Low self-esteem in a teenager. How to believe in yourself? l SPP Empathy

A child’s lack of self-confidence negatively affects not only his current life, but also his future achievements. Low self-esteem in a teenager prevents him from developing fully. Thoughts of being laughed at, misunderstood, or school work not being good enough for everyone to see are anchors that hinder development.

Self-esteem plays a big role in the development of a child’s personality. The main step for a teenager on the path to success is the opportunity to realistically assess his place in society. Objective self-esteem helps a child understand what he can really do for a successful and happy life.

In early childhood, the sense of self-perception is impeccable. But under the influence of external factors (parents, relatives, educators and surrounding people), self-esteem is subject to adjustment.

Signs of low self-esteem in a child

How to understand that a child has problems with self-esteem? Psychologists identify a number of symptoms that may indicate low self-esteem in a child.

Criticality – the child criticizes everything around him and feels dissatisfied when things don’t go according to plan. An upset child feels misunderstood and underappreciated, and this can provoke withdrawal.
Tearfulness is the result of excessive criticism. Dissatisfaction with your results comes out through tears.
Desire to be the center of attention - children constantly attract the attention of adults so as not to feel lonely. Adults do not always have time for constant conversations and joint activities, which angers and upsets children.
Inability to lose - such children do not value the process of the game, but expect only a positive result from it, i.e. victories. They believe that this will allow them to earn the acceptance and love of others. Such children do not know how to admit defeat, and at the same time overestimate the fact of their victory (excessive boasting).
Fear of making a mistake – fear of failure makes a child avoid risks. Therefore, the child chooses the action in which he is absolutely confident. This attitude interferes with development, and in addition contributes to the emergence of anxiety.
Closedness and unsociability - introverts, as a rule, find it difficult to find a common language with peers and let other people into their space, so their social skills are poorly developed.
Depressed mood – such children are often sad and not smiling. They do not have the motivation and vital energy for spontaneous actions.
Achieving ideals - an attempt to bring any action to the ideal does not give the opportunity to focus on other important points. Perfectionism prevents a child from developing effectively and efficiently, because too much effort is spent on improving and correcting the result already achieved.
Aggression is the best defense - attack. And the manifestation of aggression and anger only worsens relationships.
Addiction to approval – children with low self-esteem are overly eager to receive approval from peers, parents, and teachers. This may be due to a lack of trust or a lack of understanding of how to understand yourself or how to evaluate your actions yourself.
Behavioral factors - a child who lacks self-confidence often speaks quietly and indistinctly. doesn't make eye contact. In a team, he sits on the edge, does not try to establish contact with peers, thereby trying to distance himself from everyone. The appearance may be sloppy.

It is worth considering that all these signs can manifest themselves in different ways. It depends on temperament, character, family situation and life path.

Causes of low self-esteem in teenagers

Psychologists suggest that low self-esteem in children and adolescents is influenced primarily by environmental factors: the family situation, the presence of friends, the atmosphere in the school class. Characteristics of temperament and character may also influence.

Many parents may notice changes in behavior at the age of 6-7 years, when the child enters first grade. He faces new experiences and difficulties, and the influence of teachers and peers can have different effects on self-esteem. The more children feel warmth, love and care in the family, have the opportunity to discuss difficult issues and share experiences, the faster they adapt to social life in a new society.

With the transition to secondary school (at approximately the age of 11-12 years), a teenager’s self-esteem begins to adjust under the influence of relationships with peers.

Some children feel inferior due to personal characteristics:

Congenital disease.
Disability.
Peculiarities of perception of educational information (slowness, need for repetition, etc.)
Temperament.
Physical characteristics (such as a birthmark, excess weight, thinness, or unusual hair color).

Relationships in the family can also become a significant reason for low self-esteem in a child: strong guardianship or lack of trust in the family negatively affects the teenager. Children withdraw into themselves, often thinking that adults do not need them.

Some parents may compare their child's failure to the success of a friend's son/daughter, emphasizing that the other child is better, smarter, or stronger. During such conversations, the teenager begins to doubt his abilities, believing that he is not good enough.

Social contacts at school with teachers and classmates also influence the formation of self-esteem. Bullying from peers, humiliation and intimidation from teachers can drive a child into a depressed state. The child needs to know that at home he is loved, valued and will always be supported.

Physical appearance and self-esteem

The need to reconstruct the bodily image of the Self, the construction of a male or female “tribal” identity and the gradual transition to adult genital sexuality are among the main tasks of the period of pubertal development. These tasks largely determine the development of adolescents’ self-concept, and in particular their self-esteem. During this age period, another person begins to occupy a very special place in the life of a teenager. This is related to the specificity of adolescents’ perception of the physical appearance of other people. And through the perception and understanding of another, a teenager comes to understand himself. In this case, the same sequence is maintained as in the knowledge of the qualities of another, i.e., first, purely external, physical characteristics are highlighted, then qualities associated with the performance of any type of activity, and finally personal qualities, more hidden properties of the inner world.

Scientists' opinion According to V.N. Kunitsina, in the image of a perceived person of any age, the main things for a teenager are physical features, elements of appearance, then clothing and hairstyle and expressive behavior. With age, the volume and adequacy of the assessed signs increase; the range of categories and concepts used is expanding; categorical judgments decrease and greater flexibility and versatility appear; in the physical appearance of another person, his clothes, hairstyle, signs begin to be noted that reflect character, originality, individuality, uniqueness. A teenager’s perception of other people can be determined by both objective and subjective factors: the nature of the emotional attitude towards the perceived person, the degree of development of the teenager’s cognitive abilities, his mental development, emotional and mental state and past experience. The attitude to perceive other people in a certain way can also be determined by the individual characteristics of a teenager, the influence of group opinion and stereotypes that have developed in society (Kunitsina V.N., 1968). It has been experimentally proven that the perception of the physical appearance of another person in the mind of a teenager is then transferred to the teenager’s perception of himself. Thus, it is precisely during this age period, when the most important transformations occur in the body, when the appearance of a teenager and his physical features begin to greatly excite the teenager, then the compliance of the child’s physical development with the standards accepted in his peer group becomes a determining factor in his social recognition and position. in Group. Awareness of the features of one's appearance also influences the formation of many important personality traits in a teenager (for example, self-confidence, cheerfulness, isolation, individualism). Sex differences . Starting from adolescence, girls' overall self-esteem is significantly lower than that of boys, and this trend is directly related to self-esteem of appearance. A number of studies have found that girls' self-concept correlates more strongly with assessments of the attractiveness of their body than with assessments of its effectiveness. For young men, on the contrary, the leading criterion of self-esteem is the efficiency of the body. This dependence is largely explained by the social role functions of men and women. But at the same time, it is necessary to take into account the mechanisms of social reinforcement derived from existing stereotypes, which are also supported by the media.

How is self-esteem formed?

The formation of a child’s self-esteem is largely influenced by the behavior of adults: parents and teachers. From birth, the child looks at his parents, their reaction and waits for an assessment of his behavior, trying not to disappoint mom and dad.

It is important to make it clear to the child that it is impossible to know everything - it is human nature to make mistakes. And parents, as mentors, should not scold, but help and guide.

Each child is unique, and the role of elders is to reveal talent without underestimating abilities.

4 stages of development of self-esteem in a child:

From birth to 1.5 years, through the care and love of parents, the child develops trust in the world around him. The child does not fully understand the meaning of words. He feels his parents' appreciation through a smile, a hug, a gentle voice.
From 1.5 to 4 years is the age when a child actively explores the world around him. It is important to let your child feel independent. You shouldn’t prohibit him from exploring everything around him; it’s better to help him make this path comfortable and safe. The child is responsible for his own actions. The parent’s task is not to criticize, but to explain what the child did wrong. The emphasis is on the action, not on the child’s personality.
From 4 to 6 years old is the period when a child’s place in society becomes important. He wonders how many friends he has in kindergarten or in the playground near his house. Why doesn't anyone want to be friends with him or play with him? Looks for the reason in himself. At such moments, it is important that the parent supports the child and explains what is happening. At this age, it is important for a child to take initiative. Give more freedom of action.
The school stage, the period from 6 to 15 years, is the most important in the formation of a teenager’s self-esteem. In the school process, hard work and achieving significant results are important. If at this age a child does not integrate into society, his self-esteem is low, and this negatively affects the learning process. The child becomes withdrawn and unsure of himself. Apathy may appear and interest in what you love may fade. Therefore, it is extremely important to support your child at any stage of life, to show care and love.

Features of the formation of self-esteem in adolescence

relating oneself to the environment and its ideals;
the desire to assert oneself in a significant group;
formation of the “Image of Self” (general idea of oneself);
enrichment of ideas about oneself as a member of society;
establishing a connection between self-esteem and meaningful life guidelines (one’s goals, ideals, significant things);
the dependence of self-esteem on success in the social environment, and not on academic success;
dependence on the degree of well-being of intrafamily relationships and on the style of parental education.

How do parents influence their children's self-esteem?

Responsive and loving parents help the child develop with normal self-esteem. And negative relationships in the family give rise to uncertainty and isolation: the child becomes fixated on his failures, becomes suspicious, and sometimes displays aggression and anxiety.

When forming a teenager’s self-esteem, the style of communication within the family is important:

Symmetrical - all family members interact with each other on equal terms. In such a family, the child considers himself important, his opinion is taken into account in all situations. The child forms his own criteria for evaluating his actions based on his parents’ assessments.
Asymmetrical - the child is practically not allowed to participate in decision making. This model creates a negative perception of one’s own self.

It is important to understand that a child is also a member of the family. He has his own opinion on the situation or action addressed to him. It is worth taking into account the child’s opinion in matters that concern him indirectly or directly. You should not neglect the child’s words, as he may feel useless and withdraw into himself even more.

Where does high self-esteem come from?

Like most problems, high self-esteem most often “comes from childhood.” Often it affects the only child in the family, who does not have to share the affection and attention of his parents with anyone. He is the only one, which means he is the best, the most beautiful, the smartest. Such children may initially have inflated ideas about themselves. In addition, the development of self-esteem is influenced by improper upbringing of the “family idol” type - excessive admiration for all, even the most insignificant actions of one’s child, lack of reasonable criticism from adults, indulgence in any desires and whims of the child. All this gives the little person confidence in his own exclusivity. Oddly enough, the reasons for high self-esteem are also: self-doubt, inferiority complex, childhood psychological traumas and complexes. In adulthood, the cause may be some serious mental shock, working conditions (for example, the only girl in a male team), and often people with attractive external characteristics are subject to inflated self-esteem.

How to improve low self-esteem in a teenager?

Do not criticize your child - it is important for a teenager to hear about his strengths. Don't dwell on his failures.
Give your child compliments - appearance is very important during adolescence. If a child has acne, you should not transfer everything to adolescence - it is better to consult a specialist to find out the cause and choose treatment tactics. Or, for example, make an appointment with a stylist to choose fashionable clothes or change your hairstyle.
Support, praise and pamper - say that you are proud of your child, emphasize his results, set him up in a positive way: “You will succeed, I believe in you” - the child will be very happy to hear this from his beloved parents.
Show your child your self-confidence - children often look up to their parents, so show your child what kind of person you are: strong, confident, friendly.

A parent must convey two important messages to their child: “I’m cool” and “You’re cool too. Even a little better than me."

Expand your child’s social circle – discuss his interests with the teenager and sign him up for clubs or a sports section. Perhaps at school not all the kids develop friendly relations. And in the new team, the child will show his abilities and look at himself from a different perspective. The larger the social circle, the better the child’s talents and abilities are revealed.
Teach to say “no” - often children with low self-esteem are used for selfish purposes. Such children do not like to refuse, because this is how they feel important. The child should be able to determine for what purpose he is being asked to help? You need to teach your child to say “no” to all ill-wishers. This is an important skill: “the ability to say no and assert your boundaries.”

What can a teenager do?

Despite the strong influence of parents, a teenager can also influence the correction of his self-esteem.

Advice to the teenager himself - how to increase his own self-esteem:

if there is a feeling of confidence and internal changes, but those around you do not perceive your new personality, it makes sense to change your environment - class, school, group of friends;
try to communicate more with those people who do not criticize you, but appreciate, love and sometimes praise you for important virtues;
get yourself an inner assistant, someone who loves, understands and supports you in any situation, then write down on a piece of paper the encouraging phrases and compliments that he says to you;
celebrate all your successes and successes, even the smallest ones, always praise yourself for them, and even reward yourself a little, for example, with something tasty;
turn your minuses (those for which you criticize yourself) into pluses - excessive talkativeness is useful when communicating, helps make friends, promotes sociability, and a mess in the room is a creative disorder, a sign of a creative personality!

When should you contact a psychologist?

Adolescence is an important and difficult period of personality development. Changes occur, both physical and psychological. The child is in search of ideals, achieves new goals, and sets priorities.

It is necessary to prevent low self-esteem against the background of so-called “shortcomings” and fictitious complexes. If you don’t cope with the problem in time, the imprint can be left for life: self-doubt prevents you from realizing your abilities.

It is important that parents give support to the child to create good conditions to achieve results. If parents understand that they cannot help their child on their own, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist for advice.

Alarm Signals

The consequences of low self-esteem in adolescence can be frightening:

bullying at school or in the yard;
poor performance at school;
inability to say “no” - including to offers to “smoke” and the like;
lack of interests outside of studies - due to lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities;
sociopathy (not to be confused with mental retardation);
deviant behavior - a teenager’s contempt for social norms and decency;
reluctance to communicate with peers, lack of friends;
unstable psyche in general;
criticism of your appearance and photos;
an abundance of all kinds of complexes.

Summarizing…

Low self-esteem in adolescents negatively affects their position in society and can cause isolation, misunderstanding, and conflicts in the family and in the team. An inferiority complex prevents children from developing and achieving their goals.

The child needs to be helped to form a positive opinion about himself. A teenager must understand that he is loved, valued, and respected. This will help you adapt to difficult social conditions, not lose yourself and move on to success. With low self-esteem, a teenager begins to find obstacles everywhere and see negativity where there is none.

If you are faced with the problem of low self-esteem in a teenager and understand that you need help to overcome it, you can turn to psychologists at our Center for help. The studio of practical psychology "Empathy" has been specializing in psychological assistance and support for adolescents for many years. Our group classes are designed in such a way as to help a teenager find himself and become more confident in this difficult period of life. MORE DETAILS

You can also sign up for an individual consultation with a psychologist. MORE.

The relationship between self-esteem and socio-psychological status.

Socio-psychological status is a concept that denotes a person’s position in the system of interpersonal relationships and the measure of his psychological influence on group members. Social perception is an area of socio-psychological research in which the processes and mechanisms of people’s perception and evaluation of various social objects, events, and other people are studied. Low status is the “invisible” role of the subject in interpersonal relationships; the individual has little or no influence on the dynamics of relationships in the group. High status is a significant position in the group and an active influence on the dynamics of relations in the group. The well-known tendency of adolescents to group and the peculiar, often rigid, intra-group status differentiation inherent not only in informal groups, but also in the school class, makes it necessary to consider the relationship between a teenager’s self-esteem and his socio-psychological status. Data from a number of studies by domestic psychologists show the presence of this relationship, which is primarily positively correlated with the level characteristics of adolescents’ self-esteem. Ya. L. Kolominsky (1976) established a number of interesting patterns of social perception in adolescents:

a tendency towards overestimated self-esteem of sociometric status among low-status students and underestimation among high-status students;
egocentric leveling - the tendency to attribute to other group members a status either equal to one’s own or lower;
retrospective optimization is a tendency to evaluate one’s status in previous groups more favorably.

Subsequent research in this area confirms the influence of the characteristics of a teenager’s self-esteem on his socio-psychological status in the classroom: the more critical the teenager is of himself and the higher his self-esteem, the higher his positive sociometric status. And further, the higher the self-esteem and the higher the level of aspirations, the lower the positive sociometric status or the higher the negative status, depending on the behavioral characteristics of the person manifested in relation to the group: those prone to rational conformism fall into the “neglected” group, those prone to nonconformism fall into the “rejected” group. Some authors find the reason for this dependence in the growing self-criticism of adolescents. At the same time, they point out that a teenager’s incorrect awareness of his position in a team is often one of the main reasons for the emergence of conflict situations. A deviation in the adequacy of a teenager’s awareness of his position in the team, either towards overestimation or underestimation, can lead to undesirable results. If, for example, a student overestimates his position, then, as a rule, he has a negative attitude towards his comrades, showing disdain, while underestimation leads to uncertainty and alienation in the teenager.