How to start a conversation with a guy you like: secrets of communication

From this article you will learn 5 explosive techniques on how to start communicating with a guy you like - starting a conversation with a guy on the Internet, on VK (VKontakte), at school, knowing him personally with examples and phrases. All these things are not a dry theory, but what I observed on myself and my friends.

This will help you communicate more easily with both young guys and mature men. You will find out what is really on their mind: how they look at girls and what they want from communicating with them. You will also understand how to competently start and continue communicating with them.

The right start to communication is especially important and can play a decisive role in the process of a guy falling in love with you. It's great when a girl is courted by a young man she really likes. And your friends will definitely appreciate this.

And we will start with information that is very important for the successful mastery of this topic.

Should I text him first?

Often girls are afraid to start communication even through social networks. But there is nothing complicated about it. This is more effective than simply waiting for your lover to decide to start a conversation with you. In the case when you are not familiar with him at all, there is no other choice - you need to write. If you miss your chance for a romantic relationship, you will regret it bitterly later.

Interestingly, in Japan, girls are usually the first to start communicating with the opposite sex. There are many advantages to this, for example, couples in which girls initiated their acquaintance are less likely to get divorced. That's why you shouldn't be afraid to take the initiative.

READ What you can tell a guy about yourself: examples of topics

Examples of good phrases for the first message

There are four main ways to start a VKontakte correspondence:

1. General approach. The universal phrase for starting acquaintance is “Hello. Are you dating online?” - that’s all. You immediately show your intentions, allowing the other person to respond accordingly.
2. Sincerity. Honestly describe the purpose of your acquaintance to the person. Try to be as sincere as possible. For example, “Hi. I understand that we don’t know each other, but now I’m terribly missing new people in my life, new communication, new acquaintances. Judging by your page, you are a very interesting person, so maybe we can try to chat? We both have nothing to lose from this.” In this case, honesty will be disarming - it will be difficult for your interlocutor to refuse you.
3. Playfulness. Come up with a funny reason, even if it's a little absurd. For example, “Hi! I’m very bored right now, please recommend some good movie.” Yes, such requests don’t seem to be addressed to a stranger, but this only makes it all the more intriguing.
4. Opinion. Give your opinion on something you see in a person's posts. It’s better if it’s positive, although it won’t hurt to argue a little if the topic is not very serious. "Hello. I saw your post in which you say that “The Alchemist” is the most powerful book by Paulo Coelho. But it seems to me that the ideas expressed in “The Diary of a Magician” are even deeper and more interesting. What was it about the book that hooked you?” Naturally, you need to focus on the person and his posts, trying to understand who wants to talk about more serious topics, and who, on the contrary, would like light communication.

These are just examples of the first messages. Be creative - and then the guy will definitely respond.

What to do when all the topics for communication are over? You will learn about this here.

Another good way to win a man's affection is to learn how to give a man good compliments.

Reasons to start dating a guy you like

So, you have already decided to write to your chosen one, but you don’t know where to start. You need a reason to start communication. To do this, decide what you have in common:

1. Pay attention to his page on the social network. Perhaps you have mutual acquaintances, or you may have worked or studied in the same place before. All this provides interesting topics for discussion.
2. Find common interests. Ask about literary or musical interests. Research what communities the young person belongs to. But if it seems that there are no common themes, this is not a reason to give up.
3. Ask the guy what he thinks about the upcoming premiere of a popular film. Ask if he was in the cinema, if he liked the picture. If he hasn't seen the movie, ask him what he recommends.

If you like a young man, you must take the initiative. Advice from psychologists will help you start a long and interesting conversation with him.

There are several ways to meet a guy on the Internet. Let's find out how you can start a conversation with a guy on VK.

Pay attention to examples of the most effective phrases for this case:

1. Ask the guy directly: “Hi! Would you like to meet me?" This will immediately indicate your intentions, and the young man will definitely react.
2. Be sincere. Write: “I know that we don’t know each other. I wanted to chat with an interesting person, so I decided to write to you. Let's keep in touch!". It is unlikely that your interlocutor will refuse.
3. Come up with a reason. Ask a guy on VKontakte: “Can you recommend me some interesting book? So sad, I want to distract myself. It seems to me that I have already re-read everything in the world...” Of course, you don’t usually write this to strangers. But this may intrigue the guy, he will be interested in who you are and how you found out about him.
4. Write your opinion about one of the young man’s posts. Try to say something encouraging and positive. Ask him what he liked about the book he read or how impressed he was with the band concert he attended.

Show your imagination and creativity. Use your own phrases to get acquainted. The main thing is to remove embarrassment and dare to start communicating.

First, fill out your page correctly

On any dating site, you need to correctly fill out your personal page. Here you need to indicate not only age and other banal facts. The main thing is to interest the guy you like, so you can beautifully describe your hobbies or life positions.

On VKontakte

Today, one of the most popular social networks is VKontakte, so you can start looking for your prince right here. The main thing is to fill out the “About Me” section correctly. Here you should describe only your merits and best qualities. But don’t go too far, so as not to push the man away. Especially for you, we have selected several successful examples.

1. Cute and fluffy. I love walks in the fresh air and films about love. I'm looking for a man in whose arms I can fall asleep every evening with a smile on my face.
2. I am an ambitious girl who knows exactly what she wants from life. Brave and decisive, so if I like you, rest assured, I will write first. Okay, just kidding, I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and eat cookies.
3. I work as a professional wedding photographer. During my career, I have seen many happy couples and I hope that sooner or later I will become a bride myself.

In fact, filling out the “About Me” section is not that difficult. The main thing is to sincerely write what you want and what you expect, so as not to waste time with men who are not suitable for you.

On Instagram

To meet a man, you can choose Instagram. But again, without a correctly filled out “About Me” field, the chances of success may be minimal. You must fill out this section in an original way. We'll tell you what to write.

1. I love strong men and strong coffee. And when a strong man brings strong coffee in the morning, I love it even more.
2. Kind and responsive. Always ready to help her friends. But unfortunately, no one ever helps me, so I’m also fragile. How you want to find a man behind whom you could feel like behind a stone wall.
3. An athlete, a Komsomol member and simply a role model. Don’t use phrases for boring introductions, use your imagination.

Further communication will depend on how much your page can interest a man, so try to think through everything to the smallest detail.

On thematic forums

Here everything is a little more complicated, since there is no column that you can simply fill out and wait for your gentleman. Here you need to act according to a specific plan.

1. You need to intervene in any conversations where you notice a handsome and smart man.
2. Even if you don’t quite understand the question posed, you can improvise and answer sweetly and tenderly so that the man pays attention to you.
3. If someone from whom you have been waiting for decisive action for a long time speaks to you, then you should not immediately describe how long you have been waiting for this. Let him know that you are interested in him, but he still needs to try to earn your sympathy.

Of course, everything will depend on what topic the forum relates to and what topic was touched upon, but you can get acquainted in any situation.

Topics for conversation

When the guy reads your message and responds to it, it will become clear whether it is worth continuing the conversation. If a young man says that he doesn’t want to meet each other because he is in a relationship, then this is not your option. Apologize and redirect your attention to someone else.

READ How to meet a guy for a happy relationship

If a man happily answered the questions and decided to continue the conversation, it means he likes you. You can stir up this interest through an engaging conversation. Choose a suitable topic and get started:

1. If the young person has an unusual hobby, such as cooking, rope jumping, or playing the horn, ask for more information about it. Men are happy to share their hobbies and love to be admired.
2. Ask where your chosen one vacationed and what impressed him. Find out what kind of vacation he prefers - extreme or more measured. Ask if he likes to swim and sunbathe on the beach or if he likes excursions and active leisure.
3. Discuss theater productions, films, interesting exhibitions taking place in the city. First, ask if the young person is interested in any of the above. Talk about new developments in literature.

Also find out what the guy likes, and then tell him about yourself. But don’t go too far, because guys don’t really like talkative girls.

What to write to a guy to get him interested if you have a fight?

• The best way to interest a guy and start communicating again is to choose a holiday for the letter and send him congratulations, adding to it an offer to meet in some favorite place to “seal your reconciliation.” As practice shows, most often guys willingly respond to such a step on the part of a girl.
• If the holiday is still far away, and you are tired of being in a quarrel, then use the classics of the genre. Drop sarcasm, hints, irony and simply write: “Hi! I miss you and suggest we make peace.” Here the guy has no room for maneuver, he can only answer “yes” or “no”, and most often in such cases the girl hears exactly “yes”.
• In addition, men are straightforward, it is best to talk to them directly, without hints, and a pompous style in such a situation is completely inappropriate.

Even if you quarrel, you can still improve the situation

How to keep a conversation going

If you communicate with a guy in real life, maintaining a conversation is also easy. A suitable place for a conversation can be anything - a cafe, a gym, or even a public transport stop.

You can conduct a conversation as follows:

1. Don't be afraid to approach a stranger and start a conversation. Say something like, “Hi! My name is Olga! And you?". Remember the guy's name and repeat several times. This will be pleasant for the interlocutor.
2. Act according to the circumstances. Complain that the minibus doesn’t take a long time, ask his opinion about whether it will rain. Even an ordinary conversation with a man about the weather leads to a long, interesting conversation.
3. A good option is to ask a guy to help with something. For example, carry heavy bags, hold the door. This will be an excellent opportunity for a new acquaintance to show their strength. Don’t forget to say “Thank you!” at the end.
4. Guys love compliments, so don't skimp on them. Praise his figure, note the interesting smell of perfume, fashionable stylish clothes.

Don't drag out your conversation. It would be ideal if you leave unexpectedly. Refer to the fact that they are waiting for you at home or you are in a hurry to meet your friends. Be sure to smile at your interlocutor goodbye and tell him how pleasant it was to communicate with him. If a guy likes you, he will want to continue communication - he will ask for your phone number or offer to meet again.

What to talk about?5

About Me. About him. About your similarities and differences. You must understand that there is no ideal scenario. Choose any phrase to start a conversation. And then turn on improvisation.

What you shouldn’t talk about: problems, negativity and things that are of no interest to either you or him. Your conversation (especially the first one) should be lively and memorable.

Question options

It’s not worth communicating only on abstract topics. If you manage to start communicating with a young man, ask him the right questions. This way you will be able to get to know your interlocutor well, but only on the condition that you listen to him carefully.

If you are incompetent in some areas, offer to talk about something else.

READ How to meet an interesting guy on VK: a selection of different options

Girls cannot always immediately understand how to speak to their interlocutor and what to communicate with him about.

We offer several guiding questions that will help you get to know a man better:

1. Do you believe in the transmigration of souls? Who would you like to become in your next life?
2. What do you do in your free time? How do you like to relax?
3. What is closer to you - villages or big cities? Would you like to live in an apartment or a private house?
4. Which country or city abroad would you like to visit?
5. Which religious movement is closer to you?

Don't be intrusive so that he doesn't get bored. When asking questions, listen carefully to what the young man answers. This will help you get to know your chosen one better and decide how suitable he is for you. If your views on life are too contradictory, think about whether you need to continue communicating in a romantic way.

Come up with conversation topics

It’s good if you come up with several unobtrusive topics for conversation in advance. You can come up with them even if you haven’t met anyone yet. On the other hand, it’s not worth drawing up and memorizing a complete conversation script, as it will look too unnatural. Come up with light, unobtrusive topics for conversation (music, movies, weather), some questions that you could ask him.

Remember that there are some topics that are best not discussed with strangers, such as politics and religion

If you know that, due to excitement, you literally start chattering non-stop, then come up with questions so that you can listen more to the other person, rather than talking. This will help you cope with anxiety.

Come up with conversation topics and questions in advance

Possible mistakes

When communicating with a handsome guy, girls often get lost and make many mistakes. Before you start a conversation with the young man you like, check out these proven recommendations:

1. You cannot interrupt during a conversation. Girls make this mistake quite often. But even if you like to talk, it is better to listen more in order to please a man.
2. Be direct. If you hint to a guy about something, he will think that you are manipulating him.
3. Don't complain about the problems in your life and bad family.
4. Don't talk about your illnesses. This is not the most pleasant topic for first dates.
5. There is no need to think through the conversation in advance. Let your communication be easy and relaxed.

If a young man invites you to go somewhere with him, you don’t need to take your girlfriend on a date. She can turn his attention to herself, as a result of which you will lose a potential suitor.

Psychology of young people from A to Z without embellishment

As for young people, their consciousness is very primitive. The guy doesn't think about starting a family. He thinks about some of his hobbies and personal goals. And regarding girls, he thinks about sex.

He wants it very badly. This is a young organism, full of strength and energy. And his genitals are working to their full potential. He really needs it. That's when he really wants to go to the toilet - about the same for him.

You don't need to turn a blind eye to this. You need to understand the psychology of a young person. After all, he is very stupid in matters of relationships compared to girls of the same age. He doesn't understand subtle hints. He doesn't understand simple hints. And he does not understand even rude hints.

One of his listeners once sent Zadornov a letter in which she described such a situation. The girl called for a date and invited the guy to visit her. And he says to him: “Look at the pharmacy and buy something for tea.” And what do you think he brought? He brought hematogen.

And more than such a direct, thick hint that we need to buy condoms and we will spend this night with you. It’s hard to imagine a more rude hint. But girls cannot speak more openly. There are certain manners and a girl can say some things and not others.

And at Zadornov’s concerts, people laughed all the way over this story. May his memory be blessed - he is a great guy. And you have to understand that young men are really so primitive - they don’t understand a damn thing.

And I also had a lot of stories in my youth and young adulthood, when I was just as stupid, or even worse. The girls tried this and that, but I was frankly stupid.

Advice from psychologists

Before starting a conversation, listen to the advice of psychologists. These recommendations will help you not get confused and win over your interlocutor:

1. Don't be afraid to start communicating. Often girls doubt whether to take the initiative. If a guy refuses to communicate, it hurts a woman’s pride. But if you just talk to him, no one will know about your feelings, so you won't lose anything.
2. Smile more. Don't be a sad and indecisive girl, otherwise communication will not work. The young man will definitely like your smile. Subsequently, he will remember the conversation and the charming interlocutor for a long time.
3. Communication must be at the appropriate time. Check in advance whether it is convenient for your chosen one to talk now. If he is very busy, there is no need to be upset. Maybe someone really upset him, so he doesn't want to communicate. There is no need to insist.
4. Be honest. Don't lie to your interlocutor or embellish your life, otherwise you will greatly disappoint him. Girls often tell lies when chatting online. When meeting in person, the lie will be revealed, and this will not benefit your romance.

Even though you spend a long time preparing to communicate with a guy, be natural during the conversation. Don't try to win over a young man. When you are right for each other, it will become clear. If a man doesn't live up to your expectations, you can move on to someone else. Now you know how to start a conversation with any guy you like. You will definitely succeed.

Why is it so difficult to start talking?

Every woman has encountered a situation when she likes a person, but it’s somehow inconvenient to talk to him first. Words are immediately lost, excitement arises, and stupor often sets in when it is impossible to utter a word. Why is this happening? It would seem, what’s so difficult about starting a conversation? In fact, it can be very difficult.

First of all, the reason lies in indifference to the man. Women only feel awkward when they like a guy. After all, they are afraid of seeming frivolous, funny, stupid and thereby scaring away the object of their sympathy.

It is worth noting that not only psychological factors play an important role, but also physiological ones. The fact is that during contact with a person we care about, our body produces adrenaline. This results in the following:

• excitement;
• rapid heartbeat;
• profuse sweating;
• labored breathing.

Such manifestations purely physically interfere with starting a conversation. Not all women experience a big adrenaline rush. This usually occurs among shy, insecure girls. But sometimes it happens to those who behave smartly and confidently with people, but when they meet the man of their dreams, they completely forget all the words and begin to get lost.

Other reasons may lie in the following:

1. Upbringing. Perhaps the girl was raised in strictness, so she is afraid to be the first to show emotions and feels fear of relationships.
2. Psychological trauma. For example, in childhood, a daughter often noticed that her mother suffered from aggressiveness and disrespect from her father, so she may develop antipathy towards the stronger sex. Or the woman herself has had negative experiences in relationships in the past, as a result of which it is now difficult for her to decide on new relationships.
3. Low self-esteem. Difficulties with communication can also arise due to the fact that a girl considers herself unworthy of a guy, for example, not beautiful or smart enough for him. Therefore, starting a conversation for her becomes a very big act, which is difficult to decide on.

Many girls, due to their nature, find it difficult to overcome themselves and be the first to make contact, so they always wait for the opposite sex to show initiative.