Relationship psychology: what to do if a girl doesn’t reciprocate?

The magical feeling of falling in love inspires, gives you the desire to live and create, pushes you to do crazy things and makes the world around you and yourself better.

But all these wonderful metamorphoses are possible only under one condition - if your feelings are mutual. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen. And if this is just your case, then our article will help you understand what to do if the girl you like is in no hurry to reciprocate your sympathy.

First reaction

It’s a familiar picture, isn’t it: he escorts her home or meets her at the entrance with flowers; invites you to a movie or a concert; invites you to sit in a cafe, wander through a quiet autumn park? He tries as best he can, but... And then the question arises: “What to do if the girl does not reciprocate?”

The very first thing a person experiences at such moments is resentment. Guys are no less vulnerable and mentally vulnerable than representatives of the fairer sex. And they worry just as deeply and strongly. Anyone who thinks that this is a manifestation of mental weakness is deeply mistaken. Feeling upset and sad about failure is a natural human reaction. But a young man definitely shouldn’t fall into panic and depression. What should I do? What to do if a girl doesn't reciprocate? We will talk about this in more detail now.

Reasons for a girl's lack of reciprocity

It is possible that the young lady who refuses you a relationship has certain circumstances that you, in a fit of passion, cannot accept:

She already has a boyfriend whom she loves madly. If this is so, then maybe you shouldn’t meddle in their relationship with your feelings? Or just wait a while and watch how their relationship develops. In any case, as long as she is in love, nothing will happen to you. But if the guy doesn't treat her very well and they have regular quarrels and disagreements, then you have every chance of success. Especially if you demonstrate an attitude that is qualitatively opposite to his negative actions. As soon as she feels resentment and loneliness, you will be there in time.
If a girl says she doesn't want a relationship at the moment, that's probably not the case for now. She may have other important things as a priority, for example, studies, exams, family problems. Or she has not yet moved on from her previous relationship and does not want to enter into a new one. At the same time, you are not averse to unwinding and flirting a little. But this state did not settle in her forever. And with the right amount of patience, you can wait until it opens up to you.
It is likely that you went too far in your efforts, and this is far from attractive to the weaker sex. After all, girls are drawn to something inaccessible and mysterious. And you took it and laid out all of yourself on a silver platter and at the same time all your offers of dates, surprises, etc. Endless calls, messages, exploits for her sake, in which you overdid it in a short period of time. And then there is nothing to surprise. And for her you are no longer a mystery, but just an errand boy who wants to receive at least a minute of attention from his mistress. That's exactly what she can think. But the majority of girls prefer brutal, self-confident, independent guys. And no one forbade the use of such boys in love, ready to do anything for the sake of the lady of their heart, because it was so convenient.
You like a girl, but she does not reciprocate, but considers you just her friend, with whom it is comfortable to spend time, convenient to have conversations on various topics, and nothing more. She simply may not be attracted to you as a man. There are two ways out: either reconcile, or change completely, in accordance with her preferences.
According to the young lady’s concepts, you are not suitable for her according to the horoscope or lunar calendar. Yes, yes, girls can have such oddities in their brains, and there is little that can convince her as long as she is adamantly faithful to the stars.
The chosen one may have inflated demands, into which your characteristics simply do not fit. Sorry, that's how women are. They are focused on the future and are unconsciously looking for a partner for life, who is also suitable for the role of the father of their children. For example, it should be a tall, muscular, brown-eyed brunette with high material income. And you, with your stocky blue-eyed blond and lack of a well-paid job, don’t fit into her ideal. Therefore, again, either resign yourself and rely on the role of her friend as a last resort, or try to change in order to outwardly resemble as much as possible the image that is so attractive to her, or do something so grandiose for her that her worldview will turn at least 180 degrees.
The beauty plays the role of an inaccessible girl in order to “increase her worth.” And thus get the maximum benefit from your courtship. After all, everyone knows that after a man wooes a woman and she becomes his permanent partner, the candy-bouquet relationship ends and gives way to everyday life. Guys are active precisely at the moment of conquering a girl.
Different social classes, paradoxically, can still be a reason for rejecting a fan. Although this is not the age of Romeo and Juliet, a certain hostility between minds and statuses is still present. Let's say she comes from a very prosperous family of a military general, where everything is planned out not only for the week, but also for a hundred years in advance. Here it is predetermined in advance who she should marry and where her children will go to school. Or it could be exactly the opposite: she is raised by a single mother, a seamstress by training, who is sure that it is written in their family to choose a man of the right caliber or to always be alone. And parents successfully put these thoughts into the sweet heads of their daughters.

Whatever the reasons for the girl’s lack of mutual sympathy, you should not lose hope for a happy future or, like in medieval times, grab her and imprison her in your “castle.” Remember that “you can’t be nice by force,” but don’t forget that “that’s not why mom raised such an eagle.”

To the very essence

So, the first thing to do when the first wave of experiences subsides is to soberly assess the situation. Try to determine the cause of indifference, find out whether it was a consequence of any actions and deeds of the guy himself or was it initial? What to do if a girl does not reciprocate because of the boy’s mistakes and miscalculations? Naturally, try to correct the situation, make amends. Maybe the girl needs to be given time so that she can cool down, rethink, reconsider her attitude towards the fan. And then everything will gradually improve on its own. In this case, the guy should ease the pressure, step aside a little, and then gradually begin courtship again. Another question is “what to do if a girl does not reciprocate at all, initially.” In this case, the situation may indeed turn out to be hopeless.

Why did she start to ignore

If a girl suddenly realized that she no longer wants to communicate, before taking any steps, she needs to figure out the reasons, and for this she will have to analyze the relationship and objectively evaluate the man’s actions. So, what could be the reasons that girls begin to ignore:

Resentment at some action or inaction.
Manipulation. She has some goal that she would like to achieve in this way, playing the game “understand me.”
Loss of interest. She discovered that the chosen one was not at all what he had tried to seem at the beginning of their acquaintance. The girl concluded that she didn’t like him and didn’t want further communication. Perhaps a rival has appeared on the horizon, so all her attention is focused on him.

How to understand these fickle girls, why they leave and what they want to achieve with their behavior? Girls don’t make such decisions overnight; this thought probably ripened in her head for quite a long time while you were still communicating, but the warning signs went unnoticed.

She either directly said that she was not happy in the relationship, or tried to hint at what she wanted, but never got it. Let's figure out what to do in this or that situation if we want to get our soulmate back.

Psychological attitude: don’t get hung up on the problem!

Remember the proverb: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge”? So try to follow it. After all, there are a lot of cute cuties around. And probably many representatives of the opposite sex like the rejected admirer. Therefore, instead of racking your brains over the question “how to get reciprocity from a girl,” it is better to direct your energy in a different direction. True, there is no need to rush too much. Let unfortunate Romeo move away from his sad thoughts and brush his feathers. And carefully, unobtrusively, prudently (remembering the water and milk that is blown on) begins to establish new relationships. But just don’t do it to spite someone. Or to make a past passion jealous. There will be no sense from such a “wedge”. Everything should start from a new leaf.

What to do if a girl refuses

The most important thing in this situation is to behave “like a man.” It’s better to silently withdraw from a girl’s life, instead of insulting her, further intruding on her, demanding attention, causing scenes, and the like. The more worthy you behave when parting, the greater your chances of returning this girl in the future. However, even if you do not make such an attempt, a positive impression of you will remain in her memory. You can also try to maintain neutral-friendly relations, and time will put everything in its place.

"Learn to control yourself..."

What you should never do if the girl does not reciprocate:

Avoid public scenes of jealousy. While hysterics are somehow forgivable for girls, they are completely out of the question for guys. Subtlety of mental organization and female nervousness are far from the same thing!

2. Deliberate contempt, indifference and ignorance are also undesirable. They reveal the guy’s vulnerability and emphasize that the past holds him in its hands. Alas, here the guys themselves, and even more so the “ex” and her entourage, can laugh at him to their heart’s content. And who needs it? Just try to cross paths with a capricious young lady less often, and if a meeting does occur, behave with dignity, restraint, but naturally. And in general - read the classics, it says everything!

How not to behave

guy in love

Don't make the following mistakes if your date doesn't reciprocate:

Control yourself and do not publicly show fits of jealousy. Women's tantrums are easier than men's. Seeing this behavior, the girl will completely stop taking the fan seriously.
Do not respond to her with contempt, indifference, or ignorance. Such behavior will only reveal the vulnerability of the young man, his dependence on the past, which will catch the eye of the girl herself and her environment. As a result, everyone will know about his suffering.

Instead, try to cross paths with the young lady less often.
If you see her, behave naturally, but with restraint. If you previously stopped communicating with your previous girlfriend, but remained on good terms, this will provide a useful experience. When a new companion appears, the guy will no longer make the same mistakes.

Modern ways to make peace with a girl after a quarrel

“The less we love a woman...”

Yes, still the same great Pushkin! He was an excellent ladies' man; he read a woman's heart like an open book. What does the classic advise? Has the girl stopped reciprocating? Pay attention to this phrase - the key word here is “stopped.” This is a signal that should not be ignored. Try to talk to the lady of your heart, find out why she is dissatisfied. And, if possible, discuss controversial points, so

so that they no longer become stumbling points. Another positive point of the conversation is that if the old relationship is not renewed, when a new one is formed, the guy will not step on the rake again. A “retired boyfriend” can also play on a girl’s pride and jealousy. But only if he has a good understanding of the character of his beloved finicky, values her very much and wants to regain her favor. To do this, you should calculate the steps like an experienced chess player and play the games.

How to get her attention2

Thoroughly analyze the situation and try to find mistakes in your behavior. You may even have to radically change your tactics. Did you, like a shadow on a clear day, tirelessly follow the girl every now and then reminding her of your existence? Then it may well make sense to give her a little break from your close attention. Or, frankly speaking, was he stingy with gifts and tender words? This means it’s time to try to express your feelings more clearly and give cute gifts, backing up your words with actions.
Deceptive maneuver. The secret to winning the hearts of unapproachable girls was once revealed by the great Russian poet. So why don’t you try to take Alexander Sergeevich’s advice and demonstrate some coldness towards your chosen one. Especially if she has long been accustomed to increased attention from you and does not even admit the thought that it could be somehow different.

Become her reflection. Despite the popular belief that opposites are incredibly attracted to each other, people who have a lot in common still find common ground much faster. Find out about her hobbies, ask mutual friends about the girl’s preferences, the places she most likes to visit, her favorite books and films. This will immediately “kill two birds with one stone.” Firstly, you can get to know her even better, and secondly, interest her.
Forget about hints. Blushing and remaining silent during another chance meeting is definitely not your option. It will be much more effective to indicate to the girl your serious intentions. Otherwise, you risk suffering from unrequited feelings for years, without realizing the true reason for your failure. If the fear is unbearably strong, you can attract allies. Your mutual friends, if any, can eloquently hint to her about your feelings for the girl.

Start changing. First of all – for yourself! Take up some new interesting hobby, join a gym, start learning languages, or simply change your clothing style. In any case, the changes will only be beneficial. You will become much more confident in yourself, and this will be noticeable to the people around you. And among them, of course, is the one for whose sake everything was started.

We're just friends"?

Another option is when a conflict arises on personal grounds between a guy and a girl - when a young lady sees in her gentleman a purely knight, a friend, almost a being of the same sex. She often consults with such a young man, talks about problems, and shares her experiences. Maybe even cry on his chest or kiss him on the cheek, saying goodbye. But hugs, kisses and other caresses, alas, are not included in her plans. What to do? Make it clear: yes, you are ready to become her confessor and adviser. However, we do not intend to limit ourselves purely to this role and only agree to more.

What to do at the very beginning

The first thing you need to do is calm down and take a short break. Both partners need a little time to comprehend what is happening. And you need to answer the question of whether you really need her, are you ready to take action to get her back? If she doesn't want to communicate with me, is it worth wasting my time or is it time to leave? If a guy is determined, then he should use the pause wisely and analyze his actions and how he interacted with the girl. Remember her reaction and draw conclusions.

Girls love determination and responsibility in men. When you need to achieve your goal, you should go to the end. Initiative has always been the prerogative of men; you should not expect action from it. Under no circumstances should you become limp and humiliated, this is a way to lose respect. You must always remember that a girl will not leave a worthy man. If she understands that she is important, then she will not end the relationship.

Having understood the main reasons for the breakup, having analyzed all the mistakes in communication, you should begin to work on yourself, eliminate shortcomings, develop strengths and move directly to action.

Ways to distance yourself from love without reciprocity

We must strive to create strong relationships. You should get rid of unrequited love. Here are the stages of addiction recovery:

recognition and acceptance of what happened;
acceptance of factors that prevented the creation of beautiful relationships;
distance from the object of adoration;
doing what you love (fitness room, swimming pool, dancing);
getting closer to like-minded people;
give up hopes, do not harbor anger.

Love changes over time or still weakens

When a lot of pain has accumulated in your soul, you should get rid of it. A psychologist will be your best assistant. Failing is also a part of life. If something goes unexpectedly, this is not a reason to hate yourself for your shortcomings. You need to believe that everything will work out for the best. The object of unhappy love is not obliged to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else's peace of mind. No one wants to throw in their lot with someone for whom they have no sympathy, just for the sake of pity. It is worth thanking the Universe for the life lesson, smiling, raising your head and moving on along the path of life.

The main thing is not to become limp, but to be confident. A little philosophy in life won't hurt. The motto should be an expression that instills hope and faith in the best. The inscription on King Solomon’s ring was engraved: “Everything passes, this too will pass.” It is worth taking advantage of the experience of a perspicacious sage.

Let's move on to action

Let's look at the steps that should be taken depending on the reasons for her leaving. If this is an insult, and the reason is known, then everything is in the guy’s hands. The result will most likely not take long to arrive. Even if the act does not seem so terrible, you need to take it for granted that for her it could be really important and offensive. Apologizing to her personally, being sincere, admitting that you offended her and promising not to do it again is the right decision. And be sure to keep your word!

The guy needs to be prepared for the fact that she will not forgive immediately, but a start has already been made, and you should not go off the chosen path. Gifts and surprises will help speed up the process significantly. Presents do not have to be expensive, but commensurate with the offense that caused the offense. It is better to give one rose 10 times than to bring 10 roses once.

But the reason for her resentment is not always known; it happens that for no reason at all she simply stops talking. Everything is more complicated here. There is no need to turn on the “sapper” in yourself, trying to guess the real reason. It is better to calmly ask why the girl left and does not want to communicate, and say that without knowing the reason, it is impossible to do anything for reconciliation. She won’t tell you everything right away, but you need to be patient and behave with dignity. When her answer about the reasons is received, it is time to apologize. If she constantly evades, and she herself cannot explain anything, you need to be extremely careful. If this behavior does not go away after a couple of days, there is an attempt at manipulation.