“The problem is not the problem. It all lies in your attitude towards her."
Capt. Jack Sparrow
In our lives, rarely anything goes according to plan. But no matter how our path turns out, all difficulties strengthen our character and help us become better. In addition, the challenges we face from time to time help us appreciate victories even more and makes us look at the world around us differently. And today's world dictates completely different rules, which makes it almost impossible not to encounter certain types of difficulties.
The key to solving a problem lies in how you deal with it. So read on for some tips that may help you maintain your confidence during the next difficult time when everything around you seems to be falling apart.
11 things to remember when everything falls apart
Bad days make you appreciate the good ones even more.
Without bad days, you wouldn't even know there were good days, because everything would turn into one gray solid mass. The funny thing about life is that we cannot know pleasure without pain, sadness, struggle, etc. We live in a dualistic reality, meaning we experience opposite ends of the same spectrum in most life experiences. Cherish the experiences this world has to offer because often your worst brings out your best.
Read also: “It’s too late for me”: how not to humiliate yourself with age
If everything is falling apart in your life
If everything in your life is falling apart right now... Perhaps a loved one left you, or you lost your job, were left completely without money, without self-confidence, without support and help from the outside, if you have sunk to the very bottom of your life, know that at this moment your Soul awakens...
She waited a long time for you to begin to hear her quiet voice behind the bustle and haste... She had to create a situation where you would be left alone with yourself... Create a moment in which you pray to the Higher powers and surrender to circumstances... The moment when you are ready to hear the wise advice of your your own Soul... And this moment is the best gift for your awakening, for reuniting with your True Self, for choosing your new path on which you can realize all the desires of your Soul, all your amazing talents...
My most important wish for all of you who are now facing such a choice is to know that if this moment has come into your life and you are reading these lines right now, then you are just one step away from the New, you are already ready for the New Path, for your New life, the Universe has already answered your prayers, and you are here, trust Yourself and wake up!!! Push off from this bottom, throw away unnecessary ballast and... float up!!!
Now it’s safe !!! Tell yourself these words, these words - let them become the main prayer for you for this period... All your New Elections, the Choices of your Soul - are now safe !!!
You are ready!!! You are awakening from a deep sleep... You slept for a long time, simply because you decided to experience many fears and limitations in life... You decided to go through all experiences and all states... You learned what betrayal and pain are, you learned what insignificance and dislike for yourself, you went through lack of money and fear of illness and death, through many insults and misunderstandings with your family...
You have learned a lot... You are a wise Soul who knows in practice all aspects of life... Now the time has come for awakening... This situation has been given to you so that you wake up quickly (remember when in the morning you have a terrible dream and you can’t sleep anymore, you wake up in a cold sweat, and... it turns out that the alarm clock did not ring and this nightmare woke you up on time).
This happens in life too... If you find yourself at the bottom now, you simply did not play your role, you did not choose “your dream” and did not listen to the voice of your Soul, because if you go back, you will remember that there were many calls to you that you were going you're in the wrong place...
These bells came to me in the form of the books “Anastasia” by V. Maigre 15 years ago from my mother as a gift, in the form of my uncle’s advice to change my life, then many illnesses of children and troubles at work and in the family... All these bells were the voice of my Soul , but my sleep was so strong that only a dive to the very bottom of my life, which I wrote about at the very beginning (this was also my personal story), could direct me along a different path, could make me finally hear the voice of My Soul !!! And I am grateful for this to myself and my Soul...
And if you are now also in a critical situation - know that this is your New Birth, this is the moment to which you have been walking for more than one life... And now it is safe !!!
safe for you to learn to trust yourself and hear yourself!
- It's safe to open your heart and love!
- It's safe to be honest and brave!
- Safely take responsibility for your life!
- Safe to go to New!
- It’s safe to step out of boundaries and limits!
- It's safe to dream!
- It's safe to wish!
- It's safe to be yourself!!!
- It's safe to just be!!!
You are ready for this, and I hug, understand and congratulate you! This is your New Birth, your New Opportunities, your New Path!!!
This Path to yourself is now safe for you!
It is in your hands now to make this choice to wake up or turn on the other side and fall asleep again... Choose, wake up and join our circle.
now safe for you to be happy and live in Love !!!
Create your New Elections, follow the path of Love and Light! As soon as you make this choice, decide to take a new Path, opportunities will immediately come your way - these are people who will help you, situations will begin to resolve themselves, books, posts that open up new energies within, the whole Universe will become your Ally on the path to Itself! !!
You are great Wizards !!! Remember this! Now it’s safe !!!
With love and gratitude to each Creator of Your Life, Irina.
Remember why you started
We grew up in a time when social status is determined by the amount of money on a card and an expensive car, and not by the important work you do for society. Of course, there are exceptions, but let's be realistic: most parents do not dream of their children becoming teachers or artists.
But still, people for whom only money is important, and not the work itself, receive much less than those who are passionate about the idea. An excellent illustration of this is the story of science fiction writer Neil Gaiman. In 2012, he wrote a book that was supposed to become a bestseller, but the publishing house closed. As a result, his book was not published and he received no money.
In the future, I will try to write books not only for money. Because otherwise, if I don’t get the money, I’ll have nothing left. But if I create something I'm proud of and don't get paid for it, at least I'll still have my job. From time to time I forget this rule, and then the universe reminds me, harshly and rudely. I don't know if this is true for anyone else, but for me personally, everything I've ever done for money has brought me nothing. Apart from bitter experience.
Neil Gaiman
science fiction writer
Solve the problem
You calmed down and analyzed the situation. Here are the conclusions you can come to.
There is a problem and you can solve it
In this case, it would be correct to draw up a detailed action plan and progressively deal with difficulties. True, from time to time you will have to return to the first step and calm down. Because excitement and panic only get in the way. But feeling in control of the situation will in any case eliminate the feeling that life is going to hell. Because it is in your hands and you can direct it anywhere.
There is a problem and you can't solve it
This happens when difficulties arise due to external circumstances. A pandemic, a financial crisis, a natural disaster—you can't reverse them. All you can do is wait out the situation in the most comfortable conditions possible. Lifehacker has detailed instructions on how to act in such cases.
No problem
You were simply tired, succumbed to emotions, or did not have all the data, so you exaggerated the scale of the troubles. All that remains is to be happy and move on with your life.
Don't go out of your way
Unfortunately, most of us stop at the very beginning, get scared by the first obstacles and look for ways to escape. Or we start our own path, we have all the resources to go through it, but we begin to look back at other people: they have better jobs, bigger cars, more beautiful houses, and they have achieved more.
Remember, you are the only measure of your success. As long as you do the best you can, you are on the right track. And you shouldn't make decisions based on other people's opinions. Change something only if you yourself feel that this is the wrong way.
Focus on what you can control
Why concentrate on anything else? We live in a world where only a small part is under our control. We spend most of our energy overcoming resistance and struggling with circumstances: the opinions of other people, the weather, the economy and other forces that we either cannot influence, or we can, but with great difficulty.
If you start focusing on what you can control (your behavior, work ethic, the way you influence other people, and how you work every day), you become much more productive and focused. After all, in this case, problems do not distract you, you simply work on what you can change.
Often we cannot control the outcome, we can only influence how much effort we put into achieving the goal.
There's no point in worrying about things that are out of your control because you can't do anything about them. And why worry about things you can control? Worry makes you unfocused.
Wayne Dyer
author
Realize that it won't be easy
When you have a big goal and you are about to achieve it, it is important to understand one thing: it will not be easy. If you understand this, the following happens:
- You start working harder because you realize that you won't be able to achieve your goal by working half-heartedly.
- If something breaks your plans, it doesn't upset you as much because you expected it.
The brick wall is there for a reason. Brick walls are not there to hold us back, they are there to give us a chance to realize how much we want something. Because brick walls will stop people who don't want it hard enough. They are here to stop others.
Randy Pausch
"The Last Lecture"
So every time a brick wall comes your way, be happy about it. It's a great reminder that you're on the right path, and now all you have to do is find a way around it, break that wall, or do something else with it to move on.
Every person, achieving something, is forced to fight obstacles along the way. Understanding this fact helps you maintain balance in your thoughts and not slip into pessimism when it seems to you that the whole world is against you.
Replenish resources
To solve problems, you need strength. If your batteries are low, you are unlikely to be effective. Remember how we already said that the feeling of loss of control over life arises due to a lack of resources to solve problems? And then the situation will be corrected not only by eliminating these same problems, but also by increasing the amount of resources. In a computer, you would simply install an additional stick of RAM. And in a similar situation, you need to rest. You don’t have to go on vacation to the ends of the earth, at least get some sleep.
The key is to be kind to yourself, remember your talents, and simply give yourself unconditional love.
Victoria Mikhailova
Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker
Take a break and calm down
The advice sounds a little strange. The feeling that you are standing on the ashes of your own life, and you are asked to sit down and bake potatoes in these ashes. But in fact, this is the first and very important step in order to get out of the crisis.
You need to regain your sobriety. When everything in life goes wrong, we attack ourselves with a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol. They make the heart beat faster, the blood drains from the brain and flows to the muscles so that we can escape from danger. But in modern conditions this does not work as nature intended. On the contrary, we should calm down and think.
Tatyana Khodzhaeva
social teacher, psychologist
A simple way to calm yourself is to breathe slowly. Sit back and concentrate on inhaling and exhaling, thinking only about them. Perhaps some of the problems will be eliminated already at this stage, since under stress and panic we tend to exaggerate the scale of difficulties.
Everything goes wrong: what to do?
Happiness is not the absence of problems, as many people believe. This is the individual's ability to solve these problems. In crisis situations, we test ourselves for our ability to adequately perceive reality and the ability to overcome difficulties.
What to do when the world around you is collapsing and everything is going wrong?
- Accept what has already happened.
You cannot turn back time and change what has already happened. No matter how difficult it is, accept this situation. Don't waste your energy worrying about something that can't be fixed. Buddha said that our suffering is caused by our resistance to current events.
- Don't beat yourself up.
Don't attribute troubles to your personal shortcomings. Don't consider yourself unworthy of happiness. It’s just that circumstances have developed this way now.
Don't beat yourself up
- Try to manage your emotions.
When we are very excited, we often jump to conclusions and make bad decisions. Don't do anything serious until you've calmed down. And try to accept life's shocks with dignity.
- Try to look at the problem from a different perspective.
Success and happiness often depend on perspective. Other people do not always consider what depresses us to be a real problem. But if you yourself consider something a failure, then it will be so. In your mind, list not your losses, but what you own.
- Stop and listen to yourself.
Sometimes you need to take a break to look around. Maybe everything is going wrong because at this moment in life something else is required of us. Every person needs pauses to adjust their future path. Be attentive to yourself and to the signs that life points to.
Ask yourself what you need to be content. Formulate all your desires, and then choose those that are feasible. Make a plan on how you can implement them.
- Get rid of idealizations.
This means don't put too much emphasis on anything. There are always ready-made models in our heads of how everything should happen and how those around us should behave. But this is just our imagination. Nobody owes you anything. The sooner you accept this truth, the faster you will get rid of negative experiences.
- Treat life as an interesting journey.
Our soul came into this world only for a while. It doesn't belong to us. We were simply given the opportunity to use it. You cannot take away from a person what does not belong to him. Therefore, we should greet every day of our life with gratitude, and not remake it for ourselves.
Greet every day with gratitude
- Don't consider yourself a victim.
It is necessary to understand that you and only you are responsible for your life and your mood. No one is doing anything specifically against you. Consciously give up the role of victim and start taking action. You choose how to react to what is happening. Man does not come into the world to suffer. And in order to try all the wonderful and interesting things: travel, creativity, love.
- Consider your disappointments as valuable lessons.
Life's problems shape our character. From any difficult situation we learn lessons and gain experience. Failures teach us things that we would not have learned in a successful outcome. When you fail, determine what lesson you can learn from this situation and what you should do next time.
Thomas Edison famously said: “I have never failed. I just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”
- Try to forgive.
The path of forgiveness is a well-known technique for healing mental wounds. Sincerely forgive the people who caused you suffering. If you are to blame for the troubles, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and deserve a second chance.
- Make your choice.
We ourselves choose what kind of life we will live - to suffer and be unhappy or to enjoy every day. Make efforts on yourself and gradually get out of the unfavorable period of life.
Make your choice
- Start changing yourself.
Psychologists say that the external world is a reflection of the internal world. If we want to change something in life, we must start with ourselves.
- Look for the positive.
Due to internal struggle and negative experiences, we do not notice how much beautiful and amazing there is in the world. Learn to rejoice. Notice even minor reasons for pleasure: sunny weather, a child’s smile, a delicious dinner, an interesting book.
- Believe that the best is yet to come.
When everything is bad, it's hard to believe that it's for the better. But life is smarter than us. Often, after failures and crises, wonderful things happen to us.
Believe in the best
- Determine what is important to you in life.
Life without planning often leads to the wrong place. Develop a strategy that you will stick to. Make a plan of specific actions that will help you get out of the crisis.
- Don't be shy to ask for help.
In difficult times, do not think that you are alone. Don't be afraid to ask your loved ones or friends for support. They will definitely help you. Also, listen to the advice of people who have successfully overcome similar situations. Pride in this case will serve you badly.
- Believe in yourself.
You are much stronger than you used to think. Be confident that you can handle everything. Maybe not immediately, but gradually, in small steps, but you will definitely get out of the black streak.
Everything hurts in the presence of my husband
I first saw a young woman, Karina D., deeply depressed and with a pack of analgesics. Her story began in the eighth year of marriage, when, during sex with her husband, severe girdling pain suddenly appeared. The examinations did not yield any results. Then severe spasms in the abdomen and lower back began from one of his touches.
Of course, sex and kissing completely disappeared from relationships. It all ended with the woman not being able to even be in the same apartment with her husband—she was literally paralyzed from pain. All this time, the husband patiently waited for the pain to go away, and, of course, for him this whole situation was also traumatic.
Despite the couple’s attempts to “endure” and “get over it,” the end of their marriage turned out to be inevitable. For a woman, a husband began to be associated with pain and torment, and she did not even consider another option other than divorce. And yes, the divorce immediately relieved Karina of pain and deep depression.
But all 8 years of marriage she was an ideal wife - loving, understanding, caring and completely non-conflict, and her husband was faithful, loving, reliable. The marriage was strong and concluded out of love. What happened and could this development of events have been prevented?
