It often happens that when a girl breaks up with a guy, she sobs into her pillow for several days, then goes on a spree with her friends, then makes an appointment with a psychotherapist and, after a long period of self-healing, finally begins to feel self-confident and pay attention to other men. But as per the law of meanness, just at the moment when life is getting better, the ex appears... Asking to give him a second chance. Is it necessary?
It is clear that many girls find it difficult to resist in such a situation, old feelings flare up with renewed vigor and all that. But do you really think that he has changed and now you will definitely live a long and happy life with him? Take off your rose-colored glasses. We'll tell you why your ex got the idea of getting you back and what you should pay attention to.
He's trying to get to know you better
It’s worth noting right away: messages with birthday or New Year greetings do not necessarily mean that the ex-lover intends to renew the relationship. Perhaps he just wants to maintain friendly communication. But if the correspondence becomes more personal and the person regularly asks how you are doing at work, what’s going on in the family, or simply asks what your mood is and how you spent the weekend, this may indicate that he is trying to get to know you again and regain lost trust.
Photo: Pexels.com
Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion
Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.
And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.
If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.
Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.
He monitors your social networks
Often, after a breakup, couples unfollow each other on social networks: this does not necessarily indicate resentment - it is quite possible that people simply do not want to embarrass each other by publishing photos from their new lives. However, if your ex keeps a close eye on your social media—viewing stories, liking, and leaving comments—it's a sign that he's still thinking about you.
Photo: Pexels.com
How does a man feel after a breakup?
For women who are used to taking decisive action, it is difficult to understand why men often return after a breakup. Male psychology has certain characteristics. The guys who initiated the breakup are relieved.
Tired of endless scandals and misunderstandings, a person wants to be left alone. If there were no good reasons for the separation, the man may soon feel devastated and regret what happened.
As a rule, a man’s pride does not allow him to express emotions openly, which does not have the best effect on his nervous system. To suppress his mental suffering, a person can do the following:
- He goes on a drinking binge. Often, after a breakup, men begin to abuse alcohol. This behavior can have negative consequences. But most often, after some time, the man is forgotten and returns to his previous life.
- Immerses himself in his work. Parting with your beloved can provoke an attack of workaholism. In such a situation, a man devotes all his time to work and tries to avoid any communication with the female sex. Thanks to this, he distracts and increases his self-esteem.
- He is interested in extreme sports. He learns to fly a hang glider, conquers mountains or takes part in fights without rules. Thus, he tries to avoid depression by releasing adrenaline.
- Frequently changes sexual partners. By changing his ladies every night like gloves, he asserts himself and emphasizes his own importance.
- Starts a new romance. Most men are not ready for a new serious relationship immediately after a breakup. But the care of a new lover helps to survive the separation.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
He takes responsibility
Admitting mistakes and trying to correct your behavior pattern is the surest signal that a person still loves you and wants to return you. We often tend to put the blame on our other half for a breakup, but if your ex has admitted his share of the blame and apologized to you, it means your love still has a chance.
Instead of a conclusion
It is very important to remember that you should not focus on any one of the signs: individually, any of these signals may mean nothing. But when taken together, they can actually serve as evidence that your relationship still has a chance.
But before you make any drastic moves, consider whether to give your love a second chance. It is important to make sure that you both accept and understand your mistakes and are ready to change. And the most important thing is to remember the main reason for the separation and understand what has changed since then (and whether it has changed). Otherwise, you risk stepping on the same rake again: most often, you should make a strong-willed decision to finally break the painful connection and move on.
You may also like these articles:
6 celebrity couples who broke up but then decided to give each other a second chance
17 ways to maintain correspondence on a dating site
Status – single: how to create a profile and communicate on dating sites so as not to be disappointed, says the expert
How to protect yourself from abusers and attract healthy relationships with a man into your life: a psychologist answers
How to increase self-esteem and stop comparing yourself to others: a psychologist says
Why does your ex want to come back?
Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:
- He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
- He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
- Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.
- A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
- If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.
- We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
- Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
- He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
- Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Understanding in Relationships
Relationships between a guy involve: declarations of love, meetings, kisses and hugs, hours of talking on the phone. You can suspect something is wrong if the girl stops calling and texting. First you need to remember recent events. Perhaps the girl was offended by some words or actions, and now does not want to communicate. Representatives of the fair sex tend to harbor a grudge for a long time and at the same time not tell the reason. An attentive guy will immediately recognize dissatisfaction by one of her glances or gestures. This is much more difficult to do at the initial stage of dating. Not writing messages, not calling or not picking up the phone is a small revenge for the guy’s inappropriate behavior.
Results
Receiving a message from the past is always unexpected. But you shouldn’t immediately see this as a spark of happiness and hope. People's actions cannot always be predicted. And answering a banal “Hello!”, in the spirit of “I knew that you still love me, just like I love you!”, can lead to a new portion of disappointment, since he only wanted to pick up forgotten socks or ask to remove joint ones photo from account. Take your time in your answers, give him the opportunity to speak first, and then act according to circumstances and the call of your heart.
If you have ideas or stories, post them in the comments. And let everyone find their soul mate.
Writes first
If your ex was the first to write/call, this is a good sign. But it would be more correct to divide this point into several sub-points depending on the reason for the conversation:
- Desire to take things. A little earlier we already described the situation regarding this point. But there is one more subtlety. If this is the end of the conversation, then perhaps he feels very uncomfortable and is afraid that the memories are still too fresh, which means he may give in to his feelings and return without hesitation.
- Without a reason. For example, he asks about his mother/cat/brother. He is looking for any possible reason to contact you. A banal phrase or something similar to it can convey concern: “Are you okay?”
- I decided to share the news that I “found someone.” It sounds strange at first glance, but you shouldn’t be scared. Most likely, he did not do this and is simply trying to look at your reaction, to see jealousy. If this is the case, try not to get angry, remembering that it's probably not true.
- Asks for opinion or advice on some issue. One of the best scenarios! This shows that he cares what you think, and also that he misses you and is thinking about coming back.
If you make contact first, you may seem desperate or needy, especially if he has broken up. Try your best to wait for your ex to get in touch.
The cognitive dissonance
According to psychology, “cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors. This causes a feeling of mental discomfort, leading to a change in one of the attitudes, beliefs or behavior in order to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.”
Basically, what someone thinks doesn't agree with their actions, and they feel terrible until it's resolved. This internal struggle usually manifests itself as extreme self-sabotage until the person deals with it.
Let's say your ex breaks up with you, but then he gradually decides that he can't live without you. He will naturally try to make his actions consistent with his own beliefs until the pain becomes too great. He will remain broken for a while and will not be ready to try to come back again because the actions are consistent with past beliefs.
He doesn't want to go back to saying "I want to break up" even though he might end up doing that in the future. The situation will bother your ex until he decides what to do. However, the seeds of doubt must take root before anything happens. Hesitation, mistakes, and behavior that doesn't make sense occur.
Smooth and fresh skin: dermaplaning, or why a woman needs to shave her face
A Brazilian travels 36 km by bike every day to take his loved one home.
Lost weight: what Sofia Tarasova sacrificed for the sake of “VIA Gra” (new photos)
Fear of Rejection
Rejection poses a huge risk to the ego. That's why sometimes a guy makes a timid attempt to get back to a girl. He makes a one-time call or message and doesn't try to do anything else. This allows you to place all the blame on the girl, saying that she did not take retaliatory action. This is less painful to the ego than saying, “I never even tried.”
Deciding whether your ex wants you back is a bit like reading a foreign language without translation. Because an ex who wants you back will most likely do the opposite of what you expect. Here are four signs that your ex still feels love for you.
To answer or not
Situations are different. It’s one thing if He showed up a week later, when feelings are still bubbling, and another when years of a long recovery from depression and building new love on trust have passed. The same applies to situations where a guy leaves you cruelly or humiliatingly, and then writes as if nothing had happened. If your past relationship was toxic, a harmless “hello” can throw you off balance. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to give in to calls and letters if this causes unpleasant feelings. It is even possible to block a subscriber by adding them to the “black list”.
But there are also happy stories when the breakup took place on a friendly note, or the romance is so beautiful and passionate that the memories of it cover the mental pain of the breakup. Then the past time can finally hide all the bad things, leaving in memory only memories of an ideal man, with ideal actions. And now He writes again, which means he didn’t forget, he loved, but you shouldn’t be sure of it. You need to be careful, pause and not open up completely:
- Determining the motive. After the greeting, it is necessary to build non-binding friendly communication. At this stage, you need to keep yourself from emotions, without promising anything.
- Continue communication. If a man wants to win a woman back, he will do everything to keep her attention. But the most important thing is that he will offer to meet, and not just correspond for months. Of course, this should be a cafe, a park or your favorite joint vacation spot. Important - no hints of intimacy! At the first meeting, you should also avoid developing events too quickly.
- Renewal of love. It is worth understanding that it will not be the same as before. If you decide to get back together, then love must undergo a complete rebranding.
What to do if your ex doesn't come back?
Breaking up with a loved one is not easy. But no matter what's going on between you right now, stay strong and stay positive. Whatever happens, move on with your life. You may even be grateful to him for leaving you.
Don't worry or wonder if your ex-boyfriend will come back. Better focus on your own life. Many women claim that as soon as they began to live their old lives, it was at that moment that the ex expressed a desire to return.
Now you need to focus on self-love. Don't blame yourself for your emotions, which may overwhelm you. Instead, listen to your heart. At the moment, the best idea would be to take some time for yourself, remember your hobbies, meet with friends and take care of yourself.
To get help and specific recommendations from a professional psychologist, watch this video right now. Click on the screen below:
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
