And there seems to be no particular need to run to psychologists. This is not even depression, which needs to be fought sparing no effort and resources. This is quite a variant of the norm. Only a little less bright than we would like. A little more nervous. It’s not that I’m not happy with something specific, but somehow I’m just periodically sad for an unknown reason. Something inside itches, aches and asks for something unknown. Where does this constant dissatisfaction with life and dissatisfaction with oneself come from? Most likely, somewhere we are preventing ourselves from enjoying life, cutting off the oxygen to our own song. And the subconscious signals us about this. So far it is quiet and faintly visible. But if you ignore it, it can, of course, make more noise. Let's deal with him while the case is not yet started
Dissatisfaction is a sure sign that it’s time to change something. Gerard Butler
Are you missing something?
How many needs can a person have?
The classic of psychology Abraham Maslow once identified five groups: physiological, the need for safety, social, the need for respect and self-expression. When some are successfully completed, others make themselves known. Perhaps the mind is quite satisfied with prosperity and professional demand, but the soul asks for more spiritual communication? Or do creative abilities do not want to stand idle and require implementation? Listen more closely to your desires. You can even remember childhood fantasies. What might you be sorely missing right now from the point of view of that thoughtful girl? Maybe you desperately dreamed: “When I grow up, no one will limit me anymore - I can go to Africa to look at live wild giraffes!”, but you never realized this great idea?
Desire for change
However, man is desire. The body wants to eat, drink, breathe, sleep. What about the psyche? She has her own desires, which are born along with the person. Only by realizing them does he receive joy from life.
Otherwise, there is a painful feeling that a person is not living his own life. That’s right: if he doesn’t realize his own desires, it means he’s realizing others’. Hence the feeling.
By the way, this is where the lack of strength comes from. When a person realizes the properties given by nature in a profession, for the benefit of other people, he develops colossal efficiency. Therefore, some people get tired of work and dream of getting to the sofa - for others it is like an outlet that supplies energy.
For a modern person, both spheres of realization are equally important - in the profession and in couple relationships. Even when one thing is missing, this already gives rise to dissatisfaction, but what if there is no enlightenment here and there? There is no energy or desire to do anything. So it turns out: a person wants a better life, doesn’t get it and unconsciously begins to blame.
He doesn’t know himself, he can’t understand what he wants, which way to move, what to strive for. And even if he wants something, he doesn’t know how to achieve it. Therefore, like a child, he unconsciously expects that everything will somehow work out. Same. Waiting for a miracle. Prince. Win a million in the lottery. He expects the children to suddenly become diligent, the husband to be caring, the wife to be affectionate and tender. Everyone is waiting for something. What if that wizard finally arrives in a blue helicopter...
Responsibility is the life attitude of “who, if not me.”
You 'need it most'
Your requirements for yourself and for life are significantly inflated, and with the implementation of each point they are inflated higher and higher.
You, like that famous cartoon character, will always and in any conditions “not be enough!” Any imperfection sincerely upsets you, and again and again you strive to storm the peaks - and try to drag your neighbors along with you. Psychologists call this phenomenon the beautiful word “perfectionism” and unanimously warn that it can ruin life thoroughly if it is not tamed. After all, perfection is truly not observed in nature. And if you sacrifice all human joys and weaknesses to this mythical deity, then you will not achieve your goal (after all, it will forever remain somewhere at the zenith), and you will forget how to enjoy life. Well, you also torment your neighbors with eternal nagging. Until this happens, it is necessary to instill a realistic approach, forgive the tautology, to reality!
Do you take on responsibilities?
The quality of a person's life is directly proportional to his desire for excellence, regardless of what he does.
Vince Lombardi
American football player and coach
The commitments you make and the promises you make to yourself are the bridge between you and your ideal life. If you're unhappy in your marriage, check whether you're fulfilling your responsibilities as a husband and father (or wife and mother). If you're earning less than you'd like, make sure you're working hard.
If you want to achieve a goal, promise yourself to take steps towards it. Only they will help you go towards success according to plan and only they will force you to do what you need to do, regardless of external circumstances.
If you want results, you must be responsible for your work.
If you are interested in doing something, then you do it when it suits you. And if you have made a commitment, then you will do it in any circumstances. No excuses, just results.
Ken Blanchard
writer
So if you want to improve your life, don't cut yourself some slack.
Comparisons haunt you
Why, in the era of victorious socialism, did a person who rarely saw smoked sausage feel calmer than now a person who rarely sees crabs?
Well, back then there were few people to envy in this sense! Relatives and neighbors stood in approximately the same clothes and stood in the same lines. Now the division has become much deeper and more obvious. And not only directly by the number of banknotes per kilogram of live weight. Here is a former employee who founded his own production center, and his satisfied face smiles from banners advertising the lifestyle of the especially powerful and influential. The ex-boyfriend was offered some kind of lucrative contract, and he is now chilling in warm California. And a former classmate has become a star and is a member of some kind of club for the especially privileged. And there are more and more such lucky people around. Surely someone will get something nice that we are deprived of! When an individual feels “pretty good” and those around him “very good”, you inevitably underestimate the value of what you have. Even if you learned in childhood that envy is bad, and you don’t allow corresponding thoughts, all the same, when you observe someone’s successes, you feel somehow uneasy—embarrassed for your modest achievements.
No, there is no need to push the discomfort deeper
! You can “openly” think about how many accompanying difficulties (from the long working hours of a producer to the eternal publicity of an actress) this is “very good” for them. And give yourself every right to calm down and live your own way.
When the trees were big
Sometimes a person enters adulthood unprepared. Helplessly looking around and not knowing how to live this incomprehensible adult life? They didn't teach me. And the years go by.
“I’m 35,” writes a young woman, “and I don’t know my desires, I just want to die from hopelessness.”
Where do they learn to be an adult? Of course, life itself teaches, by and large, but basic skills are still laid in childhood.
In childhood, a child depends on his parents; they satisfy all his needs. It happens that they get so carried away by overprotection that they literally do not allow the child to take a step on his own. Children's ineptitude and inexperience cannot compete with parental experience, which is often confirmed by statements like:
- don’t interfere, you’ll only ruin everything;
- Then it’s up to you to redo it, it’s better to do it myself;
- Do you have crooked hands?
Appealing to their experience, they decide what the child should eat, drink, wear, who to be friends with, etc., because they sincerely believe that they know better. Or they argue that life is a hard thing, and there will still be time to get in trouble. In the meantime, let him stay small. Remember how in the cartoon about Vovka in the Far Far Away Kingdom? Two from the casket are like an allegory of such parents.
─ Are you going to eat for me?
─ Aha!
Ready to help when needed, they do the wrong thing...
Are the parents, who were also thrown into adulthood at one time, to blame? They have filled their teeth, gained their experience, which, to put it mildly, is not always good, and pass it on with the best intentions.
And so it turns out - the child has grown in body, but not very mentally and does not know what he wants from life. I went to study where my parents advised or where society directed me with its fashion trends. And everything else, too, I don’t understand how life turned out.
You are 'responsible for everyone'
This “syndrome” haunts teachers and sometimes politicians more often than others.
And in general, representatives of professions associated with responsibility for other people. From time to time it begins to seem that you are thereby entrusted with almost a huge responsibility for the happiness and well-being of all mankind. Everything is fine with you, you were able to sort out your problems, but... How can you allow yourself to be happy when someone else is dissatisfied and unsettled? “Nothing will work out there without me!” With this approach, even if you do everything in your power, there will still definitely be a reason for despondency. After all, someone will certainly remain unhappy. Unhappy. Despite any help. However, this also happens for those whose activities are not related to social work. When the elongated, sad faces of those deprived by fate slowly gather around a successful person. Or it just seems that way to the person. And reflection begins: “I feel good, but my sister is depressed!”, “How can I be happy when my aunt is constantly sick?”
And so - you can do everything! Did you console your sister, did you run to the pharmacy for your aunt? Then it’s a matter of their desire and attitude. Firstly, you are not a wizard, and secondly, even wizards in fairy tales could not make everyone automatically happy - there were always some restrictions. As for professional responsibility for careless students or stubborn patients, it is useful to often remember the wise formula with them: “Do what you must - and come what may.”
What are you truly passionate about?
The most powerful weapon on Earth is the burning human soul.
Ferdinand Foch
French military leader
If you want to be free and develop, ask yourself: “What lights the fire in me?”
What makes you happy? What are you truly passionate about? Entrepreneur and co-founder of Apple Steve Jobs knew the answer to this question from an early age: he was fascinated by design. Designing simple products is what fueled his fire.
Think about what you are obsessed with. By doing this, you will be focused, motivated and productive.
You 'don't like anything at all'
I hope, of course, that this is not about you at all.
But it also happens: no matter what happens, a person does not like it. The dissatisfaction is general, global and insurmountable. Pessimist complex. If something is wrong (even in small things), he immediately blossoms: “I knew it!” If something turns out just right, he shrugs: “It’s an accident! And there’s probably something wrong here...” A chronic pessimist always firmly remembers one of the consequences of Murphy’s law: “When things are going well, perhaps you don’t notice something.” But he doesn’t always remember that these laws are jokes. Trying to really please such a person with anything is an extremely difficult, thankless task... and even dangerous. He may see something completely bad in this desire.
How do such comrades even manage to live and get by - and make anything of anything? Differently. Some stubbornly hold on to their peculiarity, since it gives, strange as it may sound, a certain uncertainty: after all, there is really nowhere to fall from the very bottom rung. Some people feel that this approach won’t get them far, but they can’t help themselves - and compensate for their eternal dissatisfaction with patience and a sense of humor. But the bravest ones still decide to try “in a good way” - and, although not particularly believing, they still go for a consultation with soul specialists. It’s good if these specialists do not belong to the type described above!
Dissatisfaction with life
Dissatisfaction is the secret door that leads to important and life-giving change.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Life dissatisfaction is one of the most common problems for most people in almost any society.
Many people are constantly dissatisfied and dissatisfied with something, and want their life to be better, no matter how good it already is. Sometimes such dissatisfaction is well founded, sometimes it is not, and sometimes it is simply absurd. It should be noted that not all people can clearly explain what exactly and why they are dissatisfied and dissatisfied. Nevertheless, this problem exists, it is real, not far-fetched, and without any doubt it must be solved. We need to understand why people may not be satisfied with their lives in general and what they can and should do to make their life better for themselves. This question is as difficult as it is interesting, since all people are different and their lives are also different. But nevertheless, I will try to give a comprehensive answer to it in this article, in order, perhaps, to help some of you, dear readers, look at your life with different eyes and learn to receive great satisfaction from it. At the same time, I want to say that from my point of view, it is useful for a person to be constantly dissatisfied with something in order to have sufficient motivation to strive for more and better. Another thing is that dissatisfaction should be moderate, not allowing a person to go to various kinds of extremes, when he completely unjustifiably begins to consider his life simply terrible and generally meaningless. Therefore, we will not consider the option of absolute satisfaction with our life, but we will approach this issue from the most practical side.
Reason for dissatisfaction with life
To solve a problem, you need to find its cause - we all know this well. In our case, in order to understand what makes people dissatisfied with their lives, it is necessary, from my point of view, to properly understand their worldview in order to find out what the life of these people should be like, from their point of view. So I had to communicate on this topic with different people - with the rich and not so rich, with the poor and very poor, with the healthy and the sick, with people who have achieved something in this life and with those who have achieved practically nothing in it. And guess what? “They were all unhappy about something.” Some to a greater extent, some to a lesser extent, but a certain degree of dissatisfaction took place in all cases. These were completely different people who had different problems, different dreams, desires, goals, some unsatisfied needs that they tried with all their might to satisfy. But they had one thing in common - they were all dissatisfied with their lives, and because of this, they were unhappy to one degree or another. The only difference between some of them was that some people realized their dissatisfaction with life, accepted it and came to terms with it, while others constantly tried to find their happiness, somewhere else, somewhere else, in other things, with other people.
So, talking with different people, I tried to understand why they are not fully satisfied with their lives, why they do not feel truly happy. And, of course, they all had their own reasons for being dissatisfied and dissatisfied with something. Some people lacked money to be happy, some needed a loving person nearby, some needed respect and recognition from other people, and so on. When I talked to poor people, they mostly talked about money, which, in their opinion, would make them very happy people, if there was a lot of this money, or at least in sufficient quantities. Then I went to those people who had a lot of money and tried to find happiness from them. Still, these people had a lot of money, which means they should have been happy, or at least completely satisfied with their lives. But no, that didn't happen. It turned out that rich people also had certain problems that prevented them from feeling happy. They might not have a good relationship with their wife or husband, they might be bored, their children might not be what they would like them to be, and so on. In other words, I did not find happiness among rich people. Then I went to those people who did not have all the problems that prevented rich people from being completely satisfied with their lives, and looked for happiness there. But even if I found people who had virtually no serious problems in their lives, I still did not find happiness in their lives, because these people had unfulfilled dreams and desires that did not allow them to feel happy. Thus, happiness was always somewhere nearby, but it constantly eluded people and me. It, like the horizon, was inaccessible to them. And if a person is not happy, then he is not satisfied. He is not satisfied with his life and often with himself. So we can safely say that one of the reasons, and perhaps the main reason for dissatisfaction with life, is the lack of happiness in this very life. Or is it a person’s inability to feel happy. This still needs to be sorted out.
So, when I couldn’t find absolutely happy people who were completely satisfied with their lives, I decided to pay attention to myself. How are things going with me? Am I satisfied with my life, am I happy with everything in it, am I happy? After some reflection, I realized that, to a certain extent, I was also not satisfied with my life, that I also could not say that I was happy, despite the fact that much in my life suited me and suits me. And then I decided to look for the answer to my question not in the external, but in my inner world - I decided to look inside myself to understand why dissatisfaction with life exists at all.
I want to say right away that feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with your life are slightly different things. People feel unhappy mainly when they lose something, and dissatisfied in those cases when they cannot get something, achieve something, or succeed in something. In other words, not being happy and being unhappy are not the same thing. Therefore, you and I will talk about what we don’t have, and not about what we, each of them, have lost.
What don't we have?
And what, in fact, do we not have, what do we lack for complete happiness? Why are we not satisfied with our lives even when we have a lot and have lost nothing? I think I know the answer to this question. Still, in search of happiness and satisfaction, I delved into myself for quite a long time and found a lot. You see, friends, we live in a world in which there are a lot of interesting things that perhaps we don’t really need, that we don’t really need, but that we would like to have. And this desire to constantly reach for something - it creates a certain discomfort in the human soul. Remember, I wrote at the very beginning that a person must feel a certain dissatisfaction in order to simply be alive, in order to want something, strive for something, move for something, in general, in order to be active? That's the whole point. Without dissatisfaction, desire will not arise, and without desire there will be no action, and without action a person is not a person.
The trick is that we don’t really know what we want. We don't even know what happiness is. We always want what we currently need or what we simply don’t have. In the first case, everything is clear - we have certain needs and we strive to satisfy them. I mean natural needs. And the rest, what we don’t have, but what we want to have, is the same carrot that should be dangling in front of our noses all our lives. This carrot keeps us active. It is not only an irritant, but also a reward for us. After all, we see our happiness mainly in what gives us pleasure, which, without suffering, over time ceases to be pleasure and turns into the norm, into routine, into a neutral sensation. And when there are fewer bright sensations in our life, then no matter how cool it is for us, for you, you will not be fully satisfied with it. You may not know people who enjoy problems, difficulties in life that make their life interesting, but I do. These people, unlike most other people, lack problems, lack thrills, lack the contrast between good and bad, thanks to which life is perceived more fully. The point is to see the difference between what is and what could be. This difference worries us. It should concern us so that we realize our potential while striving for something else. It is not necessarily that it is different that will be better or greater good for us, the main thing is that it is different. It is important for us that our lives become better or at least simply change, so that we see the best in the familiar.
So it’s not that we lack something, that’s why we are not satisfied with life and feel unhappy. Or vice versa - we feel unhappy because we are not satisfied with life - this is not so important. The point is that this is how it should be. This idea, in principle simple, is not so deep, but very important. Just imagine that in your life you have everything you need, you are happy with everything and you don’t want anything else. What will you do with such a life? Just don't tell me to enjoy it. You won't be able to enjoy it if you don't have an appetite for something conventionally bigger and better, or a fear of losing what you have. It's like with food - if there is a lot of it and it is very tasty, then you will quickly get bored with it. You will either need to overeat in order to get more pleasure from food, or starve a little so that you have a passionate appetite again. Therefore, do not expect that having achieved everything you want to achieve and received everything you want to receive, you will feel complete satisfaction with your life. However, you will still experience a feeling of happiness when you achieve what you dream of, but not for long. For nature, or better to say, life, although it rewards a person for his efforts, it does not allow him to rest on his laurels, but pushes him forward all the time.
The problem of dissatisfaction with life
Based on the above, we can conclude that the problem of dissatisfaction with life is largely a fictitious problem. If we are not talking about the banal survival of a person and the realization of his natural destiny, to which our instincts push us, then everything else, because of which we feel dissatisfaction with life, has more to do with our imagination, and not with real life. In other words, this problem is often not real, and therefore not serious. But at the same time, it makes sense. It helps us understand why we need to live. We just need to correctly understand the feeling of internal discomfort that we experience when we are not satisfied with something. How to do this, how to understand this feeling? It’s all very simple - nature rewards us with pleasure for acting in accordance with its goals and punishes us with pain and suffering for straying from the path we need from its point of view. Therefore, if you listen to yourself, your body, your mind, your inner voice, your intuition, then you will understand what you really need and what you should strive for in order to live in harmony with nature and feel happy. But at the same time, you must understand that you should always strive for something. The problem of dissatisfaction with life will be relevant for those of us who stop and stop doing something. Then such a person will inevitably begin to think about the results that he has achieved and which he has not achieved. And something will definitely begin to dissatisfy him.
Also here we need to take into account another very important point - life does not stand still, it is constantly changing, and we must change with it. Our achievements of yesterday may be completely devalued tomorrow, both in our own eyes and in general. There must be progress in our lives, and preferably mainly qualitative, not quantitative. You cannot stagnate in one place all the time and be satisfied with what you have, with the exception of the most important things for the life of each individual person, his basic values, which we will talk about below. You need to try to somehow modernize your life so that something new appears in it. You cannot always enjoy the same achievements, the same life, the same things. And even our habits, which help us stay in our comfort zone, do not save us from the disappointment that we experience when nothing qualitatively changes in our lives. You see that a person, having received something, after some time ceases to appreciate it and ceases to enjoy it. Even in those cases when he has everything, he is bored and not interested in living the same life. He will inevitably feel dissatisfied if some zest does not appear in his life, if some spark does not arise that brings the desired variety to everyday life. So no pleasure can last forever. No life, no matter how high quality it is, can satisfy us completely for a long time. The carrot in front of our nose, as I said above, will always dangle. And at the same time, there will always be something [dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, discomfort, pain, difficulty] tingling at the back of us if we stop. You see how interesting everything is in our lives. On the one hand, we have pleasure, which cannot be eternal, but to which we are instinctively drawn, and on the other, dissatisfaction, discomfort, pain, because of which we cannot stop.
I noticed in myself that as soon as something begins to dissatisfy me, the best thing I can do to get rid of this feeling is to start doing something. You can at least just start planning, dreaming, setting goals for the future to keep your mind busy with work. Work heals the soul. So sometimes you need to think less and do more to feel good.
However, taking into account the above, you may ask a completely fair question - how can you understand the pleasure that a person receives from things that bring him harm - from alcohol, tobacco, drugs? It’s hard to call them a reward from nature, life, for a person’s desire for more and better, because these things kill him? A logical question, you will agree. I have a theory about this, which I have already found confirmation in several sources. I believe that for those people who decide to spit on themselves and their lives, nature provides a deadly pleasure, receiving which they accelerate their own, so to speak, disposal. It should be pleasant for a person to do everything - even destroy himself. Then it will act very effectively. Therefore, when you see people who feel happy and satisfied thanks to something harmful to their health, do not rush to think that everything is fine with them, much less envy them. Nature has its own plans for these people, and they are by no means the best. You need to learn to enjoy more worthy things that contribute to the development of a person and improve his life, and do not lead to degradation and death. We all must develop, improve, achieve more, this is what nature, life, and the Universe want from us. Therefore, every time a person stops there, even if he did everything correctly, if he strived for what he really needs according to nature’s plan, he begins to feel discomfort, which increases more and more if he continues to stand still or begins to move in the wrong direction. Therefore, dissatisfaction with life haunts those who, firstly, do not do what they should do, and secondly, stop doing what they should do. At the same time, if a person decides to give up on himself and his life, if he does not consider himself worthy of better and more and therefore does not want to strive for anything, a new road to pleasure will open before him, which leads to the end of his story. This is my opinion on this matter.
So we are very interesting creatures, as you can see. We all want something, and it turns us on, it forces us to move, it forces us to try to do something to get what we want. But there is also something we don’t want, sometimes without understanding why exactly we don’t want it. And what we don’t want also pushes us forward and upward, and sometimes much stronger than the desire to get something and come to something. It happens that a person convinces himself that he does not want to work at the job in which he works, or live with the person with whom he lives, or be who he is. This gives rise to a desire in him to change his life and himself. Our reluctance is also desire, only in a different form. And until we see reality as we want to see it, we cannot be fully satisfied with our lives. The only question is how we can see the reality that we want to see. Should we see it in what we have or in what we don't have? After all, both sides of life are real. One indicates our achievements, and the other indicates our desires. The first should please us, and the second, at least, inspire us. Therefore, the difference between what we see and what we want to see is actually not big, and sometimes there is none at all. Because seeing our life as happy makes us happy, no matter what others think about it. And if we are not satisfied with something and suffer because of it, then isn’t it our own choice, isn’t it we ourselves who make ourselves unhappy, preferring to suffer? After all, you and I can rejoice in what we have, or we can be dissatisfied with it and even hate it. Because we don’t have enough or because we wanted something else. Why is it not enough for us to have what we have, why can’t we be satisfied with it? Or why do we always want what we don't have? I think it will be better if everyone answers these questions for themselves. In the meantime, we can make the assumption that the problem of dissatisfaction with life is subjective. She may or may not exist. Everything depends on us.
If you believe that your life is bad and uninteresting, then it will become that way for you - bad and uninteresting, even if there is a lot going on in it that other people consider very good and interesting. And if you love what you have, then for a while you will feel like a very happy person. So our thoughts can influence our internal state as much as real changes in life. This is another very important approach to the issue of dissatisfaction with life. Let's look at it in more detail.
Happiness is within us
So, above we found out that the feeling of dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, discomfort are all incentives that push us to change, to improve our lives, which encourage us to strive for more and better. However, there are such things in the life of every person, such, better said, values that do not need to be changed, or in any case it is undesirable, but you need to get pleasure from them in order to be satisfied with your life and feel happy. For example, family, children, a favorite activity, other people dear to a person, places, things, values, which are a kind of life support for him, which determine the meaning of his life - all this can be loved throughout his life. You need to be able to appreciate and take care of all this. And to do this, you need to receive great pleasure and complete satisfaction from everything that is dear and important to you. And this can be achieved precisely with the help of the right thoughts and beliefs. Let's now think about what these thoughts and beliefs should be in order to help a person, if not forever, then at least long enough to appreciate and love what is important and dear to him so that he is completely satisfied with his life, despite no matter what.
I believe that the most important thing that we need to understand is that there is nothing best or worst in this life - everything has its own value, its own advantages, its own merits. In other words, everything is relative. Yes, on the one hand, we need to strive for the best, otherwise we would still live in caves, but on the other hand, there must be some kind of constancy in our lives, some kind of stability, some kind of predictability, so that we had peace in our souls. I know that there are people who do not need this - they are ready for absolutely any changes and, moreover, they strive for them with all their might. But I know even more of those who always want to have something that will remain unchanged, that they don’t want to change under any circumstances. And such people are the majority. We need values that will be ours only, always and everywhere, that will be a reliable support for us at all times. So we need both changes in life and stability. And these things can be combined. Innovative thinking does not contradict conservative thinking, it's all about proportions. A lot needs to be changed, improved, perfected, but there must also be something constant in our lives, a certain core that we will consider our personal value. Therefore, do not compare what is dear, important and valuable to you with anything else. Let’s say you have a loved one who loves you, appreciates you, respects you, understands you - you don’t need to demand more from him, you don’t need to compare him with anyone, you don’t need to change him in any way. Tell yourself - this is my value, and nothing else and no one else interests me. There is nothing better in this world than your value, your happiness, and there cannot be! Accept this thought to realize your happiness. Happiness is within us, because it depends on our perception of ourselves and our life, and not on life and not on those who surround us in it. Otherwise, you will never find your happiness, because you will always doubt that you have found it.
So I am absolutely convinced that our happiness lies within us. In any case, I found it there - inside myself. And it lies in our acceptance, first of all, of ourselves as we are, as well as in our acceptance of those goals, values, people, achievements that we currently have in our lives. This does not mean that it is enough to simply convince yourself that everything is fine with you and that you do not need to change anything in yourself and in your life. And you don’t need to strive for anything or want anything. This suggests that it is very important to appreciate what you have and work with it, develop and improve it, and not ask life for everything else, relying on the injustice of your fate. This is what we have been given - this is what we need to go through life with in order to be satisfied with it. We need to have a foundation in the form of values that are important and unchangeable for each of us, from which we will grow. For on the path of life, each of us throughout our lives will have a variety of problems, obstacles and difficulties, in order to solve and overcome which it is extremely important to always remember for whom and for what you are doing this. Appreciate yours only because it is yours. Don’t think that somewhere there is something better than what is very valuable and important for you, what you have thanks to fate. Don't question your core values unnecessarily, otherwise you will lose peace, lose inner strength, lose faith in yourself. Because how can you believe in someone who doesn’t know his own worth?
You know, some people constantly look for their happiness on the outside, believing that in better conditions, with the best people, at the best time, they can feel truly happy. This is partly true, let’s not deceive ourselves. External conditions determine a lot in our lives. But think about why you don’t now have what you think should make you a happier person? Is it not because you must come to this, having the base that you currently have, is it not because you need to not look for a better life, but create it, and not sometime there, but here and now? Start by appreciating very highly everything that you already have - evaluate yourself, your life, your capabilities, the people who surround you, the life you have. Form, group and polish your value system - it will help you achieve everything you want. It will give you strength in difficult times and allow you to resist temptations that could destroy you.
This is how, dear readers, I found my happiness within myself. And I felt great satisfaction from this. I am still as ambitious as before, I have a lot of plans for life, a lot of goals - operational, tactical and strategic, there are grandiose dreams that I strive to make reality, in other words, I don’t stand still, I strive forward and up, I strive for the best. But at the same time, I really appreciate, love and cherish everything that I have, which is important and dear to me. This is my support, my foundation, which gives me strength and determines the meaning of my life. And when I help people cope with their dissatisfaction with life, I do two things - first I help them realize and very highly appreciate everything that they already have, that belongs to them and is part of their personality, their life, then I help them form their basic values and thus find their happiness within themselves, or you can also say - create it based on these values, and then we just look at what and how they can improve in their life to make it even more interesting, beautiful and happy . As you can see, conservatism goes very well with innovation. You can strive for more and better and at the same time appreciate, love and take care of the most precious thing a person has.
And, believe me, friends, there are no deadlocks. Every person is rich in something, everyone has something valuable and very important to him, and everyone can achieve more and better with the help of everything that he already has. To do this, you just need to decide on the first, most important step and not be afraid to take it. And having done it, go to the end. And then dissatisfaction with life will turn from a problem for a person into an excellent opportunity to make his life even happier and more interesting.
The main thing is calm
Okay, you’ve made a “diagnosis” for yourself. We determined that everything is actually in order, that the harmony of the world knows no boundaries, and only we set them for ourselves. It’s already clearer, it’s already easier. How can you finally stop worrying all the time and finally allow yourself to relax internally? What should I prescribe for myself as a “second aid”?
- Love
. A strong and vivid feeling is the best cure for the doubtful “maybe there’s something wrong with me after all?” and unconstructive “I want this, I don’t know what...”. Especially mutual. - Art
. It is not for nothing that it is prescribed to neurotics, people with emotional and communication problems. It is excellent therapy, and not in the sense that it consoles, showing something beautiful and pleasant, but in the sense that it allows you to look at everything, including yourself with your “cockroaches,” from the other side. Often from a bird's eye view. - Sports
. You know, sometimes there is an incomprehensible internal discomfort - only because with a sedentary lifestyle there is nowhere to put the excess accumulated static electricity, and the stagnant body asks for movement, air and useful exercise - and the sour tension is relieved as if by hand! The main thing is that you like it. - "Non-business" matters
. It can be very difficult for a workaholic fixated on achievements to realize that something useless can be useful. What's the point of walking, what's the point of amateur carnivals? But “meaningless” and “impractical” pleasures charge you with childish energy. As a child, I suppose there was no such thing as unmotivated blues in sunny weather! - Emotional release
. Are you sad and don't know why? Remember something sad and cry! Are you nervous out of the blue? Throw stuffed elephants at the sofa and darts at the Personalized Trouble's painted face! It will probably feel better.
Consequences
Psychology calls the main consequence of dissatisfaction with one’s life internal emptiness. The desire to fill it provokes a craving for various extremes - dangerous actions, meaningless purchases and other oddities. Exorbitant spending of money, alcohol and dubious company only aggravate the problem.
It is interesting that many people tend to reproduce the attitude towards life formed by their parents and grandparents. From the past we have come to believe that in order to succeed and achieve, it is necessary to experience discomfort and suffering. Such thinking inevitably leads to self-dissatisfaction and subsequent depression.
In a peaceful direction
Surely all sensible humanity, having read these lines, has already thought: on the other hand, if dissatisfaction exists in a person, does that mean someone needs it?
First of all, to this man himself. After all, if it were completely cloudless for us everywhere, we would not see progress - neither personal nor social! So we would sit in the dugouts, happy with everything: it doesn’t drip - it’s already comfortable. After all, why drive out the feeling of dissatisfaction completely and irrevocably? You can, after all, by curbing this feeling, not kill it completely and irrevocably, but simply direct it to your benefit. How can you imagine a creature who never doubts anything, is happy with everything and is always in a good-natured mood... and even somehow becomes a little disgusted. After all, that same awl in that very place is a useful tool when it makes you become better and make the world around you better!
So, we take our own vague dissatisfaction, our own inner aggressiveness - and use it in a specific case of downtime and slippage as an incentive! Yeah, we got there, tore off the ribbon... And now we urgently throw the incentive we just used away! Otherwise, he may again drive there - who knows where, in search of that - who knows what... But according to our plan, we have rest, breathe deeply and enjoy ordinary life!
What changes are you looking forward to?
We always have a choice: to take a step forward or return to where it is safe.
Abraham Maslow
psychologist and founder of humanistic psychology
Are you struggling to find work-life balance? Do you want to open your own business? Do you need to restore your health? Are you learning to deal with anger? Or maybe you are trying to improve your relationship with your partner? Define your goal and formulate it as precisely as possible.
The power of the right goal setting and attitude is illustrated by the example of What Breaking the 4-Minute Mile Taught Us About the Limits of Conventional Thinking by Roger Bannister, a medical student from London, who at the age of 25 decided to run a mile (1.6 km) at all costs. ) faster than 4 minutes. The year was 1954 - then it was believed that a person was not capable of such a thing.
Bannister developed his own training regimen. But psychological preparation turned out to be even more important. He changed his mindset from “this is impossible” to “I want to be the first to do this.” On May 6, 1954, Bannister ran the mile in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds.
Roger Bannister silenced his inner voice, gave himself permission to become great, realized that running lit a fire within him, promised himself to become the first person to run a 4-minute mile, and was clear about what his goal was.
Three wise principles
What makes a man an eligible bachelor? A tight wallet, a sharp mind and... When somewhere deep in the bottom of the soul doubts and fears swarm like an unclear shadow, simple techniques help to cope with them.
- The “say it out loud” principle
is used when something is bothering you, but you don’t know what exactly. Then you need, left alone with yourself, to try to clearly and clearly name everything that may cause discomfort in this situation. Very often it is discovered that fears and fears, “pulled out into the light of God,” appear simply funny and insignificant - and then they can be let go with a smile. - The “please clarify” principle
is used when dissatisfaction is caused by the need to achieve something, and the meaning and level of achievement is unclear. But then no result can bring pleasure! Remember Bender’s question to Shura Balaganov, exactly how much he needs to be happy. This is the correct technique. - The “buy a goat” principle
is used when you, in a normal and balanced state, still feel some kind of vague awkwardness - either from focusing on someone’s opinion (“they may think that I’m lazy and don’t strive for more”), or out of boredom (“everything is so good that it’s not even interesting”). Create an additional difficulty for yourself so that, having gotten rid of it, you can breathe a sigh of relief - and appreciate the advantages of your situation with fresh joy!
What's stopping you from taking action?
The things, questions, and words we fear most are often the very things we need to do, ask, or say.
Timothy Ferriss
writer
Most often, it is not others who hold us back, but our own inner voice. He says that we are not smart or strong enough, that our attempts are doomed to failure. If you feel like you are standing still and your conversations with your inner self are not ending well, just ignore it.
Some people allow their fears to take over. One way to overcome them and silence your inner voice is to acknowledge and voice what you are afraid of.
Imagine the worst case scenario and you will feel your fears begin to subside.
Timothy Ferriss
Timothy Ferriss developed an exercise called Managing Fear. He showed that once his fear was transferred from thoughts to paper, it was easier to overcome it in real life.
What's holding you back?
All misfortunes are from nerves
Dissatisfaction is a terrible thing. In healthy doses, it can certainly help achieve your goals. And in unhealthy ones, it causes all sorts of troubles.
- Family conflicts. Spouses, one of whom is dissatisfied with something in family life (not necessarily in the intimate sphere, although that too), do not always think of discussing the source of underlying discontent and deciding how to eliminate it together. More often, implicit claims result in unconstructive grinding, whims, claims and quarrels, which set the situation in motion.
- Violation of rules on the roads. Russian psychologists have found that the root of many road accidents is not technical problems or even a lack of skills, but in the “head”. It is internal dissatisfaction that gives rise to aggression, which forces drivers to act recklessly and cut off, and pedestrians to carelessly stomp across traffic and at red lights.
- Addiction. When significant needs cannot be realized, dissatisfaction takes on global proportions. And if there is something that relieves this tension (games, drugs...), there is a big risk of immediately becoming addicted. Hence the pattern that more often children from dysfunctional families fall for such destructive “consolations”.
Rubtsova Nina · 28 Sep, 2016
How to overcome dissatisfaction with life
Not every person knows how to overcome dissatisfaction with life and remain yourself. An experienced psychotherapist is able to improve a person’s condition after just a few hours of communication. Gradually, the individual feels confident in himself, realizes his goals, and the specialist encourages him not to stray from the course.
Now many successful people wonder why they didn’t turn to a psychologist earlier and wasted so much time. In fact, unpleasant sensations that last for months are eliminated in a few sessions. Life is too short to waste it on mental anguish.
Why does dissatisfaction with life prevent you from finding peace? You can independently take the path of harmony by controlling your thoughts and desires. Don't follow imaginary pictures and accept that everything is going according to plan. At home, meditation will be a good break from the hustle and bustle, and it is also useful to do what you love.
It is important to understand in time that every person is rich in something and also has the potential to achieve more. Dissatisfaction with life can turn into a great opportunity to improve. And the true value of things and events will be revealed to you.
