High self-esteem: what it is, causes and signs, correction

“The crown on his head is pressing”, “It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself”, “The more a person loves himself, the more he depends on other people’s opinions”, “He who thinks too much about himself thinks too little”...

All these phrases reflect the essence of the same personality quality. Feeling of greatness, inflated self-esteem, self-confidence or arrogance. There are many concepts, but they mean one thing - an inadequate perception of oneself against the background of others. Is this normal or pathological? Is it good or bad? And how to behave with such people? Psychology has answers to such questions, you just need to understand them.

The essence of the concept

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his capabilities, focusing solely on the success of any event in which he participates, and idealizing his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and the mistakes of others. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy on the part of others and unfair nagging.

This attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, are not restrained and do not tolerate defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leadership positions, they become tyrants and despots, and if not, they remain alone, since others do not want to communicate with them.

Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to talk about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their self-esteem): “who know their own worth.”

According to the psychodiagnostic scale, three levels of inflated self-esteem are distinguished:

Above average. When a person values and respects himself according to the heights he has achieved, but at the same time is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
High. When conceit comes from within and is not always dictated by real success.
Inappropriately tall. When self-esteem is too high, everything negative, including the truth, is denied, and the idealized and real image have little overlap.

The most problematic is the third level, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis requiring psychiatric treatment.

What does high self-esteem mean?

What does high self-esteem mean - too high a person’s assessment of his own capabilities, absolute confidence that any failures are an unfavorable combination of circumstances, but success is quite natural. Thus, inflated self-esteem is inflated self-esteem, supported by faith in one’s own strength.

Traditionally, a high assessment of oneself and one's capabilities accompanies people who have achieved a lot in life. Such self-esteem reflects their achievements and contributes to new successes. But there is also a downside to this situation - for example, a gambler with high self-esteem believes that every loss is an accident and next time there will definitely be a victory.

Important! There is a fine line when a high assessment of one’s capabilities turns from a source of strength and opportunity into “rose-colored glasses”, as a result, a person becomes inadequate.

Is it good or bad?

Inflated self-esteem cannot be considered only as a negative personality trait. In certain situations it can play a positive role. However, its negative impact on a person is still greater.

Why is it good:

Believing in yourself allows you to achieve heights and build a career.
While others think and doubt, these people are actively solving the problem.
A positive attitude towards yourself does not allow you to deviate from your intended path because of criticism or other people's opinions.
The absence of self-criticism and excessive delving into one’s own mistakes allows one to focus on something more important.

Why is that bad:

To achieve the goal, any means are used, even bypassing the norms established in society.
Difficulties in social adaptation. For them, there is only one true point of view - their own; they are deaf to the requests and opinions of others. This leads to loneliness. Conflicts lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion.
Painful and aggressive perception of criticism.
It is not uncommon for work projects to be disrupted because they take on tasks that are beyond their capabilities. This leads to career ruin.
Denial of self-improvement, self-development (why, if I’m already perfect?).
With frequent failures, neuroses, personality disorders and even suicide are possible.

Much depends on the level of self-esteem. If it is simply above average and commensurate with the real successes that a person has achieved, it does not disfigure him. But, if we are talking about inappropriate behavior, this can lead to mental disorders and is considered in psychology as a pathology.

How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips

And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:

Stop comparing yourself to others;
Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
Communicate with positive people;
Do what you enjoy;
Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique individual with enormous potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing your self-esteem is one way to realize your full potential.

Causes

Most often, inflated self-esteem is formed in childhood, in the process of upbringing. But it also happens that a person comes to it much later, when he achieves certain heights in his career and can no longer lower the bar for himself, even if at some stage he does not meet it. Psychologists give different reasons:

Raising one child in a family, who becomes the center of the universe, when all his desires are satisfied, his merits are exaggerated, and his shortcomings are hushed up.
Raising the first-born, on whom all aspirations and hopes are pinned.
Psychological traumas and children's complexes. Inflated self-esteem is a way of receiving positive emotions that the child did not receive from his parents.
Inferiority complex. When a person sees successful and beautiful people around him, but he himself is not, he begins to invent qualities for himself that he does not possess. This serves as a protection against self-destruction.
External attractiveness that leads to narcissism.
Excellent student syndrome.
In working conditions, when there is only one girl in the team (a guy/person with a higher education/specialist, etc.).
Career take-off, reaching certain heights.
Excessive wealth.
Leadership skills.
Fame and recognition: psychologists diagnose 99% of stars with high self-esteem.

These are the most common reasons, although situations in life are much more multifaceted. For example, a child may not have excellent external characteristics and may not be an excellent student, but if teachers, for some other reason, single him out from the rest of the class, he develops inflated self-esteem. Or the hobby for selfies, when all the photos are retouched through Photoshop and get thousands of likes, interferes with an adequate perception of one’s own real image, which is actually far from ideal.

Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

Answer the following few questions. If the answer to most of them is positive, then it’s time to start working on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself. Go.

Do you compare yourself to other people and always lose?
Are you jealous of other people?
Do you often complain about life and feel sorry for yourself?
Do you live in the past, cherishing good moments, or yearning for missed opportunities?
Do you feel like your loved ones don’t value you or your work?
Are you experiencing difficulties in romantic relationships?
Are you afraid to meet people and think that you are not worthy of true love?
Constantly wondering what others will think?
Do you find it difficult to make decisions, do you always doubt whether you are making the right choice?
Is it hard for you to refuse people their requests?

If most of these questions seem crazy to you, then your self-esteem is fine. And if you see yourself in them, then you understand perfectly well how much this poisons life, and that it’s time to change it.

Signs

Interesting fact: people with high self-esteem rarely consider themselves self-confident and arrogant. They believe that they perceive themselves objectively. But it costs others nothing to see such a person at the first conversation based on certain signs. The characteristics of this type of personality are quite voluminous.

People with high self-esteem:

confident in their own rightness;
seek to impose their own opinion;
reserve the last word in any dispute;
do not know how to apologize, do not admit their own mistakes;
constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even their significant other;
blame only those around them for their failures;
do not see their own shortcomings;
often use the pronoun “I” in conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, and do not listen to the end of the interlocutor;
never ask for help and never help anyone;
do not accept criticism;
always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
selfish;
They don’t know how to calculate risks.

A person with high self-esteem is characterized by arrogant behavior, which often turns into aggression. Narcissists can be identified by the amount of time they spend in front of the mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate competition. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the other half are completely leveled.

Exploring your skill map

This exercise will allow you to get to know yourself better and understand what strengths you already have and which ones you need to develop in order to achieve your goals.

Make a list of your fundamental attitudes, beliefs and traits. Then - a list of skills and strengths that you have developed throughout your life. List your goals and dreams separately.

Then start forming these points into a tree. You can simply draw it on paper, make an applique, or use a computer. The items on the first list (fundamental beliefs and attitudes) will be the roots and trunk. The second (qualities and skills) - in branches. And goals and dreams are leaves.

Diagnostics

The difficulty in diagnosing high self-esteem lies in the fact that signs of psychological inadequacy are clearly visible to others, but not to the person himself. It is useless to tell him that he overestimates himself, his capabilities and potential. He won’t take it seriously and certainly won’t go to any specialized specialist.

In childhood, it is easier to recognize pathology, since most modern schools have psychologists who conduct various surveys and identify such children. Unfortunately, most often everything stalls at this stage. The diagnosis has been made, a conversation is organized with the parents, but the latter either do not want to see the problem (because they themselves are the hidden reason for their child’s inflated self-esteem), or they do not have time for psychotherapy and correction of the situation.

As an adult, either a consultation with a psychologist or special tests will help you understand that you have high self-esteem:

Morris Rosenberg;
Dembo-Rubinstein;
Sonerson;
Ponomarenko;
Gorbatova;
Kazantseva;
an adapted version of Eysenck's technique;
Leary and others.

Tests make it possible to independently identify pathology and determine its level. Sometimes this is the first step towards correction.

Instant Narcissism

The reasons for such a cult with a narcissistic bias can be found in a number of phenomena.

First, social media and affordable credit make people appear more successful than they are.

Secondly, the style of behavior of celebrities, whose whole job is to demonstrate brilliance and greatness, began to be copied by bloggers and guys who simply registered an account on Instagram.

Thirdly, advertising strategies for promoting goods and services indirectly influence thinking: increasing the level of consumption means taking care of yourself, this is good and correct.

Fourthly, constant changes in the labor market force a person of our day to demonstrate success and constantly sell himself under different sauces, but invariably - confident, reaching the top and radiant. Now not only professional qualities are important, but also psychological stability, the ability to get along with others, be an optimist and have a decent online profile. Promoting a personal brand is impossible without working on self-esteem.

Fifthly, having satisfied their need for basic convenience (otherwise why is everyone around wearing sneakers?), people want comfort to reign in their souls. Self-admiration, as a socially approved action, provides this wonderful opportunity.

And finally, sixthly, the widespread need for psychological education forces us to seriously simplify common-sense ideas. Thus, the maxim “high self-esteem is the source of high achievements” turns into a pop candy wrapper and degenerates into other statements, for example, that low heart rate underlies not only life failures, but also social dysfunctions.

Correction methods

Correcting high self-esteem begins with identifying its causes and describing the main personality traits. It’s rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star fever is slightly above average and is adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases, circumstantial and long-term work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of high self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of psychologists’ work with such children is that it is not their behavior that is corrected, first of all, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive recommendations:

do not spoil the child;
reduce the amount of praise. They should only be heard in the case of real and significant achievements;
do not single him out from other children;
point out his mistakes;
teach you to take responsibility for your own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he is not an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and makes friends. As a rule, the course of such a comprehensive correction ranges from 2 to 6 months, depending on the severity of the situation.

As an adult, dealing with high self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must recognize the problem himself and try to identify its cause. If it goes back to childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If self-esteem was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your egoism yourself through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external attractiveness. Correction methods:
compare yourself with more beautiful people, find your shortcomings (bad bite, excess weight, excessive makeup, provocative clothing, etc.);
stop photoshopping your own photos;
get rid of addiction to social networks and selfie-admiration;
refocus from external beauty to internal beauty.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, having both high self-esteem and willpower, can begin to re-educate himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, working with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the scope of psychotherapy.

Special cases

Children

As already mentioned, a child’s high self-esteem is associated with improper upbringing in the family or school. Therefore, correction is aimed primarily at working with parents and teachers. The younger the children are, the easier the course of correction is. Before adolescence, they still have high adult authority, so it is easier to instill healthy behavior and communication skills in them.

However, even here parents will have to be patient, since they will need to literally break both themselves (your child is not exceptional) and their child. Get ready for tears, rebellion, hysterics, but with an experienced psychologist all these corners will be smoothed out.

But correcting adolescents’ inflated self-esteem is more difficult. Pathology at this age has two directions: excellent student syndrome and narcissism. It is easier to work with the former, since, despite their inadequate perception of their achievements, they are still distinguished by high intellectual abilities and, with constant conversations with a psychologist, they begin to see their shortcomings. As practice shows, for some it is enough to show the results of a passed test for them to draw appropriate conclusions and begin to work on themselves (under the guidance of a specialized specialist, of course, and with the support of parents and teachers).

It can be much more difficult to cope with narcissism when a teenager has good external characteristics and considers himself irresistible. Firstly, from the height of their podium they do not notice and ignore others, so they practically have no friends. Secondly, their scale of values is formed incorrectly: appearance becomes the main thing in life, while intelligence, character, and inner world are left far behind. The consequences can be dire: love failures often lead to suicide, depression, anorexia, and drug addiction.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, psychologists have enough tools in their arsenal to return the child to normal life. The main thing is to do it in a timely manner.

Men and women

According to statistics, a man with high self-esteem is three times more common than a woman with the same diagnosis. The reason is the difference in their psychological types. Girls are prone to self-examination and pay too close attention to trifles and details. Even because of a harmless pimple, they begin to consider themselves real ugly, and 2-3 extra pounds turn them into fat and figureless (in their opinion). Therefore, most often, representatives of the fairer sex have low self-esteem.

Men, on the other hand, are always focused on performing only one task. If they need to make a career or achieve the woman they love, even with minimal intellectual and external data, they will go to great lengths to get what they want. Many of them are narcissists. Some were raised without a father in childhood, so they have a strong feminine element - this is due to the excessive care of mothers and grandmothers, who lamented: “Oh, how irresistible you are, and beautiful, and the best.” This thought remains the main one in the boy’s head for the rest of his life.

Men become unbearable in communication in two cases: if they occupy a leadership position and if they have a weak-willed wife who cannot fight back. They become real tyrants. In other cases, they experience their own narcissism within themselves.

Signs of high self-esteem in a woman do not depend on her social status: she will always have a bitchy character, unable to hide her self-love. Some constantly create conflict situations and behave aggressively. Others may remain arrogantly silent, but at the same time show with all their appearance their superiority over everyone else. However, for women, all these manifestations most often remain at the level of conversations and intrigues. Men, in particularly advanced cases, resort to extreme measures if someone does not recognize their ideality: they use physical (raise their hand against their wife) or psychological (apply pressure at work or simply fire) violence.