How to deal with disappointment?

Disappointment is a natural reaction of the human psyche when life does not go according to the desired or planned scenario. Any reason, even a minor one, can cause disappointment: disagreements with colleagues, unsuccessful romantic relationships. And even more so when plans collapse or efforts do not bring results.

Destroyed plans spoil people's mood for a long time, unsettle them, and provoke depression.

Few people know how to effectively deal with this feeling. Here are some tips on how to deal with disappointment and move from a bad streak to a white one.

Where do the black streaks in life come from?

A person’s life depends not only on his personal efforts, but also on external influences. For example, a salary was delayed - a person worked regularly all month, but is sitting without money. Here's a black streak for you.

And then troubles pile up like a snowball. When depressed, people make wrong decisions, become distracted, and inattentive. They make mistakes, and as a result - major and minor troubles.

It is important to remember that getting into a black streak is much easier than getting out of it.

But what exactly is disappointment?

Disappointment is a negative emotion. But, like any emotion, it performs a function. Disappointment is the result of not getting what we want or expect. This essentially means that there is a difference between what we want and what we have. In other words, the ultimate function of frustration is to direct our attention and make us react.

“Disappointment is one of the earliest and strongest emotions we experience from childhood, and one of the most dangerous.”

However , often when frustration becomes very strong, it cannot perform its function. We become more attuned to the anxiety we feel than what he has to tell us.

Why don't all people strive to get out of the black streak?

No matter how strange it may sound, not all people strive to quickly get out of the black streak. There are several reasons.

The sympathy of others. We are always pleased when people give attention, show interest, and sometimes even help.
There is always a topic for discussion. Most of us are people who like to talk about problems.
Possible concessions. For example, a person did not receive his salary on time, was late for work and explained that he had no money for travel.

However, we should remember: in this state we often attract even greater troubles. Against their background, attention, sympathy and a topic of conversation are rather dubious benefits.

Big disappointment - good prospects

DISAPPOINTMENT

People come to psychologists in different situations, sometimes it is an acute situation that requires a solution (marriage/divorce/conflict at work), and sometimes there is no acute situation, but a person needs to “figure out why he lives the way he lives . And very often behind this request there is a need for work of disappointment. Disappointment can be experienced not only as a feeling at a certain moment, but also as a large psychological process. A large and necessary process that concludes the period of enchantment .

fascination

The beautiful Russian language in this word expresses a magical, illusory, intoxicating state of consciousness. Charms, eyes, sorcerers, witchcraft, miracles, fairy tales, sorcery, Harry Potter, magic wand and the Shamakhan queen. Children are taught very early about the potential of CHARM . Culture seduces and promises pleasure in every possible way, building charm into the system of testing the hero, developing a personality, fighting evil, etc. From a psychological point of view, fascination is the subject's refusal to test for danger, hostility, struggle, or the subtle nuances of a situation or person. A very pleasant state, very necessary for a person, cherished and encouraged from childhood. It is interesting to ask ourselves the question - why do we need to be enchanted? Why, indeed, we cannot exist without fascination, and those who try become boring bores or hard-hearted subjects, afraid of life and deep experiences?

So, charm is inevitable, as is its mirror process - disenchantment , disenchantment, sobriety, grief, sadness, anger, emptiness, depression, devaluation, shame...

Quite often people come to a psychologist precisely at the moment when great disappointment begins. Then, when great charm is ready to turn into its opposite.

TIMELINES OF GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT

Often, this is a rather long process and many people have a good idea of how long it is, but many do not. Many come precisely in order to quickly get through this unpleasant period of the state of mind, hoping that psychology has discovered the secret of saving time on painful mental processes. When the process of disenchantment is ready to begin, many of us panic, rushing from fortune tellers/astrologers/psychics to psychologists/psychiatrists/coaches. They perform chaotic actions, trying to do the work of disappointment by magical means. Once or twice, I was disappointed and went on to enjoy life. So that it doesn't hurt too much. Because it hurts to be angry with yourself, a fool for allowing yourself to be enchanted, to be angry at someone or something that disappointed you, it’s painful to feel your powerlessness in front of reality, the inability to change it according to the laws of a fairy tale, and much more is very painful. And if the stage of resistance is passed, but it becomes obvious that the process of disappointment is long, a year or two or three - it’s different for everyone, but from point A to point B > 1 year. Here's the equation.

REVISION

Disappointment becomes a revision of one’s own views on the world, prompting one to integrate the magical and the real. People ask themselves a difficult question and cannot understand: how could I be enchanted if I immediately understood that it was an illusion? The work of disappointment in the normative version coincides with the midlife crisis, when idealistic ideas are deconstructed. Children's inheritance and life experience are found in psychologists' offices for a major audit.

It’s good when you can put your charm on someone else (“mom and dad taught me that way”, “those fucking fairy tales”, “the party/church seduced with opium”, “very bad people have gathered around”, “he came himself”), but it always remains the part of the soul that does not escape responsibility for enchantment, it knows that enchantment was not violence or deception, the soul wanted to be enchanted. This is a very difficult place for those who consider themselves cunning and experienced, because it is not clear how to treat yourself now (“why was I such an idiot?”), how to combine these parts in yourself: cunning and naive, experienced and having forgotten all the experience .

ABOUT LOVE and DISLOVE

Of course, in most cases, fascination and disappointment are associated with love relationships, but not only. Also, great disappointment can be associated with a profession, friendship, extended family, personal philosophy, loss, etc.

People come to psychologists after strong love feelings that have not led to a stable relationship. Time passes, other relationships appear, reconciliation and comparison operations take place. Often not in favor of those in the present tense. Strong feelings leave memories, both pleasant and painful. It is necessary to integrate this experience into the general philosophy of a person in order to move on.

This is where a fork in the road appears: if you go to the left, you will never be as happy as “then”; if you go to the right, you will be bored in the relationship you have now. If you go straight, you will end up alone. Everywhere you look, it's a bad choice. A person is already walking along some road; he returns to a fork when he takes upon himself the courage to manage this process, that is, to understand what you want and do it. Like Comrade Labkovsky - I want and I will, but what do I want? And no one really knows.

A good question at this point is very simple:

Do you want to experience such strong feelings again?

And stand in front of the stone at the fork for the hero-client together with the therapist until there is an answer. Sometimes you need to stay here for a long time, talk to your soul. With an honest answer to this question, the work of disappointment begins and the way out not only from love dramas, but also from any fixations on strong feelings: pleasures from alcoholic trips, universal omnipotence in psychosis, love merger. This series can be continued with the buzz of creativity. Hemingway said: “It’s easy to be a writer, you just sit down at the typewriter and start bleeding.” There is a lot of buzz from creativity, but you also have to bleed.

The answer is “yes” - you are entering a new circle, good luck to you to survive it!

The answer is “no” - congratulations! You have started a journey of great disappointment, good luck completing it!

ENJOYMENT SYSTEM

The process of disappointment is necessary, and it lasts exactly as long as it takes to reorient the body, psyche, consciousness and everything that you have to other sources of pleasure and abandon those that only come with painful sensations (addictions). Yes, yes, no one is forgotten and nothing is forgotten. There is a temptation to devalue the object of pleasure (defensive cynicism), but this only delays the process - it is difficult to lie to yourself and the kings of charm do not like to give up their crowns. We have to go back and walk in circles. This is very relevant for chemical addictions, and for everyone else - recognition of the supremacy of substance in the system of pleasures.

Thus, the process of disappointment is quite total and we tend to experience it as a general disappointment from life, from ourselves, from people. Our hero is confused or cynical. In any case, there is no ideal solution. It seems that if you give up this particular charm, then life will end. But we still need to find new ones. The process may be accompanied by depression, and people often call “depression” a process of great disappointment. Depression, paradoxically, is often necessary precisely in order to stretch out this process, so that it is not too intense, so that it becomes total and successful.

TOTALITY and COMPLETION

Apparently, totality is an important characteristic of great disappointment; it is the totality of the process that makes it possible to reconfigure the system of pleasures, building a stable renunciation of pleasures associated with suffering. If you are going through this, it is worth treating yourself with respect. This is a large and important human process.

What does the completed process of disappointment ?

I think it leads to a human history in which there is a place for great and small charms, flashes of pleasure and ordinary states of consciousness - between insensibility and madness - a rather long line of sensations, in which there are periods of crises and disappointments. In general, it seems to me that people who have lived through a great disappointment with quality become kinder. This is probably from wisdom