Long-term happy relationships are the dream of all girls and men. But what to do if the union has reached a dead end, and people who strived for a joint future have turned into a source of stress? If you make a mistake and cannot find the strength to leave a destructive union before moving on to the next stage of the relationship, you risk losing invaluable time with a stranger. Fear of change can be paralyzing. It can be difficult to force yourself to believe in the inevitable end and admit to yourself that you are dissatisfied with the current state of affairs. By what signs can you understand for yourself that you are tired, everything is destroyed and there is no point in saving the union?
How to understand that a relationship has outlived its usefulness
There is such an interesting thing in relationships that is worth paying attention to:
- You or your partner prefer to be alone for a long time, in your thoughts, even being in the same space with you
- You start to irritate each other and try to each pull the blanket over yourself
- You often prefer to remain silent and move away from your partner; do not rush to make contact with him
It's worth paying attention to this, even if you've been in a relationship for a long time. It often happens that partners get tired of each other, leave, but not for long, and then return happily back. This is quite environmentally friendly for a couple.
You are not planning a future with your partner
People are always planning something. This is a working day, a week, weekend fun, a trip to the sea in the summer. Such phenomena are natural for a happy union. But if you don’t see a future together, then the interest and desire to develop the relationship has faded. This happens for various reasons:
- frequent quarrels;
- desire to leave the person;
- lack of interest;
- mistrust.
And whatever the circumstances of your situation, an unwillingness to plan for the future is a sharply negative indicator for any couple.
Relationships have cracked, possible reasons
- Little things begin to irritate you, for all sorts of reasons, even things that didn’t irritate you at all before or you didn’t pay attention to at all. You start to “get mad” about everything: dirty shoes, unwashed dishes, trash left behind, a stained bathroom mirror. Previously, you simply looked past these little things, but now something has happened.
- Relationships become a burden and “sacrifice” begins. Constantly hiding your true feelings in this case, you can even get sick. Patience is reaching its limit, all the time the state is “like a match” that is about to flare up.
- You start delving into relationships . There is no coffee in bed and flowers “just because”, and you don’t even give gifts to each other. I remember the old relationship with this partner or the one before him. And this is a very bad sign.
- Kissing and sex have become a “heavy duty.” Everyone is trying to either fall asleep quickly or go to bed later. Accounts on social networks are activated, different pictures of kisses are posted, and communication often takes place there, and not in the “bed.” Although this was not the case before. But no one wants to make changes; the routine in relationships drags on.
- Friends and close family tell you that something is wrong. Sometimes they openly say that your relationship has come to nothing, that there is no joyful and pleasant feeling from this person. Often you no longer come to your previous company together, and you go to relatives “one by one” and you yourself feel better for it.
- Joy disappears from the relationship; you no longer want to surprise each other with anything. If you used to want to cook something delicious, buy tickets somewhere for a joint event, buy something interesting, now all this has gone from the relationship and you just want not to be touched for any reason.
The most important thing is that there is complete disappointment, hopelessness from the situation and there is no point in continuing the relationship for one reason - such relationships have no future, there are no joint plans, no financial savings.
Just life where everyone lives on their own.
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Desire to be alone
The desire to be alone arises when interest in a person disappears. This phenomenon is accompanied by indifference to the individual, lack of feelings of compassion and care. You are mentally burdened by this man or this woman, and it is much easier for you to organize your evening of popcorn and watching a TV series alone.
Causes of bad relationships
- Unreasonable jealousy of a partner and total control. It is necessary to report, ingratiate yourself, and coordinate almost all of your actions, right down to going to the store.
- Cheating and “loud” showdowns that are physically exhausting. New relationships require time and energy, so it’s worth taking a closer look at your partner. He is late at work, there is no money “like before”, some strange calls and SMS messages, here are all the signs that someone has appeared “on the horizon”
- Complete lack of respect from the partner and indifference. Previously, you would wholeheartedly defend your partner’s interests, respect his opinion on some issues, but now you are increasingly entering into endless contradictions and proving that you are right
- Relationships “flow” with a complete absence of joy, and they say “like in a swamp.”
A “swamp” in a relationship always leads to a break; it’s worth talking with your partner about the reasons for this in your relationship. Don't be afraid that he will leave you, abandon you, betray you. A partner is also a person, so you should always count on honesty in a relationship; before, you somehow talked and resolved difficult issues.
List of signs of a temporary crisis
Some problems are temporary, they require a shake-up and effort. Sometimes the struggle drags on and leads to depression and hopelessness. The crisis becomes the end of communication. It is important to grasp this trait so as not to trade life for survival. When a relationship has outlived its usefulness and it’s time to leave, you will understand by the following signs:
- Hysterics and quarrels start instead of discussions. Happy couples quarrel, but without self-assertion or insults. Uncontrollable regular arguments that do not solve the problem are an indicator of an unhealthy relationship.
- There is no desire to intercede. The other half is insulted by acquaintances, but there is no desire to protect. Silent consent, ignoring ridicule of a partner and the relationship is passive aggression towards him.
- Boredom. After the passion subsides, it is necessary to create a connection based on common interests. They are not always obvious. It's worth looking deeper. You can get carried away by something new at the same time.
- There are no plans for a future together. Couples in love plan, discuss, dream in detail. When these images are depressing, boring, new dreams appear without the desire to dedicate your loved one to them - these are signs of distance.
- There is no desire to improve. A connection that has ceased to inspire and inspire ends in degradation and pain.
- The chosen one causes irritation. Imperfections that amused, touched, and added charisma now cause irritation and disgust. Rage arises from harmless everyday habits. Disgust is balanced by pity and condescension. Playing with stoicism and self-assertion is bad ground for a couple. Sometimes a cold partner blames himself for irritability. A vicious circle will lead to emotional exhaustion.
- The couple avoids spending time together. They come up with excuses not to see each other. Anything seems more interesting: extra work, aimless walks. Leisure without a once loved one brings relief. The situation is complicated by lies and betrayals.
- Coldness in bed. A decrease in sexual activity is acceptable for established couples. If intimacy is painful or avoided, then it’s time to sound the alarm.
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Leave to stay
Most often, a couple decides to separate. Breaking up is always a painful thing, habits, living together with a partner, children, common affairs and many other things in common need to be somehow environmentally divided and “lived through” this separation.
Sometimes physical separation occurs, but psychologically you are still in the relationship for a long time. Everything is very, very painful.
Relief may not happen, especially if there is a desire to return everything back. “It may be bad, but he’s mine.” What caused this situation?
What we are afraid of:
- Fear of loneliness
- Attachment to partner
- Condemnation of loved ones
- Fear of new relationships
It’s worth sitting down and starting to sort out the relationship yourself.
No support
Any healthy relationship needs support. This is an axiom that does not require proof. Problems at work, the boss is a jerk, the grandmother who stepped on her foot in the minibus - these are all the little things that depress you. But regardless of the complexity and significance of the situation, everyone wants to be heard and understood. Almost always, people look for a response of support and understanding in their partners. If they don't find it, this is one of the most negative things for a relationship. In other words, the person no longer feels compassion for you and does not want to care.
How to understand relationships
How to do it? You can talk to a psychologist who can help in this matter. Or you can take an A4 piece of paper and divide it into two halves. On the left you should write what suited you in the relationship. On the right, write what didn’t suit you in the relationship. You need to be honest with yourself, you are writing this for yourself.
Look at what was NOT satisfactory, boring, could not be resolved, irritated, etc. You will see that you tried to fix something, but it didn’t work. Therefore, you should not waste time, but make a decision to “psychologically” end the relationship and call it a day.
At the end of the sheet, you should draw your conclusions by describing what experience you learned from this relationship.
And then you need to give yourself a deadline, how long you will endure and move on. Cry, sob, but only for a certain time, and then try to get rid of your ex-partner’s things, remove cups, spoons, photographs, things, etc. “out of sight.” Don't irritate your memory with endless reminders of him. Thank him for the good things personally or mentally, and EVERYTHING!
You often quarrel
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Frequent quarrels are also characteristic of a union that is “living out” its last months, or even days. In a normal pace of life, no one wants to have conflicts with a dear and loved one. But when the feelings have disappeared, and only attachment remains, we begin to notice bad personality traits. They suddenly become obvious, we often exaggerate them. It’s easy to quarrel in such a situation even over a trifle. There are people for whom minor adjustments are only beneficial. But these adjustments are not serious, and only tone up the marriage. And if you regularly quarrel for the same reason, or make huge scandals over small things, don’t torture each other.
Why does love pass
When a relationship comes to an end, many people feel betrayed. But in fact, every person is deceived himself. There are psychological “ambushes” of love communications.
At the first stage of the novel, lovers idealize each other. People haven’t fully recognized their partner, so you can fantasize and invent his image. As a result, the idealized portrait is transferred to the beloved. Then there is a shutdown of critical thinking.
After a while, a person begins to critically evaluate the choice of a life partner. He comes to the realization that his real partner has many inconsistencies and too many shortcomings. At such a moment, collapse occurs.
It happens that the romance began not on the basis of love and passion, but on a feeling of pity or necessity. But sooner or later patience comes to an end. Real emotions cover a person. The relationship cannot last. How do you understand that such a moment has come? Pay attention to 5 characteristic signs.
Ways to help save relationships
The only reason to save them is the presence of desire. You shouldn’t desperately hold on to the past just for show. If a person causes unbearable negative feelings, efforts will become torment for him. For the partner too, because he will feel the pretense. When there is something to save, experts recommend:
- Write a list of the qualities of your chosen one, the best moments from the beginning of your acquaintance.
- Formulate a goal. Fear of loneliness is a bad motivation. If a person is not of interest, it is better to find a real soul mate.
- More live communication with your chosen one, minimum time on gadgets.
- A break. A few days without a partner, relaxation, immersion in your personal world will help you gain strength and get bored.
- Morning coffee and other small acts of affection strengthen the bond.
- Sexual experiments. New sensations and excitement will provoke a surge of interest and dopamine.
- Let go of the past. A necessary condition: both partners agree with their share of the blame for the problems and forgive each other.
- Adoption. The core of a person, the basis of his character cannot be changed. The relationship will only become more complicated.
- Collaborative work. Calm, respectful discussion, equal dialogue is the first condition for positive change. Gradually the painful knots of misunderstanding will be untied.
Bottom line: Has the relationship run its course?
Breaking up is hard. But it’s harder to live in shackles when the resulting impasse in the relationship has become obvious. Take a fresh look at your feelings - do they exist at all? If they exist and they are mutual, the couple will overcome any difficulties. However, if you see that the relationship has reached a dead end and has been weighing you down for months, then you should definitely think about the need to continue such a relationship.
What to do if the relationship has reached a dead end and the answers to the 8 above questions confirm this? Realize the main thing: as long as you torment yourself and your partner with such “relationships,” you will make things worse for everyone. It's not easy, but sometimes it's better to thank the person for the experience and move on without him.
