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You probably know this feeling: 10 am, you are already on edge from the third cup of coffee, and instead of any sensible thoughts in your head, you are a complete mess. You are exhausted - physically, mentally and emotionally - and completely indifferent to the things that used to make you happy. Motivation? Forget it. Irritability? Oh yeah. Concerned about health and wellness? Into the furnace.
For some reason, it is generally accepted that conquering new heights and complete exhaustion cannot go without each other. Nothing like this. Emotional burnout is not a sign of success; it is our body’s way of clearly hinting that it’s time to slow down.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
Henry Ford
Henry Ford's famous quote comes in handy here.
The usual methods of bringing yourself back to life, be it a double dose of espresso or another layer of concealer under the eyes, take literally a few minutes, but how much real benefit do they have? Yes, it takes much more time to radically change your life, but in the end all the efforts are worth it. This is an investment in your health and well-being and should be taken with all due seriousness.
Get plenty of sleep
Our body is a mechanism. A beautiful and incredibly complex system that needs care and rest. When you leave work, you turn off your computer every day, and that’s about what your body and mind need. Research says that good sleep helps the brain flush out toxins that accumulate during the day, which is why seven to eight hours of rest is incredibly important for mental and physical health. Your goal is to gradually increase your daily sleep duration to this level. 30 minutes more rest every day - it's that simple, right?
Problems that slow down and stop life changes for the better: a list
Of course, it all depends on you. Therefore, problems will arise only through your fault. Therefore, when you notice them, start fighting them at the very beginning.
- Each of us has noticed that a whole bunch of excuses always appear in our heads for any planned action. We refer to other people's opinions or circumstances. Even the weather can be influential sometimes. It's all down to the brain. It works to protect us from any danger. Therefore, when starting changes, agree with him first. Set yourself not just a task, even a specific one, but break it down into small steps and chew on every detail necessary for implementation.
Think about what and how you eat
Making your eating meaningful takes practice. This especially applies to those who are used to having a snack on the run, while simultaneously typing a response to the next letter and constantly being distracted by phone calls. Practicing mindful eating helps you understand what you eat and how it benefits your body. Simply satisfying hunger is replaced by a healthy relationship with food. The results of the Pilot study: Mindful Eating and Living (MEAL): weight, eating behavior, and psychological outcomes associated with a mindfulness-based intervention for people with obesity show that this approach to nutrition significantly improves mood, reduces stress levels, and helps develop healthy eating habits and even lose excess weight.
Getting rid of dependencies
Do you smoke? Let's try to work on this too. Bad habits do not help change your life for the better. Tobacco smoking destroys brain cells, negatively affects the functioning of internal organs and blood vessels, and can lead to stroke. There is no need to reduce the amount of cigarettes you consume gradually; this is a path to nowhere and not to changing your life. Give up cigarettes overnight and you will notice how your well-being has changed.
Avoid alcohol. Even if you think that you hardly drink, remember that there is “ritual alcoholism” when people drink alcohol on holidays: on New Year’s, March 8, birthday. This is also an addiction. One drink of alcohol per month puts you much faster at risk of heart disease than a non-drinker. Drinking alcohol leads us to degradation and there can be no talk change in life Take sobriety as a healthy habit and you will see how much better your life has become, and your body has become full of strength and energy!
Stop caffeine
Caffeine is a stimulant that irritates your already stressed nervous system. When you are worried, tense, or even on the verge of hysteria, another cup of coffee will cheer you up, but not for long. Instead, try other, gentler ways to wake up and recharge your batteries: exercise or meditation. If you don’t enjoy a morning without coffee, take your relationship with this drink to a slightly different level and make it as conscious as possible. Savor the aroma and enjoy the taste of the drink while sipping it from your favorite mug. After some time, it may turn out that this ritual is much more important than the coffee itself.
Skills
Start developing skills you didn't have before: for example, breaststroke, speed typing, context planning, defensive driving. Master them, find a mentor on the topic, get training. Such achievements develop a personality and make it multifaceted.
You will also learn to intentionally step out of your comfort zone and overcome fear, which will later become your driving force. All great achievements begin with small victories over yourself.
Over the past 12 months, I have done things that I have never done before: heavy strength training, meditation, training with children, conducting trainings, asceticism.
Start moving and don't stop
Movement is not only a powerful way to improve your mood and reduce stress, but it is also a proven effective way to maintain excellent memory and overall thinking skills.
You can counteract growing stress through physical activity: every minute spent doing yoga, jogging or cycling becomes an investment in the fight against stress.
A simple morning exercise sets the necessary pace for the whole day and helps you focus on important tasks. Needless to say, successful people prefer to train in the morning. Start with at least 10 minutes of moderate physical activity a day and gradually increase its duration to the recommended half hour.
Sport
It all starts with sports and its implementation in your life. We start with basic exercises, but you need to do them every day. These are simple exercises: squats, abdominal presses (lifting the body), push-ups. It all starts with repetition 5 times and increases by 1 time every day; you can do two repetitions a day. In a month, you will be doing 35 squats, 35 abdominal exercises, and 35 push-ups. Then you can increase the number of repetitions as needed, but be sure to do it every day.
Every person needs to find his own sport, and you shouldn’t follow fashion: everyone runs, that means running, everyone does yoga, that means yoga. Look for a sport that suits you completely: loads, interest, time, financial component, people. It should become an extension of your essence.
Over the course of a year, I tried yoga, the gym, boxing, running, swimming, jiu-jitsu, aikido, and cycling. At the same time, I practiced several types for several months. It was a great time, because it was definitely beneficial for my health, and I also understood more and more what exactly I wanted from sports.
My choice fell on jiu-jitsu and swimming - this is the basis of my sports development. Now this has been for the rest of my life, since the pleasure I get in my classes is difficult to express in words, and my success in this field only reinforces this conviction.
Remember: the best rest is silence
Yes, yes, yes, not a single article about changing life is complete without mentioning meditation. Well, what can you do if it really works? Approximately 80% of visits to doctors are in one way or another related to the consequences of stress, can you imagine what a monstrous waste of time and money? Even more amazing is that we can reduce all these expenses with the help of... that's right, meditation. These practices help cope with stress, strengthen the immune system, improve sleep and feel truly happy. Just five minutes of this relaxation will make your day much more joyful. Another bonus: people who meditate regularly think rationally and experience less anxiety when life throws up new surprises.
Books
You will have to read and read a lot. An excellent result is 40–50 books per year. I read 42 books and understand that 50 books a year is realistic. The main thing is to read without stopping. And, of course, don’t watch TV and don’t spend too much time on social networks.
Read only to develop your mind: psychology, Russian and foreign classics, self-development, finance - no pulp or entertaining books.
Take notes on the gist of what you read, what impressed you or didn’t like in the book, memorize the quotes. This way you train your memory and can always surprise your interlocutors with clever sayings from books.
Ayn Rand’s book “Atlas Shrugged” greatly influenced me with its fundamentality and strong dialogues, as well as situations similar to events from my life.
My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in one axiom: reality exists in one choice - to live. Everything else flows from here. To live, a person must consider three things to be the highest and decisive values: Reason, Purpose, Self-Respect. Reason as the only instrument of knowledge, Purpose as the choice of happiness, which this instrument must achieve, Self-respect as the indestructible confidence that he is able to think and his personality is worthy of happiness, which means worthy of life. These three values require all the virtues of man, and all his virtues are related to the relationship of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, purity, honesty, justice, efficiency, pride.
Ayn Rand
"Atlas Shrugged"
Take care of your skin
It's simple: happy skin means happy you. Of course, consolidating this habit is no different from others; it also takes time. The well-known rule of three weeks is not even so important here - consistency, regularity and understanding of why you are doing this are much more useful than crossing out days on the calendar. The notorious concealer will hide signs of fatigue in no time, but real changes in the condition of the skin always come from within, slowly but surely. Choose something that will not only improve your complexion, but also bring real benefits to the body, be it cosmetics or food. Just repeat all the necessary procedures morning and evening - after a while you will notice that your skin glows with health and your mood is no longer so gloomy. It’s banal, but humanity has not yet come up with anything better.
Let's stop looking for those to blame
Don't justify your failures by circumstances or people. We are so accustomed to shifting responsibility for our lives to external factors that we ourselves believe that nothing depends on us. Successful people cannot be called those who constantly complain about the government, life in the wrong country, about parents who did not give us what others have. And stop comparing yourself! When you get rid of these bad psychological habits, you will feel your life changing for the better. Remember, only you are the director of your life and are responsible for it. Only you, and no one else.
Feed the soul, not the ego
It's simple: do what makes you happy. Not all our achievements fill our souls with joy. Regular processing can be useful, but ultimately it leads to depletion of the body's far from endless reserves. The benefits of this behavior are less than those of regular rest and relaxation. Finally, buy the shoes you've been wanting for a long time, treat yourself to ice cream during your lunch break, and watch old movies all weekend long. There should be one reason for all—okay, most—of your actions: it brings joy. You don't do it because it's another item on your to-do list. Joy. To you. Dot.
Useful materials for those who want to change
In this block, I want to recommend you paid courses and free materials that will help you quickly become a different person. I'll start with the free ones.
Go to a site called Wikium and register there. This project was created for those who are interested in issues of self-development and are passionate about personal growth. Most of Wikium's materials are related to the functioning of the human brain, but in recent months more and more psychological programs have appeared.
The first thing I recommend to you here is free exercise equipment. There are already more than a hundred of them, plus new ones are constantly appearing. Simulators are services for improving certain skills. There are a lot of simulators for training memory and attention; in addition, there are programs for emotions, working with text or numbers.
All simulators are structured and divided into groups. I advise you to immediately select those that interest you most and combine them into a training program. The program helps you not to forget about training and devote an equal amount of time to each simulator.
The second is webinars. They are held once a week. Each webinar is also completely free. Sometimes speakers advertise Vikium courses on webinars, but you don’t have to buy them if you don’t want to.
The advantage of webinars is that professional psychologists speak at them and each participant can ask these psychologists questions. Not many people come, so the speakers answer every question from the audience. You must pre-register for the webinar, don’t forget about it.
Third - courses. This is how Vikium makes money. True, the cost of courses here is very low - the minimum price is only 990 rubles, the maximum is 2,490 rubles. Each course is focused on practice; in addition to mastering theory, students study on simulators, perform tests and exercises.
When you click on the link, you will see a general list of courses. There are few of them yet, only 16 pieces. Look. I will recommend individual high-quality programs that help people radically change themselves below. That's all for now on Vikium.
Have you ever heard of the online universities “Netology” and “Skillbox”? They sell very high quality and expensive courses. They also include materials on psychology. I have found only one of the free psychological courses so far; I’ll talk about it below.
Soft Skills from Netology
Description. Soft Skills are the general name for skills that help you achieve success in any field. For example: the ability to resolve conflicts, sociability, communication skills, the ability to set goals and achieve them.
If you want to become a different person, to radically change yourself, you need to start with Soft Skills.
During the first lessons of this course you will be tested. It will show you what skills you need to develop first to achieve your goals and success in the professional activity that you have chosen for yourself.
Next, you will develop a strategy for developing the necessary Soft Skills and begin to follow it, taking into account the recommendations of the course teachers.
The program is completely free, so be sure to sign up for it and complete the training.
Authors: Alexey Ponyatov, Svetlana Gonchar.
Cost: free.
Start studying
Emotional intelligence course from Vikium
Description. I'm going back to cheap Vikium courses. I recommend the program for the development of emotional intelligence to you first of all, because from it “threads stretch” to all other components of your personality.
Here you will learn to control your emotions and not let them take over your mind. It will be much easier for you to communicate with people around you, even with those who, for a number of reasons, are unpleasant to you.
Another plus is that attention is paid to working on stress. You will learn how to properly push away negativity in order to constantly be a happy and cheerful person.
Authors: Vikium project experts.
Cost: 990 rub.
Start studying
Goal setting from Vikium
Description. In six lessons, you will set clear short-term and long-term goals and properly plan to achieve them. In my opinion, the good thing about this course is that it helps you set your priorities correctly. You will answer the question “What do I want?”, and you will answer exactly as you see fit, and not your parents, friends or work colleagues.
In addition to theory in text format, there are tables and diagrams, many exercises and tests. Training will definitely not be boring.
Authors: practicing psychologists from Wikium.
Cost: 990 rub.
Start studying
Profession from Vikium
Description. I especially recommend "Profession" to those who want to change their lives. I'll tell you briefly how this course came about.
There are professional psychologists and psychotherapists on Wikium. They tested 11 thousand people who worked in a variety of fields. Among those tested were university professors, polyglots, engineers, and entrepreneurs. The result is a list of qualities that help achieve high results in a particular profession. Naturally, each professional will have his own qualities.
The next step was to create a method for quickly developing the necessary qualities, and special simulators were developed for its implementation. Each person who buys a “Profession” first indicates the field of activity in which he wants to realize himself, passes several tests, and then begins to develop the skills necessary for success.
When you purchase a course, you get premium access to all Wikium materials for a year. Give it a try.
Authors: practicing psychologists from Wikium.
Cost: 2,290 rub.
Start studying
Time management from 4Brain
Description. A common problem for all those who are trying to start a new life and change is lack of time. Due to work, family responsibilities and simple fatigue, there is simply no time left for self-improvement and personal growth.
In this course you will learn what you need to do to make the most of your time and get everything done. How to not get tired and lose motivation.
Authors: Alexey Ponyatov, Svetlana Gonchar.
Cost: free.
Start studying
Trust your intuition
The dubious beauty of the expression “I feel it in my gut” is not a metaphor at all. Before making important decisions, listen to your feelings: the body often tells us what we need even before we realize it. Take a break if you are tired. Go somewhere if your soul asks for change. In short, when something goes wrong, first of all ask yourself about the reasons. If you are not an intuitive person, it will take some time to learn to listen to your inner voice. Just take a break from all your worries, take a break and honestly answer how you feel now. Chances are good that you know perfectly well what you really want. You just need to stop for a while and listen to yourself.
Why does the desire to change arise?
The main reason that prompts us to change something in ourselves is dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs. A small salary, constant quarrels with a loved one, an unfair boss, etc. The list can be very long. However, you can never force another person to change. But not everyone can even change themselves. Especially when a person has come to terms with the situation in his life.
Fear is a very powerful motivator in terms of personal change. Let's imagine a person who has gained weight to such an extent that he begins to have serious health problems. Doctors openly say that his life is at risk if he does not change his lifestyle. And he gets scared. A person is afraid to die early, because he doesn’t have children yet or the children are very small, but he really wants to see them grow and mature!
But in this case, the phrase “change yourself” means doing things differently than usual. For example, to lose weight, a person needs to give up sweets, eat healthy and wholesome foods, and go in for sports. Yes, in words it seems simple. And for a person who is not used to this, it will be difficult to change his habits. In addition, working on yourself is not only difficult, but also quite long. And so that the final result does not disappoint you, you must clearly understand the purpose of your changes.
Create a comfortable environment for yourself
The first stage of creating relationships that are healthy in every sense is a responsible approach to what and with whom you fill your life. Yes, the prospect of transforming toxic relationships into joyful and comfortable ones can be scary at first, especially if it concerns friendships, family, food, work, or yourself. However, it is important.
Analyze all your connections and notice how they contribute to your life and well-being.
Those who are responsible in choosing their environment are often more confident in making decisions.
Personal finance
Create a personal emergency fund
. It is necessary to have an amount available that will allow you to calmly look for a new job if necessary, without grabbing the first offer that comes your way. The “stability fund” should be such that it would be enough for six months of normal life.
Make a decision to become a wealthy person
. To change yourself, it is important to radically change your attitude towards money. This means that from now on you will earn, save and spend money in such a way as to ensure complete financial independence.
Save 10% of your income
. This advice is necessary for people who are accustomed to spending everything they earn. Even if the income is small, the difference between 90% and 100% will be insignificant. But from the 10% you put aside, you will gradually accumulate an amount sufficient for an important expensive purchase. It is best to save them in a long-term deposit account.
Learn new things
The process of acquiring new knowledge makes us happy, that's a fact. It also helps to prolong our lives and make it more interesting and rich, and also eliminates unnecessary prejudices. If you want to start small, learn how to knit, for example. The Internet is full of training videos, so you can master this simple task without even getting out of bed. If you are attracted to big goals, take a three-month web design course. Whatever you decide to do, your brain will be deeply grateful to you.
Control over your time
Don't put anything off
. Any important task should be done immediately, without coming up with a reason to postpone it. Only after working well can you allow yourself to rest.
Set a deadline for every job
. This approach allows you to work focused and not be distracted, which will significantly increase your efficiency.
Concentrate on one thing
. Multitasking and productivity don't go together. By doing one thing, you can significantly increase your efficiency.
Remember and consider the Pareto principle
. It says that 80% of the result depends on 20% of the actions. Every person who devotes time to self-development knows about the existence of this pattern. Learn to find those 20% most important actions and give them maximum attention.
Use modern technologies
. A smartphone can become a faithful assistant or a “time waster”. Learn to use it as a tool to solve problems with maximum efficiency.
Think about the solution, not the problem
. It is enough to devote 10% of your attention to thinking about the problem and its consequences; the remaining 90% should be spent on finding a solution.
Use the 3 minute rule
. If the case requires less than 3 minutes to solve, do it now.
Reasons for a person's lack of confidence in their decisions
Here are some of them:
- Heredity. This deficiency may have been passed down from our ancestors, but the future generation is created to find new ways to solve the problems of the past generation.
- Upbringing. It is always necessary to let children solve problems (even if at first some are not serious) on their own; you can give them some advice, but do not take the initiative into your own hands. This will be a direct path to destroying the child’s self-confidence.
- Social influence. There is no need to betray your principles under the pressure of public opinion. Since childhood, many people have been trying to instill other people’s opinions, to make people the same, stereotyped. The main advice is expressed by the quote: “Just because you are in the minority - and even in the singular - does not mean that you are mad” (George Orwell).
Algorithm of actions
How to make a decision about divorce/family preservation:
- Ask questions: will it be better without a husband/wife? Is this really such a significant problem that it is worth leaving your life partner? If only pity stops you, this is a major mistake, because it will be emotional torture for both spouses.
- Strength and sincerity of feelings. If the feeling of love remains, and the reciprocity of the husband/wife is felt, it is worth thinking about what a shock this will be for both spouses. You need to be alone, discuss everything with each other. In most cases, there is mutual understanding between people.
- If the previous two points have not been stopped, then you need to immediately inform your husband/wife, but the main thing is to remain calm and balanced, without wasting energy on the showdown, because there are many organizational issues to be resolved ahead.
- Many people face disagreement from their husband/wife in this decision. There is only one answer: he/she is trying to save the family. So, maybe the initiator of the divorce got carried away, and it’s worth giving a second chance, preserving the social unit.
- When children become the main obstacle. There is no clear answer in this situation. Children, of course, can grow up happy in a divided family, but what if this doesn’t happen?
Sometimes a psychologist's advice on how to decide to divorce your husband can be unhelpful. Sometimes a person himself feels better whether he needs it or not, without the help of specialists.
This decision can radically change lives, so it requires a long recovery. Measure seven times, cut once.
Psychological advice on deciding on a second child
Mothers often have a fear that they may not be able to cope with the additional workload. How to decide on a second child? What if the woman physically does not have time to do everything that is necessary for the babies? There are other fears, such as material fears: what if it won’t be possible to give everything the baby needs? How to decide on a second child in this case?
It’s worth turning on your imagination and immersing yourself in a world where the couple already have two children. Need to:
- Think through all the difficulties that you may encounter and ways to solve them.
- Buy helpers for household chores (this will greatly simplify life with children).
It’s a good idea to think about all the positive things that a second child will provide:
- The priceless smile of a baby.
- Improving maternal qualities.
- Saving material costs (maybe the first-born’s clothes will fit him?).
- A feeling of ease due to previous experiences.
