relationships, because when meeting a person you can discuss your goals, but few people discuss the way of the family, because it seems that everyone lives this way.

In the open world, a person can resist the attacks of others, limit any comments and understand that they are devoid of any subtext, but relaxing in the family circle, such objectivity can disappear, and people begin to take offense at even the smallest remarks. This may be from a desire to be absolutely accepted at home and not hear anything negative, or it may be very early complexes that are coming out, which can only be seen by a person who comes as close as possible. We are brilliant psychologists and telepaths in our own lives, and we cannot guess which of our words can critically and painfully hook another. So an innocent comment gives rise to a flash of anger, in response to it a defensive reaction grows, looking like an attack, and as a result we already have a scandal where no one wanted to harm the other, but only the protective mechanisms of the psyche from old wounds were triggered.

Another important point is the appearance of nagging and quarrels - this is any change in the family system, such as the appearance of a child, moving, changing jobs, etc., this also includes all the described chronological crises of relationships. These are the usual stages of adaptation, where everyone’s nervous system and habitual way of life are rebuilt, the person does not understand what behavior will be the best and adapts as best he can. This is a state of reduced resources, so aggression manifests itself faster, and the patience that was towards others is depleted.

Stages of relationships - what are they?

Psychologists consider marriage to be a living organism that goes through several stages in the process of development:

1. Falling in love is the most romantic time. Thanks to certain hormones produced in the body, lovers see the world in a bright light. At this stage, the partner seems wonderful in every way. This pleasant stage lasts until about two years, during which most couples get married.
2. Addiction. It occurs immediately after falling in love ends. Partners begin to behave more relaxed, not hiding their shortcomings. At this stage, a sober assessment of your other half is given.
3. Quarreling. Inevitable in any relationship. Divorces most often occur at this time. The partner’s shortcomings are clearly expressed; it seems that he is wrong in everything. At this stage, people wonder why they got married in the first place. here that anger taken out on your spouse is addressed to yourself . A person can no longer enjoy falling in love and euphoria; he does not understand where the bright colors have disappeared.
4. Cooperation. It comes after realizing that in order to continue a happy life it is necessary to maintain a household, pay utility bills and raise children. During this period, the relationship is similar to a business partnership.
5. If the couple has not given up and continues to support the union, the stage of respect for their half inevitably begins. The spouse becomes valuable only for his boundless patience. A person tries to thank his partner. The married couple becomes mature. Tenderness and care are revived, which will be the foundation of a strong relationship .
6. The stage of respect smoothly transitions into the stage of friendship. Spouses become as close as possible, trusting each other absolutely. At this stage, partners communicate heart to heart and easily exchange feelings and energies.
7. The stage of true love can only arise after all the periods have passed. For this feeling to arise, patience and wisdom are needed. At the last stage, you just need to enjoy happiness, the path to which was so long.

Functions and tasks of the family

Before creating a social unit, each person thinks about whether he needs a family, the main function of which is to accelerate the development of spouses in the spiritual plane. If a husband and wife are at approximately the same level of development and also have certain knowledge, then during their intimacy an exchange of vital energy occurs. In this way they enrich each other. This exchange is love, which allows a person to develop. If such a movement does not occur, then the essence of both men and women develops much more slowly.

However, this does not at all mean that you need to have sex all day long; this will result in no further development. In addition, too frequent intimacy can even be harmful, including for health, since each of the partners loses a lot of vital energy at this time.

It must be remembered that a person, unlike animals who are not able to control their instincts, must adhere to certain frameworks that allow them to be happy and healthy. To fully develop in terms of evolution and maintain creative potential at a high level, it is enough to exchange energy several times a month.

The first person to touch upon the topic of the psychology of family relationships in his books was Nikolai Levashov.

An equally important function of the family is the birth and upbringing of intelligent and harmonious children, which will be discussed below.

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The family is a form of life created by the human mind for more effective and rapid development of both society as a whole and individuals. Here it becomes possible to raise children in such a way that they grow up to be developed, more advanced individuals than their parents.

In addition, it should be noted that a person’s behavior in and without a family is significantly different. In the first case, new life experience and knowledge are acquired. In addition, responsibilities and worries appear. All this has a beneficial effect on the mind, brain and intelligence in terms of their development.

Family crises and how to avoid them

Every married couple invariably faces problems. This mainly happens when a relationship moves from one stage to another.

1. The first crisis lies in the mutual irritation of the spouses . There is internal anxiety in the relationship. This could be irritation at a partner’s behavior or unfulfilled expectations. Overcoming this will take time, patience and a desire to develop the relationship.
2. The second crisis is the lack of trust in the couple . The result can be aggressive behavior of a man and secrecy of a woman. The more often the husband shows negative emotions, the more the woman withdraws into herself. The coldness from the other half again prompts the man to anger. A vicious circle is formed. To get out of the situation, a woman needs to be able to open up to her husband, asking her to listen if necessary.
3. During the next crisis, the man is stingy and petty . He feels that the woman is moving away, so he subconsciously does not want to invest money in her. At this stage, the wife may begin to deceive her husband in order to solve her financial issues. A vicious circle arises again.

Important ! Every crisis needs to be understood and can be overcome through conversation and a calm showdown.

Determining readiness for family life

Before entering into an official marriage, partners should study the ethics and psychology of family life, and for this you can read the relevant literature or consult a specialist. This will allow you to avoid making mistakes that many make in a legal union, and also make sure that you are really ready for this serious step. You need to understand that to create a harmonious and functional union, it is not enough to simply reach puberty.

In the psychology of family life, there are three criteria for the maturity of a couple to enter into a marriage. These include:

• maturity mental, physical;
• social maturity;
• readiness for marriage, ethical and psychological.

A person who is mature at the mental level is able to look at things soberly, can be self-aware, and knows how to build relationships with others. Potential spouses must understand the need to provide mutual assistance, as well as to separate material and everyday problems.

If we talk about social maturity, then it testifies to a person’s education, the ability to provide not only for himself, but also for the family that he created. To do this, he must have a stable job.

The readiness of the spouses at the psychological level is characterized by awareness of the concept of “we”. It lies in the fact that the husband and wife begin to have common interests, they begin to relate to parenthood in the same way, and their perception of spiritual values ​​also becomes the same for both of them. However, you need to understand that the personal “I” of the partners in this case should not be violated either.

The basics of the psychology of family life help to get rid of the conclusion of ill-considered marriages, as well as those created by partners who are not ready for it.

Problems that are very difficult to solve

Every family may encounter difficulties due to which mutual feelings gradually fade away. This is for example:

• Lack of mutual understanding . Different points of view on the same issue are justified by fundamental differences at the physiological level. By understanding and accepting this fact, the problem can be solved. However, in practice, when asked about the reasons for divorce, a woman answers that her husband refuses to understand her.
• The problem of housing , which consists in the family living with the spouse’s parents. If there are children in the family, the situation only gets worse. As a rule, a man remains in his usual territory, refusing to change his place of residence.
• Lack of material well-being is a problem due to which any relationship can crack. As a rule, wanting to provide for her child, a woman reproaches her husband for his insolvency. Such words often act in the opposite way, conflicts occur more and more often.

Factors influencing the psychology of family life

According to researchers in the psychology of family life, the causes of conflicts affecting relationships in marriage are:

• Psychological characteristics of partners, which often becomes the cause of a breakup.
• Poor relationships between parents that husband and wife observed in childhood.
• Everyday problems, for example, living with parents who interfere in the lives of young people or constantly wandering around rented apartments.
• Abuse of bad habits by one of the partners, for example, alcohol.
• The appearance of a child in the family, which leads to a number of difficulties, or, conversely, the absence of children, which does not suit the spouses or one of them.
• Life situations that caused the marriage, for example, an unplanned pregnancy.
• There are too many household or work responsibilities that lead to overwork and no energy left for family life.
• Circumstances that do not suit one of the partners (permanent business trips for a long time).
• Unfulfilled high expectations.

Based on this, the following types of marriage can be distinguished:

The occurrence of a crisis is associated with the type of marriage, and the psychology of family life helps spouses cope with this difficult period, minimizing losses.

Rules for happy family relationships

According to psychologists, for happiness in the family it is enough to follow a few rules:

1. Mutual respect should never be forgotten. You must always accept and take into account the position of your partner . Even during irritation, you should not utter offensive words, but you need to calm down and talk confidentially.
2. Thank each other for little things, like a cooked meal or a hammered nail. Any endeavors of a partner should be noticed and rewarded.
3. Being able to give in is an important rule for building family happiness. And this is not a show of weakness. A person who yields to another appears noble and strong.
4. You need to show feelings for your other half. Fleeting kisses or gentle touches firmly cement relationships. Much attention should be paid to intimate life. Sex brings spouses together, and its absence can weaken even a strong union .
5. Don't tell strangers about your secrets. Family life should remain intimate. No one should know about the achievements or missteps of a partner, especially in the sexual sphere.
6. Being able to forgive without accumulating resentment is the key to harmonious relationships. You can forgive your significant other almost anything.
7. When babies appear, a woman often stops paying attention to her husband. It must be remembered that relationships in the family should be smooth between each of its members. Also, don't treat one child better than another.

How to improve relationships: useful advice from a psychologist

To improve the microclimate between a guy and a girl (husband/wife), psychologists recommend listening to simple recommendations. There are 10 working methods:

1. A good deed every day . Kindness is important for a harmonious relationship, so doing pleasant little things for each other can radically change the vector of mood between lovers.
2. Plan dates . Set a rule for your couple, for example, organize a romantic date in an unusual place once a month. This will help you take a break from routine, everyday life, and work.
3. More sex . This is one of the most important components of a relationship, which many couples disown for the sake of laziness and fatigue.
4. Introduce humor into communication . There is a statistic in psychology that couples who laugh the most together stay connected the longest. Try to bring a smile to your partner's face more often.
5. Don't interrupt. Many people can speak, but only a few can listen to others. Marriages fail because of this. Try to listen to your partner until the end, do not rush to end the conversation. Otherwise, this will lead to a loss of communication in principle.
6. Compliments, encouragement . It is important for women to regularly hear compliments from their husband about her appearance and praise for her care. Praise, support, and approval in new endeavors are no less important for men.
7. Try something new . Avoid the same places for relaxation, common tasks and activities. All this causes boredom and satiety. New places and experiments give bright emotions.
8. No irritation . Leave fatigue, conflicts at work, and difficulties outside the home there. Do not bring a bad mood into your family, otherwise it will lead to chronic irritability, raised voices, and quarrels.
9. Always be honest . Any omissions, petty lies, or concealment of the truth can lead to total mistrust. It is important to speak openly about your feelings, doubts, and problems.
10. Confess your love regularly. Statistics prove that saying the phrase “I love you” every day has a positive effect on the mood of partners and relationships.

What is she like, an ideal married couple?!

An absolute idyll in relationships, a complete absence of conflicts, both in everyday life and in financial matters, and in matters of raising children and relationships with parents.

The husband is the breadwinner in the family, earns enough to support the whole family, the wife is smart and beautiful, always a great looking housewife, the children are excellent students at school, always clean and tidy, polite and helpful...

Well, just a perfect married couple.

For some reason, this description of an ideal family looks more like a picture in a glossy magazine. And it’s not at all compatible with real life.

I repeat once again - there are no ideal families.

In every family, sooner or later, various kinds of conflicts arise. And it doesn’t matter how many years you have lived together, even one year, even ten or twenty years, but even after forty years of marriage, conflicts and misunderstandings may arise between the spouses.

Conflicts can arise for any reason, and because of accumulated family money spent on other purposes, and because of unwashed dishes, and because of raising children, and even because the wife’s parents “meddled” in the affairs of the young woman. families.

Even if you quarrel with each other, this does not mean at all that you are a bad family and not an ideal couple. By the way, sometimes swearing is very useful.

What is love in marriage?

This is a difficult question, everyone will answer for themselves. But if people are happy from the beginning, then the marriage will be happy and everything will be full of love. If only one person in a marriage is happy, then most likely the negative person will not allow the happy one to develop. And it turns out that a happy person will have two paths of development, either he will leave the negative one, or he will become negative.

Well, the most important thing is that two negative people can also live a long time in marriage if they follow the rules above. You know, you’ve probably seen such greedy, “bad people” and your spouse is exactly the same. And so they live in their own world, like two boots in a pair. There is no talk about happiness, but there is some kind of mutual benefit. And they can live together for a long time, so you think that love or mutual benefit is more important. But this is up to each of us to decide.

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