Every person at a certain period of his life begins to evaluate himself. Self-esteem can change depending on life circumstances, either positively or negatively. When talking about self-esteem, everyone understands what is meant, but it is not always possible to explain it in words. It has quite a few sides and shades: self-image, attitude towards oneself, feelings, etc. Psychologists have always been interested in whether self-esteem affects human behavior, so they thoroughly understood this issue.
Why do you need to believe in yourself?
The attitude of people towards a person depends to a large extent on how he perceives himself. If he is confident in his abilities and has self-respect, others will treat him similarly. When a person does not love himself, it is stupid and unreasonable to expect love from strangers.
As life shows, a person with low self-esteem tries to communicate with similar people. This gives him the illusion of self-affirmation, but in fact, internal uncertainty and dissatisfaction only increases.
Psychologists are confident that a person with stable and positive self-esteem can achieve a lot in life and achieve harmony.
Signs of low self-esteem
Even without passing psychological tests, you can determine the level of your own and others’ self-esteem. Each of its types has certain forms of manifestation.
Signs of high self-esteem include the fact that a person:
- does not admit his shortcomings;
- strives to be perfect in everything;
- cannot even tolerate constructive criticism addressed to him;
- constantly criticizes others and emphasizes their shortcomings;
- I am sure that he is always right;
Check your self-esteem: low/healthy?
- does not recognize the right of others to their opinions;
- has a high degree of ambition;
- blames others for his failures, not himself;
- takes on unattainable goals;
- in any dispute he tries to prove he is right, rather than find the truth or come to a compromise;
- condemns people who live “wrongly”;
- does not know how to apologize or ask for forgiveness;
- has stereotypical thinking and has difficulty changing his views;
- does not engage in self-development;
- speaks only about himself, ignoring others;
- exhibits narcissism;
- treats everything selfishly;
- any failure can lead him to depression and apathy;
- puts himself above others.
Why is low self-esteem dangerous?
Answer to the question: “Does self-esteem influence a person’s behavior?” - definitely positive. There is a direct connection between how a person feels about himself and the quality of his life. People who treat themselves without due respect and consider themselves worthless are sure that their lives are also not worthy of making it better. Sometimes the situation changes if a person begins to make efforts and change his usual way of life. The psyche is designed in such a way that the more a person does, the more he appreciates it.
Is there really no benefit to self-esteem?
There is, but not at all where they usually look for it. For example, in patients with asthma and rheumatoid arthritis, the level of stress and severity of symptoms negatively correlate with self-esteem: the better the patient feels about himself, the easier he tolerates the disease.
In general, we tend to develop and improve something in ourselves all the time. However, it can be assumed that the large “self-esteem” concept will break down into many small “self-”: self-control, self-efficacy, self-compassion...
Thus, Baumeister, summing up, notes in his work: “Self-control is much more effective ... as a cause of personal success.” And scientists from Berkeley J. Brines and S. Chen, demonstrating the results of experiments, assure that “self-compassion” makes us move towards improvement.
What does inner self-confidence give?
A person who is confident in himself, has his own position and knows how to defend it. He relies only on himself, although he is not afraid to entrust certain matters to others. A confident person is not afraid of change and always tries to improve his life. Unlike people who are dissatisfied with themselves, he takes responsibility for all his words and actions.
People with positive self-esteem usually have a fairly clear understanding of what they want. Goals and plans are clearly outlined, and the person confidently moves towards their implementation. People who are insecure can rarely describe specifically what they would like to change, and their goals are often incredibly inflated. They fail to achieve them, and their self-esteem drops even lower.
Naturally, high self-esteem will not save you from life’s difficulties and adversities, but it will be much easier to overcome them. A person who is confident in his abilities finds new methods to solve problems and perceives difficulties as a routine. People with low self-esteem prefer to hide from their sorrows. For them, any experience of failure is very painful and unsettles them for a long time. Therefore, they pretend that everything is fine with them and avoid making a decision.
How to become more self-confident - practical exercises
Try to make a list of your achievements and successes. Graduated from university or college, got the desired education or job? Put it on the list. Do you know a foreign language? This is wonderful. Are you proud to become a mother? Be sure to record this. Then hang this list in a visible place and re-read it regularly.
Similarly, you can record your daily achievements.
Try to find the reason for your low self-esteem. It's like with diseases. You can reduce the symptoms, but the virus will remain and will again and again poison a person’s life.
Harmony and mental health
When studying how self-esteem affects health, it is necessary to understand that in order for a person to achieve psychological comfort, he must trust himself. It will not be possible to form this feeling if self-esteem is very low and there is no self-respect. Then the person will behave inconsistently and break the promises he made to himself.
People with low self-esteem often go to extremes: they either completely ignore their own experiences and succumb to the influence of others, or give in to their emotions completely, not paying attention to the signals of the mind.
How to become a confident woman
How do you imagine a confident woman? She is attractive, has beautiful hair, has perfect posture and an hourglass figure. Such women force you to follow them with your gaze. How to become the same?
Above we wrote about points that will help increase self-esteem, but we practically did not touch upon appearance. But it plays a huge role in matters of self-confidence. Yes, accepting yourself for who you are is normal and important, but what if it concerns your health?
Our posture greatly influences how other people perceive us. People with beautiful, straight backs always enjoy great success. But how to correct your posture?
This is where a roller comes to the rescue. Watch a video on how to lie on it correctly:
There is also a great exercise for the back with a foam roll:
How does self-esteem affect relationships with people?
The influence of self-esteem on a person’s behavior in society should not be underestimated. Your attitude towards yourself is also reflected in your relationships with others. A person who values and respects himself does not associate his actions and actions with the opinions of other people. He calmly accepts disagreements and is not afraid of disapproval. In conflict situations, he does not lose respect either for himself or for those whose opinions differ from his own.
Does self-esteem influence human behavior? Psychologists insist that independence and internal freedom make it possible to independently navigate one’s behavior, make decisions and take responsibility for them. Such a person does not try to create a fictitious image just to earn approval.
Lack of self-confidence makes people seek approval from others. They think that this way they will be in demand and will be appreciated. But it is impossible to develop self-respect at the expense of others. This is achieved by internal work, which is not related to the actions and opinions of others.
Ways to correct self-esteem
It is imperative to increase self-esteem. It's never too late to learn to love yourself and accept yourself with all your shortcomings. This is a characteristic that can be easily corrected with diligent, targeted practice.
- It is advisable to engage in self-development, gain new knowledge, skills and impressions
. The more the intellect is pumped up and the horizons are broader, the more self-confident a person is. In addition, he becomes an interesting conversationalist and people notice this, are drawn to him, and begin to compliment him. - By the way, about compliments
. Learn to receive them with the air of an English queen. There is no need to justify yourself with the phrase “You look so good!”, It’s better to answer: “It is what it is!”
- You should never overuse excuses
. A person with good self-esteem is confident in himself, so he is responsible for all his actions and has no need to apologize.
- Learn to create a good mood for yourself, smile and praise yourself for any reason.
. Got up from the couch to wash the floor? “What a great fellow I am!” But if you don’t get up, then you don’t need to scold yourself. Say: “Let my gorgeous legs rest a little.”
- Forgive yourself for mistakes, everyone makes them
. You need to get rid of the feeling of guilt; it is aggression directed against yourself.
As you work to improve your self-image, remove yourself from toxic people who criticize and devalue and let them pour their venom elsewhere. When you love yourself, their opinion will become indifferent to you, or you will be able to respond adequately.
Protection from conviction
When thinking about whether self-esteem influences a person’s behavior, it is worth noting that people with low self-esteem react very painfully to any criticism and disapproval. They try in every possible way to protect themselves from condemnation. Experts identify four main methods of removal.
- Accusation. If this method is used, a person constantly looks for someone to blame and, naturally, finds one. He finds fault with little things and is always dissatisfied with everything.
- Ingratiation. In this case, an insecure person is ready to do literally anything for others just to be satisfied with him. He never argues and always waits for instructions.
- Calculation. By choosing this path, people completely block their emotions and never show what they feel. They speak in a monotone voice and their words are often abstract.
- Suspension. A person never reacts to what others do. He talks on neutral topics and does not answer questions. With his entire appearance, the person demonstrates that he does not hear anything, and in general he is not here.
All these types may have different variations, but the goal is the same: to protect yourself from attacks and criticism.
How to increase self-esteem and attract success
Stable adequate self-esteem is important for achieving success. Imagine: two people come for an interview at a company. They are asked to solve a problem. One demonstrates his confidence that he knows how to deal with it. His facial expressions, gaze, body language simply scream confidence. The other person also knows how to solve the problem, but he stands quietly, calmly, slightly hunched over.
Who do you think will be offered the job?
Uncertainty is like a signal to others. If a person is not confident in himself and his skills, then there are probably reasons for this? After all, who knows him better than himself? Why should we choose it?
This opinion is quite controversial, but some people really think so. Therefore, the first step towards success in any field is gaining self-confidence. We wrote about the methods a little higher.
What will help improve self-esteem?
The level of self-esteem influences all a person’s actions, but it can be raised through internal work. Self-respect should not depend on the opinions of others. The more a person takes care of himself and his life, the higher his self-esteem. Caring can take different directions.
You need to be sensitive to your own emotions; you cannot completely ignore them. Then internal discomfort increases, and achieving harmony will be very difficult. It is useful to ask yourself questions about what feelings are being experienced at the moment, what reaction to what is happening, and what is the assessment of your own reaction. They will help you understand and understand what causes an inner feeling of pride, and what, on the contrary, causes uncertainty and self-condemnation.
Factors influencing the development of self-esteem also include one’s own attitude towards other people. When a person accepts others as they are and behaves towards them honestly and sincerely, he begins to respect himself more and be proud of himself.
Self-esteem or self-importance?
We live in an amazing time when low self-esteem is considered a disadvantage.
A person, having noticed something like humility and some kind of dubious modesty in himself, is eager to increase his self-esteem.
Self-care, attention to psychological states and inner comfort are at the forefront of modern earthlings. All this not only allows you to enjoy life, but also gives you the right to hedonism. These days, this approach has become something of a helping saint. Pray, perform some manipulations - and with his mere presence (the mechanics of his actions are always vague) he will improve all areas of your life: education, career, personal relationships.
In culture, this phenomenon has replaced the conservative model. For centuries, the Judeo-Christian tradition has classified a sense of self-worth as a troubling acquisition: it interferes with spiritual growth and smacks of pride, clearly designated as a mortal sin, which means it is all from the devil. Vanity was fought ingeniously. Self-abasement was encouraged and practiced, the cult of unattractive appearance (lack of sinful jewelry, simple clothing, asceticism), begging, self-flagellation, verbal formulas indicating that the one uttering them was a slave, decay and dust were in use.
In modern times in Western cultures, humanistic values have melted into a clear and beautiful idea: self-esteem is the basis of individual success. In the 20th century, such an approach did not have time to take shape in Russia.
Soviet literature and ideology glorified a modest boy in a jacket, with a GTO badge, who saved someone from a burning house and immediately blended into the crowd.
A person who noted his achievements turned into a negative character: it was others who should highlight your feat, and the role of the hero was to wear a badge and, just about disappear into the crowd. What to be proud of? If there is a war tomorrow, everyone will accomplish a heroic deed, everyone here is like that - in a jacket and always ready.
Now the mass obsession with self-esteem is a global trend. On Amazon there is a whole section with this name - thousands of popular science books. The headlines promise to build confidence, instill “healthy egoism,” or at least introduce you to a couple of NLP techniques that will help you believe in your chosenness. The authors of various psychocourses go even further.
There are even Orthodox trainings - which is strange - to increase self-esteem, and not to lower them with self-flagellation.
In general, modern attitudes that link success with self-esteem (“You deserve it!”) turn into the other extreme: everyone strives to at least somehow tighten up the hanging heart rate—not to balance it, not to lower it, but to raise it. The implication is that humanity en masse is experiencing an acute shortage of it.
Although research does not confirm that the modern public, concerned about treating themselves well, in any way suffers from flawed self-esteem.
I wonder at what point does a person, after taking an impartial look at the abyss of his merits, come to the conclusion that he does not have high enough self-esteem? “I’m too beautiful to think so badly of myself”? “I’m too professional for such a pitiful salary that ended yesterday”?
What lowers self-esteem?
Psychologists identify the main mistakes that reduce self-esteem and prevent a person from appreciating himself.
- Self-pity. A person who constantly remembers his failures feels unhappy and feels helpless because he can no longer change anything. People who are unable to manage their own lives often feel sorry for themselves. They surrender to the mercy of those around them and watch from the side how they themselves “float” with the flow. A person who is accustomed to feeling sorry for himself allows himself to be criticized, offended and hurt.
- Accusations and complaints. It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to take responsibility. It is much more convenient for him to blame someone else for his own failures. By belittling others, he rises and rehabilitates himself in his own eyes. Often a person blames others for his weaknesses and endows them with qualities that he does not like in himself.
- The habit of considering oneself a hopeless person. Aspects of self-esteem that influence people's behavior include analyzing one's own shortcomings. A negative attitude towards oneself also manifests itself externally: constrained movements, lowered head, dull eyes. A person with high self-esteem is physically relaxed and calm.
Causes of high self-esteem
As a rule, self-esteem is formed in childhood. High self-esteem often occurs in the only child in the family, and a little less often in the older sibling. This largely depends on the attitude of the parents towards the child.
High self-esteem appears if he becomes the center of the family, he is constantly praised, his uniqueness, originality and outstanding abilities are emphasized. Parents do not give him adequate feedback, do not talk about shortcomings, sometimes they themselves do not see them or deny them.
But the opposite situation also happens, when a child is constantly humiliated, his achievements are devalued, and he is bullied at school. Inflated self-esteem for him is a defensive reaction and overcompensation for his childhood complexes. This is a more adaptive behavior strategy than low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Showing insecurity
Two main criteria for their behavior will help identify people with low self-esteem.
- Reaction to criticism. Insecure people are very sensitive to even constructive criticism, and take all comments personally. Low self-esteem does not allow a person to adequately assess the situation, admit and correct his own mistakes.
- Use of masks. People who put on various masks consider themselves worse than everyone else and try to play someone else's role. Thinking about the question: “Low self-esteem and its impact on a person’s life,” they try to hide their true feelings and demonstrate self-confidence. This can be expressed through boasting, loud laughter, or familiarity.
Good books to boost your self-esteem
- "How to Overcome Your Victim Complex" by Wayne Dyer. A book with practical examples, methods and tips will help you fight back against manipulators. The author is sure that to be a victim or not to be is everyone’s personal choice.
- “Make him shut up. How to overcome your inner critic and take action by Danny Gregory. The book is about how to stop devaluing yourself and all your achievements.
- "And I do not". How not to be afraid of refusals and go ahead towards your goal,” Jia Jiang. Any refusals are perceived painfully, personally, and hit hard on self-esteem. The author decided to overcome the fear of rejection, and what came out of this can be found out by reading the book.
The issue of increasing self-esteem needs to be approached comprehensively. It is necessary to work not only on appearance, but also on self-perception. Come to the “Flourish” marathon to work out your body, face and even your mind in detail. Special meditative practices will help you find harmony with yourself and love yourself.
