How to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. Psychology of people

Ivan Vdovin

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Basically, I will immediately answer the question: how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. The psychology here is that in any situation, you cannot always and everywhere be calm and confident. IT IS FORBIDDEN!

You don't have to read any further, I answered the question. But what to do to become the most confident person possible is another matter. I will talk about this below, but unfortunately, not everyone will do this.

It's impossible to be calm without it

Look, if you take any non-standard situation of a person where he feels insecure, do you know what can save him? Humor and self-irony. I believe this is the most important key that will allow you to be calm, at least in most non-standard situations that you manage to find yourself in.

What does humor mean? Well, for example, you are standing to defend your thesis in front of an audience and a commission or in another public place. You are very worried and it is normal to worry. And imagine that you ironically tell a joke about your anxiety and thereby defuse the situation not only around you, but also within yourself.

“The voiced jamb is not a jamb.” What does this phrase mean? The fact is that if you voiced your problem and showed other people that you are aware of it, then it is no longer a problem, but a small problem.

Psychologists would NOT want you to know these secrets about yourself

—Imagine this situation...
What if, instead of paying for years for useless consultations with a psychologist, in 21 days you can work with yourself? Get rid of negative thoughts and states forever. And instead live a calm and happy life? Stop living in stress due to relationships or constant lack of money?

Tell me this is impossible?

I thought so too, until I started working with myself

LIVING HAPPY IS EASY

My name is Ivan, I am 35 years old, and I have been practicing psychology for 15 years. I have studied all the basic methods and techniques through which I help people find happiness. NLP, hypnosis, body-image therapy. I was invited on television as an expert.

And it was... just a nightmare!

I lived in a state of depression for 7 years (constant stress exhausted me). I had a lot of low self-confidence (my self-esteem was below 0). I could not calmly communicate with people, it seemed to me that I was not worthy of them.

The relationship did not work out (because I was very negative, jealous, a doormat). I’m generally silent about decent earnings; I earned 15,000 rubles a month and thought that was the limit. I didn’t want to live... Envy.

The worst thing is, I thought I would have to live like this forever, and I don’t deserve love and happiness.

But it only got worse, negative states fell on me like a snowball. It felt like I was sitting in a deep, black hole from which there was no way out. Hopelessness, despair, pain, resentment.

My life has turned into endless torture. But then a miracle happened...

I FOUND THE KEY... EVERYONE HAS IT...

One day my father came home from work, a little drunk, although he never drank much.

He came into the kitchen..., looked at me with a dissatisfied expression and began to say with anger how worthless I was, how I couldn’t do anything, and in general, how sorry he was that he was my father.

At first I felt severe mental pain (this is very painful to hear from my family). Then I got offended (does that mean I’m not a favorite son?!) And then an insight came to me...

I received that magical kick that I had been waiting for all my life. It changed my thinking, my life and my relationships with my environment.

I had already forgiven my father simply because he told me the truth and I was happy about it!

But then the most interesting thing began...

Literally 5 minutes later I was already sitting at the computer and writing out all the psychological (!) methods of working with myself.

I was even confused, because my plans were to continue to suffer all my life.

It was such an incredible feeling of freedom and desire to do something that I burst into tears of happiness.

THE MAIN SECRET OF HAPPINESS

If you think that you cannot change your life, become rich or successful, or create a happy relationship - you are mistaken!

You can change your life by changing your thinking and the main thing is to do it EASILY!

• 5 simple and powerful methods of working with yourself (they work even if you use them incorrectly) - You don’t have to turn to psychologists, you are your own psychologist.

• “The secret method” of working through any negative state. This will allow you to eliminate the negative and switch to the positive in 5 minutes.

• 15 minutes a day - Just 15 minutes a day to change your life 180 degrees. Become happier and more joyful.

• Saving up to 100,000 rubles in 1 year - You will save on trips to a psychologist, and spend the saved money on a vacation by the sea.

• 21 days – It only takes 21 days for you to see changes in your life. You will start smiling. Wake up with joy.

DOWNLOAD THE “GUIDE TO CHANGING YOURSELF” FOR FREE

For 7 days, access to the “Guide to Changing Yourself” will be free, everyone can download it from Telegram using the button below.

PS If you want to say “thank you” to me, just download the guide and start using it every day.

PPS How about becoming happy today? =)

An example from my life:

When I was young, I met a girl, invited her to a cafe, we sat and talked, but suddenly she suddenly stood up and left. To be honest, I was a little freaked out, my pride and self-esteem were below not only the baseboard, but also the floor itself.

Still, I became bolder and asked her a question: why did she leave? To which I received the answer that my ear was dirty and that meant I was dirty and not washed.

And you know, what’s interesting is that I’m not a dirty person, but at that time my ears often hurt and I couldn’t clean them with cotton swabs, I could only use my fingers, but it wasn’t thick enough.

So, the girl thought that I was all so terrible and disgusting, but in fact, it turned out that it was just my illness at that time. Of course, I told her about my otitis media, but she still apologized. But we never saw her again.

What was done after?

I met another girl and went to meet her, but before I met, I told her that I had otitis media and if my ear was dirty, I shouldn’t worry. The girl, accordingly, took it normally and there was a happy ending, a wedding and three children. NO, I lied, we just talked, met and ran away.

How to learn to react calmly to everything?

It is impossible to calculate every step and plan the day perfectly. On the path of life you encounter problems, friends get offended, you make mistakes, your boss makes comments. Do not idealize life; a person is not able to keep all areas under control. Allow yourself to make mistakes and accept what happens as a valuable lesson.

How to learn to react calmly to everything?

Control your emotions. First, train on events that have already happened. If you had a fight with a friend, remember why. Come up with other dialogue options, your reaction. Then move on to practice. When you feel that you are boiling, then wish your interlocutor something good: a weekend trip, a new car, a promotion at work. By switching to positive thoughts, you will notice that you no longer want to scream and get irritated.

Let go of your irritation. Sports exercises are good for health and build character. Along with the load, a person relieves nervous tension. Sport disciplines and teaches you to achieve your goals. Such skills will come in handy in a provocative conversation. You will notice that you have learned to control your emotions. The second option for relieving irritation is suitable for creative individuals. Find a hobby: draw, sculpt, play the guitar. Doing what you love brings positive emotions and displaces negative thoughts.

Learn to react calmly to life situations every day. It is important to break the irritation program and instill a new skill. For extra motivation, look at yourself in the mirror when you're feeling negative. The reflection will surprise you; instead of a sweet image, a face twisted with anger looks at you. This is the kind of person you will be remembered by others, your husband and children. Then smile at your reflection. Compare the two emotions and draw conclusions. Plus, don’t forget that stress and irritability add wrinkles, and laughter prolongs life. Make the right choices.

Where does self-doubt come from?

All people cannot always be confident in every situation. This is impossible! Even Elon Musk will feel insecure in a village toilet, this is normal. We feel confident where we feel comfortable. And when we leave our comfort zone, that’s where our worries begin.

Accordingly, there are concepts of confidence and excitement. It’s anxiety, aka fear, that prevents us from feeling comfortable. And as we know, fear is just an emotion that can be worked through. Usually fears are in the chest. What does it mean to process emotions?

The fact that you feel fear in adulthood means that you learned to be afraid in deep childhood, which means that the situation from childhood can be worked out so that you stop being afraid in childhood. Accordingly, if you stop being afraid in childhood, you stop being afraid in adulthood. It’s easier to say with the fashionable phrase “Close the gestalt”

In total, we get that our whole life, namely: relationships, success, earnings, health, love, confidence is laid down in childhood from our parents and environment. But this does not mean that we will follow in the footsteps of our parents; if we turn to a psychologist, we can direct ourselves in a different direction.

Example from life:

My father is a drinker, and he drinks out of boredom, if he doesn’t drink enough. Although I can understand him, his parents left him early and he was left an orphan at the age of 10. Whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t matter, unfortunately, this happens. And usually, people whose parents leave early feel severe mental pain that they cannot cope with on their own.

But children, they are always altruists, they try to take the pain away from their parents and thereby help them cope with the pain. But unfortunately, children doom themselves to suffering by taking on someone else's pain. Because a person himself must cope with his emotions and problems.

So I was such a child who picked up the negative states of my parents and walked through life with it, as I walked, crawling on my knees. With such baggage, it is impossible to talk about success and a happy life until all this is worked through.

I lived and suffered until I met a good psychologist who explained it all to me and helped me work through it. Thanks to him.

So, when I freed myself from my parental conditions and programs, I was able to independently walk through life with a confident step. And you can if you want. You can become whoever you want!

Why do people experience stress differently?

There are many other scales and classifications that can be cited, with only one big and bold “but”. The approach on which this study was conducted is fundamentally flawed . In fact, researchers and scientists who say that stress (emotional tension) is a consequence of events and situations are wrong! Let me explain my point.

Let's take any situation, even the most stressful: the death of a person. And we will find out that, it turns out, there are people on earth who rejoice at the death of their beloved relatives. These people were brought up in other cultural and philosophical-religious traditions. For example, it is known for sure that Buddhists view death differently than Europeans. This is not about the emotional state of a person, but about the intensity of the manifestation of this experience.

Again. It is important. We analyze not different, but identical situations. For example, we do not consider the death of a rich relative who left an inheritance, and the death of a poor relative who left only debts. And it turns out that in absolutely the same situation people can have very different emotional reactions:

• Some people will indulge in grief all their lives. This will deprive them of the strength and opportunity to create something valuable. It is precisely such people, having lost a loved one, who become drunkards or die;
• others will grieve, but it will not deprive them of life itself. After some time, they will recover from grief and move on;
• still others will smile sincerely, beat the drums and dance around the fires, rejoicing that their loved one has finally left this world and is now in a place where he is incomparably better.

We can take a situation that is less traumatic for a person raised in our culture, for example, a traffic jam. And we will also see different psychological reactions. For one person, traffic jams will be a strong stress factor, but for another it will not be at all, although they are both late for work and their bosses are angry. One will arrive exhausted and devastated, and the second will be in quite a resourceful state.

We can continue to give examples where, in very similar life situations, people experience mental states that are different in intensity and sometimes in sign. This means that not everyone will experience stress equally.

What does it mean to be calm in any situation?

This means that you perceive everything around you as friendly. I have another way that will help make everything around friendly, but more on that below.

Imagine that you have the feeling that everyone around you loves you? Respected? Do they appreciate it? Are you accepted for who you are?

It would be cool, it’s a pity that not everyone can do this, but personally I can. I am a sophisticated person and can easily change my perception of the world and of myself to the world.

You are also capable of this, but you need to get rid of the burden of the past, from a negative perception of the world to a positive one, which is why it is important to work with a psychologist.

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Top 25 Tips on How to Deal with Negativity at Work and at Home

People experience negative feelings such as sadness, anger, jealousy or hatred when the situation they are in is out of their control. Negativity is very common, especially in the workplace. These emotions tend to make people doubt themselves and affect the way they perform work and perceive things. Although it is generally natural to sometimes find ourselves in situations that can cause us negative emotions, it is still worth knowing how to cope with such negative emotions. Below are 25 tips to help you cope with negative emotions caused by unpleasant situations. 25. Assess the situation objectively

You should never make a big deal out of a mountain. When something bad happens, try to avoid exaggeration and the desire to make the situation more negative than it really is. Sometimes a person can deceive himself and make a mountain out of a molehill by constantly thinking it over and over again. This is unnecessary and leads to unwanted stress. Instead, try to think of solutions to the problem and apply some of the tips you find in this list. 24. Learn to be reasonable

This advice goes hand in hand with advice from point #25. When bad situations happen, the temptation to act hastily, on a wave of emotion instead of logic, is too strong. First of all, you should learn to keep your emotions under control and not let them affect your judgment. If something unpleasant happens, just accept that bad things happen sometimes and find a way to deal with them and move on with your life. 23. Think about ways that help you relax.

This is a simple solution, but, nevertheless, it is one of the most effective.
If you are overwhelmed by a wave of negativity, this can be a clear sign that you are mentally “blown away.” Get out of the negative environment and relax. If you are at work, this can be a difficult task. However, there are solutions here too, you can go and talk to someone in another department and take a walk during lunch instead of eating with colleagues indoors. 22. Try to understand the situation and learn from it

The sad truth is that we live in a world full of negativity. However, this does not mean that you are doomed to fall into his network. Learn to recognize negative situations and learn from them, overcoming them while remaining positive. Usually, there is a positive side to every situation, even if it is small. Learn to find it and focus on it. 21. Exercise

Not many people are aware of the fact that apart from keeping your figure in good shape, exercise also helps reduce stress levels in the body. Exercising, for example, allows the body to better cope with negative emotions, since the process produces endorphins, which make you feel better. 20. Don't hold on to the past

It's true, we do learn from our mistakes (at least that's how it should be). But it’s one thing to learn a lesson from your mistake and move on in life, and a completely different thing to ruminate on the past and drown in a quagmire of negativity. Learn to understand that the past will remain the past. Just like that, because you still won’t be able to change it. You cannot influence it, embellish it, stop the moment in the past, erase it from your memory, or subject it to any other form of adjustment. Therefore, if you still cannot change anything in your past, why would you waste valuable life energy and time on thoughts and regrets? Instead, focus on the present and strive for a brighter future. You'll feel happier and more productive when you focus all your wasted energy on what you can do in the present. 19. Learn not just to listen, but to hear people

Listening is one of the best ways to deal with negativity in the workplace. Just like you, your work colleagues want to be heard and they need someone who can simply listen to them. During group discussions, try to listen carefully to other people, and not just what you have to say. This will improve your relationships with your colleagues and help prevent situations that could otherwise become a source of negativity. 18. Recognize that you are a human being just like everyone else and that you also make mistakes sometimes.

Recognize that you are just human and that you sometimes support decisions that you don't really like. Of course, it is very difficult to admit that you, too, are capable of contributing to the spread of negativity around you. If you learn to admit your ability to make mistakes, it will become much easier for you to perceive the negativity of other people, and the best remedy against negativity, as we know, is tolerance. However, tolerance does not mean absorbing this negativity into yourself. Just try to create a positive environment and be a positive person. 17. Spend some time reflecting on the positive aspects of your life.

Spend some time alone every day and think about the positive aspects of your life. It's easy to get overwhelmed by the obvious negativity, but when you stop for a minute and think about your life, it becomes clear that you actually have a lot to be grateful for that other people don't have. . 16. Take breaks or go for walks alone.

When you are in an extremely stressful situation and you feel like the ground is about to disappear from under your feet, plunging you into the abyss of negativity, take a break and take a walk. Apart from the fact that walking reduces stress in the body, it also prevents your negative emotions from running high and causing you to say something that you will later regret. 15. Accept yourself for who you are, along with all your shortcomings and strengths

Dealing with negativity partly involves accepting yourself and learning how you can help yourself. If you fail to achieve a goal, never blame or beat yourself up for a poor decision or error in judgment. Know that you are human and are capable of committing wrongdoing, just like everyone else. 14. Avoid being overly defensive

Try not to let yourself become too defensive. This is especially appropriate in workplaces where clashes with co-workers during stressful situations are not uncommon. If someone says something negative, try not to immediately rear up. Listen to what was said and if there is a grain of truth in what was said, act accordingly. However, if there is not a grain of truth in a negative statement, do not let what is said get to you, remain calm and remain positive. 13. Instead of thinking about a negative situation, try to think about possible ways to solve it.

The ultimate goal is to finish the job with an optimal result. If you dwell on a negative situation or thought, you are wasting time because things are not moving forward. Instead, acknowledge the severity of the situation, but begin to think about possible ways to resolve it or improvements that can be made to alleviate it. 12. Ask open-ended questions

Ask open-ended questions to help identify the source of a negative situation. By asking open-ended questions such as: “What do you think will happen if ___?”, “What would you like to know about _____?”, What do you already know about _____?”, you allow people to give more natural answers that will help reveal much more debated issue. This is great because such questions and discussions give room to the individuality and creativity of your peers and work colleagues (in a positive situation). On the other hand, closed questions such as: “Are you feeling better today?”, “Do you think you’re right?”, “Which is better, green or red?” limit their answers to “yes” and “no”, which depending on the context, it can be perceived as a manifestation of confrontation. Whether you're trying to determine the cause of a negative situation or create a more positive solution, the best tactic is to ask open-ended questions. 11. Resolve to remain calm.

We have more power over our actions than we think. The decision to become angry or to remain rational and calm is just that – a decision. Make a conscious, intentional decision to remain calm when negative situations arise. Not only will this help you stay calm, but it will also give you a chance to turn a negative situation into a more positive one. 10. Solve one problem at a time

Discuss all the issues and solve one problem at a time. This will allow you to more effectively focus on finding a way out of the situation that is causing negativity in the workplace. 9. Give other people the opportunity to express their opinions

Sometimes, all it takes to reduce negativity is to listen to the person. We are all human and each of us wants to be heard and appreciated. 8. Never brush off a complaint, even if it seems very trivial.

This applies to both work and home environments. Don't make it a habit to ignore complaints, even if they seem trivial to you. If someone felt that this complaint was important, then for that person it is far from trivial. Listen to what the person is saying and try not to take what they say personally. A complaint may be a valuable observation worth considering. Listening to her will let the person speaking know that you value her opinion and will create a more positive and productive environment. 7. Try not to get too carried away with creating rules.

Never make rules for everyone if only a few break the rules. This is another example of advice that you can use both at work and at home. If you're in a powerful position at work, try not to create a ton of rules. It is important to give people the freedom to express their individuality, while at the same time maintaining an appropriate work routine. However, too many rules create a stressful environment and can become a source of negativity both at work and at home. 6. Enter the suggestion box program

In most cases, problems in the workplace arise because there is no necessary dialogue between employees and management. Thanks to the introduction of a suggestion box, employees will be able to speak freely and thus, the administration will be able to understand exactly what problems need to be solved first. 5. Sponsor company events that serve as an ideal environment for developing camaraderie among employees.

This advice is more suitable for a work environment. It is very useful to hold an event for your employees at least once a year that can unite them. These activities will give your employees a sense of fun, as well as promote work-life balance and make them feel appreciated. 4. Investigate situations that involve multiple employees.

In the workplace, sometimes problems arise that affect not just one or two employees, but an entire group. Such problems contribute to the growth of negativity and need to be resolved as soon as possible. To deal with such a problem, try to research this problem and solve it in the most optimal way. 3. Always respond quickly

A quick solution to the issue helps to get rid of negativity in the team as soon as possible. The longer you wait and put off finding a way out of a difficult situation, the more the negativity increases and affects you, the people around you and even those people with whom you work. 2. Always have a plan in place to deal with negativity.

It's always good to have a plan for how you can deal with negativity, this means that you should think about situations that are potential sources of negativity and think ahead about your actions that will contribute to successfully finding a way out of them. Naturally, you cannot predict the future, but planning and thinking through different scenarios will allow you to be much better prepared for problematic situations should they arise. For example, you are at work and you hear your co-workers gossiping about your boss. How will you behave in this negative situation? Think about it now, and if such a situation happens in real life, you will know exactly what needs to be done. 1. Stop office gossip from spreading.

If you hold a leadership position, warn your subordinates about the dangers of starting and spreading gossip. Gossip is one of the most common causes of negativity in the workplace, as it causes workers to have negative thoughts about other people and adversely affects work and interpersonal relationships in the work team.

A way to make everything around you friendly

The method is quite simple, but it needs to be trained constantly. Look, you are in some environment where you feel unconfident, uncomfortable, out of place, afraid that you will be judged or laughed at.

Imagine that a clean, light, sparkling, golden stream of energy begins to flow from your chest area. And start filling everyone with this energy. You will immediately understand that you are doing the right thing, as soon as you feel the warmth from other people, you will feel comfortable and cozy.

What is mental toughness

Disasters, accidents, illnesses, financial failures, late-night conversations with the wife and other stressors may or may not pull the rug from under us. Our reaction to experience (which, as we know, is the son of difficult mistakes) serves as an indicator of this very stability. Psychologists draw an analogy with the physical properties of materials. Let’s imagine that our psyche has elasticity, that is, it quickly returns to its original state after deformation, and no traces or wounds remain on it. Hop - and the jelly again took the shape of a flower. Let's take strength. In physics (hello, strength of materials!) this is the ability to resist destruction and disintegration under the influence of external loads. We put a whole truck on the jack - but the device was fine, it worked. Or plasticity, when the physical body changes shape, but does not tear or break. Plasticine is now not a ball, but a cake, but it has not lost its green viscous essence.

All these metals, plasticines and jellies are just metaphors illustrating the behavior of our psyche. Stability is good: a person resists stress, retains his qualities and sometimes his appetite - or changes, but in such a way as not to suffer too much and then be able to get into shape again.

The American Psychological Association believes that we are all jacks of some kind, elastic jelly or plasticine. The ability to calmly recover from losses, stress and shocks is our usual quality, and not at all an exceptional phenomenon.

Numerous examples of mass upheavals such as 9/11, armed conflicts and revolutions prove that the majority of those who have experienced severe stress or tragedy still return to normal life. But this does not mean that people with a healthy psyche do not suffer or endure disasters meekly, with the stone face of action heroes. Emotional experiences, pain, sadness - the path to recovery is thorny in any case.

The Psychological Association does not forget to add that resilience is not a single character trait, like frivolity, but a whole complex of innate qualities, our internal attitudes, behavioral characteristics and habits. So you can always improve some sources.

conclusions

Never try to be calm and confident in any situation, it won't work. We are all human and we all have feelings. Moreover, our anxiety is a defensive reaction that was formed by evolution long before the appearance of the first homosapiens.

Be calm about everything that people surround you with and remember that it is not people who treat you badly, it is inside you that there is a part of your personality that thinks that people treat you badly and you will find confirmation of this over time.

Simply put, everything that happens in our world is our responsibility. Accordingly, any part of our personality can be worked on so that it stops harming us and only brings us benefit.

Me and other people

All our worries and violent reactions in the vast majority of cases are associated with other people. And the ones that bother me the most are my loved ones.

The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan helps to build any relationship. When we understand that it’s not all slow “brakes” around us, but that we are fast and multitasking, good at switching, we become calmer. When we know that by leaving everything until the last moment, we will then run around feverishly, fuss, tug at everyone and get angry, we will use our strengths - planning and self-discipline.

If our half is with the anal vector, she has something that we don’t have - the ability to focus on little things, analyze and systematize information, find and convey it in understandable words. And she's also thorough. If you need to find out something, form your opinion based on the points of view of experts, for example, where and what model of TV to buy, this is her. You will feel sorry for the time, and you will not sit still, methodically weighing and analyzing everything. But your half will do it with pleasure, plunging into details that you didn’t even suspect. Give your other half the opportunity to realize their abilities in such situations, and then they will stop annoying you with their teachings.

PS

Thank you for reading my article on how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. Psychology is a subtle science, but by and large all people have similar problems.

And most importantly, any problem can be healed so that it no longer appears in life. For example, I removed a bunch of fears, one of which was the fear of heights, and now I can safely visit the Ostankino tower with a glass floor.

Previously, I was very scared of any height, even when looking from a third-floor window.

How to stop being nervous

Let's move on to practice. The following recommendations will help you calm your nervous system, learn to relax and control your emotions.

Don't plan what doesn't depend on you

When we try to control something that is outside our control, 90% of the time we will fail. Always factor into your plans factors that are beyond your control. Then you won't have to worry about things not going according to plan.

For example, you are going on vacation with your significant other. You imagine in advance how you will climb mountains, go to museums, and have fun in nightclubs. But when you get there, it turns out that your companion only has the energy to lie on the beach and sip cocktails. Naturally, your unfulfilled fantasies result in a stream of irritation and indignation.

Vdovin Ivan

• More than 15 years in psychology
• Owner of 2 successful businesses
• Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
• Certified NLP Practitioner
• Certified Hypnotherapist
• In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
• Helped over 100 clients
• I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
• My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

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