11 beautiful truths that sometimes we need to be able to let go of those we love

Human life is fleeting and consists entirely of a series of meetings and partings. Sometimes people have to let go of even their closest and most loved ones. The reasons can be very different: starting with a quarrel and ending with the saddest thing - inevitable death.

At such moments, it is necessary to gather all your will and strength into a fist and let the person go not only from life, but also from thoughts. But if your heart is torn apart, this can be very difficult to do.

In this article:

What does it mean to “let go of a person” Why you need to learn to let people go Let go correctly: 10 tips from psychologists Finally useful practice

Letting go of a loved one - what does it mean?

“You need to be able to let people go,” wise people will tell you and they will be right.
The ability to let go is a very important skill in relationships, without it there is no way to learn to love and be loved. You need to be able to let go at any stage of a relationship, not only when everything is really bad. The person took a step back - it’s better not to interfere, not to stick, not to try to pull him back, to respect his desires and free will. And the topic of respect is the first one I want to raise, because without respect for yourself and others, there is no relationship at all. Nothing good will ever come of this. For example, the phrase “let a person go” is good at first glance, but even in it there is disrespect.

You can't let anyone go.

Judge for yourself, how can you let someone go? A person doesn’t love you, your love is not mutual, he doesn’t belong to you at all and doesn’t want it, he doesn’t care, he lives his own life, minds his own business, how do you let him go? Only if in your fantasies.

And if your love is still mutual, nothing will come of it either. So you let a person go, but he didn’t want to leave. You broke off the love affair, but he remained attached. Has the right to. Of course, you can ask him to leave. Ask. But the choice is still his. If he doesn't respect you, he will remain attached against your will.

You can't let anyone go. You're not their owner, are you? Previously, slaves could be freed, and even then many still refused to leave, because their old life was familiar and safe. Now everyone is free people.

Letting go means stopping trying to get involved with a person who doesn’t need you.

The only person you can set free is yourself. Decide on your own and free yourself from relationships that cause much more pain than joy. From relationships in which being in them humiliates you simply because you are not loved in them or loved much less.

This nuance is critically important to see and understand very clearly. Because if you think that you can let someone go, then you are sure that you can keep the person, and this is a very, very big mistake. Fatal. But more about it below.

The only person you can let go of is yourself.

Letting go does not mean running away into the night, putting an end to it, immediately throwing the person out of your heart and completely forgetting about him. No. If you have a lot in common, you should not devalue your feelings or your loved one - this is harmful and unnecessary.

It doesn’t matter with your ex-partner, be it a man or a woman; you don’t need to do anything else at all. Completely stop all your activity in his direction. Letting go means stopping trying to get involved with a person who doesn’t need you. Detach your plans, deeds and ideas from him. Deciding that your life is no longer in someone else's orbit is not determined by the decisions of another person. From now on, she is only yours again. The steering wheel is in your hands, and only you can choose the direction in which to move next. It's a pleasant feeling, isn't it?

Why you need to learn to let people go

Many people absolutely do not understand how you can let go of the person you love. They sincerely believe that if you put in the right effort, you can achieve reciprocity. Namely, to make you fall in love. This is the main mistake.

How to let someone go?

No matter how much they try to feed you buckwheat, which you can’t stand, you won’t be able to love it. Maybe out of a sense of duty or politeness you will eat a spoonful of this cereal, but you won’t do it all the time. Even if you paint buckwheat white and convince yourself that it is rice, you cannot fool your taste preferences.

If this example is not convincing for you, then here is something worth thinking about:

• Instead of happiness, you will only feel dissatisfaction, suffering, self-pity and resentment.
• No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you cannot force the other to reciprocate.
• A person who is being forced to do something he doesn't want will gradually become irritable and stop respecting you. Eventually, you will destroy your self-esteem and become accustomed to being humiliated.
• All you're doing is prolonging your agony.
• At one point, your depressed state will lead to health problems.

• Perhaps your life has already become practically uninteresting to you. If you don’t stop in time, you can derail your life: fly out of university, lose your job, neglect yourself. This is not what you dreamed of, is it?
• You are losing your most precious resource - time. Therefore, the sooner you let go of the one you are so desperately trying to hold on to, the sooner you can take advantage of the chance for a new life or mutual love.

Relationships should bring happiness and joy. It is important to remember that every person is worthy of love. And every person deserves to be real, and not break themselves for the sake of others.

Why can't you get rid of your attachment to a person?

It's easy to say - let go, but hard to do. If it were otherwise, you would have released yourself long ago and would not have suffered. Let's now figure out how to make things easier for ourselves.

You cannot let go of a person because you yourself are holding on to him. The person is not holding you back in any way, otherwise you would not be asking search engines: “How to let go? How to forget? How to stop loving? Most likely, he has not needed anything from you for a long time or has never needed anything. But it’s so hard to believe, you feel an emotional connection between you, right?

You cannot let go of a person because you yourself are holding on to him.

It exists and manifests itself in all its glory when you conduct internal dialogues with your loved one, for example, or when you turn to him mentally, trying to understand whether he will like your new photo on the social network, whether it will hurt him, and what if he likes it? So life revolves around waiting for someone else's approval. You need constant confirmation that you are loved at least a little, because you yourself no longer believe in it, but you really want it.

Why do I know about this?

Because love is fueled by reciprocity. Without reciprocity, love dies. Or without the illusion of reciprocity. At least without hope of reciprocity. An unrequited lover believes that he is loved. At least a little. They’re just embarrassed to say it or they’re afraid, they haven’t realized it yet. He lives with a feeling of reciprocity, otherwise he would have stopped loving long ago. As soon as a person truly understands that he is most certainly, definitely, 100% not loved, he is not needed, not needed at all, even for free, even with gifts there is no reciprocity - he stops loving.

A person’s feelings are not governed by facts, but by his own perception of facts. As soon as a person notices that he is not that important to his loved one, he has a choice:

• Accept this fact and move away (inside yourself, you don’t need to show it outwardly) to a sufficient distance so as not to get hurt and mind your own business;
• Decide that he was mistaken and create the illusion that he is loved, just another person like that - special, difficult with him, traumatized in childhood by his mother, or some other terrible story.

Without reciprocity, love dies. As soon as a person truly understands that he is not loved, he stops loving.

If a person accepted reality with bitterness and honestly saw the indifferent face of a lover who is annoyed by attention and communication, he would be distracted from unpleasant thoughts by something more pleasant and useful. He would have easily let himself go. But the truth is unpleasant, and many prefer to deceive themselves with an illusion for the sake of pleasure. Temporary pleasure. Any illusion is an evil creditor who will ask for a debt with high interest.

You can’t let go only if you don’t want to let the person out of your life. It seems that there is benefit from such a connection, albeit one-sided in many respects. The great poets knew how to convert their suffering into art and nothing. Or you can convince yourself that a person still gives a lot, allows you to grow internally, make yourself stronger, and becomes motivated to become better. But you need to improve yourself for yourself, for your own high goals, not in order to please another person. This way you will only waste the remaining energy and get nothing. For great poets, art still came first; they suffered on purpose, and even rejoiced at this suffering as food for creativity. But it is very easy for an ordinary person to deceive himself and swap cause and effect.

If the other person also has a connection with you, he will always be somewhere nearby. His own connection with you (not yours) will make him think about you, write, call, invite you somewhere. There are no such strong-willed people who would love very much, see reciprocity and deliberately refuse it just like that. Yes, sometimes there are objective obstacles in the form of a family with children, for example, which you don’t want to ruin. But even in such a situation, often loving people are ready to give up everything for the sake of mutual love, and if there are no serious reasons, then why kill feelings? Are they their own enemies? Would you refuse?

You cannot influence reciprocity directly; you cannot beg, beg, or pull love out of another person. He can only give it himself, voluntarily, without requests or a sad expression on your face, simply because he wanted to. Just like you cannot guarantee that love for you will appear or will ever pass.

If the other person also has a connection with you, he will always be somewhere nearby. There are no such strong-willed people who would love very much, see reciprocity and deliberately refuse it just like that.

Many people are afraid to even mentally distract themselves from their loved one. They think that this way they keep in touch. Support self-love in another person. By the power of thought, as if they were some kind of magicians. But this is an illusion. In this way you can only maintain your own connection. Mental connection. Energy. Energy always flows where a person’s attention is directed. And if you keep your loved one in your thoughts all the time, you will never be able to let yourself go. Because at the moment you yourself are holding on with all your might to thoughts, emotions, fantasies, hopes.

Try to simultaneously grab the door handle with all your might and try to let go. Everything is the same here. People try to keep others with their attention, but they only keep themselves. Others may have no idea at all. There is no way he will feel your connection if he doesn’t care. He himself can become attached by spontaneously thinking about you. Not because you are constantly annoyingly looming, but he himself, of his own free will, if for some reason he is interested.

And when they ask: “How? Well, how to break the energetic connection with a person? How can I let him go? - the answer is simple. You need to not hold yourself up with thoughts. And gradually, day after day, even a strong connection will weaken.

“If you love, let go,” they say. Now is the time to figure out exactly how to do this.

How to let go

Considering that the skill under discussion is often absent or not properly consolidated, many people have a completely natural question about how to let go.

You don't think about how to exhale. The physical body knows this and does it on its own. In the same way, inside - in the soul (especially at the level of essence) you know how to let go, because it is natural to the same extent as exhalation. Thus, you don’t have to think, but just do it. Once you create the appropriate experience, you will learn how to do it.

But of course, there are different nuances for different objects of letting go. And of course there are technical subtleties, as in the case of the same relaxation, in order to succeed in this process. More about them later.

However, realize that the main thing is the choice, the act of will itself. Yes, in the normal state a person is not exactly a strong-willed creature. Quite the opposite. But this does not mean that there is no will. She awakens at critical moments. Under the influence of aspiration, choice. At the same time, a person begins to awaken, realizing his hidden potential.

Don't let your mind confuse you with your lack of skill. Previously, you didn’t know how to do many things. Now you can. How did you learn? Through an action, the repetition of which creates a skill.

You know much more than it might seem under the influence of the rational part of the mind, which relies only on existing, obviously limited experience. This is not the only part of the mind. There is another - irrational, intuitive knowledge, drawn from Consciousness, not limited by the mind, connecting you with that Consciousness that permeates everything and everyone. Thanks to which you can know anything. Trust (your) deepest wisdom.

Remember: by pressing on what you don’t know (letting your mind do it) how to let go, due to a lack of skill, you establish yourself in ignorance. What attention is directed to is affirmed. Act on what you know. From where you start, you come to. So you will know. The main thing is practice. To paraphrase what Leonard Orr wrote about conscious breathing, you can only learn to let go from him.

The situation

Letting go is the sister of acceptance. To let go of a situation in your personal life, at work, in business, you need, first of all, to accept everything you feel about it. Please note: do not indulge, which is usually done, because the situation, due to dependence on it, is allowed to influence the state. But consciously accept in order to pass through yourself, experience the state - all these emotions, feelings and leave behind.

That is, by being able to accept, you facilitate and cultivate the ability to let go. If the situation is accepted, it is released. There are no previous reasons (acuteness of the condition, anxiety) that attracted attention to it.

You may also need to accept the possibility of a negative outcome (they won’t hire you, you will be fired, you will have to go bankrupt) if the situation includes such a possibility. Until it is accepted, it will darken, affecting you accordingly, reducing your productivity. After all, what's inside is outside. Being in a negative state, a person contributes to the corresponding development of events. Being in constant tension reduces your energy potential. Energy becomes insufficient to perform the required actions, which only aggravates an already difficult situation. By accepting that everything can end badly, by letting go, by resigning oneself, a person calms down and is at peace with this, which is no longer perceived as “bad.” Moreover, if along with this he outlines a positive perspective for himself.

Sometimes it can be found in a potential position (if I’m fired, I’ll rest), but sometimes it’s necessary to simulate it, through the same visualization, in order to get the feeling that no matter what, everything will be fine. One of the most creative states. Necessary when everything goes wrong in order to influence reality, which aligns with the state, if supported by the necessary actions for this alignment.

Also, in order to let go of a certain situation, you can get carried away with something, get distracted. But this is a half measure. As soon as the distraction ends, the state associated with the current state of affairs will immediately make itself felt. So it’s better to do this in combination with the above.

You can stop thinking, both through distraction and through appropriate practice.

Past

The ability to let go of the past is one of the most important skills to live fully in the present, creating your future, which creation is carried out here and now. If you are darkened by the past, there is no way to open up in the present. By darkening, the past affects the state, interaction with people, the world. Attention is concentrated on the past, which absorbs a person, preventing him from even noticing the existing opportunities, much less realizing them.

Letting go requires first the same thing as with any other situation, even if it is not in the past, but is unfolding in the present or may happen in the near future. That is, accept, go through all the emotions and feelings associated with the past and, having fully experienced them, leave behind. What contributes to letting go is because what happened once ceases to cling - it is experienced.

You can live gradually, allowing yourself in your daily life to feel what is connected with the past. But this is only appropriate if you are very busy and there is no opportunity to devote time to deep study. She definitely needs to be dealt with separately. Instead of entertainment, usual leisure. Only complete immersion in feelings about the past allows them to be completely exhausted. And, having experienced relief in the present, move on, no longer being burdened - lightly.

Along with this, the aforementioned visualization may also be needed.

People often find it difficult to let go of the past because they “can’t” imagine a better future. You can work on this by consciously modeling it, imbued with sensations, supporting them in everyday life.

Finally, one of the effective methods is constantly emphasized by Eckhart Tolle and can practically be recognized by everyone who strives to move on, without letting the past stop them. This is the ability to be Here and Now, in the present, where there is no longer a past (except perhaps its echoes inside), where only life unfolds. If you properly immerse yourself in the present (for example, without thinking about anything, enjoy the beauty of the dawn), the past loses its meaning. He is no longer there. And you are. So you decide.

Human

In the case of breaking up with a person to whom there is a sensual attachment, the ability to let go is no less important than in relation to any other situation, including the past. Separation itself means that the relationship or a certain stage of it has passed. Thus, you need to work with the situation and the past. But not only.

It is necessary to realize that maintaining attachment (in its negative manifestations, and not in terms of the connection as such, for example, bitter regrets or resentment) prevents you from moving on - entering into a new relationship, in the event of a final and irrevocable termination of the previous one (after a break), or giving to allow a new format of relations to take place in changed conditions, with which people often do not want to come to terms.

The main step, accordingly, is reconciliation (completely analogous to humility) with new realities. You need to accept reality as it is. If it is required (which is almost certainly), as in previous cases, to open up to all your emotions and feelings regarding this and having experienced them, leave behind, no longer burdened by them, and enter into a new life.

Not accepting means not letting go (the opposite is also true). And the latter means to bind first of all oneself and possibly the person to whom one is attached. Someone does not leave things alone externally, trying to regain what was lost, which is not always possible and not always necessary. But there is also an internal aspect, which often remains unrecognized by people, due to the rationalistic worldview instilled by upbringing and training.

Internal attachment, even not shown externally, depletes the person experiencing it (wastes energy) and can affect the condition and life of another in relation to whom it exists. The party in relation to whom such dependence exists may feel a vague uneasiness or even pressure of all the feelings and thoughts associated with it, that is, the same obscuration. Of course, the degree of sensitivity depends on personal characteristics, maintaining a mental-sensory connection, however.

You need to let go in any case in order to allow those you let go to live on. And if this is not the main factor, let us live on our own.

Basic Rules

Surrender to time. Sometimes you don't need to think about how to let people go from your life. Time will do everything. If you have had unrequited love or a dishonest lover in your life, all you have to do is give him time and come to terms with the fact that he was in your life. In a couple of years, you will be able to look at it with an open mind and perhaps it will seem ridiculous, ugly and not as good as it seems now. It’s just that much better people will come to replace them.

Don't be selfish. If you really love a person, and he wants freedom, then the best manifestation of love will be to give him this freedom, and not to rape him with your ideas about love.

Don't give in to nostalgia. Sometimes we love not so much a person as our own feelings and sensations. We had a good time with him and want to continue this. But the point is that change is no less beautiful. To prevent nostalgia from interfering with your life, when it attacks, switch to something beautiful from the present. We often don't notice how much beautiful things happen in those moments when we are immersed in the past.

How to let go of your ex

Most often, people who think about how to learn to let people go from their lives think about past love. To begin with, you should give free rein to your feelings. Don't hide your emotions, this is it. You can cry or get angry. Recovery will begin only after this. And these are normal emotions.

There is no need to embellish the past. Everything was as it was and now it’s just difficult for you to remember the bad things. But your participation was also in the decision to separate, and this means that something did not suit you in your other half.

Try to distance yourself from the person as much as possible. There is simply no other way to let go. It's difficult in practice, but you can limit your contact time with your ex as much as possible. Don’t adapt to the person and come up with a new hobby and new companies as an excuse. Just think more about your interests than his.

Do what you want. Perhaps during your marriage or relationship you did not have enough time for your favorite activities and had to relegate them to the background or third place. Now is the time to remember who you are. Even if you just like to hang out and go to concerts and clubs, do just that.

Don't let yourself get bogged down in negative thoughts. What to do? Just imagine that all your thoughts are voiced by the cartoon chipmunks or Donald Duck.

Don't forget about your friends. This is your support group and therapists. With friends you will definitely not feel lonely.

Find yourself and learn to love yourself again. If you are looking for new opportunities, it will be easier to let the person go. Just live life to the fullest.

How to let go of unrequited love

Everything is even simpler here. Don't blame yourself for not being chosen. This doesn't mean you are bad. The person simply chose the one who is more convenient for him. And the word “more convenient” may mean that they do not see, for example, in the position of a victim, onto whom they can pour their negative emotions and assert themselves at her expense. Do not idealize the object of unrequited love - this is an ordinary person and it can be very difficult for you to be with him. It is better to concentrate on self-love: it will be much more productive to give love to someone who really needs it, and not to someone who will use it as a consumer, that is, yourself.

How to let go of someone who has died

This is the most painful and saddest thing, but it needs to be done. First of all, learn not to regret anything. It is not your fault that the person passed away into another world. This leads to even more suffering. You shouldn’t feel guilty if, for example, you were drawn to a date six months after the death of your lover. If he loved you too, he will be happy that everything is working out for you, even if he is already in the next world.

Give yourself permission to grieve and don't hold back your emotions. You can and should cry and even vent your anger. Do it in a way that suits you. You should not grieve alone, because by sharing your grief, you will give part of it to your neighbors. Just look for support.

Look for yourself again. Remember what made you alive before. You can live by this today.

Live in the future. Sometimes this is the only thing that helps to let a person go.

Write a letter to the person. Let this be an official breakup letter. Let it be positive and full of the best memories. Concentrate on all the good things this person has brought you and confess your love one last time. Decide for yourself what to do next with this letter. You can burn it or put it in a bottle and throw it into a river or sea.

Remember that once you let a person go forever. Perhaps this will happen unnoticed. You will simply understand that you have come to terms with it and can move on with your life, and only the best memories and all the best that this person gave you remain with you.

How to Let Go of Negative Friendships

Perhaps you have become a victim of betrayal or have fallen under the influence of a less than decent friend, with whom your relationship is destroying you. You also need to be able to let go of such people. Surround yourself with new people. And new interests. Just because a friend betrayed you doesn't mean other people will necessarily do the same. Don't be afraid of new connections.

Move away from the person. This is to understand what your relationship was really like and how resentful you are. Don't rush to see each other again, even if you both want it.

Decide for yourself what you want from new friendships. You don’t want your new friends to be copies of old ones and also turn out to be traitors, do you? Do some self-reflection and think about what you value in other people.

Also, do not forget that letting a person go does not always mean stopping all contact with him. You can be close to a person and take care of him, but not give him the opportunity to forbid you to live the way you need and devastate you. This is already aerobatics, but once you master it, you will never feel alone.

Remember that we come into this world, as a rule, alone, and we leave it alone. This means there is no need to be afraid to let people go.

What is letting go

Previously, we already figured out how to let go of (the situation). The same thing, in relation to various “objects,” will be discussed further. This means being able to stop in time, stop insisting on one’s own (whether one’s really one’s own is also a question), being able to trust the natural flow of events, instead of desperately rowing against it. Everything has its time. It is not always appropriate to swim against the current. Sometimes it's simply unrealistic.

Insistence (necessary and appropriate periodically) is inhalation, letting go is exhalation. I think there is no objection that the one is just as necessary as the other. Now let’s take a closer look first (!) at ourselves, then at others, and see what the unnatural state of affairs is when inhalation prevails over exhalation and people, who do not dare to let go, cannot exhale. Which in extreme cases leads to panic. This is how the nervous system signals an emergency situation, fraught with catastrophe such as a total breakdown, undermining emotional and/or physical health.

By the same analogy: insisting - tension, letting go - relaxation. When one does not naturally replace the other, which is the norm in the unnatural (read - disharmonious, due to many different factors, including the lack of spiritual development) existence of a modern person, this, if it does not end in extreme burnout, then undermines strength when a person simply does not has sufficient energy potential to open up and develop. Not only spiritually - in the chosen field of activity, relationships.

The ability to let go means that you loosen your inner grip (attention, which you need to be able to direct as you choose, which is cultivated by many spiritual practices, including concentration) on certain circumstances, leaving them alone (which directly contributes to yours), leaving them aside, being distracted, switching and completely immersing yourself in something else, Life beyond the limits of released circumstances.

Sometimes the latter are so painful that only by letting them go can you begin to Live. You give yourself the break you need if the situation can be resolved. Or leave it behind if not. This way you realize the opportunity to move on. Transform, as a result of relief, and enter into a new life.

Doesn't mean indulge

Again, as with acceptance, letting go does not mean indulgence. First of all, because the latter act is unconscious, unconscious, automatic, and the first is voluntary, performed by choice. This is an important point to be aware of. Already because at first, in the absence of proper experience, a person can indulge, thinking that he is letting go. As you build a skill, the difference becomes noticeable.

When letting go, having made the appropriate decision, a person acts on his own in relation to the circumstances. There is active interaction. And not passively following internal or external conditions. Even though the process itself being discussed implies rather passivity. The choice in favor of this is still activeness and even proactivity (by definition, meaning the presence of free will). It’s not the situation that decides, it’s you who decide. The difference is fundamental. Like between heaven and earth. By deciding for yourself, you affirm yourself (“I am”), your will, instead of the usual lack of will, one of the main manifestations of which is indulgence. Sometimes letting go requires an enviable will and thus becomes one of the means of cultivating it. Especially if you habitually cling, if the opposite is something radically new.

By cultivating the ability to let go of a situation, a person simultaneously creates optimal conditions to stop indulging in it. Because what is released (hence, not left, but left aside) does not have the opportunity to put pressure, manipulate, pull along with it - to influence in the same way, throwing it like a chip. Instead, by making a choice, a person becomes the captain of the ship, guiding its movement even in a strong storm.

Letting go of the situation means not indulging it, not following its lead, but stopping clinging, being directed only at it, fixated on it. Letting go of the situation in terms of what you feel does not mean indulging in emotions and feelings (usually the case), but allowing yourself, according to your own choice, to feel, to pass, to experience, to leave behind.

To indulge means to surrender to power. To let go is to show up as powerful, capable of doing so. If you immerse yourself in the same emotions, feelings, then not for the sake of indulging them, but for passing through, exhaustion, liberation.

Skill Benefits

The skill under discussion has a number of significant advantages. All of them are naturally learned through the process. But I think it’s appropriate to still list a few.

Improvement of (internal) state

As already noted, clinging is quite naturally (entirely logical) exhausting. A person wastes himself trying to hold on to something. Often something that is not worth holding on to - for example, some negative circumstance that is held by the person himself, if not released, and therefore remains, continues, and is approved. Or simply not letting go (remaining bound by the situation and binding it, as a result of which it remains the same, does not change). Accordingly, by ceasing to cling, a person stops expending energy, which becomes more abundant, as a result of which he begins to be capable of more and feels better. Well-being directly depends on the amount of energy, its sufficiency (which is rare, given the usually uncontrollable, rampant consumption).

The energy aspect, however, is not the only one. An improvement in one’s internal state naturally results from the fact that what one lets go of ceases to burden and darken. There is liberation from oppression, a way out from the pressure of circumstances, from dependence on them, which is identical to slavery. The absence of previous pressure, along with liberation, gives rise to the most positive feelings. Relief allows you to finally breathe freely, deeply and continue to live or begin, if it didn’t work out before, in connection with what was let go.

Considering that the process of letting go includes working through and living through the negativity associated with certain circumstances, this naturally entails an improvement in the internal (and not only) state. There is no negativity left; it is exhausted by a volitional act of living, by the determination to deal with it. At the same time, the grounds for negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings disappear.

Following the internal state, the external one improves. The health of the physical body improves (which is directly affected by the presence of negativity, tension, associated, among other things, with the inability or unwillingness to let go), the person begins to look better, even without making much effort. It's like it's glowing from within.

Improvement from within radiates outward. It also influences the attitude towards a person, which is largely determined by his or her condition. And also on realities in general, which level out following a change in state. You get better—everything gets better for you. The foundations for this are being laid. What's inside is outside.

Unity with Life

By focusing on the situation, a person forgets to live. There is only what is happening that does not let go - all attention is absorbed by it. There is no life (beyond this). Human too. Instead of presence there is absence. All energy goes to circumstances, which ultimately become entrenched, while simultaneously weakening the person. Not least because he (s) does not live to the fullest, in the full sense of the word, thereby depriving himself of the main source of energy replenishment.

The ability to switch attention to life outside the framework of circumstances already allows you to come to your senses and be filled with vitality. And what is important is to get out of dependence on the situation, to stop being completely determined by it. Remember: what your attention is directed to is what you join. There are situations that need to be resolved, and there are those that you can only let go of. In any case, it is better not to forget to Live.

By letting go of the situation, freeing your attention from it, and at the same time freeing yourself, you can naturally turn to life. Remember it, looking around and inside, feeling its rhythm, its constant flow. It continues despite everything and remains a beautiful, inexpressible Miracle of Creation. At the same time, letting go allows you to remember yourself and what you need to Live. Without limiting oneself only to what the “I” clings to, displacing the most important thing with oneself and the object of one’s attachment.

Life goes on as usual. Not everything can be solved (now), not everything needs to be solved (at the moment). The ability to let go helps you get out of the situation, which is equivalent to getting out of a stuffy room into fresh air, feeling the grace of what it means to just live, just breathe; to break out of the cage, experiencing the bliss of liberation. By letting go, you join Life, join its flow, and are filled with its power, which comes at your disposal.

Strength, as we know, lies in unity. Unity with Life allows you to feel that you are living, and not being dragged along by circumstances. And as long as you live, as long as life force flows into you, as long as you are open to it, remembering the main thing, everything is possible.

Awareness of the Force

There is power hidden behind every circumstance. That same invisible Power that permeates everything, that determines what happens. Her feeling, reunification with her is True Spirituality.

When faced with some insurmountable, difficult to solve or aggravating situation, you can feel the full power of this Force. Knowing how to let go of the situation, you join this power, express trust in it, move in agreement with it, in harmony. It’s like lowering the sails during a storm (otherwise it will tear them to shreds, making further sailing impossible) or raising them in case of a fair wind. You act according to external conditions, interact with them in an optimal way. Letting go is a type of such interaction.

On the one hand, by letting go, a person recognizes the Force, yields to it, thanks to which he opens up to it and joins it. On the other hand, ceasing to cling, contrary to instinct, the usual pattern of interaction with reality, it shows strength, which allows you to establish yourself in it. So we are talking about awareness of our power and, as such, transcendental, which is also not alien to us, for we, like everything around us, are its creation.

It is easier to let go if a person trusts the Force, Life, the Universe (the naming does not change the essence). Therefore, Zealand wrote about the importance of such trust (“My world takes care of me”) and it is so emphasized in the New Age, where this force is designated as loving and caring, which, accordingly, can be trusted. In other words, this means trust in Life, the ability to immerse yourself in its flow. Let her decide if she can’t do it on her own. Anything is possible for her. As well as in unity with her.

Awareness of the Force, trust in it, the ability to rely on it, help to calm down and even come to a state of deep peace and tranquility. When, having let go, you can exhale, relax, and not think about anything. This allows you to fully relax, come to your senses and, thanks to trust, the absence of interfering tension that turns on yourself (as in the case of an illness that does not allow you to pay attention to anything else), to gather with the Spirit and be in it.

Peace and tranquility

At the same time, as a person stops worrying about the situation because he lets it go, the long-awaited peace and tranquility comes. Man can be. Just live, remembering how valuable it is. Without being constantly worried. To be in peace, because what was released and previously caused so much trouble - mental, emotional and sensory (perhaps even physical - illness, poor sleep, appetite). To be in the inner world, no longer afraid of the negativity that has filled it, which has been lived, released along with what it was associated with, about which it was unconsciously created. To be in the outside world, noticing its beauty, which escaped attention due to absorption in others; having enjoyed it and being filled with energy through it, and even with real Grace itself.

The storm passes, replaced by calm. The clouds clear overhead and the sky clears. At the same time, the person’s gaze becomes clearer. The eyes begin to shine, the face. The mind becomes clearer, no longer clouded by negativity. The situation that we managed to let go of, too. The same as in general. Regarding prospects, for example, which are no longer perceived in a negative light or are vague. In peace and quiet comes clarity. Mindfulness. Being in the Spirit. The ability to stay in it. Feeling the Power filling yourself and everything around you.

This effect can be achieved through meditation and relaxation. But we also implement it through letting go, with the support of acceptance, and working through the negative. In the presence of a significant concentration of the latter, you may not be able to really meditate or relax. Thus, by letting go, you can increase the productivity of spiritual practice as such.

Most often, the ability to let go that is absent or not properly developed, if the corresponding skill is created, can radically transform your being. It returns the energy that was spent on clinging, allows you to get out of dependence on circumstances, freed from their pressure, return to Life, realize the Power behind what is happening and, having been filled with it, move on - towards your goals. Go for it!

Ordinary situation

But it’s quite common not to let go, to cling. This is not a choice - an automatic, instinctive reaction in which non-will is manifested, not a person, but only instinct, automatism, which reduces a person to the level of a machine or animal that is so impressive to rationalists.

People cling to everything. The usual way of life or yourself, other people, the past... This is a typical situation. Depressing, exhausting. That is why there are so many oppressed and exhausted. If not on the outside, because it’s not comme il faut to show it, they might not understand, then on the inside. A plight whose basis is merely habit.

They talk about it as “second nature” to emphasize its importance, which again diminishes the importance of the Creator Man. However, the point is that it is “second”. First nature—our Nature, the Self—is stronger and can help us cope with habit as a circumstance. And through this with any circumstances, because the corresponding skill is created. Invaluable for the Art of Harmonious Being. You can rely on (inner) Strength, recognize it in overcoming, allowing you to get out into the free space.

Due to the outward orientation, the person became completely dependent on the circumstances, dissolving in them. I forgot about my True Nature (Real), my rightful inner strength. She is Nature. And not the powerlessness into which a person falls, not letting go and thereby exhausting himself. However, strength is born in powerlessness. Those who have not fully experienced the latter will not know the first. Knowing how to let go, a person seemingly shows powerlessness, but in fact Strength, thereby reuniting with it as his deep Source and the entire Universe.

The usual situation is the opposite. A person does not cling to the Force, but to everything that “I” has chosen as significant. As a result, the most important things are missed. Something that allows you to surpass yourself, rise above any circumstances and realize your full potential, limited not only externally, while people make themselves dependent on it, but also internally - the lack of the ability to let go. Readiness for this. Not abilities. Everyone has it. Let often as a potential opportunity.

Her reasons

The skill of letting go is unusual and even unnatural for various reasons. The most obvious is having a different habit. A little less simple - the desire to certainly insist on one’s own, a sense of ownership. The latter manifests itself like this: this is my person, my relationship, my past, my “I” - I won’t let go! The purest manifestation of the ego. One of the main ones. But the “ego” has nothing to do with your harmony. While defending its interests, which it presents as yours, it does not take the latter into account.

The “ego” does not want to accept defeat, in the same relationship for example (it hits him), and therefore does not let go. Even if in fact it’s all over. The “I” clings to all these situations because it is identified with them. He considers them as components of himself, without which he feels the least incomplete, if not completely inferior. For those who have ever lost a relationship not by choice, this is familiar.

Moreover, the “ego”, which does not know life outside itself (beyond, we are talking about transcendence - a sense of self, spiritual dimension), correlates all life with these circumstances. Therefore, that same feeling of loss of life arises. Although in fact, which is quite obvious, it continues. Even if certain circumstances have come to their end, which is not the end of a person, but can become the beginning of the Transfiguration, when these circumstances hit so hard that they break the “ego”. This is an opportunity to know yourself beyond its suffocating boundaries.

The ability to let go only in a private sense is unnatural. That is, it does not disgust the Nature of man, but it contradicts what he (a) is in the biological and social sense. For example, the instinct of self-preservation forces you to cling so as not to fall. This also extends to personal, social situations, where this may not happen in a physical sense. But identification with the body is great, which is why it dictates its instincts. The grasping reflex, as is known, is innate. That’s why a person spends his whole life striving to grab and hold. Which is useful in some situations and extremely destructive in others. It is not instinct that should reign, but Man.

Rules of meditation, exercises

There are two effective ways of meditation, let's look at them. The first method is aimed at yourself:

• First you need to find a quiet, secluded place so that no one can disturb you.
• Take a comfortable position and dim the lights. Psychologists advise using scented candles with soothing scents, such as orange, cedar, lavender, ylang-ylang, bergamot, mint, incense.
• Close your eyes and concentrate. Focus on your breathing, it should be rhythmic, inhale and exhale, and inhale and exhale again. This breathing exercise will be pleasant for your body.
• Your thoughts will most likely distract you. This is normal. But still try to concentrate and feel yourself. You must find in which part of the body the feeling is hidden - love. When you find it, radiate warmth from there and try to give it to a loved one or animal.
• Having completed all the steps correctly, you will feel warmth in the part of the body in which you found love. You will want to do something good for the person or animal to whom you have directed the light of your love.

The second method is aimed at breaking the connection between people.

• Sit comfortably in a quiet place, calm down and concentrate.
• Closing your eyes, imagine that you are at the top of the mountain, and your offender is at the foot.
• Concentrate on it, imagine it in front of you in flesh, down to the smallest detail.
• Try to feel everything you feel for him.
• Feel what connects you, a thin thread or a thick rope, what part of the body this thread connects.
• Try to analyze what this person lacks, like character traits, core, courage.
• Imagine another person in front of you who has all the qualities. How did you feel? Joy? Warm? You felt pleasant and cozy.
• Stay focused, lift your head up and look at the sky. Turn to the Lord with a request to give you a person with those qualities that the previous person did not possess.
• Ask someone like this stranger who made you smile in your subconscious.
• Then look at the man at the foot of the mountain, he no longer seems to you like God, whom you exalted above everyone, he is now just a gray mouse.
• If you want, you can talk to him, he gave you any experience. You can ask him for forgiveness, even if he himself is to blame, and forgive him.
• Now you will feel the connection between you breaking, cut it or cut it with scissors, exhale, now you are free.

Do this exercise every day, and then you will feel that love has crowded out resentment from your heart and thoughts. No matter how much we love a person, sometimes there are times when we need to let him go. There is no need to resist it, do not be afraid of the new. It's better to just let it go.

Useful practice

Most likely, you think that when the person leaves, you will lose the ability to love (“he broke my heart,” “he tore it out and took it with him”). It is important to realize that this is not the case. Love is a wonderful feeling that will always be with you. To get back to a healthy feeling of love and happiness, try the following exercise:

1. When left alone, sit comfortably in a chair (there should be no extraneous noise or bright light).
2. Close your eyes and concentrate. Where is your feeling, your ability to love?
3. Find this place and then fix your attention.
4. Now imagine that a glow is emanating from this point. Point it at a cat or dog, a child, a wall, or a plant.
5. What do you want to do?

Surely you will feel the desire to clean up the house, please your child with sweets, or walk the dog (depending on where the “light” was directed). Do the practice daily, and soon the painful feeling of resentment will replace real, joyful love for others.

Practice from Jack Macania “Liberation from addiction”

The following exercise will be useful to anyone who has a painful experience of separation and does not know how to forgive and let go of a person.

Practice helps to cut the connection and stop experiencing negativity.

Let's get started:

1. Find a quiet place, take a comfortable position.
2. Close your eyes and imagine a theater scene. On it stands the person who hurt you.
3. Introduce yourself. You are standing on a hill or floating in the air.
4. Look carefully at the person. What does he look like? Describe it to the smallest detail.
5. Now feel the depth of your emotions towards him. The sensations should be as acute as possible.
6. Visualize the connection between you. How does she look? Perhaps it is thread, rope, cord or plastic tube? In what places are you connected to each other? This could be the area of ​​the neck, abdomen, heart, arms, legs, throat, etc.
7. Stay in this state.
8. Now think about what qualities you and this person lack to make the connection less painful (at the moment)? Perhaps responsibility, love, patience, inner strength, confidence or something else? List all the resources you think are needed.
9. At the next stage, imagine that above the stage there is a certain source that contains absolutely all qualities (God or another Higher Power).
10. Ask him to give you everything you need. Feel how you are one by one filled with all the necessary resources. Feel it with every cell of your body.
11. Visualize how resources fill the other person through the communication channel between you. Give him the opportunity to nourish himself.
12. After that, take a closer look at the person. How has he changed? Has your facial expression, gestures, posture, facial expressions changed?
13. Talk to a person if you need it. Ask for forgiveness, even if it was he who offended you. Realize that in some way he taught you a lesson, became a teacher for you.
14. Break the connection. You can cut it with a sword, cut it with scissors, or do it with your hand. Record in your memory a picture of how you and that person look free.
15. Return to normal.

Note. Practice allows you to cut even old connections. This usually requires a one-time execution, but can be repeated several times if necessary.

No matter how much we love a person, at some point we need to be able to let him go. Each of us has our own tasks, our own destiny. Sometimes you shouldn't resist something new. You just need to let go of the reins and trust the flow.

Final thoughts

I know from personal experience that letting go can be very difficult and even scary. But in the 50+ years I've been on this earth, I've had to let go of a lot of things that I thought I needed to survive, but I'm still alive. I'm actually quite pleased.

I've learned to let go, and so have you. It gets easier with time and experience. Once you realize how liberating letting things go and have a few successes, you will be able to let go before something causes you too much harm.

Over time, you will be able to move beyond simply letting go and not getting attached to things at all. When this happens, you will know the true meaning of freedom.

Adviсe

1. It is always painful to return your thoughts to the past, but the time comes when you need to cleanse your memory, remove everything unnecessary from there and thereby open new doors.
2. Give yourself time to grieve after the loss of a loved one, but then start a new life, discover a path that is only yours. Make new friends and do things that interest you. Starting a new life alone will not be easy at first, but this new path can bring you joy and fulfillment.
3. Remember that there is no set time allotted to grieving the loss of a loved one. Don't feel guilty if you want to go out to a restaurant with someone 4 or 6 months after your spouse's death. Everyone has their own path and their own time to recover and feel like they can start a new life. You must continue to live for the sake of your loved one who has passed away, and when and how you do this is up to you.
4. Letting go doesn't always mean allowing yourself to be let go. Letting go sometimes means continuing to be with the person, caring for them, but not allowing them to drain you, hurt you, or keep you from living your life.
5. You also have to love yourself and believe in yourself no matter what. Know that everything happens for a reason and people come into and out of our lives all the time, so you shouldn’t suffer for the rest of your life. You should also know that there is a new person waiting for you around the corner, your person.

Order intuitive and metaphorical cards

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