Many of us dream of leaving the office with its hated 9 to 18 schedule, but only a few decide to do this in real life. AiF.ru spoke with three women who gave up stable jobs and, having absolutely no connections, began to do what they really like. How did they do it? former bank employee Svetlana Bogomolova, ex-marketer Olga Ryabinina And manager with many years of experience Svetlana Efremtseva told AiF.ru.
What to do if emotional burnout has already occurred?
If you are truly diagnosed with SEV, then all that remains is to change your job.
For example, a teacher who worked at school for 30 years and suddenly discovered that she hates children (and used to love them) - she yells and can no longer control herself, she has burned out as a teacher, she is only causing harm, she needs to change her field of activity. There is a chance to remain a teacher if she changes schools or goes to university, but only with close psychotherapeutic support.
Burnout is that very state when, in the process of doing something, you realize that you don’t want to do it ever again.
With a heartbreak and tears: “I don’t want to do this anymore.” To such an extent that it actually turns off and shakes. Then that's the end and the end.
We must admit that you can’t force a dead horse to ride, and it’s time to throw away a suitcase without handles.
Requests for help Write your story What to do I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, everything seems to be fine!! But something is missing!! I am married, I have been living in a common-law marriage for 4 years, I have a daughter!! But I don’t understand what’s going on with me, I’m really freaking out, I’m furious and yelling at the child! I'm arguing with my husband! Tired of sitting. Within 4 walls, but my husband doesn’t allow me to go to work! All plans are down the drain! Not a penny for your soul! I always ask myself the question why some people have a life like theirs, but I have everything through my ass!! I'm tired of everything and no one understands me!! My husband controls every step I take, I don’t even leave the house if I’m with my child to the park! I don’t have any friends, and in general, one child keeps me going in this fucking life!! It was a shitty childhood!! I feel so sorry for my girl, I scream at her all the time!! Even over a trifle!! I want to correct my mistake!! Does not work!! Help me what should I do?? I'm killed mentally! I'm mentally tired of everything! And I can’t see any rest; I left my husband and came back. We agreed! I can’t live without him and it’s hard mentally with him too! So if you get it, you can even raise your hand!! It’s really hard with mom!! My dearest people stuck a knife in my back!! Tired of having no one to talk to!! What should I do? I cry all the time, and why I don’t understand, out of the blue I’m looking for a reason to quarrel!! Maybe I'm crazy!!
Sveta, age: 22 / 01/31/2016
Responses:
Hello, from your letter it is clear that you are trying to solve all the problems at once, but it’s not working. You have two arms, two legs and one head, and also one Soul that cries. In order to start changing the situation, you can start with simple little things. The child is not to blame. Start working on not traumatizing the child and on making his development and upbringing beneficial. Every day, tell your child something good, kind, praise him for his success, kiss him. When you begin to show kindness, kindness will begin to manifest itself and grow in you, and the source of aggression, resentment, hatred and pain, on the contrary, will decrease. Here is a parable on this topic: One day a grandfather told his grandson: “There is a struggle in every person, very similar to the struggle of two wolves.” One wolf represents evil - envy, jealousy, regret, selfishness, ambition, lies. The other wolf represents goodness - peace, love, hope, truth, kindness and loyalty. The grandson, touched to the depths of his soul by his grandfather’s words, thought for a few moments, and then asked: “Which wolf wins in the end?” The grandfather smiled faintly and answered: “The wolf you feed always wins.”
den777, age: 25 / 01/31/2016
Sveta, you are a normal woman. A common situation associated with depression against the background of the birth of a child and family. For some reason, everyone thinks I need to get married and have a child. But no one says that this is huge and hard work. In addition, having a child means giving up your usual lifestyle and stress. Plus the husband is also a burden. Plus, your childhood passed without emotional development of the individual in the family, which is typical for most of our people. But these are reasons, what to do? First, understand that you need to change yourself. The cause of all troubles is your perception. You need to start working on yourself, preferably under the supervision of a psychologist; if this is not possible, then you can find books and online consultations on the Internet. Second, understand that for you the situation is temporary, but in your child you are creating complexes for life. Do you want her to write ten years later like you: my mother didn’t want to understand me, she rejected me and didn’t understand me, she mocked me, I don’t want to live, I’ll commit suicide. Want to? But the problem is with you, and then the cub will spend his whole life raking and won’t understand why no one loves her. So, it’s time to realize that the world around you has changed and besides you you have a child and a husband, for whom try to make the world more interesting, better and safer. Therefore, you need to start living again. In the morning, pump up your abs until it hurts, eat healthy, have a strict daily routine, start kissing and hugging your daughter and husband, take sedatives. Now about your husband, he doesn’t let you go to work, why? So he lacks affection, so subconsciously he has a program that if you go somewhere else, what will he have left? Again, we return to the fact that you need to change internally. And this is very difficult! Your task is not easy! There is a lot of work ahead of you. You wanted a job, didn't you?
Sveta, age: 40 / 01/31/2016
Hello, Sveta. I want to tell you that a lot depends on the woman, how she will position herself, how she will distribute responsibilities, etc. From the very beginning, you put everything on your shoulders, the house, the baby, and the saddest thing is that you essentially obey not even your husband, but a person who at any moment can tell you that you are nobody to him. He deprived you of your job, friends, girlfriends, on what grounds, why??? Don't you have the right to your hobbies, leisure, income, etc. My daughter is already big, she can be sent to kindergarten, go to work on her own, communicate with people, develop, it’s not a matter of locking yourself away within four walls at such a young age. It seems to me that you yourself understand all this, and this is what causes nervousness, depression, and bad mood. I think that if you are dear to a person, if he is your other half and cares about you, then he should understand how hard it is for you and support all your endeavors, meet him halfway. If not... Then he thinks only about himself, is it worth dedicating his life to such a person?! Think...
Irina, age: 28 / 01/31/2016
Hello! Between a man and a woman, in addition to a spiritual connection (I can offer to sit down and talk with him), there is also another kind of connection, everyday and other kinds of relationships are boring, you need to act decisively, leave your daughter with your grandparents, turn on all your feminine charm and refresh feelings, I think the reason lies in the lack of privacy and warmth, you are mired in your internal worries, switch to your husband, he is probably also worried about you, but men usually hide their feelings, we are more emotional than them! The first step is yours, and then I think he will understand and take everything into his own hands)
song, age: 28 / 01/31/2016
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If you don’t quit the business that made you burn out, what will happen?
This threatens that CMEA will turn into chronic fatigue. Errors will appear in the workplace, even radical ones. There can be health problems if you ignore your body's signals, even death. Because of such things, gastritis, ulcers, and oncology are formed. To the point that people, for example, in speaking professions, start to have a sore throat all the time. In sports, your legs fail.
Of course, people who do not have the experience of self-analysis and reflection can engage in self-deception. They become hostage to their own prejudices. For example, all my life my mother said that I needed to work in a factory. And there are terrible conditions, low wages. And now the opportunity arises to go into a commercial structure, but the person is convinced that it is bad there, he becomes hostage to prejudices from 30 years ago.
How does it all begin?
At first, a morally tired person begins to experience indifference and disgust from what he previously enjoyed doing with the people around him. After this, the state of indifference transforms into pronounced irritation if you have to interact with people. Moreover, irritation concerns not only activities that provoke fatigue, but also begins to transfer to everything that is around, including close people. Suddenly a person discovers that his child cries too often, his spouse spends too much time at the computer. At the same time, it seems as if the whole world is in a militia and its only goal is to annoy us. What brought joy and pleasure yesterday turns out to be completely unnecessary and unpleasant today. The eyes of a tired man are dull.
Most often, this condition haunts people in their professional activities, that is, at work.
Is this all treatable?
There is rehabilitation and prevention, it all depends on the level of neglect. If this is at the initial stage, then, as a rule, one or two consultations with a psychologist are enough. Plus a visit to the general practitioner to find out whether it is chronic fatigue syndrome or burnout syndrome.
If we are talking about the most advanced options, then medical psychotherapy will help. You may need to go to hospital. Lie there for a month, get antidepressants, then get out and start rebuilding your life. The worst thing is when successful businessmen brought themselves to a state of psychosis, where they could destroy both their family and business. They are not much different from those people who ruined their lives with drugs or alcohol. This applies primarily to workaholics; it is very important for them to regularly diagnose themselves. Go to a psychologist almost once a month and see doctors once a year. And they are prescribed a month's vacation at least once a year. And then there is a chance to fix everything.
Treatment and prevention
If a person suspects apathy, he needs to consult an endocrinologist and psychologist. In the future, you may need to visit a psychotherapist. Based on the test results obtained, consultation with other specialists may be required. For example, a neurologist, narcologist, oncologist.
Since the causes of apathy are different, treatment is also highly individual. But there are also general activities that can improve a person’s condition. :
- treatment of the disease serving as the root cause of apathy;
- psychotherapy of existing psychological traumas;
- healthy lifestyle, quitting smoking and alcohol;
- special physical exercises.
Apathetic state is one of the symptoms of depression. But sometimes these are the consequences of a lack of vitamin D in the body, and in this case, treatment prescribed by a competent specialist will certainly neutralize this negative factor.
Recovery techniques
One of the restorative types of recreation is tourism and treatment in sanatorium-resort conditions. The concept of recreational rest began to be used in the 60s of the 20th century in the literature of socio-economic, medical, physiological content, which covered the problems of health and recuperation of workers.
Recreational rest is usually understood as the process of replenishing psychological and emotional strength, ability to work and health, which consists of rest outside the home. This could be a tourist trip, outdoor recreation, etc. Specialized recreational enterprises are boarding houses, dispensaries, and sanatoriums. But not every person has the opportunity and is able to afford to give up everything at once and go on vacation. More often than not, you have to wait a long time for the desired vacation. What to do in this case?
New impressions
Some advise those who are mentally tired to go on a trip. This method can really help you relax physically and mentally.
However, it does not always work, because even at the resort a person can be overcome by negative thoughts about a failed career, problems in the family and personal life, and so on. This method will help you physically relax. For it to become effective mentally, you need to choose a place for travel where you will receive a lot of interesting and unique information that will displace all heavy thoughts from your brain. We are talking about excursions, meeting new positive-minded people, a trip to some unusually beautiful place.
