- September 20, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Yulia Shishkina
A good job, wealth and prosperity are undoubtedly an important part of life. But in the pursuit of well-being, people sometimes forget about what it is for. Time is running out, but you still haven’t learned how to spend it enjoying life? In such a situation, it is worth reconsidering your views and trying out a few simple ways to help maintain positive thinking and the right attitude every day.
Enjoy the little things
Waking up in the morning on an ordinary weekday, people do not always tend to feel happiness. It seems that today there will be nothing special, and therefore there is nothing to be happy about. But if you set yourself up for a good mood only on holidays or important dates, the rest of the time will be boring, which will lead to apathy.
Every little thing that you enjoy must be valued and treated as if you would not trade it for anything. Enjoying life means appreciating all its moments. To achieve this effect, it is important to pay due attention to detail. Cook yourself a delicious breakfast by trying new recipes with unusual ingredients. Enjoy even eating. Notice the little joys from every little thing.
Learn new things
Enjoy life, but do not forget that, in addition to relaxation and entertainment, a person needs to constantly develop. This is not done to surprise everyone you know with your erudition, but to maintain interest in life and the desire to become better.
You don't have to re-read the entire school curriculum or solve equations. Learn what interests you. Sign up for courses and do something that interests you. You will not only broaden your horizons, but also become a more interesting conversationalist, more successful, and will be able to manage your life yourself. Enjoy the opportunity to realize yourself in any field, while learning with pleasure.
If you are unable to attend additional courses, you can do so by finding information on the Internet. Create your own training program and follow it, gradually implementing all your plans.
Find your hobby
Sometimes adults spend too much time working. They are successfully moving up the career ladder, have a good income, but at the same time they still wonder how to learn to enjoy life. But because while carrying out everyday errands, a person forgets to devote time to his hobbies.
Find something you like. Remember how you attended school clubs as a child, and how interesting they were. Bring these feelings back into your life. This could be handicrafts, drawing, singing or just anything that is interesting. You shouldn’t be ashamed of the fact that you want to live, just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of life and do what you like. There are associations of interests in which adults can belong. There you can not only master your hobby in comfortable conditions, but also find new like-minded people or friends.
Why can it be difficult to live now?
Living in the present is so difficult because we are always encouraged to think about the future or dwell on our past. Advertisements, reminders, notifications, messages and warnings are all oriented towards the past or the future.
Our phones are incredible technologies that allow us to do so much more and do it much more efficiently than ever before, but we really need a break from our phones at least every now and then.
Other factors that contribute to our inability to live in the present include:
- We often correct the bad parts of our experiences by making our past more pleasant than it actually was.
- When we live in the present, we face a lot of uncertainty, which can cause anxiety.
Dealing with these factors can be difficult, but fortunately we are not slaves to our brain's tendencies. It is possible to overcome our destructive urges and make better choices.
Laugh and smile
When work is busy and home is full of tasks and responsibilities, a person tends to be serious and focused. Balance and calmness are not bad traits at all, but you shouldn’t try to keep everything under control.
Relax and allow yourself to have some fun. Try to laugh heartily at simple jokes or watch a comedy with friends. Smile at yourself every time you approach the mirror, and before you know it, you will soon be happy just to see your reflection.
Sometimes you need to be more focused and maintain a confident appearance. But when the matter is not serious, give yourself a little freedom and don’t be afraid to seem frivolous.
Be more active
The positive effect of exercise on mood is a scientifically proven fact. Don't ignore it if you want to live an enjoyable life and stay in good shape.
Your body is a tool that you use every second. That's why it's so important to keep him in good shape. Sign up for a gym, swimming, or train at home. It all depends on your desire. Don't torture yourself with stress if you don't want to. Just be more active in your daily activities. Go for a walk or run more often in the evenings. It won't take much time or effort, but it will make you more mobile, allow you to breathe fresh air and stay healthy.
Fight depression with exercise
Science has long proven why physical exercise is necessary in our daily lives.
Research cited in The Happiness Advantage also confirms the importance of exercise for happiness. In this study, patients with depression were divided into three groups. People in the first group were treated with medications, those in the second with exercise, and the third group were returned to normal life by combining medications with exercise.
After six months, patients in all three groups were examined for relapses. And this is what the results were. Of those who took medication alone, 38% became depressed again. In the group that received combination therapy, the relapse rate was slightly lower - 31%. The group treated with exercise alone showed the best results: relapses occurred in only 9% of people.
This study clearly shows that exercise is the best way to combat depression.
Here is another study by KM Appleton. 6 × 40 mins exercise improves body image, even though body weight and shape do not change / Journal of Health Psychology, which also proves that people who take care of their bodies and are in good physical shape feel happier.
The benefits of physical exercise are undeniable. So why wait? Start training today. Start small and make it a habit to exercise every day.
Do not hurry
In the modern world, life has a very fast pace, especially in large and noisy cities. People are constantly in a hurry, they want to do everything and try it as quickly as possible. Instead of constantly running towards achieving big goals, think about how to learn to enjoy life here and now.
If you want to get a beautiful, toned body, you don’t need to torture yourself with hours of training. Take your time and exercise for your own pleasure, and the result will come, although it may not happen immediately, but you will not feel tired every day. Enjoy life at any moment, even if you have great difficulty achieving your goal.
The same principle works with other things. Break the task into several parts. Let them do them a little slower, but this will not affect your well-being. Be happy every moment and don't waste your time chasing quick results.
How to live at the moment?
To achieve a healthy balance, try to remember the following:
- Think about the past in small doses and make sure that you are focusing on the past for some reason (for example, to relive a pleasant experience, identify where you went wrong, or figure out the key to past success).
- Think about the future in small doses and make sure you are focusing on the future in a healthy way without worrying about yourself (e.g. don't waste time worrying about the future, think about the future long enough to prepare for it and then move on).
- Stay in the present moment most of your time.
Chat and make friends
In order not to feel lonely, you need to have strong relationships with other people. Give your friendships more attention and find some free time to meet up with your friends.
When a person frequently interacts with someone who has a positive outlook on the world, he begins to adopt good habits. Make friends with people who inspire positive emotions and share your plans and dreams with them. This way you will begin to motivate yourself and feel supported by your loved ones. Be happy around your friends and tell them about it so they can feel your positive energy too.
For example, if a friend does not want to change his views and is constantly in a bad mood, and you cannot ignore him, you should think about whether communication with him is necessary. Other people shouldn't stop you from enjoying life. Living in the present means letting go of old habits and connections if they prevent you from becoming happier and become a burden.
Balancing past, present and future
Important! Sometimes it is useful to think about the past and the future.
Where would we be if we didn't look back at past successes and mistakes and learn from them? Where would we be if we never planned for the future or prepared for what was to come?
It's important for a healthy life to spend some time thinking about the past and future , but we think about it a lot - usually our problem is too focused on the past or future.
One of the goals of mindfulness and a key factor in living a healthy life is to balance your thoughts about the past, present and future. Thinking about any of them too often can have serious negative consequences on our lives, but maintaining balance will help us be happy and healthy people.
Important! It's hard to know what the exact right balance is, but you'll know you've achieved it when you worry less, experience less stress on a regular basis, and feel like you're living more of your life in the present.
Control your stress levels
Experiences and emotional turmoil are not only unpleasant, but also harmful to health. Therefore, it is very important to ensure that you do not have too much stress in your life.
Avoid communicating with conflicting people and try in every possible way to isolate yourself from negativity. Don't watch TV programs that make you emotional. Replace stress with positive emotions and relaxation. To do this, you can try meditation or, for example, aromatherapy.
Pay close attention to your health and emotional state. If you feel stressed, talk to your loved ones about it or seek help from a psychologist. Take care of yourself as you would the person you love most.
Set your priorities
When a person pays too much attention to one aspect of life, he may miss other equally important things. And, perhaps, do something all the time that does not bring moral satisfaction. Therefore, you need to set your priorities correctly and decide for yourself what brings maximum benefit and enjoyment to life.
Make a list of the things that make you happy and the things you need to do to ensure a happy life. Anything not included on this list should be carefully considered. Honestly admit to yourself whether you need to waste time on things that deprive you of pleasure, and boldly delete everything unnecessary from your life. This way you will become more free, you will have more time for yourself and the fulfillment of your desires.
The next step is to identify the highest priority items on the list. Leave two to five points and write them separately. They are what you need to become even happier. Go towards your goals while enjoying life every day.
Don't put it off until later
The habit of constantly rescheduling starts with little things, such as the alarm clock when you set the time five minutes later in the morning with a sleepy hand, or with a dirty plate lying in the sink since the morning. It will be difficult at first, but once you learn to do everything at once, you will realize how much time and effort you wasted.
Instead of spending a whole weekend cleaning an apartment that was started on weekdays, take five minutes of time right now. Wash dishes immediately after eating or vacuum as soon as you feel the floor needs cleaning. Then things will not accumulate, and you can do something more interesting and enjoyable.
If you can’t complete all your responsibilities at once, make a to-do list for yourself. When you notice that it contains many unfulfilled items, get down to business. You don't have to live exactly on a schedule, but unnecessary chaos only draws too much attention to itself and you waste valuable time.
What is a deferred life scenario?
The concept of “delayed life scenario” was introduced by “Socio-psychological reasons for the migration of the population of the North-East of Russia”, V.P. Serkin, Doctor of Psychological Sciences and Professor Vladimir Serkin. Initially - to describe the peculiarities of thinking of the majority of people living in the Russian Far East.
The fact is that the phenomenon of the “northern scenario” has spread in this region and even began to be perceived as something completely natural. People created comfortable conditions and prepared for the life that would come later, when they fulfilled the “northern dream” - they moved to an area with a mild climate, bought an apartment, a dacha or a car, and so on.
The professor says that a similar phenomenon was previously described by Rudyard Kipling. Serkin called this a “colonial scenario,” and here everything is exactly the same as in the case of the northerners. Many Englishmen, during their decades in India, believed that “real” life would only begin when they returned to England. That is, the whole 20-30 years were, as it were, “unreal”, anticipating.
These are just a couple of options, because the “delayed life scenario” is a broader concept. And this phenomenon is not limited to any specific territory or a particular period of history.
According to the “delayed life scenario,” a person spends a long period of time—up to decades—preparing for some significant event or waiting for a goal to be achieved, after which, as he is sure, a “real” and happy life should begin.
That is, he simply exists in anticipation. “I’ll get married and immediately become happy” or “I’ll buy my own apartment and how I’ll live!” - a person designates for himself the moment until which he will not live to his full potential, but then...
And then, when an apartment appears, he will understand that it is too early to relax: after all, he needs to make repairs and pay off the mortgage! So “real” life and happiness will have to wait again. And perhaps they never will.
Be grateful for everything life gives you
Constantly complaining about how his fate is shaping up, a person not only sets himself up for negativity, but also attracts even more problems. Learn to accept everything that happens to you as a reason for joy and an opportunity to become better. Positive thinking is very important in order to provide yourself with only positive energy throughout the day.
Tell your loved ones how grateful you are to them for being by your side and supporting you in difficult times. But this should not be feigned and done only for appearances. You need to really feel all the simple happiness that you get from relationships with people around you.
Do not envy the achievements of others, but pay more attention to your own, even the smallest victories. The fact that someone has achieved more will not make your life worse.
Keep yourself a diary in which you will write down every day what makes you happy and what things you consider valuable at the moment. In times of low mood or apathy, look into it and remind yourself how much good there is in your life.
Enjoying every moment is not so difficult if you really believe in success. Just don’t stop halfway, always go to the end, achieve your goal and don’t hesitate. Don't expect help from others, take life into your own hands and never lose heart. The ability to find happiness in every day is something that is not taught at school or college. In this matter, you are the main teacher, and life experience is the most valuable lesson.
How to learn to enjoy life
I want to be happy! This is how 99% of women answer the question: “What do you want in life?” Men can still declare their desire to make a career, earn a lot of money, be successful, rule the whole world or part of it. Women put happiness first.
Make a conscious choice to be happy
Of course, everyone’s idea of what happiness is is different. But on the surface there is always a desire to glow, to radiate, to enjoy, to give of oneself, to live life to the fullest... And there is always something missing for this. Therefore, despite the fact that many modern women have a family, a husband and children, many have been able to build a successful career, live in abundance, wear beautiful clothes, and some relax in expensive resorts, they are still dissatisfied, not satisfied and “not happy." What prevents them from becoming happy?
“The answer is quite simple,” says psychologist Tatyana Gluck from Chernigov . “Considering female happiness from the position of “having,” a woman initially loses. If there is something that is a criterion for happiness, then it is good and “I am happy,” but if something is missing, then it is very bad and “I am unhappy.” The expectation of happiness, and even more so, the struggle for it, is the greatest utopia that is literally imposed on modern women.
From dirt to Kings
These stars are self-made
Meanwhile, a woman’s happiness is, first of all, harmony with herself, with her inner world. This is the ability to enjoy life and enjoy every minute you live. Happiness does not need to be waited or sought, it is within the woman herself. You just need to feel it and “discover” it for yourself.
Therefore, a happy woman always chooses to be happy, instead of becoming so. Such a woman is easy to recognize by the sparkle in her eyes, her mysterious smile, her flying gait.
How to learn to enjoy life
It turns out that pleasure can be learned. This is a skill that you can cultivate in yourself.
- And it’s long overdue! - says psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer from St. Petersburg Lyudmila Krugovykh . — The energy of pleasure is the most powerful means of attracting people to you. Here's what Lyudmila advises:
- You must try every moment of your life to remain involved in what is happening to you right now. You don't live and do things automatically while you think about your past or future. You are here and now! You can train pleasure within yourself when no one sees you...
If you eat a banana, then you are focused on its taste, maybe on the fantasies that may arise at that moment...
You put a slice of tangerine in your mouth and feel drops of nectar on your tongue... You enjoy these sensations...
You see the sunset, and you freeze in ecstasy from this view, from the riot of colors. Let the whole world wait. You are in this picture of beauty. Entirely, completely!
You take the cream in the evening, and your touching yourself becomes the ecstasy of the moment here and now. You can squint your eyes, you can feel divine...
You see flowers and inhale their scent. You see their color, the tenderness of the petals, and... you fly away into a world of pleasure from this contact.
Dance to music that you like, that gives you goosebumps. Watch a movie that will make your soul tremble.
Fate is in your hands
How to plan your life
Set the table for yourself as if guests are coming to you. May you be surrounded by beauty, comfort, warmth, pleasant smells! Allow yourself to walk in the evenings not in jeans, but in a beautiful dress with amazing lingerie underneath! The main thing is to enjoy your appearance, your feelings, yourself...
Once you master this art of pleasure, all restrictions go away. You are a part of this world that brings the energy of pleasure and happiness to yourself and those around you. Your every movement becomes imbued with energy, love, pleasure. It attracts and fascinates.
Men appreciate such women! God, the eyes of such a woman... You can’t take your eyes off them! They sparkle, smile, beckon, attract. And her hugs... I want to drown and dissolve in them!
Secondary benefit of being unhappy
Of course, there are times when people simply do not want to become happy. Do you think this doesn't happen? And how! Psychologists call this secondary gain. A person on a conscious level wants happiness, but on a subconscious level he is afraid to find it and does everything to cut off his path to finding harmony and joy in life. Here are just some secondary benefits. Psychotherapist Natalya Kovaleva from Omsk spoke about them .
Attention to my loved ones - let them feel sorry for me, sympathize with me, and generally take care of me.
The desire to relieve oneself of responsibility - well, what can one take from me? I have enough of my own problems.
The power to keep people close to you, taking advantage of their sense of responsibility, and sometimes their sense of guilt.
A feeling of your own uniqueness, pride in the fact that you manage to survive in such difficult conditions.
The desire to be unhappy in order to be accepted in a community where it is not accepted and even shameful to be happy.
The desire to appear unhappy so that no one would envy.
Maintaining an established, and therefore safe, picture of the world.
Fear of being alone with the world.
Revenge (shame on you all).
In fact, the secondary benefits of remaining unhappy can be numerous. And it is very difficult to understand this on your own, so it is better to cope with this with the help of a psychologist. But that's a completely different topic.
Secrets of happiness
For those who have made a conscious decision to learn to be happier, MIR 24 publishes advice from psychologist Tatyana Gluck:
— Clearly imagine, write, draw what is important to you, what you strive for, what you need in order to feel happy. Throw away conventional wisdom and listen to your heart.
- Allow yourself to have fun. Find something that makes you happy. This could be an interesting hobby, chatting with friends, watching your favorite movies, reading books, walking under the moon, massage, dancing and much more. Remember, the more pleasure and pleasure a woman has in her life, the happier she is.
— Give joy to others and share your happiness with them. After all, according to the boomerang law, what you give is what you get. And the more you give, the more comes back to you. Therefore, give gifts, show attention, take care of someone from the bottom of your heart. Sometimes, when you give joy and happiness to another, you get your own in return.
- Live in the present. It is very important to learn to live “here and now.” What's the point of returning to the past over and over again or worrying about the future? Notice and live every moment of what is happening to you now, in the present. This will bring you closer to a state of happiness.
— Love and accept yourself for who you are. Yes, maybe you are not ideal, but no people are ideal. It is stupid to wait for you or something in life to change (for example, you will lose weight, or meet a man) in order to be happy. You have no other self to make you happy. Be confident in your uniqueness and originality. Fill your soul and heart with self-love.
— Change the direction of your thoughts, learn to see positive aspects in any negative situations. If you get sick, this is a great opportunity to relax, read a book, or just lie in bed. If you were fired, you can visit relatives, meet friends and find another, more interesting job. Breaking up with a man is a wonderful reason to radically change your appearance and fall in love! Dejection and irritation about what happened will not help change the situation, but a positive attitude, on the contrary, helps you live easier, more fun and happier.
- Dream – it greatly contributes to happiness. This is a woman's way of getting what she wants. Not to demand and achieve, but to want, desire, dream. It's a great happiness when dreams come true. Is it true?
And remember, your happiness depends on you. Change, work on your perception of the world, increase your self-worth. Do you want to be happy? Be! You deserve it, you just have to believe it!
