Remember how often we say “ideal living conditions”, “ideal working conditions”, “this is my ideal man/woman”, “this is an ideal relationship”, etc. Now remember the situations when ideas about ideals diverge. To the point that someone considers terrible what is ideal and most beautiful for another. Why is this happening? Why do ideas about the ideal differ, and what influences the formation of ideas? This is what we have to talk about today.
What is an ideal
An ideal is the best example of something or the highest goal in some activity. This is the ultimate dream of a person, what a person strives for. But the idea of the ideal is always subjective.
For example, in the opinion of one woman, the ideal figure is maximum muscle and minimum fat. And another woman is drawn to curvaceous figures. The third representative of the fair sex dreams of a flat figure. And such a divergence of ideals is observed in everything: appearance, leisure, social circle, place and working conditions, marital status, character, etc.
An ideal or system of ideals differs not only from person to person, but also changes within the individual himself. This is a dynamic structure that depends on age, developmental situation, environment, level of intelligence, and a person’s outlook. Our ideals change throughout our lives.
About the utmost effort
Is it some kind of concept of ultimate effort?
Yes, absolutely.
How can we be absolutely sure that we really did everything we could? It seems to be very subjective.
Yes, we almost always don’t push it, we don’t push it to the limit. Only a sage can do this. And those who strive for wisdom try to live in such a way that about as many situations as possible they can sincerely say: “We did everything that was in our power!” And this, ultimately, is always a conversation between a person and himself and a question of internal honesty. Among the Stoics, by the way, parity is included in the virtue of courage.
Seneca has a whole treatise where he discusses this. And he says: “You will always justify yourself to everyone else, but you will never justify yourself to yourself. If you judge yourself, then be a fair judge. Judge yourself the same way you judge others.” And he recommends summing up the results of the day every day so as not to fall into illusions about how skillfully you lived this day.
Many Eastern teachings set as their goal the achievement of a state of “inner silence” (lack of thoughts). Isn't this the case with the Stoics?
Here, all meditation comes down to the constant reproduction of the basic principles of Stoicism - short phrases that return a person to the right thoughts.
And a person’s task comes down to ensuring that he puts together a “picture of the world” based on these phrases. It's a full-time job. And, if, for example, the Epicureans were for relaxation, then the Stoics were for tension. They said that a sage can be compared to an inflatable balloon, which is so tense from the inside that nothing external can crush it.
How an ideal is formed
The formation of ideals occurs in the process of socialization. The basis of ideals:
- needs, interests and motives of the individual;
- values and beliefs of the individual;
- values and ideals of society.
Society and its assessment and opinion have a great influence on the formation of ideals. For example, in different eras in society there were different ideas about the ideal family. Patriarchy reigned for a long time. The woman played exclusively the role of homemaker. She obeyed her husband in everything and did not dare contradict him. What are we seeing today? The idea of gender equality and the distribution of family responsibilities is supported. And some even believe that the ideal of a family is a working woman and a man who is a housewife.
Another example. Once upon a time, society was ruled by the spirit of collectivism, but now society promotes the idea of individualism. The ideal of a citizen is an independent, constantly developing and creatively self-realizing personality.
As a person grows up, he orients himself towards different representatives of society. At an early age - parents, older brothers and sisters. During school years, he was a teacher. In adolescence - peers. In youth and adulthood - other adults. The ideal can be a book hero or a historical figure.
It is worth noting that socially significant ideals do not always become personally significant beliefs and aspirations. The transition of social ideals into intrapersonal role models does not always occur. The formation of ideals is influenced by a person’s worldview and the mentality of society. An ideal only becomes a product of the inner world when a person fully realizes that he must follow this ideal and fulfill the duties associated with it. If a person takes something for granted, and does not just know that it is necessary to do so, then this something becomes his aspiration. Thus, it is important to feel and experience for yourself, and not just know, have an idea about something.
Concept and types of values
Note 1
Values represent a wide class of mental objects - beliefs, stereotypes, rules, ideals, concepts that have a high level of significance for the individual, influence the processes of planning and carrying out activities, as well as the choice of goals and direction of its actions.
Each person has many values, which are organized into a value hierarchy. Values are not equal. In the practical activities of an individual, situations may repeatedly occur when different values come into conflict with each other, and the individual has to make a choice in favor of one of them.
The following types of values can be distinguished:
- material – values of the property-physiological spectrum;
- spiritual – values associated with abstract, intangible categories of personality development and its spiritual life;
- moral – values of ethical interaction;
- aesthetic – values of the idea of beauty and ugliness;
- social – values associated with interpersonal interaction and attitude towards society.
What role does ideal play in a person’s life?
The idea of an ideal and the craving for it contribute to the development of personality. In pursuit of results, a person improves himself and engages in self-education. The ideal determines the norms of behavior and sets the direction of activity, influences the orientation of the individual. The ideal determines the purpose and meaning of a person’s life and influences behavior and thinking.
Sometimes the attitude towards the ideal is contemplative and enthusiastic. But this is more like worshiping an idol, and we will talk about this another time. In the meantime, let's continue talking about the ideal.
The ideal image is an improved reality. Let us consider this in more detail using the example of the ideal of personality. The ideal is endowed with those qualities that a person lacks. He can do things that people in the present cannot do. But, importantly, a person can acquire all this if he wants. This is how the ideal self differs from the fantastic self. However, sometimes these elements become confused within the individual, and the person makes unrealistic demands on himself. He, of course, cannot achieve them, which causes him to experience deep frustration, irritation, and disappointment. Against this background, depression, neurosis or another mental disorder may develop. I propose to take a closer look at the situation in which a person confuses the ideal self and the fantastic self, dooming himself to failure and suffering.
A perfectionist's paradise
There are many photographs on the Internet on the topic “heaven and hell for a perfectionist.” Here I have selected the most striking examples. Perhaps this name is somewhat exaggerated, but there is, of course, some truth in this.
In the “perfectionist’s paradise” pictures, everything is neat and harmonious. Each item is in its place, everything must match in shape, size and color.
Perfectionism as a striving for ideal
Perfectionism is a constant striving for ideal. A perfectionist is always dissatisfied with himself and tries to improve himself, the world, and his activities. He gets hung up on the little things and, as a result, does not notice or does not have time to grasp the main thing. A perfectionist is dissatisfied with himself, even when he achieves success. He always thinks that he could do better, faster, etc. In pursuit of the ideal, a perfectionist forgets about basic needs, and he can even destroy the fruit of his labors.
Perfectionism can be a character trait, or it can take pathological forms and develop into obsessive-compulsive disorders. However, the prerequisites for perfectionism are always the same:
- low self-esteem;
- desire to receive recognition and praise;
- inferiority complex;
- diffidence;
- need for love and attention;
- fear of criticism, dependence on other people's opinions.
Fear of failure sometimes fetters the hands of a perfectionist. Then he prefers to do nothing, not try new things, and not take on extra responsibility.
The reason for the development of perfectionism is high expectations on the part of parents. Blame, prohibitions, emotional coldness, demandingness and other elements of authoritarian upbringing lead to this. As we have already said, children follow the ideals of their parents. A perfectionist is taught from childhood to strive for an unrealistic ideal.
Parents, as a rule, do not know or deliberately ignore the child’s characteristics. Instead, they try to make him a role model (in their minds), an object of pride. Or they strive to realize their unfulfilled dreams in it. And for a child’s development there is nothing worse than going against one’s essence. That is, to do something for which you have no inclinations or inclinations. Or live according to a routine that contradicts the properties of the psyche and temperament. The child grows up, but excessive demands on himself and others remain, as does the accompanying feeling of personal failure.
About the indifferent
Tell us about the Stoics' concept of indifference
According to the teachings of the Stoics, everything except virtues and one’s own vices falls into the category of indifference. There are only four virtues:
- be reasonable
- be courageous
- to be fair
- observe moderation
Everything opposite to this is an error or delusion (sometimes even translated as “evil” or “vice”). As I said, everything else is indifferent. But they divided the indifferent into several more categories:
- preferred indifferent
- not preferred indifferent
- completely indifferent indifferent.
And then they have the following logic: “it is preferable to be rich rather than poor” or “it is preferable to be healthy than sick.” But! These are all categories of indifference, which means striving for them is a mistake. Let me explain. The Stoics say: “Yes, it’s better to be healthy! But don't strive for it. Just do what you can to stay healthy. But health is not in your control. If you find out you are sick, find out what you can do to get better and do it. But whether you recover or not is not in your control! Accept it and enjoy everything that happens."
Can this be interpreted as control over the process rather than the result? Or is it generally about control only over your attitude to what is happening?
Only over the attitude, because the result is not in our control at all, and any process can end at any moment or go differently than we planned. But the question is always asked simply: “Did you do everything that was in your power at this moment?” If “Yes, that’s it!”, then be satisfied with that.
