We often think that at first glance it is almost impossible to find out what kind of person is next to us. But, fortunately, this is an article for those people who want to learn how to understand people and determine a person’s character by their gaze. During the first communication, it is still possible to determine the qualities of the human soul.
Each person has a unique look and we all communicate with different people in our own way. Now we will look at what types of gaze a person has and what this says about the character of its owner.
Smiles with his eyes.
It happens that a person seems to smile with his eyes. This means that the person is kind and his goodwill is sincere. A kind look, accordingly, speaks of the kindness of the soul and high spiritual qualities: compassion and mercy.
It’s not for nothing that they say the eyes are the mirror of the soul and how a person looks is what he brings into the world. If you know what a person’s gaze means, then you can easily predict the person’s possible actions and actions, since a cunning person, for example, can outwit and deceive, while a kind person can do the opposite. You should listen to your heart and your feelings when communicating with people, they definitely won’t let you down.
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A man's languid gaze
9. A gentle look from a man
This is the look of a man who is in love with you. You will know that a man loves you when he stares at you with a dreamy smile, as if he is under the influence of some substance.
This is the look he might give you after his first kiss or after he makes love to you for the first time. Unfortunately, this view is short-lived. As a rule, it disappears after you get used to each other enough, although in rare cases it may return during your joint anniversaries.
10. Crazy look
This is the hopeless look of a man who is simply crazy about you. He can be pushy, as a man will do anything to keep you around, which makes him seem desperate. But be careful, this often signals obsession and dramatic relationships.
Visual sign language of women
But women have a different visual body language. The weaker sex looks furtively. If a woman meets the eyes of a man she likes, she often looks like a thief who was caught in the act. She hides her gaze and blushes.
Among representatives of the fairer sex, it is considered correct to look at the object of sympathy in secret. But experienced ladies behave more confidently. They are also embarrassed, but after averting their eyes, they return their gaze again, accompanied by a smile.
Unlike representatives of the stronger sex, ladies examine a man they like from the bottom up. This direction has a double meaning. Initially, the girl gathers her courage before looking into the eyes. In addition, the meeting of views plays a serious role.
Text of the book “New Body Language. Extended version"
Raised eyebrows
This gesture can be considered a greeting from afar.
It has been used everywhere since ancient times. Raised eyebrows are a universal signal used even by monkeys, suggesting that it is innate in nature. The eyebrows rise for a split second and then fall. The purpose of this gesture is to draw attention to the face in order to subsequently carry out an effective exchange of signals. The only country where this signal is not used is Japan. In Japan, such a gesture is considered impolite and even offensive, since it has a clear sexual connotation. Raised eyebrows
This is an unconscious signal that shows that you have noticed the presence of another person. It may be associated with a reaction of fear or surprise. That is, it can be interpreted as “I am surprised and frightened by your presence” or as “I noticed you, but I am not afraid.” When we pass strangers on the street or meet those we don't like, we never raise our eyebrows. In turn, people who do not make such a gesture when greeting are often perceived as potentially aggressive. Try a simple experiment and you'll immediately notice the power of this completely natural gesture. Sit in a hotel lobby and raise your eyebrows every time someone walks past you. Most people will repeat your gesture and smile back at you, and some will even talk to you. Always use this gesture with people you like or want to like.
Wide eyes
Lowered eyebrows are a signal of dominance or aggression towards others. Raised eyebrows demonstrate subordination. Keating discovered that other primates interpret these gestures in the same way. He also found that people who deliberately raise their eyebrows are perceived as submissive and submissive, and this is true for both humans and monkeys. Those who lower their eyebrows are perceived as aggressive.
In the book “Why Men Lie and Women Cry,” we showed how women widen their eyes, raising their eyebrows and upper eyelids. Women always strive to appear like children, since such a facial expression has an irresistible impression on men. Men immediately release hormones and have a desire to protect and caress the woman. Women very often pluck their eyebrows and draw them higher than their natural position, because they subconsciously know that men like it. When men pluck their eyebrows, they try to make sure that the eyebrows are low. Low-set eyebrows visually narrow the eyes and make a person’s appearance more powerful.
Highly raised eyebrows made Marilyn Monroe submissive and very attractive. His lowered eyebrows gave James Cagney an aggressive look. John F. Kennedy owes much of his serious, authoritative appearance to his low, slightly turned eyebrows
John F. Kennedy's eyebrows were lowered and slightly turned out, which gave him a serious, authoritative appearance that was very attractive to voters. If Kennedy had thick, bushy eyebrows like actor James Cagney, he would have looked more aggressive than commanding.
A glance from under your brows
Princess Diana at the age of eight. Like most little girls, she was well aware of the power of the sideways glance.
A lowered head and a sideways glance is another signal of submission, so attractive to men. With this look, the eyes appear larger and the woman looks childish. And this is not surprising - after all, children are so much smaller than adults that they physically have to look up to them. Naturally, such a look immediately awakens parental feelings in both men and women.
Princess Diana always looked from under her brows. It's no surprise that the world immediately took her side in the divorce proceedings.
Princess Diana perfected the squint look. She slightly tilted her head to the side, showing everyone around her defenseless neck. Such a childish look awakened parental feelings in millions of people, which were even more intensified during the cruel attacks of the British royal family on the unfortunate princess. People who use such chains of gestures usually do not rehearse them in advance, but are successful the first time they use them.
How to light a fire in men
Lowered eyelids, raised eyebrows, a sideways glance and a half-open mouth are a series of gestures that women have used for centuries to demonstrate sexual submission. It's a trademark of sirens like Marilyn Monroe, Deborah Harry and Sharon Stone.
Marilyn Monroe masterfully used facial expressions and body language cues that precede orgasm. She understood perfectly well, even if subconsciously, that such a sight would make any man tremble in the knees
In such a chain, the distance between the eyelids and eyebrows increases to the limit, and the woman takes on a mysterious, enigmatic look. Research shows that this expression appears on the faces of most women just before orgasm.
Direction of gaze - where are you looking?
You can achieve real mutual understanding with your interlocutor only by looking him straight in the eyes. We feel quite comfortable talking to some people, while talking to others irritates us and even makes us angry. Some interlocutors seem insincere and untrustworthy to us. These sensations are related to how long a person looks at us or holds our gaze.
Michael Argyle, a specialist in social psychology and nonverbal communication, found that during a conversation, interlocutors make eye contact 61% of the time. 41% of this time is spent speaking, 75% is listening, and 31% of the time is spent looking at each other. The average gaze duration is 2.95 seconds, and the average eye contact duration is 1.18 seconds. We noticed that the duration of eye contact during a normal conversation varies from 25% to 100% of the total conversation time. This indicator depends on the origin of the interlocutors and their character. When we speak, we look at the interlocutor 40–60% of the time, but when we listen, the time we look increases to 80%. The only exception to this rule is Japan and some countries in Asia and South America, where prolonged eye contact is considered a sign of aggression and disrespect. The Japanese prefer to look to the side or at the throat area of the interlocutor, which is very confusing for Westerners who are inexperienced in body language.
Argyle noticed an interesting fact. If person A likes person B, then he will look at him often and a lot. This makes person B decide that person A likes him. Naturally, a reciprocal feeling of sympathy will awaken in him. In other words, in most cultures, establishing full rapport with another person requires that your eyes meet 60% to 70% of the time you speak. This awakens sympathy for each other in the interlocutors. It is not surprising that few people trust nervous, intimidated people who meet their interlocutor’s gaze no more than 30% of the time of conversation. That's why you shouldn't wear tinted glasses during negotiations. Your partners will feel a certain discomfort: they will feel that you are either staring at them or deliberately avoiding eye contact.
He married her because of her look, but not because of the way she began to look at him after the wedding.
Like other body language signals, gaze depends largely on a person's nationality. Always keep this in mind before jumping to any conclusions. The safest way to behave in countries like Japan is to copy the behavior of your hosts.
When strangers meet, the one who occupies a subordinate position is the first to look away. This means that persistent staring expresses a certain challenge or is a sign of disagreement with the interlocutor's point of view. However, if the status of the interlocutor is higher than yours (for example, you are talking with your boss), disagreement can be expressed by holding his gaze for a few seconds longer than usual. But we don’t advise you to do this all the time (unless, of course, you want to keep your job!).
How to Maintain Eye Contact at a Nudist Beach
We sent a group of ordinary people to a nudist beach and videotaped their behavior. It was interesting to watch the dating process. The men found it very difficult to overcome the temptation to look down, and the video camera showed this very clearly. The women stated that they had no such problems. And indeed, almost no woman looked at the “lower regions” of her new acquaintances. This is explained by the fact that men have tunnel vision. They see straight ahead, including into the distance, much better than women, which allows them to aim well when hunting. Most men have poorly developed peripheral and near vision, which is why it is so difficult for them to find objects in refrigerators, kitchen cabinets and chests of drawers. Women's field of vision extends 45 degrees in both directions, as well as up and down. An ordinary woman can look straight into a man's face, but at the same time conduct a full inspection of his manhood.
It may seem to the interlocutor that the woman is looking in one direction, while her gaze is directed in a completely different direction. Well-developed peripheral vision helps women with this
How to attract a man's attention
If a woman wants to attract the attention of a man who is at a considerable distance from her, she meets his gaze, holds his gaze for two to three seconds, and then looks to the side and down. This look is enough to demonstrate your interest and potential submission. An experiment conducted by Monica Moore from Websters University showed that most men are unable to interpret such a signal the first time, so a woman has to repeat it three times before the man pays attention to it, four times if the man is a real slow-down, and five or more than once for those who are particularly dull. When a woman finally manages to attract the attention of a man, she usually raises her eyebrows and slightly widens her eyes, making it clear that the shooting with her eyes was aimed specifically at him.
In general, we can say that men have an inhibited reaction. If you want to attract a man's attention, it would be much better to just walk up and say: “I like you!” In this case, you will definitely be understood.
Most liars look straight into the eyes
As we said before, most people believe that liars always look away. We conducted a series of experiments in which we asked participants to deliberately lie to each other during an interview recorded on film. We then used these recordings in our seminars, asking students to identify who was lying and who was telling the truth. The facts we have discovered go against the generally accepted idea of liars. About 30% of liars actually looked the other way when telling a lie. Our listeners identified them in 80% of cases, and women turned out to be, as always, more observant than men. The remaining 70% of liars maintained eye contact with the interlocutor, assuming that this would make their words sound more convincing. These people deliberately chose the type of behavior opposite to what was expected. And they were right. Only 25% of our listeners were caught in a lie. And again women showed the best results. Women have more acute intuition; they clearly detect changes in tone of voice, dilation of pupils and other signals that give away a liar. From this we can conclude that the direction of gaze is not a reliable signal for determining whether the interlocutor is lying to you. You should always pay attention to other gestures.
If a person's eyes remain on you for more than two-thirds of the conversation, it could mean one of two things: either the other person finds you interesting or attractive (in which case his pupils will dilate), or he is hostile towards you (in which case his pupils will constrict) . As mentioned earlier, women are excellent at deciphering pupil signals and can distinguish between interest and aggression. But men are inferior to them in this. This is why the average man never knows whether a woman will kiss him or slap him.
How to avoid being attacked
Most primates look away to show submission. If the monkey is going to show aggression or attack, it will look intently into the eyes of the victim. To avoid becoming the target of an attack, the victim looks away and tries to appear smaller. Scientific research shows that obedience is hardwired into the primate brain. She helps them survive. In the event of an attack, the monkey and man try to look smaller. We lift our shoulders, extend our arms close to our body, squeeze our knees, clasp our ankles under the chair, tuck our chin to our chest to protect our throat, and look away. Such a chain of gestures “turns off” aggression, and in many cases an attack can be avoided.
By trying to become physically smaller, you can “turn off” the aggression signal in your opponent’s brain.
We advise you to remember this position and use it when your boss reprimands you for something. However, it is unlikely to help you avoid being attacked on the street. If you look like this when walking past a group of aggressive youths, they will take it as a sign of fear. That is, in such a situation, such a pose can provoke an attack. If you walk completely freely, unconstrained, with an open chest, then you will give off the feeling of a person who can stand up for himself if necessary. Naturally, this will reduce the likelihood of being attacked.
Sideways glance
A sideways glance is used to express interest, uncertainty, or hostility. When combined with slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it conveys interest. This chain is often used by women in courtship rituals. If a sidelong glance is accompanied by lowered or frowning eyebrows, lowered corners of the lips, it is a sign of suspicion, hostility or criticism.
Increased blinking
In a normal, relaxed state, a person blinks six to eight times per minute, and closes his eyes for one tenth of a second. Under pressure, for example, when telling a lie, people begin to blink much more often. Increased blinking is an unconscious attempt by the brain to block vision when a person is bored, uninterested, or feels superior. We can say that the brain of such a person can no longer stand communicating with you, so his eyes are closed for two to three seconds so as not to see you. While the eyes are closed, the person eliminates you from his mind.
He wants to get rid of you
People who feel superior may also tilt their head back and look at you rather arrogantly. People often behave this way, whose superiority for some reason goes unnoticed. This gesture is characteristic of Western culture, especially of representatives of the upper class of English society. If you notice a similar gesture during a conversation, it means you did something wrong and need to change your tactics. If you think your interlocutor is being overly arrogant, try this technique: when he closes his eyes for the third or fourth time, quickly step aside. When your interlocutor opens his eyes, he will get the impression that you have disappeared and materialized in another place. This might drive him crazy. If your interlocutor also begins to snore, then, most likely, your communication was unsuccessful.
Looking from side to side
When the other person's gaze moves from side to side, it may seem that he is assessing what is happening around him, but in reality his brain is looking for a way out. Monkeys behave exactly the same way. Such a gesture reveals a person’s inner insecurity.
When communicating with a boring interlocutor, you desperately want to get away from him as quickly as possible. We all understand that if we start looking around, we will betray our boredom and attempt to escape. Therefore, we begin to look more at the boring interlocutor and smile with compressed lips, imitating interest. This behavior is similar to the behavior of liars, when they increase eye contact to appear more convincing.
Geography of the face
The points on your face and body where your gaze is directed can dramatically change the outcome of a conversation.
When you finish reading this section, immediately try the techniques we suggested in practice, without warning anyone about it. You will see that they have a very strong impact on the interlocutor. It will take you about a week to master these techniques, and then they will become familiar to you.
There are three main types of views: social, intimate and power.
Social view
Experiments have shown that during normal communication, a person's gaze is directed towards a triangular area on a person's face, as shown in the figure. This is where your interlocutors look 90% of the time.
We look into this area in a safe situation. This look is not aggressive or threatening.
Social gaze zone
Intimate look
When people approach each other, they glance at each other briefly to determine gender, and then repeat the glance to determine their own level of interest. This look glides over the eyes and then falls below the chin. When the interlocutors stand next to each other, an intimate gaze is directed at the triangle between the eyes and chest. At a considerable distance, the triangle increases from the eyes to the groin area or even lower.
Intimate look zone
Men and women use this gaze to show interest in each other. If the interlocutor is also interested, he returns the gaze. We usually take two quick glances and then look at the face again. Although people would never admit to behaving this way, the video shows that everyone does it, including nuns.
A woman’s well-developed peripheral vision allows her to immediately notice everything interesting in her interlocutor and not be caught doing this. Because of their tunnel vision, men always get caught
As we said earlier, women have better developed peripheral vision. This allows them to take one glance at a man’s figure from head to toe and remain unnoticed. Men have tunnel vision, so they have to move their gaze down and up. No wonder they are constantly accused of ogling women's figures. Research shows that women do this more often than men, but due to their well-developed peripheral vision they remain undetected. Men are doomed to constant accusations.
Men and women look at the ground while talking for different reasons. This look allows a man to once again appreciate a woman’s figure. The woman evaluates the masculine dignity of her interlocutor and at the same time demonstrates her humility, and therefore attractiveness.
Why is it so difficult for men to make eye contact with women? Because there are no eyes on the chest.
Imperious look
Imagine that a person has a third eye in the center of his forehead. The authoritative gaze is directed into a triangle between all three eyes of the interlocutor. In order to be convinced of the strength of this view, you need to test it in practice.
Not only does it change the atmosphere of the conversation, making it very serious, but it also immediately relieves boredom. By keeping your gaze in this area, you immediately subjugate the interlocutor to yourself.
Imperious look
If your gaze does not fall below the eye level of the interlocutor, he will experience a certain pressure. Never look this way at your friends during a party or at your loved one on a romantic date. But if you want to stop your interlocutor who has tired you too much, such a look will help put him in his place.
Severe look
If you have gentle, kind or teary eyes, try making your gaze stern. This will give you authority. When someone is attacking you, try not to blink while making eye contact. Narrow your eyes and stare your attacker straight in the eyes. This is exactly what predators do before attacking their prey. A steady, unblinking gaze can make anyone nervous.
Don't joke with the Terminator!
To look to the side, slowly move your gaze and then turn your head without turning your shoulders. This is how Arnold Schwarzenegger looked at his enemies in The Terminator, and this look inspired horror. However, we would not advise you to communicate with those who are affected only by such means. It's much better to date nice, nice people.
What gestures of sympathy are there?
The main part of gestures of sympathy is known to everyone. Representatives of the fairer sex use the same gestures when preening themselves. And men do the same: they straighten their clothes, touch their hair, look into their eyes longer than usual.
Girls, like the stronger sex, use this gesture: they hide their thumbs. But they do it more gracefully - they hide their finger in their pocket or purse.
Excitement is indicated by blush on the cheeks and enlarged pupils. But let's look at nonverbal signs in more detail.
What does the size of the pupils indicate: what is the interlocutor hiding?
During a conversation, the size of the pupils may change dramatically. This is due to the emotional attitude towards the interlocutor or the subject of conversation. Dilated pupils are a sign of strong emotional upsurge: the partner is looking at what he likes. This is how lovers look at the object of their passion or children look at a desired toy. Constricted pupils are a sign of detachment and emotional coldness.
When assessing pupil size, it is important to take into account third-party factors. So, in bright light, the pupils narrow greatly, and in semi-darkness they dilate. Some diseases, for example, increased intracranial pressure, can affect the width of the pupils.
Gaze frequency and duration: how to understand signals
The duration of looking at a partner within European culture has different meanings, depending on the nature of communication. The following types of views are distinguished:
- Social - medium duration, aimed at the eye or mouth area.
- Business - direct, long-lasting, expresses the desire to reach an agreement.
- Intimate - intermittent for women, long-lasting for men. Used to attract the attention of an interested person.
A direct gaze directed downwards at a partner is a signal of threat, a warning of an attack. This is how dominant individuals look, seeking to assert their position. In friendly and business communication, a challenging gaze should be avoided so as not to accidentally provoke aggression.
What does winking with one or two eyes mean, frequency and speed of blinking
Winking during business communication is unacceptable. This is an informal gesture that is only allowed by people in informal relationships. A wink is a signal to the interlocutor that an agreement has been reached, encouragement, and assurance of one’s support. In Asian culture, winking is a form of insult.
The frequency of blinking speaks about character: frequent blinking indicates uncertainty, a tendency to submit, rare blinking indicates self-confidence, arrogance. Before assessing the blink rate, you should find out whether the interlocutor has vision problems. With myopia, frequent blinking is an uncontrollable symptom that is important to consider.
